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Old 02-27-2014, 11:13 AM   #21
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if he likes the job a lot let him work. You do your thing, he does his. Once the kids are out of there maybe you'll be able to entice him with other things. Kids out of the nest and ER are a good combo. Till then it's not like you can do a round the world cruise or something similar.

FIRE'D in July 2009 at 51...Never look back!
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Old 02-27-2014, 11:30 AM   #22
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What does your husband do for work? Has he ever taken classes (cooking, wood working, art) or talked about something he would like to do if he had the time? I definitely suggest reading the Retire Happy book...great advice and homework questions. Can he take an extended period of time off as a practice run to see if he would like it?
I am semi-retired and am way too busy with clients, working out, taking care of the house, projects, reading, napping, taking classes.....some days I wish I was retired!

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Old 03-03-2014, 01:31 PM   #23
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I wish there were more hours in a day! ER'd for 2 months now and loving it......not bored yet!
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Old 03-03-2014, 03:38 PM   #24
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I agree that your DH may not be a good candidate for ER right now. I say right now because what you described reminds me of a friend of mine who never had any interest in any kind of retirement because he enjoyed his work a lot. He did enjoy doing some other things, but loved work more. Yet, lately, it has become clear to me that he really does now get the idea of retirement. This is because he has cut back some on work the last couple of years and has gotten more into travel and sees clearly what he could be doing while retired. It think that someone who has no idea what he/she wants to do after retiring is probably not ready to do it.

Anyway, what DH and I do during the day: (We do have adolescents at home)

We homeschooled our daughter through high school.

She graduated high school in December but doesn't yet have her drivers license so we drive her to and from the community college.

We play online games, mostly World of Warcraft (both of us) and Hearthstone (me).

We both like to read.

Surfing the web.

Going to forums I enjoy (such as this one).

I write a blog. I would never have had time for it before. I also visit other blogs on the same subject and read them and comment.

Exercise. DH and I are both really trying to use our free time to get healthier and exercise more and eat better and lose weight (DH has lost 65 pounds since he retired in 2010).

Stuff around the house. Just the usual house cleaning/house maintenance stuff. We can do more of that kind of stuff ourselves now because we have time for it.

Cook more. Again, I never had much time for it when I was working full-time.

Learning - DH is learning a little bit about coding, for example. I've been learning more about Photoshop Elements. Again, we have more time for that kind of thing now.

I do want to do some volunteer work. I had always planned to do it once I had more time. I haven't gotten around to it, but it is on the list.

Truthfully, there are always more things to do than there are hours in the day....
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Old 03-04-2014, 01:01 AM   #25
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Like everyone else I would say that he shouldn't retire if he is enjoying his w*rk. However, he is going to have to quit someday and he should consider what he is going to do then. Developing outside interests while you are w*rking makes for a smooth transition.

What are your thoughts about his liking his w*rk and wanting to continue to w*rk? If you are unhappy because he is still w*rking then that is worth a discussion.
Happy, Wild, and Free
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Old 03-04-2014, 06:37 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by livingalmostlarge View Post
My DH and I had a discussion last night about ER. We are definitely on track especially if we move. However my DH said he didn't want to retire. He wasn't interested in leaving his job. He was worried about not having a meaning in life.

I stay at home and find like okay and I do worry about kids go to school. But I think there will still be stuff to do. He asked what do you do all day when the kids are at school?

He's worried about doing nothing. He has no desire to work in a job that he doesn't like. He likes what he does A LOT. He doesn't want to start a business when we retire and cut into our savings rather than keep on working at what he does.

So what can I tell him? What do I say? Do people here who are ER have kids? What do you do while they are in school?
Sounds a lot like our path to ER. I kept on planning, even buying our vacation/retirement home. Made sure our investments (which is a lot of what I did while the kids were in school,) were going to prepare us financially to retire. Now waiting for Youngest to graduate high school next year, fixing up the primary residence to sell and the vacation home to move into full time. Though we've been financially able to retire for a while, we did not want to move while the kids were in school. It's a great school district.

DH maintained he really liked his job, wanted to keep working for another 5 years. I told him that was up to him, I respected his work ethic and have been very tolerant of his hours, however once work became optional I was going to take it personally that he preferred working to spending time together as a couple. (He puts in 12+ hour days.) Told him I would not be staying to play maid when the kids were gone, and hoped he would find the time to join me at the vacation home on long weekends. Would love to have him full time in my life, but was done putting my life on hold. I would rather be kayaking.

It was surprising how quickly his fondness for work deteriorated from that conversation. It helped that he got thrust into a position of glorified babysitter of some really childish corporate big wigs. He is now looking forward to kayaking and fishing from the back yard, hiking, volunteering as a couple to maintain hiking trails in our area, doing extended travel in the winter.

My parents retired early, always commenting how they didn't know how they ever had time to work, given how busy they were in retirement. Early retirement was in my blood. DH on the other hand had a dad who worked into his 70's, going back to work as a contractor after being made to take retirement. Even with 20 years of talking and planning for retirement, the cultural obstacle to retirement was in DH's way. It's an obstacle they need to can't do it for them.
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Old 03-04-2014, 08:17 AM   #27
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We are similar. We both worked until our kid was preschool age. I've been home for a couple of years now taking care of home/kiddo. DD is in school now. I've thought about looking for work, if I can find some magical 4 hour a day job where I can be off for summers/breaks/weather days . I worked for 25 years. I miss earning money sometimes, but DH likes not having to deal with childcare/house duties, so it works for us. DH likes his job too for the most part. With a child, we are still bound by a school schedule, but I think it would be nice to be a little more free during the summer (random road trips, long camping trips, etc.).

I have no problem filling in the time at home while DD is at school (I pick up her up at 2:00). I think DH would have a hard time. Unlike me, he doesn't have a lot of hobbies. I have to save an errand or two for him to do on the weekends so he can get out of the house. I love being home. I never feel housebound or claustrophobic.
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Old 03-04-2014, 11:52 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by livingalmostlarge View Post
He has no desire to work in a job that he doesn't like. He likes what he does A LOT. He doesn't want to start a business when we retire and cut into our savings rather than keep on working at what he does.

So what can I tell him? What do I say? Do people here who are ER have kids? What do you do while they are in school?
When I hit FI in a few years, there is a very good chance (if things stay as they are now) that I will retire and my wife will continue working. She enjoys her job.

We do not (yet) have kids (at 36 and 33). We might. In that event, I will have kids and be ERed and she will still work (our most likely scenario). In that case, I'll see the kids off, and will take to my hobbies: golf and triathlon. I can run, bike, swim, or hit the driving range for an hour or two, and then by the time lunch and cleanup and daily stuff is over, I'm probably picking kiddos up.

I've also been kicking around the idea of volunteering at a local dog rescue during my ER. I can dictate my own "hours", get to play with/take care of dogs for a couple of hours, and then be home when I need to.

I recommend letting him keep on keepin' on and finding more to do on your own that you enjoy on your own. If nothing else, it makes your retirement all that much more secure.

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