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Old 08-03-2013, 03:16 PM   #61
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I have been discussing financial topics with one friend for about 25 years. He is 10 years older than me, and retired in his early/mid 50's (though not by choice - dim job prospects made him decide to cut expenses and declare himself retired).

When I announced my upcoming ER, the most common word from my co-workers has been "jealous". I've had private conversations with a few who asked how I did it. Many seem to only have money in 401k's, plus the modest megacorp pension that was frozen long ago, so they don't know how they would survive before 59.5.

In the years leading up to the 2000 tech bust, many of us at work talked finances, but usually it was "did you see how high the company stock rose yesterday" and "how much of your 401k is in company stock?". It was surprising how many had more than 50% in company stock, and some had 100%. They learned a hard lesson when the company stock plummeted 90% over a short period.
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Old 08-03-2013, 07:13 PM   #62
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If you put yourself in the other's place...think about it...they are imprisoned to their jobs. That means hanging on in the ups and downs and not being laid off and putting up with the BS because they have no choice in their minds. That's because they are paying on cars, houses, kid's school, credit cards, and all the trappings they must have to live to survive. Not ever getting ahead and living month to month. Probably getting "gifts" from the grandparents to keep the kids in good schools.

And here someone comes along they know-and says they are FI and will not have to ever work anymore. It does not matter if the company goes under you are working at or the economy goes flat...you can just walk away and go fishing or golfing the rest of your life. La-de-da.

Putting it into perspective...what would you say if you were on the other side of the fence? "How'd you manage that?" or "You always looked so poor I always wondered what kind of salary you made and what you did with your money"?
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Old 08-03-2013, 07:49 PM   #63
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Can't really talk to anybody except my parents about FI or where we are with our money. Blank stares or telling us money isn't everything. It's not but when I retire in 3 years at fifty, we will be able to draw out at least 200k for the next thirty years. It's been a long road. Cannot wait. Very happy to be on the forum. They are always telling me I work too much, that I need to slow down. In 36 months I'll be taking their advice.
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Old 08-03-2013, 07:55 PM   #64
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It's a freshman orientation class. Note taking, writing, critical thinking, basic personal finance. The latter gives me an in.
OK...I was afraid you were going to say biology, or something like that, in which case, it would be a little weird. Makes perfect sense for an intro to college class though!
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Old 08-03-2013, 08:26 PM   #65
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I'm lucky in that my dad and younger brother are both very interested in passive investing and LBYM. My brother is also working towards an early retirement, so we spend a lot of time discussing FIRE.

I would love to discuss my plans with close friends, but have learned that it generally isn't a good idea. I shared some details with one friend who was not as discreet with them as I would have wished; not maliciously, just thoughtlessly. Many of my other friends either do not earn much or live above their means and it feels insensitive to talk about early retirement since that is so far out of the realm of possibility for them.

Ditto for my coworkers who I imagine will be very curious and possibly envious and resentful. I'm planning to retire at 44 or 45 and I'm sure the questions when I leave will be awkward, unless I transition to some kind of part-time role doing software for my dad's company, which is a possibility. What I'm currently planning to say is that I'm taking a year off to travel and reevaluate my options.
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Old 08-04-2013, 01:51 PM   #66
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The worst part is the taboo prevents us from talking about it while there is still time for choices to pay dividends.
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Old 08-04-2013, 02:36 PM   #67
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Twenty years ago, I had lunch most days with two colleagues who were about ten years older and better off financially. We all brown bagged it and walked for exercise. They often talked about stocks for the long term and LBYM. I learned quite a lot from them. We all retired in our fifties. Our discussions were very general, but beneficial to me.

I have a friend now who is about ten years younger and still working. When she brings up the topic I provide encouragement and very limited, very general advice (along the lines of...early retirement is much more fun than replacing a 3 year old car). I always wait for to bring up the topic. I figure people will hear what they are ready to hear.
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Old 08-04-2013, 03:57 PM   #68
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Not so much but I think we're more likely to talk about money with friends who are doing as well as (or better than us) so that we don't give the impression that we're "rubbing it in". I have one friend who thinks we "are rich" based on the location that we live in and our house and to that friend I just try to give financial bits of advice since I think her and her husband make poor financial choices :-(

My parents know that we are doing alright but my inlaws are in the dark because they are clueless when it comes to money and I wouldn't put it past my FIL to ask us for money if he knew how much we had.
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Old 08-05-2013, 11:19 AM   #69
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Most of them made fun of me ("if its not in the spreadsheet, she's not doing it", etc) until last year when I retired at 47. Now people are asking "How can you afford to NOT work?"
+1 I recently received a less than friendly response from a friend that wanted to schedule a Christmas trip to Jamaica (to a resort we'd visited with them two years earlier). I explained that we devoted our vacation budget to other trips to places we haven't yet visited and got a "you and that Quicken program can be no fun" response. I'm hoping to be "more fun" when I retire in two years.
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Old 08-05-2013, 12:24 PM   #70
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The main reason I joined this forum is because it is difficult to find close friends to talk about this. This topic was brought up at dinner the other night and I found that most of my friends had done very little in this area. Or if they had they did not seem to want to discuss much.
One friend is expectiing a large inheritance as his plan
Another had all his money in savings bc his employer does not match 401k so he did not put it into any investment accoutns.
Another has a very small percentage in a number fast food chains - I think he is doing pretty well.

This topic is challenging with friends because imo because people dont want to expose what they truly make. They dont want to be ranked or judged based on what they are doing. This forum allows you to join like minded people and still have that level anonymity. That is why I joined and am very pleased with all the value I have recieved thus far.
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Old 08-05-2013, 01:28 PM   #71
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Agree with everyone that this is a great place. It's uncomfortable having frank discussions about money most of the time, even with your closest friends. I think a big reason for that is even if we try and avoid it, there will always be a comparison going on, and some might be jealous that you have "won life's lottery" as one of my friends put it.

I'm pulling the ripcord at the end of this year, and I have found it much easier to say I'm taking a career break of at least a year to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Which is true, but Phase Two may not include work in the traditional sense. It's such a relief when you realize that you "have enough."
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Old 08-05-2013, 02:19 PM   #72
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Ok Young Dreamers,
''
So our problem when we were in our late 20s and early 30s was that we had nobody to talk to about finance, retirement expectations, saving money, debt management etc. ..
Most of our friends during their 20s and through their current age still are not saving for retirement. I stopped talking about things like emergency funds, withdrawal rates, Roth vs. regular IRAs with friends and family over ten years ago. ..
.
I found the same exact thing when I was in my 30's and it never changed.
(I'm 61 now) . Very few people live below their means.
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Old 08-05-2013, 03:26 PM   #73
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I gave up on all that years ago. The problem I am running into now is that I am quietly letting close friends know that I am planning on bailing early next year and have only vague plans as to what I will do next. The inevitable question I get is either what job will you get next, or what will you do for money/health insurance? Um...
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Old 08-05-2013, 03:49 PM   #74
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I'm pulling the ripcord at the end of this year, and I have found it much easier to say I'm taking a career break of at least a year to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Which is true, but Phase Two may not include work in the traditional sense. It's such a relief when you realize that you "have enough."
That's what I've been doing, too. I tell people "I'm too young to retire, but I'm not too young to take a break", and most of them seem to at least sort of understand.
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Old 08-05-2013, 07:13 PM   #75
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My part time coworker came in tonight for a couple of hours. He was telling me his son just bought an ATV for $7.7K. That gave him the fever, and he is looking into the UTV's sold at Home Depot for $4K. The main thing he will use it for is to carry a deer three or four hundred yards from his tree stand to his truck. He is proud of himself for not buying the more expensive one. What I was thinking, {but didn't say} was that he could carry a deer with a $30 wheelbarrow. That $4K, if he buys it, will just be added to his credit card debt.

Most folks are not like we are.
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Old 08-05-2013, 07:24 PM   #76
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I gave up on all that years ago. The problem I am running into now is that I am quietly letting close friends know that I am planning on bailing early next year and have only vague plans as to what I will do next. The inevitable question I get is either what job will you get next, or what will you do for money/health insurance? Um...
Here's some ideas. 50 Jobs over $50,000 – Without a Degree (Part 1) | Mr. Money Mustache (personally, part 2 seemed to be more interesting. And if trying a new revenue generating source or starting your own company (I know, time consuming) is not your wish, then set a goal to visit all of the natural wonders of the world. Somewhere in there, you will figure out what you want to do next guaranteed. As for health care, get a cheap (ok, maybe not so cheap these days) high deductible plan (do an HSA and sock away enough to cover your deductible and save a few more bucks). And Billy and Akaisha retired at 38 (Retire Early Lifestyle), have been traveling the world ever since and are a wealth of knowledge on health care and medical tourism which you will no doubt learn about as you are traveling around visiting the natural wonders of the world!!
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Old 08-05-2013, 07:24 PM   #77
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Usually we just drag our deer from the area around the stand to the pick up. It's less than a quarter mile and my father insists " it build character. I'd never be able to sleep if I spent that kind of cash on a seldom used piece of equipment.
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Old 08-05-2013, 07:43 PM   #78
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Heck, one doesn't even have to talk to others. They will talk all by themselves! Reading this thread reminds me of a few remarks that have come my/other family members' way, about how the Amethysts have a nice house but drive a cheap older car, don't go on vacations like everybody else, and only have an old cellphone that doesn't connect to the Internet. Some have obviously judged us to be weird, self-depriving people.

Amethyst
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Old 08-05-2013, 08:18 PM   #79
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If you put yourself in the other's place...think about it...they are imprisoned to their jobs. That means hanging on in the ups and downs and not being laid off and putting up with the BS because they have no choice in their minds. That's because they are paying on cars, houses, kid's school, credit cards, and all the trappings they must have to live to survive. Not ever getting ahead and living month to month. Probably getting "gifts" from the grandparents to keep the kids in good schools.
Sure, but it's all about choices and priorities. Assuming the other person makes about the same amount of money, it comes down to lifestyle choices. Some people wanted a big house, expensive car, maybe credit card debt. I wanted freedom to come and go as I please. They don't need to be jealous of me, I have not done anything they could not have done if they chose to.
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Old 08-05-2013, 08:55 PM   #80
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Usually we just drag our deer from the area around the stand to the pick up. It's less than a quarter mile and my father insists " it build character. I'd never be able to sleep if I spent that kind of cash on a seldom used piece of equipment.
And they sell deer carts/sleds for like a hundred bucks if that is your idea of a good time.
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