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Old 07-23-2015, 08:46 AM   #1
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Thread about eldercare/no kids

I remember following a thread in the past year about eldercare decisions when a couple or single is aging, but doesn't have extended family or children to count on to help when events or decisions change the game.

If anyone can find that thread, I'd like to revisit it or any other dealing with the specific topic of no family/kids. DW and I are downsizing and making some decisions that will impact circumstances down the road, so to speak, and want to make sure we are thinking through the big issues. IFRC, that thread was thoughtful....but, I couldn't find it.

TIA....
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Old 07-23-2015, 10:07 AM   #2
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This is an old thread, but perhaps it might help....

Childless and getting older
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Old 07-23-2015, 10:22 AM   #3
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It helps a little, but mostly it is a discussion about the child vs. childless, and also a big discussion of war stories, which is natural. Very little good help about this important problem.

However, "freebird5825" had a concrete suggestion in this post:

Quote:
For myself, I have a Trust set up that will allow my affairs to be taken care of by a local bank that has a Trustee department set up for this very reason. I wrote in "not to exceed" clauses to keep the cost of trust management under control. My trust attorney (and Successor Trustee) is approx 10 years younger than I am. Either he (or a partner in his law firm) or the bank can be appointed as Successor Trustee if conditions warrant.
I felt better going with this route than entrusting my welfare to my siblings. The things I heard them say with my own ears and their behavior toward my Mom in her final days was more than enough to convince me I was better off without their interference. Not to say that they won't try anyway. My Trust specifically prohibits that from being allowed, i.e. my explicit wishes will override the usual "next of kin" laws.
This may be what DW and I do. Siblings are not interested in this job. Their kids downright scare me.

Now, what freebird suggests isn't easy. I like the idea of the "not to exceed" clause.

Basically, we are going to have to develop a relationship with some legal folks we know and over time, spend a lot of money to write up decent trust documents. That's where I think we're headed. But not yet. We're young enough now that the chances of both of us becoming incompetent are minuscule. (Maybe an accident where we both are brain damaged. Don't want to think about that.) But in the next 10 years, we'll start working these documents.

The thread referenced talks about state guardianships. That scares the bleep out of me.
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Old 07-23-2015, 10:49 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
This is an old thread, but perhaps it might help....

Childless and getting older
Thanks...some insightful posts on this older thread..seems like there was a newer discussion, but I don't remember what it might bring to the party that wasn't brought up here.

The Successor Trust is something we'll take a look at.... A few dollars spent now with a good eldercare attorney might payoff in pointing out the various directions we might take.

Right now, the 55+ community looks promising as a possibility. I'm particularly concerned about getting my DW in the best possible situation for when I exit stage right. After a recent funeral of a family member, I roamed to cemetery for some quiet thought and noticed on the husband/wife tombstones, I only saw one instance where the husband outlived the wife...most women seemed to follow their husbands after 12 or more years.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:30 AM   #5
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There are excellent continuing care communities. Were I you I would search this first: CARF International, www.carf.org, Commission on the Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities, CCAC
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:50 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by JoeWras View Post
It helps a little, but mostly it is a discussion about the child vs. childless, and also a big discussion of war stories, which is natural. Very little good help about this important problem.

However, "freebird5825" had a concrete suggestion in this post:



This may be what DW and I do. Siblings are not interested in this job. Their kids downright scare me.

Now, what freebird suggests isn't easy. I like the idea of the "not to exceed" clause.

Basically, we are going to have to develop a relationship with some legal folks we know and over time, spend a lot of money to write up decent trust documents. That's where I think we're headed. But not yet. We're young enough now that the chances of both of us becoming incompetent are minuscule. (Maybe an accident where we both are brain damaged. Don't want to think about that.) But in the next 10 years, we'll start working these documents.

The thread referenced talks about state guardianships. That scares the bleep out of me.
Update on my Revocable Trust...I have both Mr B and my gardening buddy designated as "next of kin" for any matters in the instance of my incapacity, including the actions of the Successor Trustee (my attorney). If something goes south with me, either can petition the court for guardianship and removal of the Successor Trustee if there are problems with the law firm not honoring my explicit wishes.
The only problem is both Mr B and my buddy are 7 and 14 years older, respectively, than I am. If either or both pre-decease me, then I will have to come up with another trusted friend to be my watchdog.

Yes, it cost me a fair amount to have this customized Trust written. I did most of the "wishes" composition, then the law firm put it into proper legalese.

And yes, I do sleep well at night having those documents in place.
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Old 07-23-2015, 12:12 PM   #7
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There are excellent continuing care communities. Were I you I would search this first: CARF International, www.carf.org, Commission on the Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities, CCAC
That's fine. But a CCRC is not a Will, Trust, Health Care POA, Friend, etc. If you are in an independent cottage in a CCRC and are mailing out $10,000 a week to your internet buddies who sent you email, the CCRC won't know or care, until you can't pay your monthly assessment. Then what?
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Old 07-23-2015, 02:36 PM   #8
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Absolutely not a will trust, heath care poa. A CCRC will not replace estate planning but it can provide services and a sense of community to an older couple or widow/er.

A relative's husband paid the entry fee to Twin Towers in Cinci but before they moved in he passed away. She "threw out the anchor" and refused to move in until assisted living was the level of care needed. I visited her several times and was impressed at the activities offered residents .. including active retirees. Once moved in the gal truly enjoyed her new home. My relative had no children but her husband had a good accountant who paid her bills. As her needs changed Twin Towers adjusted her care situation. She outlived her neighborhood friends but likely was too far along to know of their passing.

If Twin Towers were in my community would I move there? In a nanosecond!
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Old 07-23-2015, 02:48 PM   #9
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Here are two threads on this topic
preparing for inability to make own decisions
Planning for changes in mental acuity
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Old 07-23-2015, 03:36 PM   #10
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Sorry if I sounded harsh about CCRC. I didn't mean to. We may actually consider it. We have a few friends living in one and they love it.

My point was you still need an advocate outside of (or in addition to) the CCRC or adult living facility.

Edit: read one of the threads Michaelb put up and started crying since I was talking about my now deceased father. I think I need to sign off for a while.
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Old 07-23-2015, 03:44 PM   #11
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bingo.. there's the thread I was looking for. I had even posted to it, but wasn't able to find it...

Thanks for digging both of these up.
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Old 07-23-2015, 05:48 PM   #12
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Aww, Joe, bless your heart. It never really goes away. So sorry for your loss.
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Old 07-23-2015, 06:50 PM   #13
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Aww, Joe, bless your heart. It never really goes away. So sorry for your loss.

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Old 07-23-2015, 08:23 PM   #14
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I wonder if transitioning to continuing care communities resemble retirement in that better outcomes are often obtained if the transition takes place earlier in life.....

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Old 07-24-2015, 01:06 AM   #15
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Thanks for bringing this up and thanks to those who posted past links. This will be helpful to me.
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Old 07-24-2015, 05:13 PM   #16
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I wonder if transitioning to continuing care communities resemble retirement in that better outcomes are often obtained if the transition takes place earlier in life.....

-gauss
I would think so. If going to a CCRC is voluntary that sure takes a lot of the stress out of it.

As DW's nephew put it "Everyone else has to be dragged kicking and screaming to a nursing home. You're stalking yours!" Well, duh. I want it to be a nice place, not something I had to take simply because it was available and affordable when the crisis hits.
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Old 07-24-2015, 10:20 PM   #17
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Thanks for bringing this up and thanks to those who posted past links. This will be helpful to me.

Ditto. Being single, no kids, no family will make it interesting later. Not something I want to think about but the ostrich strategy will not be good either.


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