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Old 02-15-2013, 02:32 PM   #41
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I am surprised that so many people think that you have to be together 24/7...

(sorry Nords, but I remember you better than others since we met you in Houston)...


If you read about Nords, he is off surfing and doing other things that interest HIM when he wants.... his DW is off doing the things that interest HER when she wants.... and they do things together when THEY want...


Why should it be a requirement that you have to be with your spouse all the time
DW and I will be like that when the time comes. We each have our separate interests and we also like spending time together.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:34 PM   #42
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Is THAT what you call it?
I am pretty sure I got slapped last time I asked Dw to pet her puppies........
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:13 PM   #43
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Eh, we've been married 30 years and I am definitely apprehensive of being home together all day when we retire.

My DH has become more and more sedentary over the years, even as I have developed a passion for outdoor sports: cycling, hiking, snowshoeing, skiing. So in order to do the things I enjoy I have a different set of friends. My spending time with these other friends causes him to feel jealous and left out. I guess he wants me to stay home "within reach" while he reads and plays on his computer.

We have had several conversations about this impasse, but nothing changes. I hate the thought that as a grown woman I don't have the freedom to go out for a 3 hour bike ride or an all-day snowshoeing expedition with a group of friends.

The second problem with being home with my spouse is that when he is bored he turns to irritating me as a source of entertainment. This is much easier to deal with, I can simply point out how annoying he is acting and he stops.

I don't plan to divorce my husband. He is my best friend and we share other interests such as traveling, watching sports and of course our family. We have great conversations and we have a good sex life together. I know he would be mortally wounded if I left him. And I don't want to break up our nuclear family, even though the offspring has flown the coop, or lose my lifelong relationship with his extended family.

So good on all you who enjoy 24-hour a day time with your spouse. I don't feel that way now and I don't expect I would feel that way with a different person either.
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:23 PM   #44
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Yes, everyone needs to have their own time to do what they enjoy. I have my pursuits, and my wife has hers. And neither holds the other back. Then we also do things together and it's just that more fun.
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:56 PM   #45
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This has been my general observation in direct life.

It conflicts very strongly with what is presented here, where 25 and 40 year couples present as if they were recently shot by Cupid. Maybe some sort of bias? Perhaps the type of personality or the type of couple that can successfully make the kind of sacrifices and choices that are often necessary to retire at very early ages are just better at tolerating less than wonderful conditions in marriage too. Perhaps spinning. It is well established that people will lie for the smallest of gains- often nothing more than the belief that they will be better accepted.

Another thing beyond money concerns that can keep somewhat burned out couples together is fear of loneliness, or fear of dating, or fear that just maybe the problem is not within the spouse, but within oneself, so that current husband or wife, unsatisfactory as they may be, might be the last stop before solitariness.

I am not at all sure of this, but I think that one reason that women are more likely to break up old relationships than men is that most men feel that they actually need a woman. Whereas plenty women past menopause seem to feel otherwise about men, as long as they have other good social networks. Nice to have one around occasionally, but need one?

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Old spanish saying "mas vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer"
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Old 02-15-2013, 06:06 PM   #46
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Old spanish saying "mas vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer"
It's better a bad known (person) than a good (person) about to be known/met?

OK - I get it - Better the devil you know than the devil you don't (know yet)
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Old 02-15-2013, 06:06 PM   #47
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Old spanish saying "mas vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer"
Good one. A common English saying that seems to have similar meaning is "better the devil you know..."

Ha
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Old 02-15-2013, 07:11 PM   #48
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I think the secrets to a happy relationship is
1- Be with your best friend
2- Have enough room in your house for separate areas
3- Spend time apart
4- enjoy your time together
5- compromise
6- if he has a shirt you hate put it through the dryer frequently in fact let it live there until he notices and by then hopefully it will be gone.
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:42 PM   #49
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Marriage = compromise.
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:43 PM   #50
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This thread gave me a few good laughs - the wife even just asked me "what's so funny on the computer."
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:59 PM   #51
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DW likes it when I pet her puppies. I think this is one reason we remain in love.



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DW has a cat
ikubak: Dare you to show your post to your wife. She's either going to think it's really cute and sweet or she's going to show it to her divorce lawyer.
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:11 PM   #52
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DW and I really spend little time with each other. We sleep 8 hours a day, DW works 10 hours a day, subtract time for commute, showers, cooking, doing the dishes, etc... and we are lucky to have 2 hours a day of quality time together..
Well, I think I see where maybe you could squeeze in another 10-120 minutes of quality time together by engaging in one of the above activities as a couple.
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Old 02-16-2013, 12:10 AM   #53
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DW and I were lucky to take a year off together circa 2007. After that I went part time and she returned to work. Last year I retired (age 50) and she went part time (age 48) and at this point it is a year to year proposition for her. She can retire when she is ready and willing. I have known many different couples, and time together is often a measured and imperfect thing. What works for us would be disaster for others. To each his/her own.
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Old 02-16-2013, 11:26 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by mattbaxx View Post
What works for us would be disaster for others. To each his/her own.
That's what many of us have been saying, yet some posters seem to be/get defensive about the issue nonetheless.

If both partners are happy, it doesn't -- and shouldn't -- make any difference to anyone else, but as the saying goes... "SOME PEOPLE have NOTHING... BETTER... to DO..."

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Old 02-17-2013, 12:52 PM   #55
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I love DW, but I have my own friends and activities that I like to do with others, and she does too. For example she meets her buddies for walk/run and coffee every Sat morning - I'd rather a sharp stick in the eye than to sit through that with them, but she loves it and that's all that matters. Besides she usually brings me home an almond croissant, what's not to like?

We don't like to be apart overnight, but during the day some days by all means. I think it's best if both of us have our own lives & identities apart from each other as well as together. YMMV
+1. DH and I are the same. We each have our own hobbies and we have 'together' hobbies. Some days we do things together, some days we don't. He can get his fill of Mickey Mouse rather quickly - I can go to Disney 4x a month every month. Sometimes I go alone and people watch as I do my favorite silly things ("It's a Small World" 5x in a row is common !). Many days we go out fishing together and we have a great time.

Not sure what it will be like when we are both retired, but I don't expect much to change. There will be activities that are "His, Mine and Ours".
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Old 02-17-2013, 12:53 PM   #56
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IMHO, they say that because it's a cliché and they don't know what else to say. It's fairly innocuous and saves them from having to express jealousy.
Absolutely agree !
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