Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-24-2009, 12:22 PM   #61
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Jay_Gatsby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,719
Quote:
Originally Posted by citrine View Post
I am the 34 year old kid....I have to repeatedly tell my parents that I don't need the money that they insist on offering me. Currently, they want to gift my brother and I the max every year.....I tell them to hold onto it and I will ask them when I need it
The OP's question has been long answered, but I wanted to weigh in on this point. My mother still insists on giving gifts every year for birthdays and other holidays (even though I'm going to be 40 next year). She can afford to give the money, and it makes her feel good. My wife and I don't need it, however, as we have a net worth that is close to hers. However, to avoid the pain that comes with turning down a gift, I simply tell her to make the check out to my daughter for her 529. That way, everyone is happy. I'm not accepting money from her, she feels good about giving, and my daughter gets another donation to her college fund.
__________________

__________________
He had one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it . . . It faced, or seemed to face, the whole external world for an instant and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. -- The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
Jay_Gatsby is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 11-24-2009, 07:37 PM   #62
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 10
At 30+ I was married 4 years but owned two houses (renting one) and helping my parents as much as I could because they helped me through school!

Everyones situation is different, 45 years ago, I borrowed $500 from my Aunt for a down payment on my first house because my parents could not afford to help me. I repaid her within a couple of months! She trusted me, I would not let her down, simple as that!

You need to be objective about your situation....I continued to help my parents thoughout my adult life as much as I could. My sister and her family on the other hand, continued their quest to take as much as they could for free...They have never changed, our parents are long deceased and Sister & Family are still takers from anyone that pauses long enough to come into their crosshairs!

You might want to decide what kind of family you have & then make a decision!
__________________

__________________
moreorless is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2009, 07:46 AM   #63
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 16,501
Disclaimer: We don't have kids so will never have that issue.

The only time I asked my mother for help was for a cheap place to live for 18 months (to save a down payment for a house) after my divorce at age 34 and that was humiliating enough for me. While I was there I paid all the utilities, repainted the entire house, got the lawn in better shape than it had ever been in, hauled out 30 year's worth of junk that my packrat father had left behind when he died, and fixed a broken water pipe at 7:00 AM Christmas morning. That's the time Mom said she really appreciated having me there!

That said, I also had good health and a steady job that was immune from layoffs.

It simply never crossed my mind to ask for financial help.
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2009, 07:48 AM   #64
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
Quote:
Originally Posted by Walt34 View Post
Disclaimer: We don't have kids so will never have that issue.

The only time I asked my mother for help was for a cheap place to live for 18 months (to save a down payment for a house) after my divorce at age 34 and that was humiliating enough for me. While I was there I paid all the utilities, repainted the entire house, got the lawn in better shape than it had ever been in, hauled out 30 year's worth of junk that my packrat father had left behind when he died, and fixed a broken water pipe at 7:00 AM Christmas morning. That's the time Mom said she really appreciated having me there!

That said, I also had good health and a steady job that was immune from layoffs.

It simply never crossed my mind to ask for financial help.
Man Walt, you can come live with me for free.
__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 02:03 PM   #65
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Milton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,066
Quote:
Originally Posted by moreorless View Post
Everyones situation is different
Exactly. No absolute, one-size-fits-all answer can apply to the o/p's dilemma.
__________________
"To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive". Robert Louis Stevenson, An Inland Voyage (1878)
Milton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 08:01 PM   #66
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
BunsGettingFirm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,502
Quote:
Originally Posted by cashflo2u2 View Post
Our 30+ child (single) asked for $2,000 in order to help with refinancing an existing mortgage. The refinancing is an optional event. On one hand we think it is beyond the time when retirees like us should be asked to help out with money, but on the other hand we want to help our children. This is a first time request. Any comments welcome.
I would say that what you do is consider yourself lucky. How about having your 50+ uncle ask you $10k for part of the down payment on his next dream house while he sells his current house or your 60+ dad ask you for "whatever you have" when you have already given him $5k to file his worthless patent? In both cases, I said no because I'm not the bank, and neither case was a real hardship case, but I was prepared for the crap storms that followed. Are you?

On the other hand, my hard working cousin was looking to expand his business by buying another bus, I lent him $20k. You have to look at what the people are going to do with your money before lending it to them.
__________________
BunsGettingFirm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 08:12 PM   #67
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,183
Read an intresting article today that indicated 2 out of 5 (40%) of boomer parents are helping their kids now. Son who is a senior in college and I had a nice discussion about it and he put it rather well. He said "I can earn money for many years Mom and what you have is all you are going to have." If I do not feel it will leave me short I will help them if they are doing the right things with their money. It doesn't hurt to want, it only hurts not to get.
__________________
crazy connie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 09:41 PM   #68
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 619
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhoDaresWins View Post
I agree with the last two sentences of the previous post by "dm". I think your kid must have a very good reason or pressing issue to even ask you for help, and if you can afford to do so I would. I can't imagine a 30-something kid making such a request unless it was a last resort.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kumquat View Post
We don't need it, they can use it, why not?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoomie View Post
At the risk of sounding like a jerk, I give my daughters whatever they ask for. It is harder being young these days than it was for my generation (boomer). I think I am lucky in that they only ask when they need the help. We lost our first-born daughter when she was 29 and I am thankful that we can help them, even their friends. They are all a blessing.
^^ Yeah, that. We have five children, all in their 20's. We help them any way we can, and we are happy to be able to do so. (At least none of them still live with us, lol. )
__________________
SarahW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2009, 10:34 AM   #69
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,874
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahW View Post
^^ Yeah, that. We have five children, all in their 20's. We help them any way we can, and we are happy to be able to do so. (At least none of them still live with us, lol. )

Ah, so you are the one! My 33 yo SD is quite bitter that she has to work for a living when several of her friend's parents just send a monthly living check.
__________________
Yes, I have achieved work / life balance.
travelover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2009, 04:04 PM   #70
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 13,259
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelover View Post
Ah, so you are the one! My 33 yo SD is quite bitter that she has to work for a living when several of her friend's parents just send a monthly living check.

LOL... I guess she has not found a BF that will supply her with her monthly check


I am surprised to see how many people say they would give their children money to pay for expenses.... I have told my 12 yo son... it is not my job to make you like me... it is my job to bring you up so you are a good person, who can earn a living to support their family (in whatever form he chooses)... I think he understands...


I remember my sister tell me once when I went to visit... her husband was working on his daughters car... and she was there 'watching'... he was doing a brake job... now, I know he does not do it for his own cars... he pays to get it done... but he thought that it was to easy to pay for her brake job... but he also did not want her to have bad brakes... so his compromise was to do the work himself, with her watching how much he had to do to get it done...

It is very easy for someone to say 'he can afford it', but do not think how much time and effort was put into getting that money set aside... the sacrifices etc... so why can your children not sacrifice some just as you did when you were young

I can tell you I have always had savings after a few months after graduating from college... and had some before I spent it all while in college...

To each his own...
__________________
Texas Proud is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2009, 09:47 PM   #71
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 619
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelover View Post
Ah, so you are the one! My 33 yo SD is quite bitter that she has to work for a living when several of her friend's parents just send a monthly living check.
We don't send any of our kids "monthly living checks." They are all either gainfully employed, in college, or both. However...if any of them ever need anything and we can help, then we certainly will.
__________________
SarahW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2009, 08:56 AM   #72
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,874
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahW View Post
We don't send any of our kids "monthly living checks." They are all either gainfully employed, in college, or both. However...if any of them ever need anything and we can help, then we certainly will.
You are generous, but I'm funnin' ya. SD's friends really do get a free ride, though. Nice if you can get it.
__________________
Yes, I have achieved work / life balance.
travelover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2009, 10:35 AM   #73
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Bimmerbill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,631
My parents lent each of us (me, my two brothers) some cash when each of us bought our first house. All paid back, too. I was 26 at the time I think and would have been OK but the bank pulled a fast one on me and only offered to finance $72K out of an $80K purchase price.
__________________
Bimmerbill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 03:57 PM   #74
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Milton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,066
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelover View Post
SD's friends really do get a free ride, though. Nice if you can get it.
Well, maybe. I'm not so sure. It is superficially attractive, but recepients of 'economic out-patient care' like that typically have almost no self-confidence. And there can be other problems, too.

I had a boss who paid for all of his adult childrens' needs and wants, and cleaned up whatever messes they made in life. The flip side was that they had to constantly prop up his ego and listen to his frequent complaints regarding their ingratitude. At the time it seemed like a sick co-dependent relationship ... still does, actually.
__________________

__________________
"To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive". Robert Louis Stevenson, An Inland Voyage (1878)
Milton is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What did you read as a child ? Moemg Other topics 40 06-10-2009 10:40 AM
Reporter asks: Wives educating themselves about retirement/family finance Christine2007 Hi, I am... 8 06-11-2007 10:38 AM
Loan Money to Child for College? TromboneAl Other topics 20 05-06-2005 05:27 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:38 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.