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What to do all day? No problem...
Old 08-04-2013, 08:08 PM   #1
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What to do all day? No problem...

"Fifteen years ago my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida 's southeast coast. We are living in the Delray/Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-hachee. There are 3000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Your days will be eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of your car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where you parked takes 20 minutes. It takes 1/2 hour on the check-out line in Wal-Mart and 1 hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day. We get up at 5:00 AM, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk and Talk Club. There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM. After a nimble walk avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her under water Pilate's class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the club house lobby for a nice nap.

Before you know it, it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.

We're usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. You can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Sweet-and-Low along with mints.

At 5:30 we're home ready to watch the 6 o'clock news.. By 6:30 we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make 5 or 6 trips to the bathroom during the night and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Doctor related activities eat up most of your retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind. Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least half an hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the hold time until you're connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget you're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

Should you find you still have time on your hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80..' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors or 'bottom feeders' as we call them because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida . They convey world traveler, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live... Murray's Condos or the Lakes Of Venice ? There's no difference. They're both owned by Murray who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida .. I live in The Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach."


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Old 08-04-2013, 08:29 PM   #2
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Should you find you still have time on your hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80..' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors or 'bottom feeders' as we call them because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
Are people short because they are from the older generation, or is it because they shrink?

I suspect it's both.
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Old 08-04-2013, 08:47 PM   #3
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Before you know it, it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free!
I don't know why "cat food" and "Alpo" are still mentioned when seniors run out of money. Clearly, Costco is preventing destitute seniors from starving.
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Old 08-04-2013, 09:13 PM   #4
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Really Funny but you failed to mention the reason there is a mad rush to the early bird specials is not the $6.99 fish & chips it is the two for one manhattans at Happy Hour .
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Old 08-04-2013, 10:36 PM   #5
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Midpack, I think you may be a ringer. I don't see any blue in your hair. And you didn't say anything about your left blinker being on. Well, if you were a true South Florida Geaser, you wouldn't know it was on, so I will let you slide on that one.
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Old 08-05-2013, 04:55 AM   #6
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And he didn't say anything about how he parks in the parking lot. Since most are peering between the dashboard and the steering wheel they "park by sonar". That means they back up until they hear thuds and crunching sounds, and perhaps breaking glass. Of course that only works if the hearing aid is a) working, b)turned on, and c)not left on the nightstand.
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Old 08-05-2013, 05:14 AM   #7
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I don't know why "cat food" and "Alpo" are still mentioned when seniors run out of money. Clearly, Costco is preventing destitute seniors from starving.
I swear, I have been to Costco during the winter here, and mid-day on a Fri or Sat, the food area is quite crowded with seniors apparently there for lunch!

Very funny, Midpack!

But they left out golf cart touring. I swear there are some folks here who seem to require a tour of the neighborhood by golf cart 4 times a day!
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Old 08-05-2013, 08:15 AM   #8
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I'm glad I put my cup of morning tea down before I read this. My keyboard isn't waterproof.

Thanks for the morning "pick-me-up". I'm awake and in a much better mood now.

Cheers!
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Old 08-05-2013, 08:38 AM   #9
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Big long story without a single hint of sex. Don't seniors take all night to do what as young whippersnappers they used to do all night?
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Old 08-05-2013, 11:28 AM   #10
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Very funny Midpack - thanks for sharing!

I'm afraid it sounded almost exactly like my parents daily routine, so there must be some truth to it. Oh well, something to look forward to in 40 years I guess.
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Old 08-05-2013, 02:00 PM   #11
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I spent my adolescence in South Florida. Even though that was quite a while ago, and today's 80-year-olds had plenty of time to look ahead and vow to do better than the 80-year-olds of those days, I see that everything still applies.

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Old 08-05-2013, 05:40 PM   #12
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When my grandmother was in her 80's she would mow her 20x30 front yard one day and her 20x30 back yard the next. I thought back then that mowing a 20x30 foot area was about all that an older person could handle in one day. Now I know that she was reserving herself things to do for the next day.
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