Helping parents retire

[Frugality_of_Apathy]

Thinking about this, I have a general observation.

Same as many others, I have provided for my children. I did not indulge them, but did not leave them wanting either. I have always loved them, and as fas as materialistic things, give them what I think is reasonable within my income and econo-social class. I do not plan for them to return anything. It is my duty as a parent to provide for them, having brought them into this world. I am making plan for my retirement without their help, although when I become weak and invalid, will appreciate their calling or visit when it is possible. I don't think I differ much from people in this forum with children.

Though I do not plan for nor want their help in my old age, just the thought that they would not care about me, should I need help, hurts.

Now, why is it that it is common and OK for adult children to expect inheritance from their well-to-do parents? Do most of them come to the funeral only to hear the lawyer read the will?

They say s**t rolls downhill. I submit to you that in parent/child relationship, the reverse is generally true. But then, it is nothing any of us does not know already, I don't think.

I'd say in this instance downhill would be would be to the younger generations. If one generation raises selfish ungrateful kids what kind of kids do you think are going to be raised in the next generation. And when grand parents get mad that their kids are ungrateful it's the grandchildren who sufferthe most

 

[landonew]

Thinking about this, I have a general observation.

Same as many others, I have provided for my children. I did not indulge them, but did not leave them wanting either. I have always loved them, and as fas as materialistic things, give them what I think is reasonable within my income and econo-social class. I do not plan for them to return anything. It is my duty as a parent to provide for them, having brought them into this world. I am making plan for my retirement without their help, although when I become weak and invalid, will appreciate their calling or visit when it is possible. I don't think I differ much from people in this forum with children.

Though I do not plan for nor want their help in my old age, just the thought that they would not care about me, should I need help, hurts.

Now, why is it that it is common and OK for adult children to expect inheritance from their well-to-do parents? Do most of them come to the funeral only to hear the lawyer read the will?

They say s**t rolls downhill. I submit to you that in parent/child relationship, the reverse is generally true. But then, it is nothing any of us does not know already, I don't think.

Althought this is a "general observation" I would have to agree. I have seen a sizeable inheritance ruin people. They spend their early and mid twenties blowing through it, and then reach 30 with no money, no skills, and no realistic outlook on life.

 

[haha]

Don't forget children as a narcissistic need to have a copy of yourself who will continue your legacy and tell the future how great you were.

How could I possibly forget that, Dad?

 

[bubba]

At ages 54 and 56, they still have time to sort this out. Please forgive me if I hurt you by saying this, but your mother does have some responsibility as the "gambling" was going on in her home with her nest egg. Otherwise, I can't comment on your plans. I will say this. My son is a treasured and loved child and I've done everything I could for him. In return, I know he loves and respects his parents. But, I plan to starve before I would let him take care of me. The only thing I've ever asked of him in that regard is that he will care for his own children the way he was cared for - not overly spoiled, but cherished. He has never figured into my retirement plan; I couldn't be that selfish.

 

[NW-Bound]

Same here, bubba.

On the other hand, what son or daughter would let their parents starve? A spouse of such person would have to wonder if a person is so coldhearted to someone who raised him or her, how such a person could be so loving to someone else? No wonder the divorce rate is high.

As I tried to say before, the proper way to handle this is somewhere in between.

 

[landonew]

At ages 54 and 56, they still have time to sort this out. Please forgive me if I hurt you by saying this, but your mother does have some responsibility as the "gambling" was going on in her home with her nest egg. Otherwise, I can't comment on your plans. I will say this. My son is a treasured and loved child and I've done everything I could for him. In return, I know he loves and respects his parents. But, I plan to starve before I would let him take care of me. The only thing I've ever asked of him in that regard is that he will care for his own children the way he was cared for - not overly spoiled, but cherished. He has never figured into my retirement plan; I couldn't be that selfish.

You don't hurt my feelings so much as you miss the point of the post.

Without sounding rude (yes, I too can use "qualifiers"), I requested advice concerning the "medium" in which to help my parents. I did not ask, generally or specifically, "which one of my parents, in your opinion, should shoulder what part of the blame. Furthermore, I don't recall requesting your opinion concerning the ethical implications of intergenerational transfers of wealth/financial assitance.

Lastly, there is a difference between "expecting" assitance from someone and graciously accepting a helping hand that is rendered during a time of need.

You say you would reject this hand at all cost.... A statment easily said when you are in a position in which you don't need a helping hand.

 

[bubba]

Without sounding rude (yes, I too can use "qualifiers"), I requested advice concerning the "medium" in which to help my parents. I did not ask, generally or specifically, "which one of my parents, in your opinion, should shoulder what part of the blame. Furthermore, I don't recall requesting your opinion concerning the ethical implications of intergenerational transfers of wealth/financial assitance.

Lastly, there is a difference between "expecting" assitance from someone and graciously accepting a helping hand that is rendered during a time of need.

You say you would reject this hand at all cost.... A statment easily said when you are in a position in which you don't need a helping hand.

I'm so very sorry that I've obviously offended you, and nothing was further from my mind when I originally posted. From everything I've read from your posts, you are the son a parent can be proud of and your parents are extremely lucky to have you in their lives. I feel I must point out that you cannot know what my position is, and whether I need (or have needed) a helping hand or not. Perhaps I see more clearly than you realize. Also, I didn't comment on the ethics of intergenerational transfers of wealth, but of my own personal beliefs regarding same. But, no more unsolicited advice from me. God bless, and again, I'm very sorry to have offended you.

 

[Letj]

I greatly admire your desire to help your parents and if my girls grow up to be half as caring as you are, I will die with a smile on my face. There's nothing wrong with helping your parents as long as it doesn't present a great hardship for you. My parents were not as fortunate as I am and certainly did not have the opportunities I've had. They are immigrants who have struggled hard and sacrificed for the children. Today, I am happy to extend a helping hand. Of course, you will have to consider the impact on your own financial security. With that said, helping parents in need is a great and noble act. When I think of the great care my parents took of us and the sacrifices they make, I think the right thing to do is to help them out if they need and I can afford. It's entirely a western perspective to think that it's the parents obligation to take care of children but children does not have an obligation to return the favor. What hogwash!

 

[landonew]

I'm so very sorry that I've obviously offended you, and nothing was further from my mind when I originally posted. From everything I've read from your posts, you are the son a parent can be proud of and your parents are extremely lucky to have you in their lives. I feel I must point out that you cannot know what my position is, and whether I need (or have needed) a helping hand or not. Perhaps I see more clearly than you realize. Also, I didn't comment on the ethics of intergenerational transfers of wealth, but of my own personal beliefs regarding same. But, no more unsolicited advice from me. God bless, and again, I'm very sorry to have offended you.

Its ok, I am particularily sensitive about my mothers situation. It breaks my heart to see her working two jobs when she "supposedly" FIRE in her late 40s. Regardless, I should not have been such a smart ass and I do believe, to some extent, that you are correct about it being partially her fault. It is just very difficult for me to see it that way at this juncture. In my view, however biased it may be, faulting my mother is not all too different from "blaming the victim." Indeed, I do not have personal knowledge concerning your situation and I apologize for any presumptions I may have made. Sometimes, my youthful haste gets the better of me and my mouth (or fingers in this case, lol) reflect this shortcoming. Anyhow, no hard feelings.

 

[landonew]

So, to sum it up here is my tenative plan (thanks to the collective advice of this forum).

1) Build emergency fund until $7500 during which time making minimum payments on Student loans and maximum 401k/IRA contributions. Note: I figure, that $7500 would be the maximum amount of money I would need to procure other employment where I to, for some reason, lose the firm job. Estimated time, around 3 months or so depending on "start up" expenses such as wardrobe ext.

2) Refinance student Loans. I figure after a few paychecks, my income will be sufficient to procure a favorable interest rate.

3) Aggresively pay off student loans (all-disposible income). Still maintain maximum contribution to 401k/IRA as well as continuing to build the EF (rate of $500/month) until it reaches $20,000.

3) Re-assess my personal finances/goals after paying off student loans. at this point (3-4 years) I should be older and more able to truly identify my goals.


I was thinking of using a CD latter for the EF. I will need to research this some more. And to start with, I plan on throwing my meager 401k/IRA ($21,500/year) into an index fund until I feel confident about my investing ability.

Side Note: Does anyone know if Bush's plan to eliminate the income restrictions on the ROTH IRA is effective or will be effective? I sure hope so.


The plan, at least right now, is to live at home with my parents and pay a modest rent of $450/month or about 1/2 of their rental payment. I would still need to work out the particulars, but I know that they are ameniable to the aforementioned arrangment.

Thanks for all the advice. The best thing I can do for myself, and my parents, is to build a strong financial base and then reassess the method in which I can help them. I think purchasing a modest house for them to live in is a definate goal of mine, but one that should be a distant second to getting out from under my current debt as well as building a solid EF.

 

[segfault]

Someone may have brought this up already, but with a starting salary of $120k per year, you will almost certainly be working for a large law firm. You should consider the attrition rate. The larger the firm (and salary), the more hours you're expected to bill, and the harder it is to take vacation time. Many people get burnt out after a year or two. Of those who stay, very few will make partner. In a nutshell, you may be in a position where you have to take a pay cut to maintain your health, sanity, friendships, etc... Just something to think about.

Edit: Also, will you be paid as a W-2 employee or a 1099 contractor? If you're a 1099, you will pay double Medicare/FICA tax and will probably file quarterly estimated taxes.

 

[landonew]

Someone may have brought this up already, but with a starting salary of $120k per year, you will almost certainly be working for a large law firm. You should consider the attrition rate. The larger the firm (and salary), the more hours you're expected to bill, and the harder it is to take vacation time. Many people get burnt out after a year or two. Of those who stay, very few will make partner. In a nutshell, you may be in a position where you have to take a pay cut to maintain your health, sanity, friendships, etc... Just something to think about.

Edit: Also, will you be paid as a W-2 employee or a 1099 contractor? If you're a 1099, you will pay double Medicare/FICA tax and will probably file quarterly estimated taxes.

W-2. I haven't heard of too many 1099 positions offered to associates. In order to be covered under the firms 'malpractice insurence policy' I am pretty sure you have to be a W-2.

Also, I believe (could be wrong) that to be considered an associate you have to be a W2 employee.

 

[segfault]

W-2. I haven't heard of too many 1099 positions offered to associates. In order to be covered under the firms 'malpractice insurence policy' I am pretty sure you have to be a W-2.

Also, I believe (could be wrong) that to be considered an associate you have to be a W2 employee.

The malpractice thing may be state specific, but I think in any state, the firm is the named insured.

My sample set is pretty limited. My last job was a W2 with no benefits (and extremely limited expense reimbursement). The current job is a 1099 with no benefits, but the firm pays for everything other than health insurance and a retirement plan (I have my own 401k through Vanguard). In both cases, I was and am considered an associate.

 

[Coach]

landonew, that sounds like a pretty good plan to me. Your priorities make sense. Good luck!

Coach