Visitor Overload

[Meadbh]

When I go to Ireland I am welcome to stay with friends and relatives. However, they keep their houses quite cold, and usually there is only one bathroom. So I have a self-imposed two day limit.

[Amethyst]

I don't like staying at someone's house. There is always the fear you will break some unstated rule.

[aja8888]

Our close friends here in The Woodlands, Texas are longtime Canadians who have lived near us for 9 years but were gone a lot due to his international work assignments. They have a large family in Canada and this is the first year he has been at home most of the year due to a change in jobs (actually, laid off or retired, whatever he calls it).

Well, this winter they have had guests from Canada on a non-stop basis since the weather in Texas is much nicer than Canada and his pool is heated. We had dinner with them the other night and they were worn out from the winter visitors and said next year they will cut family visitations back quite a bit.

[RockyMtn]

we subscriber to the "one roll of toilet paper" rule. Use it and you're outta here. Some people only get half a roll.

[W2R]

My mom had too many visitors when they retired to a beach front home in Hawaii back in the 1960's. She was floored at the avalanche of visitors from the mainland who just came out of the woodwork, that she hadn't seen for years. She felt like she was running a B&B.

My new (to me) home here in New Orleans just has two bedrooms, and the second bedroom is very small so I use it as a home office. No bed in there. No place for a guest to sleep, so they have to get a room at one of the many nice and reasonably priced hotels and motels nearby.

Oddly, I don't get nearly as many guests as my mother did. I guess the less desirable location and the lack of a guest bedroom solved the problem.

[Teacher Terry]

I love having guests and since we live across the country from good friends/family we expect them to stay for a week. We are also at a destination place. I have more energy for guests now then when I was working f.t. Besides everyone pitches in and helps so no big deal. When we go visit we stay with my childhood friend for a week and always have a great time. However, we are not together 24-7 as I have other people I want to visit.

[braumeister]

Maybe just me, but I think this problem tends to be largely of our own making.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I didn't have much money and neither did any of my friends. So if I happened to be in a desirable area (it happened a number of times), I had lots of visitors and it was simply assumed that I would provide 100% hospitality. Same way when i visited them. Nobody had the money to stay at a nearby hotel; it was unthinkable.

Now, when we can actually afford the hotel, and when the "hosts" might just have developed some habits that don't include transients in their kitchens, that mindset from the old days can linger on to everyone's ultimate dismay.

Last few times I've visited friends I've stayed at their houses because they insisted, but honestly I would have been happier to be in a nearby hotel. They probably would have preferred it too, but didn't want to admit it.

[jollystomper]

DW and I decided to start staying in hotels after visiting her separated parents in Florida and getting caught in the "you stayed at their place you must love them more" battles. I much prefer this, even when folks visiting insist on us staying with them.

The only people we stay with are some old college friends who have done very well. They have a separate guest cottage on their property so we are not constantly around each other. We make sure to leave it cleaner than we found it and to restock any food of theirs we have eaten.

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fedup We had this happened on our last trip to U.K. We initially booked our own place because there were five of us so it was just too much to stay at anyone's house. But his sister invited him to stay, he obliged and stayed 10 days before we went up to Scotland. Biggest mistake ever. The house was full of junk, small tiny stairs. It was not nice, not to our standards, and we could end up getting hurt with all the stuff SIL had in the house. Worst yet, we ended up fixing her bathroom because of mildew so we were out of a bathroom use for a day while waiting for the caulking to be done. Same thing with our stay at his best friend. He invited us, so we obliged to stay but the stairs were also steep. Every night, it was like comedy, we both hold hands and went to restroom together because the room we stayed at didn't have toilet on the same floor. Never again. We'd be glad to book our own accommodation. We felt a bit relief when we finally got to the hotel. So many things could have gone wrong and we could end up in a hospital.

Im sorry the stay wasn't good, BUT your post was so funny i was tearing when i read it, ty for making me laugh on Fathers Day.

[Ronstar]

DW loves having guests. Probably due to her reading that a good social life helps prevent Alzheimer's. Anyway, we have guests coming and going all the time in Arizona during the winter. I've seen the same tourist attractions several times. We go out to dinner way too much. The problem is that the guests are on vacation, cramming in as many attractions/restaurants as they can. And it starts all over again after one group leaves and the next group rolls in.

[braumeister]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronstar I've seen the same tourist attractions several times.

This is the big problem for those who live in destination areas. I have been to many internationally famous attractions in several countries so many times that I became heartily sick of them. No reason for you to go any more. Just offer them a few tips and send them on their way. Seriously, the visitors are not there to see you (primarily); they are there for the attractions. You're just staff.

[iloveyoga]

I like the two, three and four day rule. My next house may just not have a guest suite.

[splitwdw]

My husband and I don't stay at friends/family homes. We like our privacy and always book a hotel. What is with friends/family that keep insisting that you stay with them? I want to come and go as I please. I'm not coming to visit so you have extra work.

[Souschef]

We watch a program called "House Hunters International". A lot of them on their wish list is an extra room for guests, which raises the price considerably.
My observation has been to put them up in a hotel with the money they saved buying or renting a smaller place.

[Texas Proud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fedup We had this happened on our last trip to U.K. We initially booked our own place because there were five of us so it was just too much to stay at anyone's house. But his sister invited him to stay, he obliged and stayed 10 days before we went up to Scotland. Biggest mistake ever. The house was full of junk, small tiny stairs. It was not nice, not to our standards, and we could end up getting hurt with all the stuff SIL had in the house. Worst yet, we ended up fixing her bathroom because of mildew so we were out of a bathroom use for a day while waiting for the caulking to be done. Same thing with our stay at his best friend. He invited us, so we obliged to stay but the stairs were also steep. Every night, it was like comedy, we both hold hands and went to restroom together because the room we stayed at didn't have toilet on the same floor. Never again. We'd be glad to book our own accommodation. We felt a bit relief when we finally got to the hotel. So many things could have gone wrong and we could end up in a hospital.

Not all the hotels in the UK have what we would consider normal sized rooms... when I was working over there my boss came for some meetings... she said her room was so small that you could not even open the door fully... and that the bathroom door was the same on the other side of the bed...

[Texas Proud]

To go with this thread...

I was put up by mega when I worked in the UK and NYC... I knew that my family would want to come.... I just told them that all I was was a place to crash, that it was up to them to figure out what they wanted to do and do it... if I had time we might do something... usually I was busy during the week, but I did take some time to go with them on the weekends...

Now, with one of my sisters and BIL, I took vacation and we took a train to Penzance... it is a nice little town way on the West side... not a whole lot to do but it is beautiful seashore...

[iloveyoga]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Souschef We watch a program called "House Hunters International". A lot of them on their wish list is an extra room for guests, which raises the price considerably. My observation has been to put them up in a hotel with the money they saved buying or renting a smaller place.

I always wonder if they are telling the truth. Hearing people say that has made me think that a guest room is not on my with list.

[Scuba]

For those of you who have a 3 or 4 day limit, how do you handle that with family? I would feel really bad telling our 20 year old nephew or 80 year old MIL that they couldn't stay longer than a few days. Our place isn't overly comfortable for guests - we do have a guest BR & bath, but it's small with a tiny closet and an inflatable bed. Still, hard for me to tell family that doesn't have tons of money that they can only stay a few nights when they're buying a plane ticket to fly across the country.

[48Fire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scuba For those of you who have a 3 or 4 day limit, how do you handle that with family? I would feel really bad telling our 20 year old nephew or 80 year old MIL that they couldn't stay longer than a few days. Our place isn't overly comfortable for guests - we do have a guest BR & bath, but it's small with a tiny closet and an inflatable bed. Still, hard for me to tell family that doesn't have tons of money that they can only stay a few nights when they're buying a plane ticket to fly across the country.

One option is to leave for a couple days in the middle. We told our guests that we would like a break, and offered them the house to enjoy without us. We stayed downtown, close enough that we could visit or help them if they needed it. Maybe won't work for your nephew and MIL though.

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst I don't like staying at someone's house. There is always the fear you will break some unstated rule.

Neither do we and only do it in very rare cases. It's not "breaking some rule" that bothers me, it's simply our privacy and having control ie like my own bathroom, and like to wake up and go to sleep as I please. Always was a bit of a "control freak".

I'm quite surprised that people seem to welcome friends/family that invite themselves. I would never allow that (other than daughter I guess). No invite -no visit. Again, the control thing.