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Old 07-18-2011, 07:47 PM   #41
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Thanks. If not for a place like this and a few others I'd really be without any human interaction so I value the few forums where I am active. I have a lot in common with people here, LBYM, saving to accomplish early retirement and a lot of us are INTx types. I find this a great forum, it is the best one I am on. It's easy to "be with people" this way more so than in person.
Me too.
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Old 07-18-2011, 08:00 PM   #42
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Hello Purron - Would you like to help me send children's vitamins, clothes, or OTC meds to Central America? I plan to go back to Central America in October (El Salvador and Guatemala) and January (Nicaragua). The needs are huge. In January I will go to Bluefields, Nicaragua, where 45,000 people "live" without any medical care... Any help would be much appreciated.
I'll send you ab PM ob.
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Old 07-18-2011, 08:47 PM   #43
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Hi Flyfishnevada, you've brought up a lot of interesting conundrums in your post. What do we look for in friends? What do they look for in us? Are we accepting enough or do we just look for validation of our thoughts? Do we listen or just want to expound? Are we fun enough or too serious? Is all this light stuff just a way of avoiding exposing ourselves?

When you figure this stuff out let me know too.

In the mean time I'll just have to settle for small doses of friendliness. If I didn't have DW I'd probably be a more troubled sole.
I'm sure living out in the sticks has something to do with it, but I always feel like I have different friends for different purposes. I had work friends, fishing friends, etc. I know the secret is just getting out there and meeting people, but like I said we live in the sticks and meeting places are a long way away.
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Old 07-18-2011, 08:57 PM   #44
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Now that I am semi-retired and have more time I have made an effort to alway attend events that I am invited to. One thing leads to another and friendships form at the most unexpected places and times.

I do have to get better at calling some close friends that I have not seen in a while.
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Old 07-18-2011, 09:29 PM   #45
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One of the things I am looking forward to when I FIRE is spending less time with people (client lunches, client receptions etc) in settings that make me feel uncomfortable. Given that I plan to retire somtime in the next 18 months or so, the perceived disconect between myself and most of the people whom I interact with through work (who, as far as I know, intend to keep working), is growing.

I very much prefer my social interaction outside the family in small, managable doses and preferably when there is something to do other than just talking.
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Old 07-18-2011, 10:32 PM   #46
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This thread is very interesting to me. It's made me realize just how much our introversion (my apologies to the few extrovert members) fuels our drive to retire early. It's behind just about every other reason we give: the freedom to do what we want, when we want to -- that is, to control our own schedule and pursue other interests (or not). And most of us, based on the posts in this thread, could be considered extreme introverts.

I'm not retired, so almost all my off-work time is intentionally largely spent alone, and I treasure it. That wasn't always the case. In my 30s I was often mistaken for an extrovert. But by my mid-40s, my introversion reasserted itself. Initially, spending the weekend without any social interaction (other than with my equally introverted partner) was not sufficiently stimulative. Not anymore. As others have mentioned, the Internet has filled the gap.

Still, I worry when I see longevity studies. They usually conclude that having a large circle of friends contributes to a long life. The impression I'm getting from the other posts here is that early retirees are doing just fine with only very light social interaction, often with mere acquaintances.
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Old 07-18-2011, 10:39 PM   #47
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This thread seems to translate to "Hooray, now I'm retired I don't have to see any more people."

Ha
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Old 07-18-2011, 10:52 PM   #48
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This thread seems to translate to "Hooray, now I'm retired I don't have to see any more people."

Ha
Quite the opposite of the stereotype of the "lonely old retiree", isn't it?
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:22 AM   #49
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I very much prefer my social interaction outside the family in small, managable doses and preferably when there is something to do other than just talking.
I think that this statement encapsulates the essence of this current discussion given the personality types involved. INTJ and similar types may not necessarily be unable to act the part of social butterflies - or Wild & Crazy guys! - but are probably unable to enjoy it if the occasions occur too often or in regular doses. IMO it simply extracts too much energy for an INTx type to have to be in social situations where
chatting and talking are the primary focus as these social events have their own rules, judgements, procedures, etc. that must constantly be followed and analyzed.

Anyway, I myself have difficulty now and then with small dinners with people that I do not know well once the conversations begins to dull: The problem for me is that I begin to talk more simply to get the energy of the group back off the floor which ends up extracting even more energy from me by the end of the event. All of this is why Golf is such a great game - it's time spent together but not...together!
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Old 07-19-2011, 05:05 AM   #50
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This thread seems to translate to "Hooray, now I'm retired I don't have to see any more people."

Ha
And your point is? ...

Works for me (less people, more peace of mind)...
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Old 07-19-2011, 06:57 AM   #51
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This thread seems to translate to "Hooray, now I'm retired I don't have to see any more people."
That reminds me of something I said to a friend on the back porch (after several glasses of wine) a few years after retiring "... and one of the things I liked about computer forensics was that I didn't have to deal with so many damn people!"

Characteristic of the ISTJ/INTJ.
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Old 07-19-2011, 08:17 AM   #52
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All of this is why Golf is such a great game - it's time spent together but not...together!
+1. I sometimes join ladies day for golf and the club just slot those who sign up and we end up playing around 4 hours with strangers and yet have a great time. That's the kind of social interaction I like. Most of them are likely not to end up as close friends but a few will be golf buddies.
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Old 07-19-2011, 08:22 AM   #53
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This thread seems to translate to "Hooray, now I'm retired I don't have to see any more people."

Ha
I guess I fall into the "Reluctant Introvert" category...

Being new (60 days) to this "retirement" thing... I first busied myself with tons of household projects. These projects were mostly solo & I didn't miss people at all. Now, however, the projects have wound down. Okay, not in the number of projects (there's always something I could be doing) as much as my motivation to tackle them all right away. With that, brought increased idle time and me becoming more aware of my introversion.

Without family of my own or siblings nearby... and my closest friend unenthusiastically planning a move for his career in the next 12mo... I am coming to grips with the fact that my tenuous support structure is crumbling.

This was made alarmingly clear as I started to update my will.
I suddenly became reminded...

A, of my own mortality... and
B, just how few meaningful connections I had to the outside world...

Now I just have to decide what I want to do about it...
Nothing... Volunteer... Social Groups... Move closer to family... Date (sigh)...

Options abound... but I fear that my desire to have meaningful relationships conflict with a general distaste I have for people.
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Old 07-19-2011, 09:21 AM   #54
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...(snip)...
Now I just have to decide what I want to do about it...
Nothing... Volunteer... Social Groups... Move closer to family... Date (sigh)...

Options abound... but I fear that my desire to have meaningful relationships conflict with a general distaste I have for people.
Maybe take baby steps towards this sort of thing? Although I'll admit that fear of rejection in even modest social encounters can be a scary thing. I haven't dated anyone in over 40 years so that would be really scary.
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:08 AM   #55
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Fixed it for you I love seeing and talking to people. I just don't care to be in a position where they are entitled to judge me and tell me what to do.

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This thread seems to translate to "Hooray, now I'm retired I don't have to see suck up to any more people."

Ha
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:21 AM   #56
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Still, I worry when I see longevity studies. They usually conclude that having a large circle of friends contributes to a long life.
Those studies were conducted by extroverts who see no reason to retire.

On a more serious note, I don't think that any of those studies have been able to study the trend of Internet social networks. I'm not talking about a large circle of Facebook friends, but rather 3-4 people who you feel you've come to know well, perhaps even met in person, but with whom you interact mostly over this sort of forum.

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I haven't dated anyone in over 40 years so that would be really scary.
My spouse says she'd make that really scary for me, too...
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:29 AM   #57
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I just don't care to be in a position where they are entitled to judge me and tell me what to do.
And yet, you post here?
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:08 PM   #58
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Options abound... but I fear that my desire to have meaningful relationships conflict with a general distaste I have for people.
We hear ya. While my wife is more extroverted than I, she has become less tolerant of certain types of people, you know, excessive gossips, overly negative people, know it all's (me excepted, of course). We have a little of your dual personality thing going on too.

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On a more serious note, I don't think that any of those studies have been able to study the trend of Internet social networks. I'm not talking about a large circle of Facebook friends, but rather 3-4 people who you feel you've come to know well, perhaps even met in person, but with whom you interact mostly over this sort of forum.
We actually keep in contact through Facebook with many of our friends we've met in Jamaica, even visited with a few on our travels, but it doesn't replace the week we spend together once a year. It's fun to keep up with what they are doing and chat once in a while, but its just not the same. It helps and it's better than nothing, but its not as rich or meaningful.

I used to frequent a cigar forum. I had even become "friends" with some of the regulars. A get together was planned and I committed to travel across the country to go. I even volunteered to help set the thing up. A few PMs later the other guys I was planning this with just stopped communicating. I went on the trip since this gathering wasn't the only purpose. Once I got back, still no communication despite repeated attempts. I was really upset by that. I thought they were my "friends".

It's so much easier to blow people off if you've never met them and have a superficial relationship online. How many people on here just stop posting, even after months or years. You'd rarely do that to a real friend. You just wouldn't stop calling and avoid them for no reason, but online it's pretty common. There is a danger in getting too involved with people you don't know online. Its not the same as in person.

Of course, most of you are fine human beings, salt of the earth.
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:32 PM   #59
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It's so much easier to blow people off if you've never met them and have a superficial relationship online. How many people on here just stop posting, even after months or years. You'd rarely do that to a real friend. You just wouldn't stop calling and avoid them for no reason, but online it's pretty common. There is a danger in getting too involved with people you don't know online. Its not the same as in person.

Of course, most of you are fine human beings, salt of the earth.
I really do see what you mean, but there are several things on this board at least that may make it more attractive to just do a swan dive, should someone want to leave. A lot of smart ass comments, especially if the leaver is angry or feeling slighted and he expresses that in his farewell. What are his choices? He can say bye, I love you all very much and this board is the best meat in the deli, but if angry, how many of us would feel great about doing that? He could give his true reasons for leaving, and maybe hurt some feelings and maybe get some unpleasant blowback. Or he can just ride off into the sunset.

If I get a chance to meet board members that I feel drawn to I try to do that, but I don't travel away from here very often! I have liked very much everyone I have met, and felt an immediate affinity with them.

Ha
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Old 07-19-2011, 01:06 PM   #60
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Bwah hah hah! Never thought of it that way

You mean, there will be consequences if I fail to take forum members seriously


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And yet, you post here?
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