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Old 07-23-2008, 10:15 AM   #21
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No debt here.

DH and I paid for our entire wedding ourselves but it was my mom's idea for us to get married in Maui in order to keep the wedding small (30 people) and everyone just turned it into a vacation. We got married in November so the timing was perfect weatherwise. We hopped over to the Big Island for our honeymoon. All totaled, we spent around $10K and everyone still talks about what a great time they had (this was way back in 1999.....)

Now, my wedding ring is a different story....cost about as much as the wedding My *frugal* husband surprised me with a not-so-cheap ring
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:18 AM   #22
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Could be a good test, as spending $10,000 for a piece of shiny carbon typically isn't a good sign of LBYM attitudes.
We're LBYM'ers in other areas so I beg to differ!
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:41 AM   #23
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We're LBYM'ers in other areas so I beg to differ!
To each their own I guess. My DW might be inclined to agree with your perspective - but she married me anyway!

I'm just thinking of the relatively low stress we both experienced when she thought she lost her diamond engagement ring a few months ago. I said - no big deal, it wasn't worth that much anyway and it is just a little piece of shiny gold with some carbon embedded in it. She didn't seem too concerned. Then I found it for her. I can only imagine the stress if she had lost a $10000 ring (or more!).
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:03 AM   #24
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Went to the courthouse, got married, paid for an informal bbq at a local park and paid for our trip with a few friends to Scotland thereafter. I was 23 at the time and my dh was 21.

A little surprised though at how many people had help from their parents for the wedding expenses...
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:11 AM   #25
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Numerous studies have shown a direct correlation between the cost of the wedding and the shortness of the marriage. Severity of the divorce is also directly correlated to wedding cost.

My speculation is that many marriages fail due to financial issues and folks willing to spend fat 5 figure amounts on a wedding may not be very good at subsequent financial decisions.

If all thats true, then my wife and I will be forever wedded. She spent $20 on a dress and I spent a couple of hundred on a new cheap suit. We went to the county office with our parents and took out a license and had the ceremony in a cute but somewhat cheesy little wedding chapel. I forget the exact amount but it was around $30-40. The following weekend we had the whole family and a few friends, about 35 people, over to our house and I cooked a prime rib dinner for everyone for around $300.

I did spend a bunch of money on her engagement ring. Nice 2.xx carat asscher cut. Its on our homeowners insurance in case of loss or theft, so no worries there...
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:20 AM   #26
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Thanks for all of the advice....My high school girlfriend and I are getting very close again...I ended up moving in high school and a lot of stuff happened in between....I havent asked her yet but it is very much moving that way...maybe in a year or 2...

BTW, I guess I wouldnt be going into debt since I have never been married and late 30s and LBYM, but spending 20k is a major deal breaker for me, for sure...My impression is that it would be for her, too since she left megacorp a few years back for a lower paying job that is much more service oriented working with kids and is looking for a used Honda Civic right now since her existing one has almost bit the dust...
Congratulations ! - I married my old high school girlfriend twenty-five years later. We really tried to make things work then, but like a lot of kids, weren't able to sustain a long-distance relationship when I went away to college, and her family moved out of state. We ended up marrying other people- her marriage lasted 10 years, mine 16. I looked her up on a business trip (mutual friend was working on the high school reunion, and gave me her contact information) We got back together 7 years ago, both older, a lot wiser, and more appreciative of the relationship (how many people get a second chance?) than we were in our teens.
We just celebrated our 5th anniversary; when people ask how long we have been married I tell them 5 years- but it would have been 30 if she had said yes the first time.

Definitely take the time to re-establish the relationship. You are both different people than you were in your teens. But, if she is OK with LBYM, bacon, and FIRE, you may have grounds for a great relationship.

OBTW, I threw financial reason out the window and splurged on the ring- 1.67ct - but if I amortize the aforementioned 30 years against the current outcome, it turned out to be a great return on investment. Like I said, emotion trumps reason nearly every time.

All the Best to the both of you, and keep us posted!
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:35 AM   #27
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I fully intend to steal this idea. Your FIL is a genius.
I thought that I appreciated the wisdom of his approach at the time. Now that I have two young daughters, I really appreciate the approach. My FIL is a LBYM Yoda. I, too, will be doing similarly.
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:58 AM   #28
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I gave my daughter $10,000 and I bought her dress . They got a little money from his parents and had a great wedding . A hundred guests at a great restaurant overlooking a lake . I also gave them my engagement ring which they had restyled . Her florist came up with a great idea . All the flowers that were in the church went in vases at the restaurant . It saved money and looked great since it was bouquets of red roses .
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Old 07-23-2008, 12:24 PM   #29
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You're rich parents or you guys got rich parents
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Old 07-23-2008, 12:40 PM   #30
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<snip>

I did spend a bunch of money on her engagement ring. Nice 2.xx carat asscher cut. Its on our homeowners insurance in case of loss or theft, so no worries there...
The ring is as important as her face, if you're a visual person, like me. You're going to have to look at both for as long as you're together, so, for me, it was important to splurge on the ring. HEY! I'm not saying she is bad looking, either.

As far as the original party wedding, I barely remember anything good or bad, it's only been seven years, too. I didn't plan much, I didn't pay for much of it, either. I didn't consider it my day much, all I cared is that she was happy. Don't know or care what that says about me.

If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have had someone else spend so much.

Like Rodney Carrington says, "she asks what do you think about my dress, my hair, my panties? ... blah blah blah". Then he says, "I don't care, woman, just make sure there's beer and whiskey afterwards".

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Old 07-23-2008, 12:45 PM   #31
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A little surprised though at how many people had help from their parents for the wedding expenses...
Just to clarify my parents' help on the wedding. They paid for the cruise ship for us in lieu of a wedding gift and as a graduation present for me graduating from grad school and as a thank you for not having to pay for undergrad or grad school. I think it was $1600 or $1800 that they paid.
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Old 07-23-2008, 12:59 PM   #32
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I'm getting married in less than a month. Although we had originally said we wanted a very small, low-key wedding, things have gotten out of control. We're paying about $11K altogether for the wedding, and probably another $11K for the honeymoon.

Ouch. But you only live once, right? We won't be going into debt to pay for any of it, but I can sure think of a lot of great things that could be done with $22K.
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Old 07-23-2008, 02:29 PM   #33
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I'm getting married in less than a month. Although we had originally said we wanted a very small, low-key wedding, things have gotten out of control. We're paying about $11K altogether for the wedding, and probably another $11K for the honeymoon.

Ouch. But you only live once, right? We won't be going into debt to pay for any of it, but I can sure think of a lot of great things that could be done with $22K.
Just dream about all that compound interest.
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Old 07-23-2008, 02:39 PM   #34
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Thanks for all of the advice....My high school girlfriend and I are getting very close again...I ended up moving in high school and a lot of stuff happened in between....I havent asked her yet but it is very much moving that way...maybe in a year or 2...

BTW, I guess I wouldnt be going into debt since I have never been married and late 30s and LBYM, but spending 20k is a major deal breaker for me, for sure...My impression is that it would be for her, too since she left megacorp a few years back for a lower paying job that is much more service oriented working with kids and is looking for a used Honda Civic right now since her existing one has almost bit the dust...
We are going to want details as your relationship continues! Go for it--time's a'wasting.

She doesn't sound like she will want to spend megabucks on a wedding--although she will probably want to include the kids she's working with as guests .
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:17 PM   #35
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So I have recently had reason to think about this a bit How have folks resolved this including for guys buying rings and the cost of the weddding itself...I have casually heard people go into major debt on this issue... How does being frugal fit into this or does it not?
If you want to be frugal about this, never, never agree to pay for an open bar! Don't ask me how I know.

Congrats, Maddy. I take it that she adores dogs? Best wishes.
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:50 PM   #36
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Big weddings are right up there with tattoos when it comes to wasting money.
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:25 PM   #37
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Wow. Wedding tattoos. Why hasnt anyone else ever thought of this?

Everyone gets the bride and grooms name and the wedding date on their posterior.

Gosh darn it, its practically genius!
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:49 PM   #38
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Wow. Wedding tattoos. Why hasnt anyone else ever thought of this?

Everyone gets the bride and grooms name and the wedding date on their posterior.

Gosh darn it, its practically genius!
Makes as much sense as any of the wedding "traditions".

My wedding cost about $500; 5 people at the service. My mother (found out 2 months later) gave us matching t shirts from the Pink Pony Pub. Got wedding pictures for free a month later because we were "such a cute couple" the company wanted to use us as an advertisement.

I think I'll sell the ring along with some other stuff now that gold has been near $1000.
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:59 PM   #39
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Makes as much sense as any of the wedding "traditions".

My wedding cost about $500; 5 people at the service. My mother (found out 2 months later) gave us matching t shirts from the Pink Pony Pub. Got wedding pictures for free a month later because we were "such a cute couple" the company wanted to use us as an advertisement.

I think I'll sell the ring along with some other stuff now that gold has been near $1000.
Back in the 70s and 80s many of my friends had huge weddings and there was a direct corelation. The more the wedding cost, the shorter the marriage. I always felt bad for the parents for they spent their retirement savings on their spoiled kids.
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Old 07-23-2008, 05:37 PM   #40
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Back in the 70s and 80s many of my friends had huge weddings and there was a direct corelation. The more the wedding cost, the shorter the marriage. I always felt bad for the parents for they spent their retirement savings on their spoiled kids.
Maybe there would be a correlation between the size of the tattoo and the length of the.........marriage.
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