How to find spouse who is compatible financially?

[Boglehead213]

I want to marry a saver like me but most Asian women like to live the materialistic life. Does anybody have any ideas where I can meet women who are more likely to save, invest, and want to retire early like me? I think those saver spender marriages will be hell when it comes to saving for retirement. I think its much easier when both people are on the same page.

 

[youbet]

Start looking when you're in high school. Make saving and investing a background part of your life reserving most of your time and energy for living life. Worked for me.

 

[REWahoo]

Does anybody have any ideas where I can meet women who are more likely to save, invest, and want to retire early like me?

You might want to check out a few widows at the local senior citizens center...

 

[Boglehead213]

I guess the best I can do is judge by their actions (ie. - what kind of car they drive, etc)

 

[bbbamI]

Check the ladies out at thrift stores, financial seminars....

But seriously....financial compatibility can be important, but it's not everything. DH is the spender, I the saver. Through life we've enjoyed quality things and experiences...and have done well financially as we both retired early.

...and yeah, I know I'm an old fart...not a young dreamer as he and I have been together for 36 years.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I think if you hide any appearance of having any wealth whatsoever yourself (don't drive an expensive car, wear expensive shoes, a nice watch, designer jeans), you'll see who still likes you.

 

[Texas Proud]

I want to marry a saver like me but most Asian women like to live the materialistic life. Does anybody have any ideas where I can meet women who are more likely to save, invest, and want to retire early like me? I think those saver spender marriages will be hell when it comes to saving for retirement. I think its much easier when both people are on the same page.

I guess the first question is where do you live If you live in Asia, then you probably will be looking at Asians...

Also, do not think that someone who not living the 'materialistic life' does not want to do so if they could... my wife seemed like she was frugal... but it was not her nature, but a requirement of her lower income and two kids.... after we got married, OH BOY... we had a lot of fights on how much she was spending... however, now that she has most of what she wants (like new furniture, not 25 years old... a nicer house, but not to expensive....) she has slowed down a lot... plus, she has gone back to school so she can get a job and bring in some money


One of the things that is hard for me to get past is her first husband died in his 40s.... her dad recently died in his mid 60s... she has the attitude that if we do not enjoy outselves now, we never will.... kind of hard to get past her experiences.... but she has changed over the years....

 

[haha]

I want to marry a saver like me but most Asian women like to live the materialistic life. Does anybody have any ideas where I can meet women who are more likely to save, invest, and want to retire early like me? I think those saver spender marriages will be hell when it comes to saving for retirement. I think its much easier when both people are on the same page.

How old are you? Do you want children? Do you feel a driving need to be married? If you can make it to 40 or so unmarried, you have a good chance of going all the way.

If a woman will try to slim down to catch a man, she will also alter other aspects of her behavior to get hitched. But then just like she gains 25 pounds after the wedding, she may start shopping a bit more freely too.

Men are the same. How many guys gain 25, 30 pounds after they are married? The excuse is home cooking. More likely true is that they no longer have to measure up physically to attract partners. Look to the incentives and everything become clear. All these things are hard- living cheaply, exercising, dieting. It is human nature to let the least pressing hard things slide.

I'd say if you don't plan children, forget about marriage.

Ha

 

[justplainbll]

Cruise low cost bars and thrift shops.

 

[bld999]

I think if you hide any appearance of having any wealth whatsoever yourself (don't drive an expensive car, wear expensive shoes, a nice watch, designer jeans), you'll see who still likes you.

+1

There's a lot more to this rodeo stuff than telling broncs from steers.

 

[haha]

Cruise low cost bars and thrift shops.

Great idea! Dragging that net will get you a down and out drunk, a no class floozie, or someone with bedbugs.

Ha

 

[bbbamI]

Great idea! Dragging that net will get you a down and out drunk, a no class floozie, or someone with bedbugs.

Ha

Bedbugs?

 

[Purron]

Costco?

 

[haha]

Bedbugs?

One day I pulled a dollar out of my pocket to give to an old gal who was selling Real Change on the corner. With it came a coupon for Value Village that I got when I donated some stuff. Seeing it she said- be careful, you have to treat their clothes at very high heat to kill the bedbugs. I figured that a woman who has lived on the street for several years knows more than a little about bedbugs. Not knowing the exact amount of heat needed to kill them, I figured since I have come this far in life without goods from Value Village, I can probably just strike that one off as another idea possibly good in theory, but with flaws in the real world. Kind of like making our own rakes.


Ha

 

[MasterBlaster]

since you asked....

They have a book just for you:

Money & Marriage: How to Choose a Financially Compatible Spouse

Available used (the book not the spouse) on Amazon for $0.01 plus shipping.

Amazon.com: Money & Marriage: How to Choose a Financially Compatible Spouse (9780913610770): Michael Sion: Books

 

[W2R]

Look at what they are driving. A shiny new sportscar is a little scary. A beat up 20-year-old car that is reliable but needs body work is more encouraging.

Don't show any signs of wealth. Never mention travel or fine dining. Go to free places like museums or parks for dates. Talk about your philosophy regarding money and your dreams for the future.

And good luck!

 

[Moscyn]

I thought Asians are predominantly savers (though I do agree that some are rather materialistic but isn't it the same with other nationalities?). I think introduction by friends will probably work for you since your friends would know what you require. You'll be surprised by the quality of partners from such source - my sister and her hubby were introduced by common friends.

 

[Amethyst]

My husband met me in the workplace. We worked together on projects, and eventually found out all about one another. When you spend 8 hours on a Saturday cooped up in an office together, drafting and re-drafting reports, you end up talking about absolutely everything. I learned how much he was paying in child support, and he learned I was buying a house and how much I could afford to spend. I could tell how generous he was toward his daughter. He knew I put in for overtime every chance I got. We found out that we had the same attitude toward credit cards - great to have, but pay everything off every month. Plus, we could see that we both had strong work ethic. All this took place long before any dating did.

Amethyst

I want to marry a saver like me but most Asian women like to live the materialistic life. Does anybody have any ideas where I can meet women who are more likely to save, invest, and want to retire early like me? I think those saver spender marriages will be hell when it comes to saving for retirement. I think its much easier when both people are on the same page.

 

[MooreBonds]

I'm also in a similar boat - trying to find a like-minded spouse, who shares a lot of values - including, but not limited to, fiscal attitudes.

I will admit that as the years go by, and as the portfolio grows larger, I do definitely find myself loosening the belt ever-so-slightly, and not being as adamant about pinching pennies as I used to (note: I'm not referring to pinching pennies on dates, as that has always been one area that I'm not afraid to 'invest' a bit of change.)

My source has been - and will likely remain - eharmony.com. There are many ways to meet someone, but I have found that it's relatively easier to find out a few things about someone just from a few basic questions and answers that you might not necessarily be able to figure out from meeting them randomly.

And I do remember being matched up with one woman who made a reference to retiring early! (unfortunately, I must have not been what she was looking for, as she never responded to my attempt to communicate with her.... ). There are ways to read a woman's profile to get a feel for whether she's a spendthrit or more sensible, but usually you need to at least talk on the phone a few times (and meet in person, preferably) to get a true sense for what her fiscal attitudes might be.

 

[brewer12345]

Great idea! Dragging that net will get you a down and out drunk, a no class floozie, or someone with bedbugs.

Ha

Maybe all three in one sexy package.

Find an ex Peace Corps volunteer? They are plenty familiar with living on nothing and the Corps is highly selective. Of course you might have to look the other way re: "medical" MJ.

 

[Walt34]

I think introduction by friends will probably work for you since your friends would know what you require.

I'm inclined to agree with that suggestion too. There are so many intangibles and people who know both of you would have an idea of each one's priorities, or just a general sense of who would be a "good fit".

My niece introduced me to DW after I ranted about my soon-to-be-ex's credit card addiction. She said the going-to-be-DW disliked credit cards as much as I did.

And from the "lessons learned" category, watch what they do, not what they say. If they say they're frugal but spend like sailors on shore leave, that's a clue.

 

[eytonxav]

By all means stay away from high maintenance shopaholics. DS went out with a chinese girl for several years and boy did she love to shop and spend money. I'd vote for the intro from friends route as your best bet.

Maybe she exists on this forum, perhaps the mods need to add a personals section

 

[FUEGO]

I guess if you are in America, many places don't have a high % Asian population so you may have to relax the ethnicity requirement to broaden your search. I managed to find perhaps the one Asian woman I know who is frugal and smart with money. I married her quickly (after just 6 years of making sure she was the one). So my apologies, I may have snagged up the last one!

We met early on in college so neither one of us had any money, so maybe that helped? I imagine you can tell from the first date whether the person you are sitting across the table from falls in the frugal category or extravagant spender. If not, determine that quickly and act accordingly (if you are seeking a mate and not just a date).

Talk about things like "where would you go on vacation and what would you do". Or "what is your favorite thing to do on a lazy Saturday if you aren't otherwise engaged". Responses like "shop shop shop" or "OMG shop shop shop" are surefire indicators that they like to spend money. Make a statement like "sometimes simple picnics in the park are much more enjoyable than dinner at a high end restaurant" and see what kind of reaction you get. Responses like "I only eat at the finest of restaurants because every dining experience has to be the absolute best possible, as with everything else I seek in life" are sure to disqualify your mate from your further inquiry. You don't need to get into specifics about 401ks, savings rates, etc to determine whether you are dealing with a frugal gal.

As far as where you find these frugal women you seek? Not being in the dating scene, I am merely guessing. I would guess you don't find them at places that require spending tons of money. I would guess they don't have thousands of dollars of clothing and accessories on them at any time. Maybe strike up conversations with people in stores where you shop, on the sidewalk when you walk around. On the bus or train (if you take one).

Since you are adding an additional constraint on your search filter, you will definitely get less results so you may have to look harder. You are after all seeking a woman who is self sufficient, has reasonable earning potential, and is savvy enough about money that she isn't hooking you to support her (financially) for life.

 

[devans0]

In dating, I found DW was previously married to a prescription druggie that put her through one bankruptcy and nearly to a second one, as well as other financial and emotional Hades. We still aren't 'joint' accounts in practice after many years, and going joint was a huge step in trust for both of us. I wouldn't put any stock on Asian ethnic background meaning anything. Savers save, shopaholics shop.

 

[Boglehead213]

Thanks for all the suggestions and for sharing your stories! It looks like there's a bunch of ways. Will check out that book and a personals section on this forum would be awesome lol!

I'm determined to find a saver even though I know some spender/saver marriages can work because I just want less stress in my life plus the goal can be accomplished much faster with both all in.