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Old 02-14-2013, 04:45 PM   #21
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People have their routines, and long married couples that still care for each other deeply also have carved out their own domestic fiefdoms. Retirement can upset the delicate balance of nature. A home office made the difference for us.
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:11 PM   #22
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one reason that women are more likely to break up old relationships than men is that most men feel that they actually need a woman. Whereas plenty women past menopause seem to feel otherwise about men
I'm always reminded of a T-shirt I used to see a lot:

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A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:39 PM   #23
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Reading all these responses from people who would love to spend more (most?) of their time with spouses makes me feel a bit weird. We currently both work, but spend most weeknights and generally half of the weekends together. No kids, so this is one-on-one time. Both as an introvert and also in general, sometimes even this is too much. Spending a full day with anyone drains my energy, and often if I've just spent a whole day with my spouse, I'd rather go hang out with another friend for the mental change. I don't see this as a failing in our relationship, which contains playful interesting conversations and much closeness. But if we were retired, I might be one of those people trying to get out of the house more often!
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:46 PM   #24
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Ms G and I after 32 blissful years of marriage, plus add 5 years shacking up. Still enjoy a quiet day curled up as close as we can get on the sofa to read our books, and pet our puppies. We are for all practical purposes 24/7 together.
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:50 PM   #25
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The best part about him being home is that he unloads the car for me when I come home with groceries.
I'm hoping that you don't mean this literally!
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:58 PM   #26
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I retired 6 months ago. My wife still works a little. I have been very happy to be home with her and apparently she is happy to be home with me. We have been married 30 years. It's sad to think that couples that have been
together that long would not want to be together.

I think if my wife did not want me home with her she would have to find a new home or I would.
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:04 PM   #27
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We, too, were married @ 19, and will be 59 in a few months. And married 40 in July. ER @ 55 1/2, and we are having the time of our lives. No money "worries", and just doing what we want. Next week, 02/22, we are headed from Sacramento to Phoenix to see some spring training ball games. I have wanted to do that for years. Years ago she threatened to go get a full time job if and when I ever retired, but she was kidding (I hope). We have spent the past 3+ years travelling out little butts off.
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:09 PM   #28
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As I think on this more I wonder how folks define "together". For example, if DW and I spend the evening in the family room, me watching sports and she surfing the web, we might say 5 sentences to each other over several hours, but we both count that as time together. Or, we have a finished basement where we each have our project areas that aren't close, but we are both down there for several hours when I'm doing something with computer parts or watching things being blown up and she is sewing or writing, we may not say a word to each other but we count that as together time.

Even when we have friends over, we guys will gravitate towards the "guy" things and DW and the women towards the "gal" things, but we both feel like we are with each other those times.

We are fortunate that our home is big enough so that we can keep out of each others way if we choose. But even when we do that, we can be interrupted if the other needs something.

So for us, even if we are not directly communicating, we like the other person just being around and within reach if needed, and that works for us.
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:26 PM   #29
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I can't tell you how many of them say something to the affect..."how do you like having him around all the time? It would drive me crazy to have my husband around that much." Most of these ladies are around our age.
Many people build their own prison with their minds.
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:46 PM   #30
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Many couples stay married for the sake of the young kids. When the kids grow up, they get a divorce.
The ones who can't stand putting up with each other 24 x 7 after retirement, I reckon are staying married for convenience... financial, moral, social pressures etc.
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Old 02-15-2013, 04:47 AM   #31
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My DW and I both get the same reaction when we tell people we are retired. I think many people assume that we really want or need to be working but just can't find jobs. I think if the conversation goes any further, they soon catch on that us going back to work is highly unlikely.

Having said that, I retired in 2008 and we moved to a new house about 2 years ago, we had the shell of a large workshop built at the same time. Because of other priorities, have never gotten it finished inside. My wife retired in June and a couple of months ago, made it a priority to get my shop completed. Pushing us out there most everyday for hours at a time to insulate the walls and ceilings, hang the wall boards, paint, install the plumbing, install a heater, etc.! This has even interfered with my regular naps. After reading this thread, I think I understand why she's pushing to get it done.

Seriously, she has been a great help to finally get this moving and will use the shop as well but I do think it will give us both some space now that we're both not working.
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:03 AM   #32
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Many couples stay married for the sake of the young kids. When the kids grow up, they get a divorce.
The ones who can't stand putting up with each other 24 x 7 after retirement, I reckon are staying married for convenience... financial, moral, social pressures etc.
Let's hope it's some instead of many...
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:07 AM   #33
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Many couples stay married for the sake of the young kids. When the kids grow up, they get a divorce.
That may have been the case at one time, but I haven't heard that one in a very long time (20-30 yrs.) since it often results in more harm to all parties involved than if the parents just split and get on with life.

Childrens' perceptiveness is often underestimated -- they know what's up. We know a couple who thought they were doing that (staying together for the kids' sake) when the kids finally came to them and said, "Why don't you guys just get divorced?" so they did, and everyone was happier.

YMMV.
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:48 AM   #34
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Ms G and I after 32 blissful years of marriage, plus add 5 years shacking up. Still enjoy a quiet day curled up as close as we can get on the sofa to read our books, and pet our puppies. We are for all practical purposes 24/7 together.
DW likes it when I pet her puppies. I think this is one reason we remain in love.

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Old 02-15-2013, 11:16 AM   #35
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Old 02-15-2013, 12:03 PM   #36
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I am surprised that so many people think that you have to be together 24/7...

(sorry Nords, but I remember you better than others since we met you in Houston)...


If you read about Nords, he is off surfing and doing other things that interest HIM when he wants.... his DW is off doing the things that interest HER when she wants.... and they do things together when THEY want...


Why should it be a requirement that you have to be with your spouse all the time
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Old 02-15-2013, 12:59 PM   #37
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A "friend" of ours (mainly hear from her when she wants to borrow my truck) bought us a small wooden sign. The sign says "Retirement, twice as much husband with half the money" My DW showed it to me and then put it in the junk drawer.
Most fights between spouses concerns money. If you can retire early...money should be all good.
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Old 02-15-2013, 01:29 PM   #38
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DW likes it when I pet her puppies.
Is THAT what you call it?
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Old 02-15-2013, 01:56 PM   #39
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I am surprised that so many people think that you have to be together 24/7...
Yeah, that's what I don't get. Why do people make that assumption? Do they not have any social life or activities outside of work? <-- that may be the issue. Just like some still working folks assume that retiring means you sit at home and watch TV all day.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:12 PM   #40
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I like being with my husband at home. However, when we bought our current house I was fairly insistent that we have a house where we could each have our own office. We have shared an office at various times and it had its advantages. We both spend a lot of time on the computer and it was nice to be able to chat. However, we found that we had enough differences in how we want to arrange things and organize stuff that we do better with individual offices. The irony is that even though we have separate offices (across the hall from each other) we often spend a lot of time on Skype talking to each other while we are each doing stuff on the computer (we both play the same game online so often talk about it).
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