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Old 07-04-2019, 12:41 PM   #61
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I wish I could find a good FIRE partner. But to me it's more than just understanding finances. I don't want a man who thinks he needs to "take are of the little lady" or who wants a nurse / housekeeper/ whatever or who is looking at me as a blank check.

Now, I think if I get involved with someone, they will most likely have kids/grandkids like me. So if it gets serious, part of it will be a "business transaction" so his kids know I'm not after his money/inheritance and vice versa .
DW's sons told her not to tell anyone what she had, which was a good idea. When we started getting serious, she ran a check on me because she thought I was "too good to be true". I do not resent it, as I think it was a smart thing to do..
But, some of these sites are really flawed. I ran myself on one recently, and it gave my income as 40K, and my assets at 45K LOL
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Old 07-04-2019, 12:55 PM   #62
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Since I am not interested in remarriage or even cohabitation, I just look for women who can pay their own way. I am not becoming someone’s sugar daddy.
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Old 07-04-2019, 12:59 PM   #63
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since i am not interested in remarriage or even cohabitation, i just look for women. who can pay their own way. I am not becoming someone’s sugar daddy.
fify.
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Old 07-04-2019, 02:51 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by imnontrad View Post
I wish I could find a good FIRE partner. But to me it's more than just understanding finances. I don't want a man who thinks he needs to "take are of the little lady" or who wants a nurse / housekeeper/ whatever or who is looking at me as a blank check.

Now, I think if I get involved with someone, they will most likely have kids/grandkids like me. So if it gets serious, part of it will be a "business transaction" so his kids know I'm not after his money/inheritance and vice versa .
I have a great marriage, but if I outlive my husband, I don't intend to marry again. I've seen the best laid financial inheritance plans go astray over time in 2nd marriages, especially when there's a significant imbalance in income/assets between the spouses. Sometimes the law can dictate that your 2nd spouse has certain rights to property that you'd intended your kids to get, like the marital home, or a 401k, as common examples. A conniving 2nd spouse can chip away at assets, in various ways, not meant for them or their kids. Step-kids can be no picnic either. I've known of an elderly woman who was thrown out of her 2nd husband's home by his kids within a day or two of his death. This was illegal, per state law, but it happened.

Your other non-financial concerns are valid as well.

If I was widowed and ever found someone else I could foresee having as a rest-of-my-life companion, though I can't imagine someone else measuring up to my husband, I might follow the example of one of our own here and maintain separate residences, though not necessarily next door.

That said, both my great-grandmothers were widowed and enjoyed healthy 2nd marriages, but there was no significant income/assets to consider on either side.
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Old 07-04-2019, 02:53 PM   #65
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But, some of these sites are really flawed. I ran myself on one recently, and it gave my income as 40K, and my assets at 45K LOL
I have seen one site that claimed that I was living with my former MIL! Yes, she's a nice lady but really. :-D
As you get older, assets are more important than income. I don't know of any site that reports mine. But I can easily show my FICO score.
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Old 07-04-2019, 03:39 PM   #66
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Originally Posted by gwraigty View Post
I have a great marriage, but if I outlive my husband, I don't intend to marry again. I've seen the best laid financial inheritance plans go astray over time in 2nd marriages, especially when there's a significant imbalance in income/assets between the spouses. Sometimes the law can dictate that your 2nd spouse has certain rights to property that you'd intended your kids to get, like the marital home, or a 401k, as common examples. A conniving 2nd spouse can chip away at assets, in various ways, not meant for them or their kids. Step-kids can be no picnic either. t-of-my-life companion, though I can't imagine someone else measuring up to my husband, I might follow the example of one of our own here and maintain separate residences, though not necessarily next door.
T.
I have about 5X the assets DW has. Each of our assets is in one name only. The difference is in the beneficiaries. I have divided mine between her 2 sons and my 2 sons.

Now if my ex dies, my kids will inherit a pile, so I will change the percentages.
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Old 07-04-2019, 04:03 PM   #67
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I am still searching for a partner. I wish I knew the answer to your question. I did put directly in my dating profile that I was on the FIRE path and looking for someone who was also on the path to financial Independence. I don't think you have to talk about money to know if you have compatible spending habits. That will come with dating. I will want to know someone's debt status. I'm debt free and not willing to go back! Net worth doesn't need to be discussed until making life long plans together.
Anyone have plans to start a FIRE dating site? I'll join
A close in proximity match for me would be an hour or two from here. A FIRE match from this forum would be a serious commute!
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Old 07-04-2019, 05:01 PM   #68
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I have about 5X the assets DW has. Each of our assets is in one name only. The difference is in the beneficiaries. I have divided mine between her 2 sons and my 2 sons.

Now if my ex dies, my kids will inherit a pile, so I will change the percentages.
That's generous of you, and I truly mean that.
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Old 07-04-2019, 05:20 PM   #69
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That's generous of you, and I truly mean that.

Thank you. I love them as if they were my own, and they have been totally accepting of me. They both called me last Father's Day
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Irrevocable trust?
Old 07-05-2019, 11:21 AM   #70
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Irrevocable trust?

I think one solution would be to put most of the assets in an irrevocable trust. You could design the trust so you have distributions and could even limit the amount that could be taken out every year and/or require the approval of a sibling to release more.
This would ensure your heirs get the inheritance and, with the sibling approval required, lessen the probability that a new spouse could run through the money. In addition, it would provide protection from a lawsuit (a revocable trust does not).
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Old 07-05-2019, 03:56 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by Amy T View Post
I am still searching for a partner. I wish I knew the answer to your question. I did put directly in my dating profile that I was on the FIRE path and looking for someone who was also on the path to financial Independence. I don't think you have to talk about money to know if you have compatible spending habits. That will come with dating. I will want to know someone's debt status. I'm debt free and not willing to go back! Net worth doesn't need to be discussed until making life long plans together.
Anyone have plans to start a FIRE dating site? I'll join 😁
What's your desired age range? ;-)
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Old 07-12-2019, 06:31 AM   #72
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For anyone who has successfully found a good FIRE partner or is currently searching for one, I'm wondering how/when you brought up your financial situation with your prospective partner?
First ten minutes?

Hard for me to answer for certain as I/we didn't even know what FIRE stood for when I met my partner, but the fact that we both share the same goals (even if usually phrased in different ways) is the only reason we've been able to accomplish a small fraction of what we have over the years.

You may not be truly aligned on all things, but depending on exactly how important this is to you, or how early you're looking for RE... it truly may not be possible without both being on the same/similar page.

Compromise is key... but if one of you is looking to live in a van and save dryer sheets and the other thinks its okay to simply stop at the 401k match - there will eventually be a lot of resentment one way or the other.

I alway say to surround yourself be people with similar goals... no more important person in that equation than your partner!
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Old 07-12-2019, 06:53 AM   #73
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Thank you. I love them as if they were my own, and they have been totally accepting of me. They both called me last Father's Day
Congratulations. You obviously chose your current partner wisely!
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Old 07-12-2019, 07:58 AM   #74
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Compromise is key... but if one of you is looking to live in a van and save dryer sheets and the other thinks its okay to simply stop at the 401k match - there will eventually be a lot of resentment one way or the other.
Bad example. For most of my husband's career, he only wanted to contribute up to the 401k match. I was fine with this, as we could get much better investments outside of the plan. A few years ago, we decided to start maxing it out, but then he became classified as a HCE. He isn't allowed to contribute more than up to the company match, plus 2% after tax.

Some people just starting out in life may only be able to comfortably contribute up to the company match. That doesn't mean they're not being frugal and saving/investing a little outside of the plan. That's actually a smart thing to do. Haven't we seen topics about people who want to retire early, yet don't know what they'll live on because virtually all of their assets are locked in retirement accounts they can't access yet?
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Old 07-12-2019, 04:14 PM   #75
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After a few dates, I pulled a Chilton (Equifax) credit bureau report on my wife to see if she was the kind of person with the capacity to pay her bills--and the good character to pay on time.

My wife is a Medical Technologist. She pulled out a syringe and drew my blood to do a chemical blood analysis on me. She knew I was okay financially, but she wanted to know if I was healthy enough to marry. She told me I needed to slow down drinking (at the time.) That was 38 years ago.

Both worked out just fine.
I love it. I pulled a credit & Dnb reports on my now husband. I'm a retired credit analyst- could you tell?

p.s. He (obviously) passed, and we are a perfect pair when it comes to all things money.
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