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Re: What do you owe your kids, parents, and yourself ?
Old 07-15-2006, 04:57 PM   #21
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Re: What do you owe your kids, parents, and yourself ?

My parents are long gone, my mother dying when I was 11 and my father when I was in law school.* I dreamed of the day when I could help him with money as my family always struggled to have enough.* *I really regret not having the chance to help him financially.* Even though he had serious health problems, struggled financially, and was left to raise four kids alone (one of whom was disabled)* after my mother died, he was always optomistic and valued each of us. He was my lifetime hero.* He would have done anything for us and I would have done anything for him.* I owed him all my respect and all my gratitude.

So, in part to honor my father I try to help out with my sibs and give to causes that meant something to him.


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Re: What do you owe your kids, parents, and yourself ?
Old 07-15-2006, 06:19 PM   #22
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Re: What do you owe your kids, parents, and yourself ?

Originally Posted by Arif
In that case I would pay the rent and utilities directly. And drop off food weekly. As people age they turn into teenagers with money. So instead of giving them cash I would just take care of their bills. You can always find a way to tackle any situation.
Sure, you can do that, but older people don't appreciate being treated like teenagers. And they can find creative ways to spend money that they don't have, so you would have to take away their credit cards, checkbooks, etc. That will likely put a strain on the relationship at best and ruin it at worst. And even then they may still find a way to get themselves in debt.

At one point an Elderly Female Relative (EFR) of mine emptied her savings account to "help a friend for a couple of weeks". The "friend" put the money in a Third World country scam business that he was a "part-owner of". The business promptly went bankrupt, forcing the "friend" into bankruptcy as well. So much for the EFR's money. Imagine that!*

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Re: What do you owe your kids, parents, and yourself ?
Old 07-16-2006, 09:13 AM   #23
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Re: What do you owe your kids, parents, and yourself ?

Any time you loan anything to a relative, do not expect it back. It's a gift, and very unlikely they'll return it. Ever. No matter what they say or what they intend. Kiss it goodbye.
Resist much. Obey Little. . . . Ed Abbey

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Re: What do you owe your kids, parents, and yourself ?
Old 07-18-2006, 12:50 PM   #24
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Re: What do you owe your kids, parents, and yourself ?

Originally Posted by chris2008
I do not feel that we "owe" as this implies that* we have to make sacrifices in order to get rid of debt.

However, I hope to behave towards my parents (at least) like a fair return of what they have given to me in my early years, but I make sure that I do not neglect all my other obligations. I would probably not homecare but I would make sure that they are in a good facility and would visit regularly. I would not give money to an irresponsible parent or accept insulting treatment from them.

To my kids I owe fair participation in my lifestyle as long as they live in my house or are minors. I would not spoil them or try to make available to them what I regret not to have at their age.
I am responsible to teach them self responsibility. I am responsible to provide an adequate education - if they are able and willing to cooperate. This means I would not accept self destructive work habits.

I couldn't have said it better, Chris. I don't have kids, but your paragraph about kids mirrors my parents' viewpoint and mine should I ever have kids.

Only one grandparent needed to go into a nursing home, she had Alzheimer's and was there for 13 years. My parents never considered homecare, as we was an incredibly difficult woman and it would have wrecked my parent's marriage (and our home life).

My parents have told my sister and I that if/when the time comes, we should take them to a good facility and visit once in a while. They don't feel we should interrupt our lives in that way for them, even though we would. We would also gladly aid them financially, but that won't ever be an issue, as they live well below the 4* SWR.

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