What issues arise when one spouse keeps w*rking?

[AboutThere]

I think I've just come up with an idea for new forum -

"Financially dependent, early retirement" -

Many good comments here about the need to basically make the working spouse's life easy so as to avoid resentment. Unfortunately I'm not very handy but I am a good cook and sommelier

 

[AboutThere]

What's missing is how close you are FI - you and you wife.

If you are safe to retire financially now, great, then it's totally up to each of you when to stop working. If you're not FI, and you're creating a multi-year dependency on her to do all the heavy lifting - when your prior plans had been to share the load - that's something that needs to be a discussed and very clear.

That she enjoys her career is great, but if she feels stuck with no choice (let's say she gets a new boss in 2 years that she hates, or a new assignment that tanks, etc.) .. and you're off golfing? yeah no that's a recipe for disaster.

One thing you are missing is that my job situation is not by choice. These are not decisions, these are circumstances.

 

[omni550]

I think I've just come up with an idea for new forum -

"Financially dependent, early retirement" -

Many good comments here about the need to basically make the working spouse's life easy so as to avoid resentment. Unfortunately I'm not very handy but I am a good cook and sommelier

How are you with dishes? The richest man in the world does dishes after dinner....

“I do the dishes every night,” Bezos said. And, without any prompting, he offered this awkward follow-up: “I’m pretty convinced it’s the sexiest thing I do.”

https://www.recode.net/2014/12/3/11...ned-about-amazon-ceo-jeff-bezos-from-his-rare

--

Even if not handy, be the one that handles any outsourced work and the inevitable issues that arise.

omni

 

[AboutThere]

How are you with dishes? The richest man in the world does dishes after dinner....

“I do the dishes every night,” Bezos said. And, without any prompting, he offered this awkward follow-up: “I’m pretty convinced it’s the sexiest thing I do.”

https://www.recode.net/2014/12/3/11...ned-about-amazon-ceo-jeff-bezos-from-his-rare

--

Even if not handy, be the one that handles any outsourced work and the inevitable issues that arise.

omni

Funny you should say that - I love doing dishes.

In the sink. The old-fashioned way

 

[ivinsfan]

She enjoys her current job. If she continues to enjoy her work as much as she has, she likely would continue to keep working
\
I think once the team is FI and I do my fifth winter Florida golf trip I'll be able to convince her to retire - until then she's likely to be happiest at work

You come off as pretty flip in these remarks, you mean once the team is FI after your wife puts in the required years at her work and she sees you do your multiple winter golf trips you'll be able to "convince" her to quit working.Like you are doing her a favor.

Wow just Wow..

 

[Sunset]

One thing you are missing is that my job situation is not by choice. These are not decisions, these are circumstances.

Remember to collect Unemployment while you are "looking" for a job as good as the one you will lose.

The tiny revenge for Ageism.

 

[ivinsfan]

How are you with dishes? The richest man in the world does dishes after dinner....

“I do the dishes every night,” Bezos said. And, without any prompting, he offered this awkward follow-up: “I’m pretty convinced it’s the sexiest thing I do.”

https://www.recode.net/2014/12/3/11...ned-about-amazon-ceo-jeff-bezos-from-his-rare

--

Even if not handy, be the one that handles any outsourced work and the inevitable issues that arise.

omni

You really believe this PR stuff, he's just trying to convince us he's "just one of the guys"

 

[omni550]

You really believe this PR stuff, he's just trying to convince us he's "just one of the guys"

Hey, why not?

Or maybe he's discovered the key to his wife's <ahem> heart?

Study: Women Find Men Who Do Housework Sexy
Study: Women Find Men Who Do Housework Sexy - ABC News

omni

 

[FreeBear]

Hey, why not?

Or maybe he's discovered the key to his wife's <ahem> heart?

Study: Women Find Men Who Do Housework Sexy
Study: Women Find Men Who Do Housework Sexy - ABC News

omni

DW tells me this all the time

Seriously, I do most of the dishes and help with the tedious the cooking prep, although she is the chef and boss in the kitchen. I feel like I'm always doing dishes...

I don't love doing dishes, but I do love DW. End of story.

 

[AboutThere]

You come off as pretty flip in these remarks, you mean once the team is FI after your wife puts in the required years at her work and she sees you do your multiple winter golf trips you'll be able to "convince" her to quit working.Like you are doing her a favor.

Wow just Wow..

Yes, it's clearly a joke.

 

[ivinsfan]

Yes, it's clearly a joke.

I understand you are happy to see light at the end of your work tunnel...your spouse might love working and be on board with the situation yet feel a little let down that she can't have the same option..joking might not go over too well..

 

[AboutThere]

OP here

Thanks to all who replied - the old Sergeant is tired, frankly, but ready for another assignment, but we'll see what happens. Maybe I'll be doing dishes like in basic training again!

 

[rodi]

My husband retired before me. He's older... but he'd always thought he'd keep working till at least 65. Instead he retired at 62. I encouraged it because he was
a) at a good stopping point with his projects at work.
b) could be more involved with our teenagers.
c) we were very close to our "number" and I was the high wage earner.

That said - I was initially resentful... even though I had encouraged him. He quickly stepped up the housework and my resentment slipped away.

My advice - do not QUIT or willingly go part time if you have the option to stay full time until you have buy in from your spouse. If you are forced out of your job, or forced to part time - that's a different scenario.

If you do go part time while your wife continues to work - be a good homemaker. Don't plan expensive trips without her - making that "number" that much further off... you want to be a team in reaching the FI number... And spending money on things that are solely for you is not a good way to be a team member... it appears selfish. Postpone those trips till you're both able to take them... or find very inexpensive ways to do them.

 

[Scuba]

My husband retired before me. He's older... but he'd always thought he'd keep working till at least 65. Instead he retired at 62. I encouraged it because he was
a) at a good stopping point with his projects at work.
b) could be more involved with our teenagers.
c) we were very close to our "number" and I was the high wage earner.

That said - I was initially resentful... even though I had encouraged him. He quickly stepped up the housework and my resentment slipped away.

My advice - do not QUIT or willingly go part time if you have the option to stay full time until you have buy in from your spouse. If you are forced out of your job, or forced to part time - that's a different scenario.

If you do go part time while your wife continues to work - be a good homemaker. Don't plan expensive trips without her - making that "number" that much further off... you want to be a team in reaching the FI number... And spending money on things that are solely for you is not a good way to be a team member... it appears selfish. Postpone those trips till you're both able to take them... or find very inexpensive ways to do them.

Great advice. I agree with others that it depends on the situation and individuals, but I would have been very resentful if DH had quit or even been laid off and didn't try very hard to replace his income while I was still working. As others have said, it's a lot of pressure to have 100% of the financial support responsibility, and enjoyment of a job can change quickly with a new boss, acquisition, relocation, or other unexpected changes. DH & I ER'd on the same day and that worked really well for us. YMMV

 

[FreeBear]

My advice - do not QUIT or willingly go part time if you have the option to stay full time until you have buy in from your spouse. If you are forced out of your job, or forced to part time - that's a different scenario.

+1

In then end, it may be wise just to ride out your current situation until forced out. Maybe they'll throw money at you to leave... Maybe you'll survive there for years...

Management is a fickle animal, impossible to predict sometimes.

 

[friar1610]

My wife worked about 2 years beyond my retirement date. I learned early-on that getting up when she did (rather than staying in bed because I could) was a pretty smart move. Won't say I didn't ever flop back into bed once her car cleared the driveway, but at least I was vertical to say goodbye. &#55357;&#56845;

 

[O2Bfree]

My wife worked about 2 years beyond my retirement date. I learned early-on that getting up when she did (rather than staying in bed because I could) was a pretty smart move. Won't say I didn't ever flop back into bed once her car cleared the driveway, but at least I was vertical to say goodbye. ��

My DH does this too, and yes it's noticed and appreciated! Especially on mornings when I know he didn't sleep well. I don't think he goes back to bed after I leave, as he's usually having his breakfast about that time. But even if he did, it wouldn't bother me. Little efforts can go a long way.

 

[braumeister]

We didn't have that issue either. I always got up before DW and maintained that habit so I was able to offer her a cup of coffee when she woke up. I still do that, because no matter how hard I try I just can't sleep past 5:30 am (sometimes 6:00).

 

[mystang52]

My wife worked about 2 years beyond my retirement date. I learned early-on that getting up when she did (rather than staying in bed because I could) was a pretty smart move. Won't say I didn't ever flop back into bed once her car cleared the driveway, but at least I was vertical to say goodbye. ��

I didn't do this, but I did do the "reverse." For the first several weeks of my ER, I made it a point to not be home when DW came home. I didn't want the picture, in her mind, of having w*rked all day and then seeing me at home watching TV, or on the computer, or doing anything other than w*rk.

 

[O2Bfree]

I didn't do this, but I did do the "reverse." For the first several weeks of my ER, I made it a point to not be home when DW came home. I didn't want the picture, in her mind, of having w*rked all day and then seeing me at home watching TV, or on the computer, or doing anything other than w*rk.

An Erma Bobeck etiquette book, which is written for the traditional SAHM, gives good advice on greeting a husband when you feel you haven't gotten anything done all day, and the only thing that's shiny is your nose. She said to put a daub of perfume behind each ear, pour him a drink, and greet him with a big sweet kiss. Maybe you could do a modified version with a daub of two-stroke oil behind each ear.

 

[Chuckanut]

We didn't have that issue either. I always got up before DW and maintained that habit so I was able to offer her a cup of coffee when she woke up. I still do that, because no matter how hard I try I just can't sleep past 5:30 am (sometimes 6:00).

Yes. When I had the Summer off I got up and made her breakfast. And dinner was ready when when she came home. She cooked Friday and Sunday nights only.

 

[CoolChange]

I think I am just going to travel a lot more after reading these posts. (SO has no interest in RE; but, I can definitely see her being jealous if she sees me do so.)

 

[Amethyst]

Mr. A. retired many years before I did, because he is considerably older. We both knew it was coming. I had to work a lot more years to get my pension, so there it was. There were a few unexpected hitches along the way, but it worked out because we made it work out. He had plenty to keep him busy, and I kept getting promoted at work, so our income did not go down that much.

 

[Brat]

I did consulting gigs after our mutual retirement. DH accompanied me when the destination was interesting.. he was my porter when the client was in St. Croix, he brought along diving gear. When I went to Anchorage he packed his fishing tackle and caught a 75 lb salmon on the Copper River. Other trips to the mid-west, he passed.

 

[PatrickA5]

I quit my job at 50 in 2008. I did some seasonal part time work up until last year when I retired completely. DW is still working (part time - 30 hours). She knows that she doesn't have to work, but she pretty much likes her job and work friends. She makes very good money (and health insurance) and her job is stress free. The few times she was out of work, I assumed she'd take some time off or quit working completely, but after a few months she was back at it. She's nearing 60 and can't see her working more than a couple more years, but who knows. Knowing that she doesn't have to work, but chooses to do so, pretty much takes the "guilt" out of it for me. I'm also feeling a little less weird about it now that I'm getting to the age (60) that people start retiring anyway.