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What did your Mom and Dad have to say?
Old 06-08-2011, 08:10 PM   #1
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What did your Mom and Dad have to say?

First of all, lucky enough to still have both my parents. Well, my Dad didn't believe it at first but once I went over my plan with him he was 100% supportive along with my mother. They set the example on being responsible with money so I suppose that's why they understood it. Dad had a very stressful job but at least retired in his 50's and realized how great that was. To have their support was the only support I hoped I would have. Wondering how many parents were old school and thought ER was a crazy idea.

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Old 06-08-2011, 08:40 PM   #2
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My parents retired in their 40's (there was inherited farm land involved, something that will NOT fall into my lap).

They have so enjoyed the last 40 years; they are all for ER for me. They have had such a great time, living out some dreams.

My retirement will be MUCH more scaled back. DH and I are going to scale back to make it work, but we still intend to have (cheap) fun.

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Old 06-08-2011, 08:46 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by freedom42 View Post
First of all, lucky enough to still have both my parents. Well, my Dad didn't believe it at first but once I went over my plan with him he was 100% supportive along with my mother. They set the example on being responsible with money so I suppose that's why they understood it. Dad had a very stressful job but at least retired in his 50's and realized how great that was. To have their support was the only support I hoped I would have. Wondering how many parents were old school and thought ER was a crazy idea.
My father passed away in 1981, and my mother passed away in 2007. Before she died I told my mother of my plans to retire at 61, and she was fully supportive (though she might have felt differently had I planned to retire at 41, for example). She wanted to know if I had a pension and if my house was paid off, and when I said yes and yes she seemed happy for me.

When I did retire in 2009, my brother was absolutely thrilled for me. He retired around age 52 or a few years younger. I don't recall at the moment. He loves being retired as much as I (now) do. My other brother had a series of severe strokes that crippled him and affected him mentally, so he can't remember that I am retired.

So, all in all, I was pretty lucky because I didn't have any family resistance to the idea.
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Old 06-08-2011, 08:49 PM   #4
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When I was 18, I told my parents that I intended to retire at 55. Since they were only 36 at the time (that's a another story), I'm sure they paid me no heed. It looks like I will be off by 2 years, retiring at 57.
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Old 06-08-2011, 09:50 PM   #5
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We told my parents a few years ago that DH planned to retire in 2013 (at age 58) with 30 years of service in his pension plan. Then in 2008 we told them that his job was looking iffy and that if he lost his job, retirement would be one of the options. When it finally happened in 2010 I called my Dad with the news and his first comment was, "Do you need money?" and I said, "no, we're fine, but thanks anyways".

Since then he's said very little about it all which has been a disappointment to me. My Dad retired at 59.5 and I thought he'd relate to us in our new phase of life. My mom has asked a couple of times if DH has found a job yet (no, he's not looking, he has retired). But my parents are at an age where caring for each other and just getting through the day is enough for them so I can't fault them if they don't show an interest in us.

DH's brother asked if we would be moving to downsize. I think he pictured us sitting in a dark 1 bedroom apartment eating cat food. But his perspective is from New Jersey where the cost of living is much higher. DH has a sister who is 12 years younger who has been a teacher for 20 years. She understands about working in a job in a pension system. She may be able to retire at a younger age than DH did. She's single so she may be comfortable on that.
Married, both 63. DH retired June, 2010. I have a pleasant little part time job.
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Old 06-08-2011, 10:10 PM   #6
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My mother died when I was in my 20s, but about 15 years ago my father asked the question that broke my early-retirement logjam. I dedicated the book to him.

My brother and I are two totally different people, so we don't see our life decisions as being relevant to each other.

Spouse's parents lived close to us in Hawaii for over five years, and during that time became progressively more convinced that our wayward fiscal habits were going to render their only granddaughter homeless. Luckily they moved back to the Mainland where they can pretend that we're doing OK.

My BIL the CPA and his spouse will retire when they turn 55 because that's the earliest age at which she can get a healthcare subsidy from her employer.

Friends & neighbors largely tend to "not get it"... I'd say over 95%. But the surfers at my home break totally understand.

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Old 06-08-2011, 11:11 PM   #7
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My dad retired in his early 50's and when I turned 50 I brought up that I was considering retirement in a few years, which would have made me older than he was at retirement age. He seemed strongly against it, although his own experience has been nothing but positive, but he seemed to think I needed to have more definite purpose than just retire to do things I love to do. I wonder if my BIL experience was influencing him. BIL retired (not entirely voluntarily) even earlier but with portfolio at least 10x anyone else in family. He lost a lot overmanaging it, was miserable around the house with my sister and was chronically unhappy until he went back to work someplace else. Dad wanted to know all about books I would write or companies I would start, but that wasn't sounding as much like retirement as I was planning. Maybe he was afraid I was heading for BIL territory? Still at least a few years to figure out what he's trying to tell me.
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Old 06-08-2011, 11:57 PM   #8
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My dad retired at 55 and passed away shortly before I retired. Early retirement agreed with him because he got to pursue his passion building a wooden airplane a 6+ year project and then got to enjoy flying it for more than a decade. If he had retired at a normal age he would have just barely finish building it before passing away.

My mom expressed some concern about the finances but when I countered that I lot more assets than they did when they retired and was better prepared. She really couldn't argue.
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Old 06-09-2011, 01:32 AM   #9
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When we retire in 2012 DH will receive a pension covering about 80% of our normal expenses + his own healthcare. I will have to wait some years for my own pension to start.
My mom still wonders that I would give up my lucrative job. But as she worked longer than my dad she knows well that not retiring together is not much fun for the one who keeps on working.
She is happy for us that we are financially able to retire together. You never know how much time there is left to spend together.
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Old 06-09-2011, 03:01 AM   #10
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My mom died when I was 40. My Dad died 6 weeks before I retired but he knew of our plans and was fully supportive of our plans to retire at 55.

MIL died 3 months before we ER'ed and FIL died 5 months after we ER'ed but they were also very supportive of our plans.

In the case of both sets of parents our mothers were disabled shortly after retiring so even though our fathers had long, healthy, retirements the time that both were fit was very short so they knew the value of retiring as early as practical. (they all retired at age 60)
Retired in Jan, 2010 at 55, moved to England in May 2016
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Old 06-09-2011, 05:48 AM   #11
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My dad retired in 1994 at age 63, partly due to his being weary of working, and partly so he could more easily tend to my mom who was dying of cancer but still hanging in there until she succumbed to it in 1995, when I was 32 and still working full-time.

Given my dad's enjoyment at being retired, he has certainly been happy for my being retired. It has been much easier for me to get together with him since my ER and the 7 years of part-time work before that.

I do wonder how my mom would have felt had she still been alive. She was in and out of the workforce in the 1970s, 1980s, and early 1990s (until she became ill in 1991). She was only 59 when she died, so she probably would have worked (full-time) a few more years had she been healthy. She and my dad always wanted me to be happy, so I think she would have liked seeing me get out of the rat race altogether.
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Old 06-09-2011, 05:59 AM   #12
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When I FIREd,

Mom said: "What are you going to do all day?! Maybe you can work part-time somewhere." I think she still doesn't believe that I have no plans of ever going back to work and she seems to worry that I'll be lonely without having a job. (I'm not!)

Dad said: "Good for you!"
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Old 06-09-2011, 06:16 AM   #13
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My dad retired in 1974 after 47 years of service with the same company. I think his pension was about $1200/month. Mom was always a housewife after they married. Had three kids born five years apart so mom spent all her life raising kids and taking care of the house. Dad got to enjoy 25 years of retirement before he died at age 90. Mom got to enjoy it for 21 years. Enjoy? They took one driving trip out to Yellowstone and that was the extent of it. They didn't like leaving home and never left again.

They thought I was crazy to retire at 51.
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Old 06-09-2011, 06:22 AM   #14
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At the time of retirement, my mom was the only living parent we had. She has been fully supportive of our decision. Mom loves the fact we have more time to get together.

My brother and his SO think it's great and are working toward their own goal of early retirement.

DH's sister is a bit resentful. Her husband lost his job and she's working a stressfull job with an awful commute to keep them going. They're both in their early 60s and she sees no end in sight. It makes me sad because they are great people. They made some decisions that seemed good at the time but derailed when the ecomony went bad.
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Old 06-09-2011, 06:26 AM   #15
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Not a damned thing.

Of course, in my case, they were divorced (much too late, IMHO) and they went on to their "second families", disregarding all prior family "relationships".

I guess that's the flip side of not having close family. I (and DW) can make our own decisions (right or wrong) without interference from others....

Since you asked ...
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Old 06-09-2011, 06:42 AM   #16
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My mom died when she was 55, so she wasn't around, but my dad was very happy. After all, he retired at 57 and said he wished he would have done it sooner. He never asked about my finances or anything else on the matter. My mother in-law was very much against it. In her mind It was my duty to work as long as I could. She also has no idea of my finances except you never have enough.
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Old 06-09-2011, 06:54 AM   #17
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My dad was self-employed as a barber who owned his own barber shop. Just a one-man place (although he did have 2 chairs). He never did retire. He was still cutting hair, because he enjoyed it, until about 3 months before he died at age 79. One night, he fell in the living room, and went downhill quickly from there. Spent the last 3 months of his life in the hospital and finally a nursing home, in and out (mostly out) of reality, until he died of pneumonia. I don't think retirement ever entered his thoughts. He was old school.

MY mom was a legal secretary, who worked for just one law firm from the late 50's until she finally retired, for the last time, after age 72, I believe. That would have been in about 2003. She's 81 now. At the firm, she outlived the attorney who originally hired her, then she worked for his son, who she also outlived! Once she finally decided to retire, they kept calling her, begging her to return for short periods because they could never find another secretary who knew all she knew and had all of the "old school" skills. Even after her "final" retirement, she continued to do specialized work that one attorney would drop off for her at home, which of course she got paid for. I think it made her feel good that they seemingly couldn't get along without her. Apparently, today's secretaries are prima donnas who aren't always willing to get in the trenches & do the hard stuff. My mom was a super secretary! And now, at '81, she's still very healthy, drives, shops....does whatever she wants. However, she's not thrilled with my plan to retire at age 55. She believes that WAY too young, and that I'll be bored out of my skull.
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Old 06-09-2011, 06:59 AM   #18
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I've been saying for a long time that I wanted to retire early and my dad has always been supportive, partially because our home is only a half hour from my parents and they would like to see me more often (all of us siblings live far, with me the furthest on assignment in Japan but getting to see them the most often). Mom is also quite fine with the idea. They've seen what the stress of my job does to me, and they know we are financially able. However, when my boss agreed to let me slow down a bit after 2012 instead of just going away (which I suggested in response to his pressuring me to stay - which was a suggestion I was convinced he would refuse), my dad thought it was a great idea. This was not because he thought we needed more prep in the financial area, but rather he thought it might be best for me to ease out rather than jumping out.

I had been telling my closest sister that I plan to pull the plug, but she didn't believe me...not convinced she does yet, or that she will believe it until I've been happily unemployed for a few years. She doesnt have much saved, it seems, and can't understand how I could retire in my late 40s or early 50s. I don't say much about it to the other two sibs, as they will never be able to retire and support themselves.

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Old 06-09-2011, 08:24 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by JOHNNIE36 View Post
They thought I was crazy to retire at 51.
My father told me he cornered a psychiatrist at a party, and said doctor told him that I was definitely crazy to try this early retirement idea. The doctor was himself on his third marriage, and still working in his early 70s.

So overall, I would say that my father was not supportive of the plan. I don't remember that my mother ever said anything, but she always was a lot more careful about speaking her opinion about any topic.

I think I would have enjoyed continued working if I had been an investment banker or some kind of hotshot. But I wasn't, so I exited.

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Old 06-09-2011, 10:13 AM   #20
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My father ran his own sheet metal business and dropped dead at the ripe old age of 52. He worked hard, and played even harder.

My mother is 83, and still very active for her age. I bought her a place just a couple of miles from my house so we could take care of her. She is very supportive, since she knows that I can afford to retire and will be able to spend more time with her.

Besides she has my unemployed brother and sister to worry about.

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