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Old 04-20-2012, 08:41 AM   #21
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I think introduction by friends will probably work for you since your friends would know what you require.
I'm inclined to agree with that suggestion too. There are so many intangibles and people who know both of you would have an idea of each one's priorities, or just a general sense of who would be a "good fit".

My niece introduced me to DW after I ranted about my soon-to-be-ex's credit card addiction. She said the going-to-be-DW disliked credit cards as much as I did.

And from the "lessons learned" category, watch what they do, not what they say. If they say they're frugal but spend like sailors on shore leave, that's a clue.
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Old 04-20-2012, 10:29 AM   #22
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By all means stay away from high maintenance shopaholics. DS went out with a chinese girl for several years and boy did she love to shop and spend money. I'd vote for the intro from friends route as your best bet.

Maybe she exists on this forum, perhaps the mods need to add a personals section
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Old 04-20-2012, 12:06 PM   #23
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I guess if you are in America, many places don't have a high % Asian population so you may have to relax the ethnicity requirement to broaden your search. I managed to find perhaps the one Asian woman I know who is frugal and smart with money. I married her quickly (after just 6 years of making sure she was the one). So my apologies, I may have snagged up the last one!

We met early on in college so neither one of us had any money, so maybe that helped? I imagine you can tell from the first date whether the person you are sitting across the table from falls in the frugal category or extravagant spender. If not, determine that quickly and act accordingly (if you are seeking a mate and not just a date).

Talk about things like "where would you go on vacation and what would you do". Or "what is your favorite thing to do on a lazy Saturday if you aren't otherwise engaged". Responses like "shop shop shop" or "OMG shop shop shop" are surefire indicators that they like to spend money. Make a statement like "sometimes simple picnics in the park are much more enjoyable than dinner at a high end restaurant" and see what kind of reaction you get. Responses like "I only eat at the finest of restaurants because every dining experience has to be the absolute best possible, as with everything else I seek in life" are sure to disqualify your mate from your further inquiry. You don't need to get into specifics about 401ks, savings rates, etc to determine whether you are dealing with a frugal gal.

As far as where you find these frugal women you seek? Not being in the dating scene, I am merely guessing. I would guess you don't find them at places that require spending tons of money. I would guess they don't have thousands of dollars of clothing and accessories on them at any time. Maybe strike up conversations with people in stores where you shop, on the sidewalk when you walk around. On the bus or train (if you take one).

Since you are adding an additional constraint on your search filter, you will definitely get less results so you may have to look harder. You are after all seeking a woman who is self sufficient, has reasonable earning potential, and is savvy enough about money that she isn't hooking you to support her (financially) for life.
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Old 04-20-2012, 12:15 PM   #24
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In dating, I found DW was previously married to a prescription druggie that put her through one bankruptcy and nearly to a second one, as well as other financial and emotional Hades. We still aren't 'joint' accounts in practice after many years, and going joint was a huge step in trust for both of us. I wouldn't put any stock on Asian ethnic background meaning anything. Savers save, shopaholics shop.
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Old 04-20-2012, 03:31 PM   #25
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Thanks for all the suggestions and for sharing your stories! It looks like there's a bunch of ways. Will check out that book and a personals section on this forum would be awesome lol!

I'm determined to find a saver even though I know some spender/saver marriages can work because I just want less stress in my life plus the goal can be accomplished much faster with both all in.
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Old 04-20-2012, 04:39 PM   #26
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There are an awful lot of Asian women in the world... Don't lump us all into the same category. Every woman in my family is a heavy saver. I don't know what sort of materialistic girls you have run into. Maybe living out in LA?

But in every marriage, there will be a spender and a saver, because it all becomes relative. One will always be thriftier than the other. I am the long range planner in our household, and I have us saving between 40-50% of our income every year, so you could say that I am pretty thrifty (brown bag every day, get my hair cut once or twice a year, etc.), but compare that to my husband who wears the same five t-shirts and shorts every day and eats only what he catches (fish), then I look like as bad as a Real Housewife.
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Old 04-20-2012, 05:16 PM   #27
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Not sure the both of you need to be exactly the same, DW and I are different in terms of spending but we complement each other...she understands my cheapness, I understand and appreciate her need to not save everything for a rainy day...we both make out. She gets a secure old age and financial security, and I don't have to live in a cardboard box wearing 15 year old clothes eating only raman noodles.
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Old 04-20-2012, 06:49 PM   #28
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Whatever you do, watch out for something that might make it impossible for you to get hitched.

As discussed in another thread here, there are pharmacies everywhere openly advertising availability of a "Singles vaccine."





It's possible I misread those signs, but you never know ...
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Old 04-24-2012, 02:14 PM   #29
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I think if you hide any appearance of having any wealth whatsoever yourself (don't drive an expensive car, wear expensive shoes, a nice watch, designer jeans), you'll see who still likes you.
That's my strategy. I've been single for years!! It saves a lot of money.
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Old 04-24-2012, 02:18 PM   #30
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Maybe all three in one sexy package.

Find an ex Peace Corps volunteer? They are plenty familiar with living on nothing and the Corps is highly selective. Of course you might have to look the other way re: "medical" MJ.
And also re: hairy armpits
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Old 04-24-2012, 02:48 PM   #31
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And also re: hairy armpits
I assumed that went with the territory, along with possible veganism (vegan is Latin for "pain in the ass").

BWTFDIK? I was lucky enough to meet my wife in college when we were both living in the same co-op housing unit that had co-ed cattle showers and served vegetarian food exclusively.
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Old 04-24-2012, 10:17 PM   #32
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Whatever you do, watch out for something that might make it impossible for you to get hitched.

Or, if you live in the Frozen North, watch out for things that tell you you are 'hitched'. You, by the way, have no input into this. Move in together, stay that way a year and, PRESTO, you are a married couple. As far as asetts go, "one for all and all for one". Pre-nup possible but how many 'shack up' couples think of this?

I won't bother thelling you the problems with being 'decreed' married by Canada's tax regime and inheritance courts.

Enjoy
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:46 AM   #33
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kumquat, we have that down south as well. Common-law is what we call it. And famously attempted by an actress shacked up with (I think) William Hurt during the filming of the Big Chill in Beaufort. Didn't work, but I'm pretty sure he's never been back to SC!
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:14 AM   #34
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kumquat, we have that down south as well. Common-law is what we call it. And famously attempted by an actress shacked up with (I think) William Hurt during the filming of the Big Chill in Beaufort. Didn't work, but I'm pretty sure he's never been back to SC!
Ditto Washington. Here it is not common law marriage, you wind not really married but somehow in a community property arrangement. My memory is one year and one day does it.



This little gem is the work of divorce lawyers and women’s groups. So many people staying single has hurt the divorce business. I don’t know how many cases like this have actually come to trial, but I imagine it is at least a significant bargaining chip.

Gay marriage over time should help the “family law” business. No idea if this shack up law also applies to gay couples. I guess it must or it would be obviously discriminatory.

Ha
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:24 AM   #35
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Or, if you live in the Frozen North, watch out for things that tell you you are 'hitched'. You, by the way, have no input into this. Move in together, stay that way a year and, PRESTO, you are a married couple. As far as asetts go, "one for all and all for one". Pre-nup possible but how many 'shack up' couples think of this?

I won't bother thelling you the problems with being 'decreed' married by Canada's tax regime and inheritance courts.

Enjoy
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kumquat, we have that down south as well. Common-law is what we call it. And famously attempted by an actress shacked up with (I think) William Hurt during the filming of the Big Chill in Beaufort. Didn't work, but I'm pretty sure he's never been back to SC!
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Ditto Washington. Here it is not common law marriage, you wind not really married but somehow in a community property arrangement. My memory is one year and one day does it.

I’ve declared a one week max visit.

This little gem is the work of divorce lawyers and women’s groups. So many people staying single has hurt the divorce business. I don’t know how many cases like this have actually some to court, but I imagine it is at least a significant bargaining chip.

Gay marriage over time should help the “family law” business. No idea if this other shack up law also applies to gay couples. I guess it must or it would be obviously discriminatory.

Ha

FWIU, here in Texas it can be one week... (but hey, I could be wrong)...

I have heard here that it is intent, not just shacking up that gets you caught.... IOW, if you tell people 'this is my spouse', that shows intent... if you comingle money, intent...
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:39 AM   #36
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I want to marry a saver like me but most Asian women like to live the materialistic life. Does anybody have any ideas where I can meet women who are more likely to save, invest, and want to retire early like me? I think those saver spender marriages will be hell when it comes to saving for retirement. I think its much easier when both people are on the same page.
I think moreso, whether a saver or spender is due to a person's attitude towards money than national heritage.

Even within a particular family (all from the same heritage) often there are those who save (sometimes too much) and those who spend like money is going out of style.
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Old 04-25-2012, 12:14 PM   #37
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Short answer. Bring up the subject of a prenuptial agreement after a few dates. If she refuses to sign one, then you have your answer.

Yes, I know there are folks there who aren't fans of prenuptial agreements (i.e., sends the message that the marriage is doomed from the start, you're not fully-committed, etc...). However, notice I wrote that you should bring up the subject, not that you should necessarily follow through with asking your future spouse to sign one.
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Old 04-25-2012, 12:19 PM   #38
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There are an awful lot of Asian women in the world... Don't lump us all into the same category. Every woman in my family is a heavy saver. I don't know what sort of materialistic girls you have run into. Maybe living out in LA?
Talking of lumping everyone into the same category - careful what you're implying about those who live in LA please.
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:44 PM   #39
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most Asian women like to live the materialistic life.
Wow, two negative stereotypes in the same sentence.
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Old 05-05-2012, 04:55 PM   #40
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Wow, two negative stereotypes in the same sentence.
Name them. I only see one. And I think if people were honest, most of us do not necessarily think that "a materialistic life" is negative. Unless we are schizophrenic that is, as most of us live quite materialistic lives no matter what smoke screens we like to lie down.
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