Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
The Other Woman...
Old 10-16-2015, 07:32 PM   #1
Recycles dryer sheets
bearkeley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 170
The Other Woman...

It was my idea. I introduced her to him. She's popular, respected, intelligent and has a lot of potential. She's young, but with guidance and the right environment, she could be my replacement and give him the support he needs.

She can also be there for them when they need help. They won't need much since over the years, they have grown a lot and have made me very proud. They can now make their own decisions and have each other for support. If they run into issues, I am confident they can get the support they need from either one of them and all will be perfectly fine. I've built a great team and proud to be promoting 5 of my Managers to Directors, reporting directly to my replacement.

With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?

Curious how many felt this way before retirement? Any advice on how to overcome it? I am definitely looking forward to retirement But didn't expect to feel this way. I've quit jobs before but this just doesn't feel the same......my team will be notified next week....would I feel worse then?




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
__________________

__________________
bearkeley is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 10-16-2015, 07:36 PM   #2
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 393
Quote:
Originally Posted by bearkeley View Post
I.....
With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?
Might depend on your gender?
__________________

__________________
I'm not crazy. Honest, the judge had me tested.
Rick_Head is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 08:54 PM   #3
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
nun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,836
I think we all believe that we are irreplaceable and when we realize that the ex-company/division/department/group will go on without us and we will be successfully replaced its a hit to the ego. Lots of people feel this. I did when I left and it almost persuaded me to take another job 500 miles away to "keep myself in the loop" in my field. There are some days I still miss my work, but I don't regret not moving the 500 miles because I lover where I live now.
__________________
“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

Current AA: 65% Equity Funds / 20% Bonds / 7% Stable Value /3% Cash / 5% TIAA Traditional
Retired Mar 2014 at age 52, target WR: 0.0%,
Income from pension and rent
nun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 10:57 PM   #4
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,934
Quote:
Originally Posted by bearkeley View Post
With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?

Curious how many felt this way before retirement? Any advice on how to overcome it? I am definitely looking forward to retirement But didn't expect to feel this way. I've quit jobs before but this just doesn't feel the same......my team will be notified next week....would I feel worse then?
I didn't feel like that, really. I had years of experience and accomplishments in that job and I didn't want it to all go down the drain when I left. "The other woman" who took on the most challenging part of my job, was very bright and capable. I was comforted to know that I was leaving my work in capable hands, even though it would take her (or anyone) a few years to settle in and take ownership of the job. I did my best to get her interacting with the key people at HQ and at our field office both, and to transfer any knowledge and information that I could.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 11:08 PM   #5
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern IL
Posts: 18,288
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick_Head View Post
Might depend on your gender?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nun View Post
I think we all believe that we are irreplaceable ...
I have no idea what the OP is talking about. Maybe the gender thing is throwing me?

MegaCorp made sure that none of us felt irreplaceable, and to be honest, that's good business.

I recall when one of my very bright, motivated young engineers was kidding around (at least I assume he was kidding) that if you are the only one with xyz knowledge, that would make you irreplaceable. I was quick to point out - if you are the only one with xyz knowledge, that makes you a liability, not an asset. My people need to share their knowledge, so if they want to go on vacation, or are not reachable, their co-worker can fill in. If that isn't the case, I'm going to be on the hook for not getting the job done, and I'm going to be firing and hiring people who share knowledge, so I'm never on the hook like that again.

-ERD50
__________________
ERD50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 11:32 PM   #6
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 13,287
Quote:
Originally Posted by nun View Post
I think we all believe that we are irreplaceable and when we realize that the ex-company/division/department/group will go on without us and we will be successfully replaced its a hit to the ego. Lots of people feel this. I did when I left and it almost persuaded me to take another job 500 miles away to "keep myself in the loop" in my field. There are some days I still miss my work, but I don't regret not moving the 500 miles because I lover where I live now.

I have never felt that way and have told anybody above me or below me that there was someone doing the job before he/she came and someone will be doing it after you leave....


Sad to say but during my working years, there was one guy who had a heart attack at work and died at his desk.... there was another who actually was hit by a bus and dies.... and another who was killed driving home when an 18 wheeler went over the median wall and ran into him head on.... we always planned for a negative coming our way....
__________________
Texas Proud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2015, 02:42 AM   #7
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 433
Geez Texas. You make me really rethink whether I actually like my job that much

Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app
__________________
petershk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 01:44 AM   #8
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 13,287
Quote:
Originally Posted by petershk View Post
Geez Texas. You make me really rethink whether I actually like my job that much

Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

I didn't say you could not like your job..... heck, I have liked most of the jobs I have had.... I just know that every job that I have had, someone was doing it before I got there.... and someone was doing it after I left...


Not to say they did it as well as you or me, but I never did get a big head thinking I was so special they could not do without me...
__________________
Texas Proud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 02:14 AM   #9
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 903
Quote:
Originally Posted by nun View Post
I think we all believe that we are irreplaceable and when we realize that the ex-company/division/department/group will go on without us and we will be successfully replaced its a hit to the ego.
Don't feel this way at all. In fact, I cc my boss and/or co-worker on all work emails so they're always in the loop and wouldn't have to call or email me while I'm on vacation or day off or something.
__________________
hnzw_rui is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 04:59 AM   #10
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,264
Would you have felt differently if the other person was a guy instead?


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
__________________
tmm99 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 08:26 AM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
What is this "like your j*b" thing?
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 10:39 AM   #12
Moderator
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,456
Quote:
Originally Posted by HFWR View Post
What is this "like your j*b" thing?


I was never so glad as to find the perfect replacement when I bailed from various jobs. Took away some of the guilt for up and leaving.
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 11:16 AM   #13
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Gotadimple's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,763
At some point, one has to cut the cord emotionally. When the right replacement is in place, allegiances change to the new leader.

This 'other woman' thing is the last cord that needs to be cut. They've moved on. It comes with the territory: a new boss is appointed, the subordinates need to focus on the new one, not the old one.

Cut the cord Bearkley - you have done a great job!

Rita
__________________
Only got A dimple, would have preferred 2!
Gotadimple is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 02:06 PM   #14
Full time employment: Posting here.
jjquantz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 848
Quote:
Originally Posted by HFWR View Post
What is this "like your j*b" thing?
+1
__________________
jjquantz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 02:16 PM   #15
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 16,571
It didn't bother me in the slightest, I suggested my replacement and did all I could to ease the transition. I was moving on to a new phase in life and was looking forward to it - why would I resent his taking on my old job?
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 02:35 PM   #16
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
gauss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,712
Quote:
Originally Posted by bearkeley View Post
It was my idea. I introduced her to him. She's popular, respected, intelligent and has a lot of potential. She's young, but with guidance and the right environment, she could be my replacement and give him the support he needs.

She can also be there for them when they need help. They won't need much since over the years, they have grown a lot and have made me very proud. They can now make their own decisions and have each other for support. If they run into issues, I am confident they can get the support they need from either one of them and all will be perfectly fine. I've built a great team and proud to be promoting 5 of my Managers to Directors, reporting directly to my replacement.

With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?

Curious how many felt this way before retirement? Any advice on how to overcome it? I am definitely looking forward to retirement But didn't expect to feel this way. I've quit jobs before but this just doesn't feel the same......my team will be notified next week....would I feel worse then?
I am a guy, but I will take a swing at this.

If OP is female, then I would interpret this letter as a weird feeling that she has turned her professional life over to this new person -- the other woman and may be having some emotional remorse/jealousy etc.

-gauss
__________________
gauss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 06:27 PM   #17
Recycles dryer sheets
bearkeley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 170
Thanks for the comments....I am being ridiculous and need to focus on cutting the cord and moving on! I think one of the issues is that I'm officially going to be on a leave of absence. Boss knows I plan to retire, but offered to put me on leave for 6 months, just in case I change my mind and not enjoy traveling the world, focusing on myself and doing the things I really want to do. He's also doing it so I can get my year end bonus. I need to really be in the mindset that I am leaving...

Interesting question about my feelings if my replacement was the opposite sex....I would feel the same. At first, I wondered if it was some sort of a jealous feeling....kinda how I felt when I was much younger and was insecure about who I was....but I think it's more of a territorial thing....regardless of gender.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
__________________
bearkeley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 07:33 PM   #18
Recycles dryer sheets
cranberryjoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Western US
Posts: 115
When I FIREd I had to train half a dozen people to take over various aspects of my job. I was absolutely delighted to get rid of those mostly stressful responsibilities and watch the others take control. No jealousy at all to leave it all behind and move on to the next chapter of my life!
__________________
Grow older, not up
cranberryjoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2015, 03:51 PM   #19
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 31
I have about 2 years before I plan to ER and I feel similar to OP. I am a dept head and built the dept from zero hiring or approving of all 30 people in it. I'm very committed to this group. I struggle with deciding how early to let sr. execs in on the ER plan so I can help with replacement. Right now I'm working hard to get a person ready and hoping for the best. But there's an idiot in the wings from a different dept that I'm afraid will be in line to take over and destroy what we've built. No advice for you...just sharing my situation.
__________________
hopeisnotaplan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2015, 04:29 PM   #20
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Rustic23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Lake Livingston, Tx
Posts: 3,624
Two of us retired from the Air Force on the same day. Together our total time in the squadrons aircraft represented almost 75% of the experience in the squadron.

The following Monday, all the aircraft took off on schedule, landed on schedule with complete missions, life went on, as it had before and has since.

No one is irreplaceable. Not even Steve Jobs and Bill Gates!
__________________

__________________
If it is after 5:00 when I post I reserve the right to disavow anything I posted.
Rustic23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Other than Massachusetts, any other States requiring ALL to have Health Insurance? Orchidflower Health and Early Retirement 27 12-03-2007 09:28 PM
Constant Sexual Arousal Plagues NorCal Woman poboy Other topics 21 05-08-2006 07:59 AM
L.A Woman found positive with Bubonic Plague Maximillion Other topics 10 04-20-2006 05:08 PM
Just heard Dr. Phil tell a woman........................ Cut-Throat Other topics 47 01-13-2006 10:44 AM
"Woman evicted from lava tube" Nords Other topics 2 05-14-2005 01:36 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:33 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.