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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 09:30 AM   #21
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cut-Throat
NOYFB!
Ahhhh.........* Total agreement!* Whether it's childless fans spewing warnings about the kiddies pushing out ER, being a hassle to raise or consuming resources that could have been used for a new BMW.......or large family fans espousing how great it is to have several..............* It's NOYFB!* Everyone do what's right for you.* Everyone else, NOYFB.

Nicely said C-T.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 10:26 AM   #22
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Re: Having children.

Guys, thanks for all the links and books suggestions. It helped me a lot.

Iīve been with my girlfriend since I was 16. Just to clarify, there has never been any problem about staying together.

Whenever we talked about children, Iīve always been very cautious because I know this is a sensitive topic, specially to women.

Thankfully she made her own mind about reducing the amount of children. I didnīt interfere in that and certainly wasnīt happy in having 4 children.

The great question here, as I said, is not a financial one. I know about the financial consequences of having a child and the mandatory delay of ER, but I also agree that the "joy" factor as someose said can more than compensate the amount of money in our nest egg.

As most of you said, I agree that 22 is still a very young age to have a child, specially when me and my girlfriend still have some stairs to climb in our career.

I am also already feeling the pressure of having a child from my parents and from society in general. But as I told them, when the baby comes to life it will be my responsibility, not theirs.

I guess that, for now, both me and my girlfriend arenīt ready to have a baby. We will focus in raising our paycheck, getting married, having a decent house and enjoy for some time just ourselves. Then I believe that time will teach us both some lessons about what we really want for us.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 02:39 PM   #23
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
are they worth it?
Because you asked ... I say wait until they're the one thing you want more than anything else. Because you'll be giving alot of "it" up to have them .... but it's worth it.



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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 02:42 PM   #24
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leonardo
I guess that, for now, both me and my girlfriend arenīt ready to have a baby. We will focus in raising our paycheck, getting married, having a decent house and enjoy for some time just ourselves. Then I believe that time will teach us both some lessons about what we really want for us.
Sounds like a wise decision.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 02:44 PM   #25
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Re: Having children.

Once when I was in love with a beautiful young girl from California, I had a strange dream. *I fell asleep in the middle of the afternoon and it swept into my head. *It was a few years later (in the dream) and this girl and I were married. *I was standing in the delivery room of a hospital, and she was giving birth to our child. *Somehow my brand-new daughter ended up in my hands, and as I held her, and looked at her, I realized she looked just like my girlfriend. *Same blond hair, same mischevious little mouth, same beautiful blue eyes. *And beyond just the physical qualities, I somehow sensed that this little girl had her optimistic spirit, her natural kindness, and her warm heart as well. *I realized that all the qualities I loved so much in my girlfriend, and presumably all the qualities she loved so much in me, we had taken and put into a new little person that the two of us had created. *As I realized this, I was almost overwhelmed by a very powerful feeling of love for my new daughter.

I never was one to have very vibrant dreams, but when I woke up, this dream remained crystal clear to me. *Before it, I was not sure if I wanted any children, and had wrestled with the question in my mind. *Afterwards, I knew that I did, and felt absolute resolution of the question, which was a very peaceful feeling. *Maybe a sign like this in your own life can help guide you towards a decision.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 02:50 PM   #26
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Re: Having children.

Macdaddy,
So what happened? Did your dream become reality?
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 04:41 PM   #27
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cut-Throat
People adopt their pets and love them as much as their children.
We're been married thirty years with no kids - on purpose. We never wanted any and I don't like them. Now dogs, them we love.

Mike D.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 04:44 PM   #28
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Re: Having children.

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Originally Posted by SLC Tortfeasor
And you'll be hard-pressed to find a parent to admit that they regret having kids.
Many of my more interesting male friends have said to me that they'd probably be happier if they hadn't had kids. This is usually followed by "But I love my kids." It seems quite difficult for them to admit it.

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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 04:52 PM   #29
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeD
Many of my more interesting male friends...
I'm curious what your implying there? Don't you think if you are some one who "doesn't like kids" that you would find conversations with those who do boring, since you can't relate? Perhaps you finding them interesting is a matter of their more favored subjects being in line with yours? Eye of the beholder...

Having said that, I truly wish more people who aren't kid people would make your choice and not have kids. My heart goes out to children in households where adults allowed societies/family's expectations veto their own wants. To be a resented child, ach.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 04:54 PM   #30
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeD
Many of my more interesting male friends have said to me that they'd probably be happier if they hadn't had kids. This is usually followed by "But I love my kids." It seems quite difficult for them to admit it.
So we are to understand that your "less interesting" male friends actually like children? It would seem you view that as a character fault?

And I'm not sure what your "more interesting" male friends are admitting...that they'd be happier with no kids or that they love them?

No problem for most of us to understand that apparent conflict. DW, a loving grandmother of 4, has the following sign posted on the refrigerator door:

"I childproofed my house, but they still get in."

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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 05:04 PM   #31
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeD
We're been married thirty years with no kids - on purpose. We never wanted any and I don't like them. Now dogs, them we love.

Mike D.
You don't like ALL children? ANY of them? That strikes me as rather odd and sad.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 05:30 PM   #32
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leonardo
I am also already feeling the pressure of having a child from my parents and from society in general. But as I told them, when the baby comes to life it will be my responsibility, not theirs.
Yeah, I bet a mature & responsible answer like that goes over really big with wannabe grandparents. They're probably beginning to regret not having the grandkids first.

But if they keep the pressure on, tell them you're willing to provide grandchildren if they're willing to provide 40 hours/week of childcare. Usually that stops the pressure dead on the tracks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by trharris
You don't like ALL children?* ANY of them?* That strikes me as rather odd and sad.
Hey, c'mon, no criticism, right? I know plenty of extremely happy people with no kids. I know a lot of people who'd be a lot happier if they had NO kids. I know a lot of families where I'd be a lot happier if they didn't reproduce.

You immediately know when your family is the right size (or at least when you've overshot the mark). Zero is just as credible a number as eight, and both numbers are bad if they're not what the parents wanted.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 05:39 PM   #33
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeD
We're been married thirty years with no kids - on purpose.* We never wanted any and I don't like them.* Now dogs, them we love
tim the tool man taylor in episode where he's having emotional problems dealing with death & the drawing up of a will. "don't you remember, that's why we had children instead of pets; they last longer."
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 06:05 PM   #34
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Re: Having children.

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Originally Posted by Nords
Hey, c'mon, no criticism, right? I know plenty of extremely happy people with no kids. I know a lot of people who'd be a lot happier if they had NO kids. I know a lot of families where I'd be a lot happier if they didn't reproduce.

You immediately know when your family is the right size (or at least when you've overshot the mark). Zero is just as credible a number as eight, and both numbers are bad if they're not what the parents wanted.
I agree completely. If you don't want kids, I have zero problem with that. If you want 10, fine. I just find the attitude of "not liking kids" kind of odd. I can see kids bugging you, or knowing some kids that you don't like, but it sounded (to me) more like a blanket - don't like any of them. You don't find that slightly intolerant? I mean, if I said I don't like old people wouldn't you be ??
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 06:59 PM   #35
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Re: Having children.

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Originally Posted by trharris
You don't find that slightly intolerant?* I mean, if I said I don't like old people wouldn't you be* ??
Well, if you mean "unwilling or unable to endure", then of course they're intolerant. If you mean "prejudiced or bigoted" then I'd disagree. They've merely expressed their desire to not be a part of the Kids Fan Club. They're not hunting them down on street corners, they just choose not to associate with them. Seems perfectly reasonable to me, and even the legal system has agreed that some neighborhoods can be child-free zones.

There are a lot of unlovable old people in the world. I seem to be related to a disproportionately high percentage of them, but that's just me. I also dislike cooked spinach and beets, but no one has a problem with that...
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 07:46 PM   #36
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Re: Having children.

I find it no more odd than people who generically state they just LOVE children. I always think - "Really? Even the bratty ones?"

When someone asks me if I like children I always tell them that it depends on the kid.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-12-2006, 11:08 PM   #37
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Re: Having children.

My wife and I waited till we were married for 5 years before we had our son. It gave us time together to get to know each other. During that time we went back and forth wether we wanted kids, even got a dog to make sure we could take care of something besides ourselves. Once we decided to have just one child it took 4 months to get pregnant. For us it was the best decision we ever made. We don't miss the freedom to pick up and go. To tell you the truth I would rather spend time with my son than travel without him.
Shortly after having him our friends asked us "so when are you having another" I wish I would of had C-Ts response!
Just a couple days ago my son and I split some peanut M&Ms and he sucked the chocolate off and left the nut. I grabbed it from him and popped it into my mouth without thinking twice. Can't think of anyone else I would eat a used peanut from.
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-13-2006, 12:37 AM   #38
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlowGirl
I find it no more odd than people who generically state they just LOVE children.* I always think - "Really? Even the bratty ones?"
"Yes, especially with a light garlic sauce."
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Re: Having children.
Old 05-13-2006, 11:07 AM   #39
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Re: Having children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeD
Many of my more interesting male friends have said to me that they'd probably be happier if they hadn't had kids.* This is usually followed by "But I love my kids."* It seems quite difficult for them to admit it.

Mike D.
Reminds me of sitting at the kitchen table with my Dad some time back. I asked him how he felt about the fact that none of his four kids had children of their own. His response: "I envy you."

I changed the subject...

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Re: Having children.
Old 05-13-2006, 11:26 AM   #40
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Re: Having children.

Hey Laurance, whats wrong with being "free from the chains of the capitilist dogs"? A worth cause such as freedom sounds good to me!!
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