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Old 09-28-2013, 10:25 PM   #21
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I didn't get married until the age of 45 (she was also 45 and had never been married either), finally found a woman that ticked all of my boxes (only you can decide what those boxes are for you). One of my many boxes was financially based (she didn't have to be rich but she did have to have a handle on her own financial situation). Before I met her I did not believe that I would ever get married, and I was okay with that. We are both planning on being FIRE'd in 2017 so it is working for us.....
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Old 09-28-2013, 10:53 PM   #22
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I didn't get married until the age of 45 (she was also 45 and had never been married either), finally found a woman that ticked all of my boxes (only you can decide what those boxes are for you). One of my many boxes was financially based (she didn't have to be rich but she did have to have a handle on her own financial situation). Before I met her I did not believe that I would ever get married, and I was okay with that. We are both planning on being FIRE'd in 2017 so it is working for us.....
My story is similar to this, except we met at 30 and got married at 31. Never thought I'd get married, never really cared. But when I met him he met all my criteria, including financial. I like to say I married him for his car (a 20 year old beater). He wore older clothes, like I did, was intentionally unemployed when we met, because he had saved lots of money and decided to take 4 months off work in the winter. So, I knew right away he wasn't spendy and that he valued time more than money. We should be FI around 46-50 yrs old and definitely FIREd by 50-55.
Although I'd planned to early retire since I was 21, it was getting married to another frugal person that made that dream a reality.

My advice, is to just wait until you find the perfect situation. Do not settle. Marriage and life can be tough enough with the perfect partner for you. I can't imagine how difficult it would be with someone less compatible than my husband. You don't have to get married, ever. And you also don't have to combine your money.

We got a pre-nup that basically keeps all our money separate, unless we intentionally combine it. If we were to divorce, I know exactly how much money I would have, and so does he. There would be no financial loss because of a divorce, and the financial and emotional gain, not to mention the fun we have together, because of marriage is wonderful.
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:32 PM   #23
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OP, I think you need not to let your standards slip. I can only imagine how frustrating it is to keep looking, but I think you owe it to yourself to stay selective.
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:02 AM   #24
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Uh, Carl, you wouldn't happen to live in Austin would you?

Austin man seeks girlfriend, offends nation

LOL, see, this is what happens when I don't watch the news for a few days. You should see the Huffpost interview.
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Old 09-29-2013, 04:33 AM   #25
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Wait, do not compromise.

But in the meantime explore yourself.
What is it that attracts you in the "clueless" ladies? Are you repeating a model that you learned in your family?
What really scares you off in the self conscious ladies? Why does some independence make them less attractive to you?
There are many ladies out there who have their act together and would like to meet a great guy. Are you a great guy?
Are you looking for the right person in places where the wrong persons hang out?
Do you have likeminded friends? They might know single and compatible ladies.
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Old 09-29-2013, 05:28 AM   #26
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Since this is in the context of not needing to get married, by "showing her gratitude" were you referring to women trading sex for favors? What does a man do when another man does him a service out of the goodness of his heart?

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I

If you do some service for a single woman, who of course realizes that you didn't have to do it, rather it was out of the generosity of your heart, she will show her gratitude. If she doesn't, not being stupid, she will realize that the favor will likely not happen again.
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Old 09-29-2013, 07:54 AM   #27
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Are there particular reasons why you are staying in your current geographical location? Because there are places in the US where the ratios between single women and single (straight) men are much more favorably weighted toward the men. You might have better luck moving to a place where there is a bigger pool. However, do note that those locations (DC, NYC and SFO are the big ones I am aware of) are 1) comparatively expensive and 2) likely to have a lot of career oriented women, which it sounds like you are not so interested in. Agree with others that you shouldn't settle.
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Old 09-29-2013, 08:30 AM   #28
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By you... Sorry you feel that way and that life has dealt you some body blows..........
By marriage being over rated, I meant that a couple can have a satisfying life living together, as opposed to formally tying the knot. Marriage can be especially complicated when there is a wide difference in financial assets because divorce laws are a bit anachronistic.
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Old 09-29-2013, 10:12 AM   #29
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Try going on some dates with ladies you aren't attracted to. If you find out that they have money, then you might suddenly think the look great! Women do it all the time, right? (Of course, sometimes they're called gold-diggers).
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Old 09-29-2013, 10:58 AM   #30
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I have never been married but have been in a relationship with a woman for about 9 years. I found her on line and she lived out-of-state at the time but soon relocated here to Long Island, NY and now lives a few blocks away from me. She has some money problems but her finances have improved (with some help from me, voluntarily - she has often rejected my help) a bit since then. At least I can help her with that, unlike her nagging health issues where I can't help her a whole lot (other than taking her to the doctor's office).

She is hardly like the local women I dated in my 20s and 30s. Nearly all of them lived with their parents and wanted to have children, something I never wanted. They had no money and were sometimes (but not always) high-maintenance which also chased me away in due time. (I heave heard the term, "sperm and a paycheck" to describe these women LOL!) My ladyfriend has an adult daughter with her own 3 kids who got divorced a few years ago. I have never met her and have spoken to her on the phone for about 10 minutes in 9 years. So my ladyfriend's family is basically absent from my life which is just fine with me.

My finances are my own and something I would never want to risk, as it took me lots of hard work to create, especially my much desired ER which occurred 5 years ago during our relationship. The thought of losing that is terrifying, with the only thing more terrifying is a major personal health issue.
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Old 09-29-2013, 02:53 PM   #31
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Money is one of those things that if you don't share the same values and beliefs, you'll wind up splitting anyway. It is a core part of compatibility in my book. There are compelling reasons to make that part of your criteria for what you find attractive about a person.

+1 Money-related items can come up SO frequently in a marriage, that it's very important to have it settled ahead of time so each person knows what to expect.

Like you, I'm over the 30-year mark (36), and also struggling to find someone who just has a decent positive net worth - not to mention the other things of having physical chemistry, etc.. I primarily use eHarmony, but am open to finding her in other ways. It's a struggle, but I still have hope to find "the one".

I realize that everyone comes from different backgrounds with different opportunities, and I do factor that in - but when you see how people make decisions, it can be clear that even if they did have more money, they wouldn't go out of their way to save it. It's like you said - many seem to be 'simply waiting' for someone to come along and fix all of their financial problems, and/or have absolutely no ambition to improve their financial health.
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:04 PM   #32
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When I first met the young wife, we were both indigent college students. I can't say that I gave much thought to her financial acumen when we were dating, but I did note and appreciate that she was not "high maintenance". Starting from zero, we were fortunate to find ourselves financially compatible and have together grown into our current, quite satisfactory, financial situation.

Edit to add: Yes, I did pick the smoking hot one. She just also happened to be very intelligent, hard-working, disciplined and frugal. As I mentioned in the thread about being lucky -- Yes, I am.
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:40 PM   #33
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Since this is in the context of not needing to get married, by "showing her gratitude" were you referring to women trading sex for favors?
No, and you have a dirty mind. Sex is not linked in my mind with favors, but rather with good feeling and attraction.

Do you express gratitude with sex, or do you perhaps have other modalities like every other person I have ever known?

Ha
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Old 09-29-2013, 04:30 PM   #34
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I am 57, single, no kids, and have RE and am FI, will never have to work again.

I will/do not break a mirror.

I WISH I could find someone who is FI and has NO KIDS.

My experience has been...Kids from previous relationships cause nothing but problems cause they will ALWAYS come first. Even when Dad is forming a new relationship and never seems to care about his kids until the relationship becomes serious.....been there, done that.

No problem with that, but I want to be #1 once in my life.

Until then, I love my cats.
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Old 09-29-2013, 04:54 PM   #35
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If not for gold diggers (of both sexes) a Singles forum here could be useful.
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Old 09-29-2013, 05:35 PM   #36
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Why marry? It sounds like you have been quite happy in committed relationships without that piece of paper and the financial entanglements that seem to come with it. But then, I am a divorcee so what do I know....
Better?
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Old 09-29-2013, 05:39 PM   #37
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I was 49 before I got married (56 now). Rather not get married than to go down the road with someone who you are hoping to "adjust" into what you want.
Much like shoes, if they're not comfortable when you try them on, put 'em back!
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Old 09-29-2013, 05:48 PM   #38
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Since this is in the context of not needing to get married, by "showing her gratitude" were you referring to women trading sex for favors? What does a man do when another man does him a service out of the goodness of his heart?
A six pack of PBR?
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Old 09-29-2013, 07:22 PM   #39
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When I first met the young wife, we were both indigent college students. I can't say that I gave much thought to her financial acumen when we were dating, but I did note and appreciate that she was not "high maintenance". Starting from zero, we were fortunate to find ourselves financially compatible and have together grown into our current, quite satisfactory, financial situation.

Edit to add: Yes, I did pick the smoking hot one. She just also happened to be very intelligent, hard-working, disciplined and frugal. As I mentioned in the thread about being lucky -- Yes, I am.

I was similarly lucky. I suspect that it did not hurt that we met while we were both living in the hippy commune type co-operative dorm and dining hall which was student run. You pretty much could not possibly be high maintenance in that place (co-ed cattle showers, varying standards of cleanliness, mostly vegan/veggie food, a rather open and accepting standard of personal attire and grooming, a wide range of psychoactive substances consumed, etc.). In retrospect, it was a target rich zone for an appropriate mate. Good thing I got the best one.
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Old 09-29-2013, 07:23 PM   #40
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A six pack of PBR?
According to the old joke, that is also the difference between straight and gay.
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