Join Early Retirement Today
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-08-2008, 03:08 PM   #21
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jIMOh's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Milford, OH
Posts: 2,085
Haven't read the responses. How much travel?

If more than 50%, couldn't you live where you do now, then only deal with the commute the 20 or less weeks you are in the "office"?

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One person's stupidity is another person's job security.
jIMOh is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-08-2008, 09:20 PM   #22
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
wildcat's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Lou-evil
Posts: 2,024
If the job will allow you to build some valuable skills, I would go - especially in light of the current job market. You and your wife can always move back if things don't work out - hopefully together.

The aforemetioned advice is coming from a single, no kids, money whore so take it with a grain of salt.

"These walls are kind of funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, gets so you depend on them"
wildcat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2008, 02:50 AM   #23
Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Duesseldorf, Germany
Posts: 947
Great advice so far. Anyhow, just my 2 cents:

A move for the sake of one partners carreer will create resentment unless it has sufficient positive aspects also for the other partner so that the other partner whole hartedly moves, too.
But the same also applies for weekly commuting.
So talk, talk, talk. And I do not mean to talk as long till DW just gives in.
If she thinks commuting is doable, take the job.
If she thinks it is not doable, you have to decide to risk your marriage for the sake of the job.
And you will have to live with that decision. But remember, it is your decision.
Do not build up resentment agaisnt DW if you find that you took the "wrong" decision.
There is no wrong decision, as you will never know what had happened if...

In my life I had to take such decisions and I decided not to move and not to commute weekly. But I also found great jobs where we live.

Good luck!
chris2008 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2008, 11:13 AM   #24
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
lazygood4nothinbum's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by soupcxan View Post
We haven't been married that do you figure stuff like this out?
Originally Posted by haha View Post
One more example of why marriage is obsolete today. Take the job; money endures, wives come and go.
don't know if ha has the right answer for you but i do believe he tuned into the crux of your query.

to whom are your obligations and loyalties? what are your priorities. only you can decide that.

i set career aside to help mom through alzheimer's and also to be with her simply because i really liked her. to advance in my career i'd have had to move around the country and i wasn't willing to leave the life i had here.

i'd be in much better financial shape today had i stayed the career course and not veered for family. even if it is not a wife who might divorce you, it might be a parent who will die on you, or a cousin who will turn against you or a friend who will succumb to whatever wrecks that relationship down the line.

money can endure as well as memories. both can be lost, as well. careers can screw up as easily as relationships. money might be more practical but memories might make for a richer life.
"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin

"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
lazygood4nothinbum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2008, 07:54 AM   #25
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston
Posts: 1,406
Thanks for everyone's input. To clarify a few points that were raised: DW's parents are doing well health wise so that is not a concern for the near future. Also, I forgot to mention that DW's company has a large office in the relocation city, so a transfer might be disruptive but still possible. DW also has some school friends and other close family members in the relocation city, so it is not as if she would be totally alone.

While a relocation is not my favorite thing to do, of all the cities that we could potentially be relocated to, this city has by far the most advantages (fewest drawbacks) of any city I can think of. We're still discussing it.
soupcxan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2008, 09:11 AM   #26
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 15,369
Just take the job and tell her to grow up.

Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2008, 10:32 AM   #27
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 11,445
Originally Posted by soupcxan View Post
I recently received a job offer to start upon my completion of graduate school. The company dumped a bunch of money on my doorstep (+$100k). Pretty decent for a twenty-something, and this job doesn't have the typical downsides of most $$$ jobs (i.e. long hours, living in high cost of living area, or constant travel). The company is solid and the work is what I wanted to be doing after graduation. Seems great, no?

The problem is that the company expects you to relocate and DW doesn't want to. She has her own lucrative career and family here, and I understand that. However, the potential relocation city is within a half day's drive of our current city. So of all the places to have to move to, this is probably the best. Beyond that, I don't think there'd be any more mandatory relocation.

We haven't been married that do you figure stuff like this out?

Other options: I could look for a different job with a company that might be less interesting with less $, and they could still ask me to relocate someday. I could take the job and re-evaluate things when they ask me to move (it probably wouldn't be for a few years). I could try to commute from city a to city b (drive down on monday, drive back thursday) if DW refuses to move.

You don't say how much the wife makes.... if her 'lucrative' is not near what you make... you have to take that into consideration...

I bet (like others) that it is family that is the problem, not her career...

I think that both have to do what is best for your family unit... I have a friend who just moved to Georgia because the wife got a great promotion... she has been the primary bread winner since he got oused as controller for a couple of companies.... she has been in the same company and has moved to director... so a controller job can be had anywhere...

And he has been told that he can do most of his work online... this might be the case for your wife is she is good and the company wants her...

No good ways to decide this one if both do not agree... some resentment will come out of it... do you want it or do you want her to have it....
Texas Proud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2008, 11:01 AM   #28
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 15,369
Seriously, you are both young. For whatever reason you have spent at least the last few years going to school in the area where her family lives. If she was already in the picture when you chose that school because of its location near her family, then you have already accommodated her.

At any rate, it could be emotionally healthy for you both to live a little farther from her family for a few years. It will certainly be healthier for your career--if you turn down the offer, you could likely be seen in your profession (because people do talk within an industry) as someone who is not up to a challenge. So in thirty years you might be sorrier you chose not take this offer than she would be if you took it and you two spent a few years away from her family.

If you have kids while you are still living near her family, odds are you will never leave.

Just my 2 cents--


Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Accept a job offer then decline confused123 Young Dreamers 49 06-24-2009 03:48 PM
New Job Offer Bimmerbill Other topics 5 07-20-2006 01:56 PM
Unexpected Job Offer RockMiner Other topics 7 01-07-2006 09:57 AM
Got the offer, but... brewer12345 Young Dreamers 22 03-29-2005 12:05 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:57 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.