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Old 09-08-2008, 03:08 PM   #21
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Haven't read the responses. How much travel?

If more than 50%, couldn't you live where you do now, then only deal with the commute the 20 or less weeks you are in the "office"?

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
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Old 09-08-2008, 09:20 PM   #22
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If the job will allow you to build some valuable skills, I would go - especially in light of the current job market. You and your wife can always move back if things don't work out - hopefully together.

The aforemetioned advice is coming from a single, no kids, money whore so take it with a grain of salt.

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Old 09-09-2008, 02:50 AM   #23
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Great advice so far. Anyhow, just my 2 cents:

A move for the sake of one partners carreer will create resentment unless it has sufficient positive aspects also for the other partner so that the other partner whole hartedly moves, too.
But the same also applies for weekly commuting.
So talk, talk, talk. And I do not mean to talk as long till DW just gives in.
If she thinks commuting is doable, take the job.
If she thinks it is not doable, you have to decide to risk your marriage for the sake of the job.
And you will have to live with that decision. But remember, it is your decision.
Do not build up resentment agaisnt DW if you find that you took the "wrong" decision.
There is no wrong decision, as you will never know what had happened if...

In my life I had to take such decisions and I decided not to move and not to commute weekly. But I also found great jobs where we live.

Good luck!
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:13 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by soupcxan View Post
We haven't been married that do you figure stuff like this out?
Originally Posted by haha View Post
One more example of why marriage is obsolete today. Take the job; money endures, wives come and go.
don't know if ha has the right answer for you but i do believe he tuned into the crux of your query.

to whom are your obligations and loyalties? what are your priorities. only you can decide that.

i set career aside to help mom through alzheimer's and also to be with her simply because i really liked her. to advance in my career i'd have had to move around the country and i wasn't willing to leave the life i had here.

i'd be in much better financial shape today had i stayed the career course and not veered for family. even if it is not a wife who might divorce you, it might be a parent who will die on you, or a cousin who will turn against you or a friend who will succumb to whatever wrecks that relationship down the line.

money can endure as well as memories. both can be lost, as well. careers can screw up as easily as relationships. money might be more practical but memories might make for a richer life.
"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin

"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
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Old 09-11-2008, 07:54 AM   #25
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Thanks for everyone's input. To clarify a few points that were raised: DW's parents are doing well health wise so that is not a concern for the near future. Also, I forgot to mention that DW's company has a large office in the relocation city, so a transfer might be disruptive but still possible. DW also has some school friends and other close family members in the relocation city, so it is not as if she would be totally alone.

While a relocation is not my favorite thing to do, of all the cities that we could potentially be relocated to, this city has by far the most advantages (fewest drawbacks) of any city I can think of. We're still discussing it.
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Old 09-11-2008, 09:11 AM   #26
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Just take the job and tell her to grow up.

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Old 09-11-2008, 10:32 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by soupcxan View Post
I recently received a job offer to start upon my completion of graduate school. The company dumped a bunch of money on my doorstep (+$100k). Pretty decent for a twenty-something, and this job doesn't have the typical downsides of most $$$ jobs (i.e. long hours, living in high cost of living area, or constant travel). The company is solid and the work is what I wanted to be doing after graduation. Seems great, no?

The problem is that the company expects you to relocate and DW doesn't want to. She has her own lucrative career and family here, and I understand that. However, the potential relocation city is within a half day's drive of our current city. So of all the places to have to move to, this is probably the best. Beyond that, I don't think there'd be any more mandatory relocation.

We haven't been married that do you figure stuff like this out?

Other options: I could look for a different job with a company that might be less interesting with less $, and they could still ask me to relocate someday. I could take the job and re-evaluate things when they ask me to move (it probably wouldn't be for a few years). I could try to commute from city a to city b (drive down on monday, drive back thursday) if DW refuses to move.

You don't say how much the wife makes.... if her 'lucrative' is not near what you make... you have to take that into consideration...

I bet (like others) that it is family that is the problem, not her career...

I think that both have to do what is best for your family unit... I have a friend who just moved to Georgia because the wife got a great promotion... she has been the primary bread winner since he got oused as controller for a couple of companies.... she has been in the same company and has moved to director... so a controller job can be had anywhere...

And he has been told that he can do most of his work online... this might be the case for your wife is she is good and the company wants her...

No good ways to decide this one if both do not agree... some resentment will come out of it... do you want it or do you want her to have it....
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Old 09-11-2008, 11:01 AM   #28
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Seriously, you are both young. For whatever reason you have spent at least the last few years going to school in the area where her family lives. If she was already in the picture when you chose that school because of its location near her family, then you have already accommodated her.

At any rate, it could be emotionally healthy for you both to live a little farther from her family for a few years. It will certainly be healthier for your career--if you turn down the offer, you could likely be seen in your profession (because people do talk within an industry) as someone who is not up to a challenge. So in thirty years you might be sorrier you chose not take this offer than she would be if you took it and you two spent a few years away from her family.

If you have kids while you are still living near her family, odds are you will never leave.

Just my 2 cents--


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