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Old 07-16-2011, 12:14 PM   #21
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I was never a big social animal. At work, I had a few friends but never had any desire to do stuff with my other coworkers. I never went to those retirement luncheons or monthly birthday parties.

I have my School Scrabble which gives me social interaction but it is not like I see any of them outside of that arena. Same for my square dancing except for a few barbeque parties many years ago.

I don't interact with my neighbors in my apartment building and other than the annual co-op shareholders meeting (I help run the meeting but am not on the Board) I don't say Boo to them. I go to my co-op's pool when it is mostly empty and quiet just to read so I don't talk to anyone there even if they recognize me.

I have my ladyfriend, my best (male) friend, and my dad whom I see often. Those are my big 3 frequent people contacts. And that's all I need.
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Old 07-16-2011, 02:30 PM   #22
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I think there may be a bit of a gender issue going on too as far as wanting/needing friends in retirement..
Maybe at your house Steve, but here most of the long term friendships we've maintained have their roots with me. Of course, there's some overlap since DW and I have been together since our mid-teens.
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Old 07-16-2011, 02:35 PM   #23
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I absolutely LOVE my solitude, and thoroughly enjoy spending a lot of time alone in my gardens, or out in my hobby shop, or just sitting around watching old westerns, or going for nice long rides out through the country backroads!!!

That said, I still enjoy some social interaction....not a lot, but some. I get that interaction, when I want it, in various ways. The easiest (and normally briefest) is through over-the-fence visits with my neighbors or folks out for a stroll down our road. It's talk of gardens, family, food, as well as joking around.

When I read the OP, the first thing that went through my head was the theme for "Cheers", then as I read down through the responses is Dawg's post! And like W2R, I'm not a bar person, and normally only go to taverns to grab a sandwich or have dinner. However, I do frequent a restaurant or two, and have that "where everybody knows your name" interaction.....when I want it!!! It's a VERY rare occasion when I walk in to our neighborhood eatery, and NOT hear someone call my name! I can go there anytime from their early morning opening to their late evening closing, and see someone that I know....and usually tables of people that I know! Actually there are a few eateries here and in nearby towns that are that way for me!

My restaurant friends and I keep loose track of each other, so we know if someone's gone missing, we usually know if it's vacation, medical, just time to themselves, or....they died. That ties in with Purron's concern about being old and cut-off. Since it's just my elderly Mom and I living at the homestead, we also (probably me more so) think of those things. Thankfully we have two neighbors who, if they don't see or hear from us for a couple days, will call or come by to check on us. Also, if they see lights on when they normally aren't, or lights off when they're on, they call to check on us....regardless of the hour!!!

We normally shutoff the kitchen light around 10 o'clock. One night we fell asleep watching a late movie, and hadn't shut that light off. 2:00 a.m. our phone rings....it's the neighbor...he got up to use the can and saw the light on. Knowing that was out of the ordinary, he called to see if we were alright.

Without family within several hundreds of miles of us, neighbors and friends like that help to ease our concerns a bit!!!
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Old 07-16-2011, 02:50 PM   #24
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For some reason this puts me in mind of Bilbo's retirement at Rivendell, where he could potter around in the library all he wanted, meals were served whenever he felt hungry, and "there are Elves when you want them."

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I . However, I do frequent a restaurant or two, and have that "where everybody knows your name" interaction.....when I want it!!!
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Old 07-16-2011, 04:02 PM   #25
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Dawg, I always wondered what people got out of going to bars. Now I know! Friends.

Actually even though I am an adult who has theoretically been around the block once or twice, I have never been to a bar alone. There's the fact that I don't drink, and then at some level it just doesn't seem "me". Pretty funny for someone who lives in New Orleans.
My favorite bar is at the country club. You always see somebody you know there. Outside of that, I only go somewhere I know friends are going to meet. I never have been very good at going into a bar not knowing anyone. I've always been afraid some bar lady might try to take advantage of me.

I've always enjoyed the Cheer's theme song. Brings on a strong urge to head to the refrig for a med.
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Old 07-16-2011, 04:12 PM   #26
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My favorite bar is at the country club. You always see somebody you know there. Outside of that, I only go somewhere I know friends are going to meet. I never have been very good at going into a bar not knowing anyone. I've always been afraid some bar lady might try to take advantage of me.

I've always enjoyed the Cheer's theme song. Brings on a strong urge to head to the refrig for a med.
I love that theme song too Dawg. I wish there was a local Cheer's bar where folks from this forum could meet and socialize. We'd have to have a seperate table for the political discussions though
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Old 07-16-2011, 04:17 PM   #27
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Even though we spend every afternoon and early evening together, I get about the right amount of solitude alone at home the rest of the time.
In a conversation at some party on how to accommodate to married life, I recall my wife commenting that she found living with me a lot like living alone. And in fact we both need a lot of time to ourselves. Right now, I have the house to myself, and she is outside in our yard reading. But then, we've had 43 years now to learn how to adjust our social interactions to the goldilocks level.
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Old 07-17-2011, 01:24 PM   #28
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I had very little interaction with people at work, almost none really and it was by choice.

Now that I am retired I have virtually none. Once a year many of the original group of us that worked together in the late 80's to mid 90's have a lunch and I really enjoy that.


I like things as they are. I'm not a social butterfly and people wear me out though there are a few exceptions. Just about all my friends have died, might as well say all. I'm not about to meet or make new friends at this point, it goes against my nature and no one comes here to met me so.... Living in a rural area doesn't allow for much interaction with people unless you seek them out.
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Old 07-17-2011, 01:58 PM   #29
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Look in the newspaper for public fundraising events...church suppers, Legion, Rotary, Elks, Grange, VFW chicken BBQs or raffles, various charity walk-a-thons or road races, etc. Lend a hand to food banks, sorting and price tagging at the Goodwill or Salvation Army, or get involved with DAV transportation or VA day programs. Volunteer to write the newsletter or help with mass mailings for some group.
These groups ALWAYS need helpers for small or large duties. You pick your level of involvement.
Have fun!
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Old 07-17-2011, 02:19 PM   #30
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Someone told me about SIR - Sons in Retirement, for guys. It's in central and northern California. Might be something to check out if you live in those area. Here's a link: The Beginning of Sons In Retirement, Inc
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Old 07-17-2011, 03:31 PM   #31
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One of my friends (a serial entrepreneur) has been encouraging me to start attending Rotary lunches with him. I can see that sort of socializing would get out of control very quickly.

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Someone told me about SIR - Sons in Retirement, for guys. It's in central and northern California. Might be something to check out if you live in those area. Here's a link: The Beginning of Sons In Retirement, Inc
At first that sounded familiar to me, but it turns out that "Sons of Anarchy" is a whole 'nother subject...
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Old 07-17-2011, 04:21 PM   #32
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I had very little interaction with people at work, almost none really and it was by choice.

Now that I am retired I have virtually none. Once a year many of the original group of us that worked together in the late 80's to mid 90's have a lunch and I really enjoy that.


I like things as they are. I'm not a social butterfly and people wear me out though there are a few exceptions. Just about all my friends have died, might as well say all. I'm not about to meet or make new friends at this point, it goes against my nature and no one comes here to met me so.... Living in a rural area doesn't allow for much interaction with people unless you seek them out.
Being an introvert by nature, I understand exactly where you're at. I'm glad you found us here to chat with and exchange ideas
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Old 07-17-2011, 04:33 PM   #33
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As far as I am concerned not having to "chat" with folks is one of the better retirement benefits that I have. When the phone rings it is seldom for me, unless it is Rachel calling about credit cards or wanting to clean my carpets.
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Old 07-17-2011, 09:16 PM   #34
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Hello Purron - Would you like to help me send children's vitamins, clothes, or OTC meds to Central America? I plan to go back to Central America in October (El Salvador and Guatemala) and January (Nicaragua). The needs are huge. In January I will go to Bluefields, Nicaragua, where 45,000 people "live" without any medical care... Any help would be much appreciated.

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I think it would be healthy to have more contact and interaction with people and am considering changing or adding to my volunteer and other activities. What do you think? Suggestions?
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Old 07-17-2011, 11:51 PM   #35
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Purron...it's obvious to me you have a passionate nature.

I see you as a victim's advocate. I also see you as...get ready for this...a politician. I can see you sitting on a city's board making changes that would benefit not just one group of people...but every citizen.

You are a strong, intelligent, compassionate woman...and yes, I would vote for you.
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Old 07-18-2011, 05:32 AM   #36
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I don't need a crowd of friends, just a handful of close friends will do. I have not made any new close friends since I retired 11 months ago. And that is due to choice because I've been lazy, busy and choosy. I don't need a lot of friends but I do need to have some conversation, interaction and lunch partners. So, before I ER, I had a standing resolution for 2 years to make lasting friends whom I can call on for interaction, golf, meals or little trips. That was a really good move because I have around 10 close friends like that now. I recently joined a language class and I can see the possibility of developing some new friendships if I want to but for now, I'm ok to keep them as just people I make small talk with. Developing new close friends takes a lot of effort and trust.
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Old 07-18-2011, 07:36 AM   #37
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I think cats might work too.
That'll be the day!
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Old 07-18-2011, 11:38 AM   #38
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DW and I both are homebodies. We enjoy each others company to just about anyone else. She is more outgoing when we are in a social situation, but be both can't big crowds or phony people at parties and the like.

However, we both are trying to figure out how to make some close friends. We live in a small community and it's very clicky and we don't fit in. We have some friends, but they are all an hour away and working. Even with them we feel we have to be someone else at times, excepting my one good friend that's more like a brother. They are curmudgeons, otherwise. Even my best friend is kind of a stick in the mud.

We are having a hard time. We have lots of friends we have met in our trips to Jamaica and they are the type of people we would love to hang out with. Fun, open minded, etc., but they live all over the country.

We got along fine they way things are, but we are just lacking a few really close friends that share our outlook on life, people we want to be with a lot, not just in small doses. We just don't know how to go about it.
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Old 07-18-2011, 06:23 PM   #39
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...(snip)...
We are having a hard time. We have lots of friends we have met in our trips to Jamaica and they are the type of people we would love to hang out with. Fun, open minded, etc., but they live all over the country.

We got along fine they way things are, but we are just lacking a few really close friends that share our outlook on life, people we want to be with a lot, not just in small doses. We just don't know how to go about it.
Hi Flyfishnevada, you've brought up a lot of interesting conundrums in your post. What do we look for in friends? What do they look for in us? Are we accepting enough or do we just look for validation of our thoughts? Do we listen or just want to expound? Are we fun enough or too serious? Is all this light stuff just a way of avoiding exposing ourselves?

When you figure this stuff out let me know too.

In the mean time I'll just have to settle for small doses of friendliness. If I didn't have DW I'd probably be a more troubled sole.
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Old 07-18-2011, 07:10 PM   #40
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Being an introvert by nature, I understand exactly where you're at. I'm glad you found us here to chat with and exchange ideas
Thanks. If not for a place like this and a few others I'd really be without any human interaction so I value the few forums where I am active. I have a lot in common with people here, LBYM, saving to accomplish early retirement and a lot of us are INTx types. I find this a great forum, it is the best one I am on. It's easy to "be with people" this way more so than in person.
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