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Old 12-25-2016, 06:16 AM   #81
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s.

Never having another performance review.
AMEN!! what made it even more insulting was that at my mega corp you had to write these "goals" at the beginning of the year, then compare them to your accomplishments. the only problem is that projects and objectives usually changed 4 times during the year. We would have many chemist walking around trying to literally make up BS to write down as goals in anticipation of the year end performance review.

For me, being able to go slow in the morning. surf on the web if I want to, read the paper, cook breakfast.....
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Old 12-25-2016, 09:18 AM   #82
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Drinking coffee and watching it snow. Warm dog on my lap. What's the topic?
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Old 12-25-2016, 09:19 AM   #83
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Best of all... no more timesheets! or expense reports!
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Old 12-25-2016, 10:07 AM   #84
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AMEN!! what made it even more insulting was that at my mega corp you had to write these "goals" at the beginning of the year, then compare them to your accomplishments. the only problem is that projects and objectives usually changed 4 times during the year...............
I also had to give performance reviews, in addition to receiving them. I started out the review by stating that I knew the whole thing was a waste of time and assuring the victim that if I had any issue with their performance, they would have known back when it happened, not some sneak attack at the end of the year. That made the rest of the discussion much easier. And trying to hold someone accountable for changed goals was not even on the table for me, especially given the firefighter nature of the j*b.
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Old 12-25-2016, 12:39 PM   #85
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The luxury of unexpectedly sleeping til noon when you're body is in the final stages of fighting off something. Then I went out, found a deserted coffeehouse where they poured some phenomenal Stumptown coffee, and read my book on ASD to improve my work with a special needs individual. The coffeehouse experience was magical, no other way to describe it.
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Old 12-26-2016, 07:05 AM   #86
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Old 12-26-2016, 08:04 AM   #87
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I also had to give performance reviews, in addition to receiving them. I started out the review by stating that I knew the whole thing was a waste of time and assuring the victim that if I had any issue with their performance, they would have known back when it happened, not some sneak attack at the end of the year. That made the rest of the discussion much easier. And trying to hold someone accountable for changed goals was not even on the table for me, especially given the firefighter nature of the j*b.
I usually got very good performance reviews so I didn't really worry about them. But what I really hated was when we had to give *ourselves* a performance evaluation which we submitted to management to go over along with their review of me. Walking that balancing act of thinking you are doing a generally good job without claiming to walk on water was sometimes a challenge, as was deciding that one area you always had to say was an "opportunity for growth" (corporate speak for your relative weaknesses).

I had managers who mostly believed in "no surprises" -- that is, if there was a problem with your performance in any area they wouldn't wait until the review to spring it on you -- so if I never got a "talk" about performance during the year, I'd know not to expect a blindside which made the reviews a lot less stressful. Not everyone is lucky enough to have bosses like that.
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Old 12-26-2016, 09:40 AM   #88
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What I loved about performance reviews was when management had to make the performance reviews match the budgeted salary increase amounts and percentages. In other words, it didn't really matter what was in the review because management was going to give you a pre-determined increase amount regardless.
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Old 12-26-2016, 10:04 AM   #89
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What I loved about performance reviews was when management had to make the performance reviews match the budgeted salary increase amounts and percentages. In other words, it didn't really matter what was in the review because management was going to give you a pre-determined increase amount regardless.
+1 It really got interesting when they used the Jack Welch ABC system where a mandatory number of people had to get a "C" or unsatisfactory rating. The only question was who was going to be the sacrificed.
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Old 12-26-2016, 11:12 AM   #90
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Amazon is supposedly ending its "Hunger Games" survival of the fittest kind of review process, I think in part because they get really bad press on places like Glassdoor.

Amazon changing its 'Hunger Games' employee review process - Business Insider
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Old 12-26-2016, 11:19 AM   #91
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I usually got very good performance reviews so I didn't really worry about them. ...
Same here... but what was a bit comical was the elaborate goals setting process and professional development our firm had... the process was fine for the younger professionals coming up the ladder or looking to advance but a bit silly for someone experienced who had plateaued and was fine with it and just trying to hang in there and keep doing a good job for the firm and its clients before retiring.
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Old 12-26-2016, 12:13 PM   #92
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I had the worst of all worlds on one performance review. I got Shang-Haied on one back in the 1990s, denying me a much desired promotion to supervisor, in part to my immediate boss and his boss disagreeing on how I should write a performance review for a staff member! I was pissed, really pissed, enough to go to my divisionhead's boss. I wasn't expecting Mr. Big Boss to reverse the decision not to promote me, but I wanted my divisionhead to be put on notice that he would be watched. I did get promoted to supervisor the following year but that was a tough year. In that following year's review, my "problem" magically disappeared!


When I got switched to working part-time in 2001, one thing I was very glad to give up was writing performance reviews. I still had to provide input to others who were writing those reviews, but I was not stuck to writing it in a fixed format. My own performance reviews were less formal because I was working part-time, also nice. My ER plan was beginning to take shape, too, so I didn't care much about the reviews or the raises (which weren't as large because I was working part-time) or the bonuses. And why should I? I had voluntarily taken two pay cuts in 6 years due to weekly hour reductions at my request!
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Old 12-26-2016, 12:41 PM   #93
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Same here... but what was a bit comical was the elaborate goals setting process and professional development our firm had... the process was fine for the younger professionals coming up the ladder or looking to advance but a bit silly for someone experienced who had plateaued and was fine with it and just trying to hang in there and keep doing a good job for the firm and its clients before retiring.
I used to list my "goals for the next year" as "accumulate sufficient financial reserves to achieve financial independence", or, in latter years, "prepare for retirement". They still didn't get it.
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Old 12-26-2016, 02:49 PM   #94
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I used to list my "goals for the next year" as "accumulate sufficient financial reserves to achieve financial independence", or, in latter years, "prepare for retirement". They still didn't get it.
Love it.

One of my directs did something similar. Of course we both knew what the others plans were.

One year corporate redid the process and our VP was too interested. Fearing his oversight I suggested some alternate text, the same line of crapola I put in mine.
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Old 12-31-2016, 07:10 AM   #95
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A few more ER simple pleasures that came to mind after leaving my first reply . . .

- Enjoying watching the rain (add snow if/where appropriate) from inside my warm house, coffee cup in hand, rather than having to be out in it driving to the office or a meeting.
- Leisurely waiting out the rain, such as we're doing this morning, before heading out for a walk or hike.
- Reading the day away, guilt free.
- Enjoying 'real' breakfasts rather than running out the door with a granola bar in hand. Same with regard to lunch.
- Nightly home cooked meals (I enjoy cooking. YMMV)
- Having our HOA pool/hot tub/tennis complex to ourselves once summer ends and the neighborhood kiddies go back to school. Soaking in our hot tub, post bike ride/walk/hike, in the middle of the day while most everyone else is at w$#k still feels decadent, even after six years of FIRE.
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Old 12-31-2016, 08:41 AM   #96
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What I loved about performance reviews was when management had to make the performance reviews match the budgeted salary increase amounts and percentages. In other words, it didn't really matter what was in the review because management was going to give you a pre-determined increase amount regardless.
+1
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Old 01-02-2017, 03:47 PM   #97
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Old 01-02-2017, 04:08 PM   #98
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What I loved about performance reviews was when management had to make the performance reviews match the budgeted salary increase amounts and percentages. In other words, it didn't really matter what was in the review because management was going to give you a pre-determined increase amount regardless.
Yep, I was one of those S.O.B. managers having to work within a budget. My strategy for giving high performers more was to rate new staff members as "too soon to evaluate", so giving little or no increase. Of course, I knew I was subject to the same treatment: ie, "he's not going anywhere, so why pay more to keep him" strategy of my boss. All a game I am glad to not be part of anymore!
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Old 01-02-2017, 04:19 PM   #99
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When they asked me to rate myself, I always gave myself high marks on things I sucked at, and wrote some colorful BS to "prove" how well I'd done. Then at least the eval would be entertaining, watching the boss squirm through the rating differences. But I only did that with bosses that tried to claim the eval process was somehow legit.
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Old 01-03-2017, 09:39 AM   #100
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When they asked me to rate myself, I always gave myself high marks on things I sucked at, and wrote some colorful BS to "prove" how well I'd done. Then at least the eval would be entertaining, watching the boss squirm through the rating differences. But I only did that with bosses that tried to claim the eval process was somehow legit.
Roaring! Why didn't I think of that?
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