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Old 05-14-2010, 02:01 PM   #141
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Jacob, how do you split the expense of a dinner out? Say your wife has had a rough week and wants to splurge Friday night and go out for a night on the town and get a taco/burger/filet mignon. With you.
If both of us go it would go under the food budget, so 50/50.

If any of us grabs a burger/soda without the other because he/she was to lazy to bring one from home, it goes under the individual entertainment budget.

In summary it's effectively the same. In the first situation it just means both of us are lazy at the same time.

Note that even though I speak of budgets, we don't effectively budget. We have three accounts. His, hers, and both. Whatever is easiest is where we take the money. We don't count pennies. The division comes naturally. It avoids arguments if A wants to splurge on beef steak and B wants to splurge on a set of DVDs.

I guess it comes down to the tail light discussion. If A wants to pay $15 to have it fixed and B wants to pay $3 to DIY, then at the end it would be fair if A enjoys the time spent not fixing and B enjoys the $12 (and the time spent fixing).
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Old 05-14-2010, 02:03 PM   #142
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I know this has been a source of contention with people claiming I can't be "retired" when my spouse is working.
First let me say that I can't speak for other men, but I have never had a problem with being a "kept" man. My problem was I was never lucky enough to find the situation.

The issue of spouse working or not is irrelevant from the point of view of your being retired.
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Old 05-14-2010, 02:05 PM   #143
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I guess it comes down to the tail light discussion. If A wants to pay $15 to have it fixed and B wants to pay $3 to DIY, then at the end it would be fair if A enjoys the time spent not fixing and B enjoys the $12 (and the time spent fixing).
So A pays B to fix it and everybody "wins"?
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Old 05-29-2010, 03:44 PM   #144
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Celany

And Trek, we’d love to meet you and visit your neck of the woods sometime, but we no longer have those sorts of clothes! Feel free to visit us. We’re always available via email on our website to set up travel plans.

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Thanks for the detailed clarification on your employment status, it's great to continue working at something you love, for the love of it. I too no longer have my Florida tank tops or heat rash cream, but I hope one day we can meet in the middle, where ever that may be. All the best!

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Old 05-30-2010, 12:01 AM   #145
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No argument from me if it works for the both of you, but as I read the rest of what you posted I'm hearing "I'm FI but my wife isn't". That is one strange arrangement.
I'm getting up in years and in my entire life I have never met a woman who would not resent this situation, and I see their point, too. She may keep her feelings to herself, but so did Mt. St Helens for many years. In fact, St. Helens may be a good reminder of why any man should treat his woman right.

Ha
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Old 05-30-2010, 12:06 AM   #146
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And the stress and level of unhappiness among the lawyers I met and worked with was an eye opener.
Fuego, didn't anyone ever tell you that is why god made vodka?

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Old 05-30-2010, 01:12 AM   #147
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It's likely a generational thing. I doubt there are very many women at my age/educational level who see it as their purpose to be a kept/house/wife or somehow think it troublesome that they earn more than their husband. That is, I bet, if we go back a generation (boomer or great gen), I doubt it was be seen as a problem if the husband was working and the wife was somehow independently wealthy; whereas the other way around would be a big issue. The gender/perceptions have evened out.

[Actually I have heard of a similar case where the wife was a high powered lawyer and the husband was a writer (read little income).]

Another thing to consider is that FI/RE practically means something very different for 30 somethings than they do for 50 somethings or even 40 somethings. If one party actually wants to work to 50+, what is the other one to do? Keep working too?
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Old 05-30-2010, 09:55 AM   #148
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...Another thing to consider is that FI/RE practically means something very different for 30 somethings than they do for 50 somethings or even 40 somethings. If one party actually wants to work to 50+, what is the other one to do? Keep working too?
I think the issue is one of passion. If one partner has a passion for something and the other does not, then there might be problems. Sometimes that passion is work but often other passions will replace work. Compatible passions seem to make more sense than to work or not to work.

I can quote examples but I think that would limit the scope of the principle.
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Old 05-30-2010, 10:34 AM   #149
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When is following your dreams, your passions or utilizing your talents qualify you as being ‘un-retired’?

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Personally, for me, retirement is a state of mind unaffected by whether I am spending or earning. Will I "work" again? I have no doubt that I will pursue passions that will put a few dollars into my bank account. Do I *have* to work? No. I am willing to lower my standard of living to avoid doing work I don't want to do ... and to me, that's retirement.

For me, work isn't a four-letter word. I *love* to work ... when it's on something that challenges me intellectually and fully engages my skills and interests. Sometimes that work pays nothing, sometimes it costs me money, and sometimes it makes me money. It's my freedom to choose that makes me "retired". I'm retired from restriction and immersed in choice. Income or no income has no bearing.

Maybe being self-employed makes a difference, or maybe it's just having the experience of doing really satisfying and meaningful work. Either way, I'm retired and I won't be less retired if I happen to make some money.
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Old 06-01-2010, 01:28 PM   #150
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Well, I already had the bicycle pump. Rough annual spending is a little less than $7k.
That's awesome. I spend about $30k a year, but it roughly breaks down to 33% each to taxes, rent, and everything else. If I bought a house and stopped working I could probably cut out around 50% to 60% of my expenses.
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Old 06-27-2010, 02:21 PM   #151
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38 is definitely possible.

I'm not 38 yet and I'm pretty sure that I'll still be retired at 38.

It seems to me that it's possible for many, but most just never bothered to ask the question of whether doing so was right for them. Of course, if that question doesn't get asked, then the question of how never gets asked. Many folks that I know and love make extraordinary salaries that seem to constantly go up. But every step of the way their spending seems to go up as well. There is so much evidence and literature out there on the importance of financial defence and yet so few practice it. When I started work many years ago, I contributed the maximum to my retirement plan. A colleague who had started at the same time and was much smarter than me said that he couldn't afford to contribute any at all. We both received 15% raises the next year as well as performance bonuses for the year having just past. I asked him a week later if he had started to contribute. Same answer. "I can't afford it right now". The same guy now pulls in mid-six figures. I wonder if he can finally afford it?

There is a massive void between what people can do and what they will do. I try to remain focused in an environment where the fact that most won't seems to color what people believe can be done. It's nice to be amongst the thinkers at early-retirement.org.
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Old 06-27-2010, 03:37 PM   #152
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There is a massive void between what people can do and what they will do.
Absolutely right.
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