The High Cost of Socializing

tangomonster · 06-10-2008, 03:56 PM

When we were working, DH and I were complete introverts. Didn't have the energy or inclination to want to socialize. But shortly after FIRE, we found that we wanted to be with people and not just each other. Some of this may be due to having virtually unlimited time and energy. Some of it may have been due to not wanting to socialize with co-workers for various reasons and not knowing anyone else.

We've really been enjoying the socializing---but it doesn't come cheap! There's the cost of gas (except with neighbors in our development). There's often the cost of going to eat (which DH and I would do on our own at least once a week, but most people want to go to restaurants that are more costly than the ethnic dives we enjoy!). Even if you stay in and have a potluck or cook dinner for friends, it can be costlier than just cooking for the two of us (larger quantities and more expensive ingredients, sometimes). And we may have to break down and actually buy some board games since some friends seem to require this as part of getting together.

We never go to the movies and try to go to free, low-cost concerts, so that helps some. And I guess that if socializing is going to be our major leisure activity, it's not that bad if it costs some (the other stuff we like to do is free, like reading and walking).

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

Achiever51 · 06-10-2008, 04:06 PM

OK, I'll bite...you have my permission and blessing to spend a little money to socialize.

Seriously though, have you given any thought to volunteering for an organization whose cause you care about? In my area, groups are always looking for folks who are willing to give a few hours to help others -- and an added bonus is you get to meet some other nice folks who share a common passion. When I ran a non-profit, we always asked for volunteers to work our special events, which meant that those volunteers also got to attend the event for free.

bbbamI · 06-10-2008, 04:09 PM

If it gives you pleasure...go for it! Pleasure should be a top priority in everyone's life.

haha · 06-10-2008, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tangomonster

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

Just be glad you are not single; it costs even more then.

It is almost impossible to find a bar in the popular parts of town that isn't hopping every night, from 6:00 or so until bedtime and beyond. A few nights ago my friend and I were looking for a place where we could talk and be heard. After 3 tries in one block we gave up and just shouted directly into one another's ears.

Somebody is sure spending a lot of money to take part in this public life. As we left and started down the sidewalk she commented on how nice it was to live someplace where there are so many young sociable people with plenty of money to spend. It just makes it easier to feel good.

Ha

Purron · 06-10-2008, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tangomonster

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

Tangomonster,

Enjoy your new found desire to socialize! ER is all about being able to live your life the way you want. One of the best things about it is spending time with people of your own choosing - not just folks you are thrown together with in the workplace. I know you are a frugal sort like me, but it's really OK to splurge a little.

Moemg · 06-10-2008, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tangomonster

.

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

I've been thinking the same thing and have come to the conclusion that the cost is worth it to have close friendships especially as we age .

dex · 06-10-2008, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tangomonster

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

Do you have a line item budget and can you describe it?

Danny · 06-10-2008, 06:20 PM

that's money well spent..we mix it up ...sometimes treat ourselves and venture out for more expensive outings and restaurants but mostly prefer the joints for music dancing beer and eats...the clubs we go to usually have no cover bands and cheap beer..sure beats staying home & watching too much TV...

donheff · 06-10-2008, 06:23 PM

Thats why I have a substantial portion of my planned expenses targeted to cover restaurant meals and food for guests. During our working days DW and I were so tired we would eat out about three days a week so we were prepared for this expense.

Orchidflower · 06-12-2008, 12:57 PM

I'm with Moemg as the cost is well worth it to me. But then, again, I'm a total extrovert and love being with people...just not all the time.

**Want2retire** · 06-12-2008, 01:13 PM

You know what I would do? I'd make my budget categories a little broader, and just assign the "socializing" expenses to the "entertainment and travel" type of expenses. You are already cutting back on movies and concerts and restaurants, after all.

The trump card here is that you have identified exactly what you really want. If you allow yourself what you really want, then you will be happier and probably consume less overall than otherwise. At least it seems to work that way for me.

So, ABSOLUTELY... like everyone else on the thread, I don't see a problem here!

Moemg · 06-12-2008, 01:15 PM

I'm not an extrovert but I can not imagine going thru life without entertaining at least occasionally . Someone mentioned in another thread about not having a party for many ,many years . I can't fathom how if you have a family or friends . I'm not a big party giver but I average at least four or five get togethers a year that I host . Sure it stretches the budget but those friendships & family are worth it to me .

FIREdreamer · 06-12-2008, 01:31 PM

I love to socialize with friends and family. Most of the time though we don't go out for dinner we invite people in our home (and we usually get invited in their home). Even though, when we invite people over we try to make it special and usually splurge on good food and wine. When we invite 4-6 people it is not unusual for us to spend $200-300 on the meal (more on special occasions like New Year's eve), even though I always prepare most everything from scratch. It might actually be cheaper to go out sometimes! But to me spending time around the table with good friends and family and enjoying delectable foods and wine is the pinnacle of happiness, so it is completely worth it. So as long as you enjoy socializing, go for it!

kcowan · 06-12-2008, 01:38 PM

We find our expenses have shifted. More entertaining at each others' homes and shared fine dining experiences. We also do bocce picnics. Even tried a bowling party. That was a shock. Prices have shot up.

Parties tend to be smaller and more frequent. Dining has replaced fueling.

Marquette · 06-12-2008, 01:40 PM

Get back in your hovel and eat your bean soup! No more socializing for you! This is the LBYM and ER board for goodness sake... not the "let's work forever and live a lavish life" board.

Or, maybe just realize that it's ok to have fun... either way.

kombat · 06-12-2008, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Want2retire

I have also known people who could not imagine how someone could go through life without going to Vegas and that REALLY puzzles me. I wouldn't vacation in Vegas if I was paid to go!

Yet I know that many do love going there.

For what it's worth, I've known many people who had no desire at all to go to Vegas. However, after they went (my sister in law had her wedding there last year), it turns out they loved it. I think Vegas is one of those cities about which people have a lot of misconceptions. I found it to be such a surreal spectacle. It's definitely a unique experience in life, and I'm glad I went.

dex · 06-12-2008, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kombat

I found it to be such a surreal spectacle. It's definitely a unique experience in life, and I'm glad I went.

That it is.
After you have been there a few times and the novelty wears off - you begin to see other things - the people who don't look like they can afford to lose another dollar for example.
It can be a bit boring away from the strip - all the subdivisions, strip malls and the desert landscape look the same.

tangomonster · 06-12-2008, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marquette

Get back in your hovel and eat your bean soup!

But Marquette, I LOVE bean soup! As a vegetarian, it's something I actually want to eat! Funny how it's all relative......

Marquette · 06-12-2008, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tangomonster

But Marquette, I LOVE bean soup! As a vegetarian, it's something I actually want to eat! Funny how it's all relative......

Well, I do to, but in moderation.

Just make sure you eat alone!

tangomonster · 06-12-2008, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marquette

Well, I do to, but in moderation.

Just make sure you eat alone!

There's always Beano----and considering that the husband and cat can be equally flatulent, it's not a problem!

06-10-2008, 03:56 PM	#1
tangomonster Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 569	The High Cost of Socializing When we were working, DH and I were complete introverts. Didn't have the energy or inclination to want to socialize. But shortly after FIRE, we found that we wanted to be with people and not just each other. Some of this may be due to having virtually unlimited time and energy. Some of it may have been due to not wanting to socialize with co-workers for various reasons and not knowing anyone else. We've really been enjoying the socializing---but it doesn't come cheap! There's the cost of gas (except with neighbors in our development). There's often the cost of going to eat (which DH and I would do on our own at least once a week, but most people want to go to restaurants that are more costly than the ethnic dives we enjoy!). Even if you stay in and have a potluck or cook dinner for friends, it can be costlier than just cooking for the two of us (larger quantities and more expensive ingredients, sometimes). And we may have to break down and actually buy some board games since some friends seem to require this as part of getting together. We never go to the movies and try to go to free, low-cost concerts, so that helps some. And I guess that if socializing is going to be our major leisure activity, it's not that bad if it costs some (the other stuff we like to do is free, like reading and walking). So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing.... __________________ A wise woman should have money in her head, but not in her heart---Jonathan Swift

06-10-2008, 04:06 PM	#2
Achiever51 Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Southeastern Michigan Posts: 786	OK, I'll bite...you have my permission and blessing to spend a little money to socialize. Seriously though, have you given any thought to volunteering for an organization whose cause you care about? In my area, groups are always looking for folks who are willing to give a few hours to help others -- and an added bonus is you get to meet some other nice folks who share a common passion. When I ran a non-profit, we always asked for volunteers to work our special events, which meant that those volunteers also got to attend the event for free. __________________ The best things in life....are not things.

06-10-2008, 04:09 PM	#3
bbbamI Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,816	If it gives you pleasure...go for it! Pleasure should be a top priority in everyone's life. __________________ Enjoy life.

06-10-2008, 06:20 PM	#8
Danny Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Minnehaha Posts: 1,999	that's money well spent..we mix it up ...sometimes treat ourselves and venture out for more expensive outings and restaurants but mostly prefer the joints for music dancing beer and eats...the clubs we go to usually have no cover bands and cheap beer..sure beats staying home & watching too much TV... __________________ Danny's Waking Up To Another Beautiful Day Danny's American Diners Drive-ins Roadhouses Joints & Dives Waking Up With Nothing To Do...Trying My Very Best To Get It All Done Each and Everyday Golden Rule and Good Actions = Good Results

06-10-2008, 06:23 PM	#9
donheff Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,694	Thats why I have a substantial portion of my planned expenses targeted to cover restaurant meals and food for guests. During our working days DW and I were so tired we would eat out about three days a week so we were prepared for this expense. __________________ Every man is, or hopes to be, an Idler. -- Samuel Johnson

06-12-2008, 12:57 PM	#10
Orchidflower Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Il-Ia. border Posts: 1,005	I'm with Moemg as the cost is well worth it to me. But then, again, I'm a total extrovert and love being with people...just not all the time. __________________ "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -- Confucius

06-12-2008, 01:13 PM	#11
Want2retire Moderator Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New Orleans Posts: 6,093	You know what I would do? I'd make my budget categories a little broader, and just assign the "socializing" expenses to the "entertainment and travel" type of expenses. You are already cutting back on movies and concerts and restaurants, after all. The trump card here is that you have identified exactly what you really want. If you allow yourself what you really want, then you will be happier and probably consume less overall than otherwise. At least it seems to work that way for me. So, ABSOLUTELY... like everyone else on the thread, I don't see a problem here! __________________ Dreaming of retirement.... " - - my greatest skill has been to want but little - - " (Henry David Thoreau, in Walden)

06-12-2008, 01:15 PM	#12
Moemg Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Sarasota,fl. Posts: 3,096	I'm not an extrovert but I can not imagine going thru life without entertaining at least occasionally . Someone mentioned in another thread about not having a party for many ,many years . I can't fathom how if you have a family or friends . I'm not a big party giver but I average at least four or five get togethers a year that I host . Sure it stretches the budget but those friendships & family are worth it to me .

06-12-2008, 01:31 PM	#13
FIREdreamer Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 1,354	I love to socialize with friends and family. Most of the time though we don't go out for dinner we invite people in our home (and we usually get invited in their home). Even though, when we invite people over we try to make it special and usually splurge on good food and wine. When we invite 4-6 people it is not unusual for us to spend $200-300 on the meal (more on special occasions like New Year's eve), even though I always prepare most everything from scratch. It might actually be cheaper to go out sometimes! But to me spending time around the table with good friends and family and enjoying delectable foods and wine is the pinnacle of happiness, so it is completely worth it. So as long as you enjoy socializing, go for it! __________________ "Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

06-12-2008, 01:38 PM	#14
kcowan Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Pacific latitude 20/49 Posts: 1,545	We find our expenses have shifted. More entertaining at each others' homes and shared fine dining experiences. We also do bocce picnics. Even tried a bowling party. That was a shock. Prices have shot up. Parties tend to be smaller and more frequent. Dining has replaced fueling. __________________ For the fun of it...Keith

06-12-2008, 01:40 PM	#15
Marquette Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 2,020	Get back in your hovel and eat your bean soup! No more socializing for you! This is the LBYM and ER board for goodness sake... not the "let's work forever and live a lavish life" board. Or, maybe just realize that it's ok to have fun... either way.