Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
I don't know whether to be offended or more determined
Old 11-23-2007, 04:26 PM   #1
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 538
I don't know whether to be offended or more determined

Last night we were at some friends for Thanksgiving dinner along with 3 other families. Two are retired military and the other is a govt civilian under the old retirement plan. After dinner there were a series of discussions. One was the market tanking, another was debating the make-up of various ETFs between two of the guys (mine is better than yours), paying off a mortgage and having a mortgage, and the last was on long term planning. CINC house and I was very quiet and just listened. Everyone seemed to be an expert and their view was right.

One guy is going to retire next summer. He is 62, no debt, and about a $20k military pension. He and his wife talked about talked about how they had planned, and even had a spreadsheet which includes, mandatory IRA withdraw dates, optimal time to take SS and their estimated demise dates. IMHO he has really thought thru his path ahead.

Another wife went on and on about planning. She thought long term planning was a waste. She said she only knew what her vacation was next year and didn’t plan for anything else. There was also some discussion about how she viewed investing the market etc. Essentially all her money is in her mattress.

Then she turned to me and said “so what are you going to do when you retire from the AF in two years?” Her husband looked at me and kind of grinned because he knows the deal as we have discussed it many times. I said well I am going to retire, spend time with the family and then maybe do something or not I haven’t decided on that one yet. She looked at me like I was from Mars. And said “YOU CAN”T DO THAT you have two small kids and will be in your early 40s, you have to work another 20 yrs. I know my husband is because he has to pay for this house.” Then the rant began.

I have never had anyone attack me that way on this subject. I was stunned and felt like someone punched me in the gut, thought about doubting myself, thought you are right I do have two young kids and that is the reason I need to RE to spend time with them, and then mentally switched to the “watch my tracers” mode all in about 60 seconds.

I know we can do this. Earlier that morning I had set down with CINC house and laid out where I thought we were going to be financially so I had a pretty good feel that we will be ok. She kept on and on about “you can’t do that.”

Has this ever happened to you and how did you deal with it? I am sure the critics will come out of the woodwork closer to my ER date. I am still stunned about this.

Tomcat98
__________________

__________________
JDARNELL is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 11-23-2007, 04:32 PM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
cute fuzzy bunny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,697
You ran into someone who wants what you have and since they cant have it, you cant either.

Her hairballs implicitly inhibit her from doing whats needed to be successful in investing and retiring. Not ranting on you forces her to admit her self failings in these areas.
__________________

__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
cute fuzzy bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 04:32 PM   #3
Full time employment: Posting here.
Calgary_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Calgary
Posts: 775
No, this has never happened to me. But, I imagine if it ever did I would either A) ignore it; or B) Say "Wanna make a bet?"

It seems to me that the people who are "non-believers" are usually the jealous types since they know they could never afford to do what you're planning.
__________________
I can only be nice to one person today! Today is not your day...tomorrow doesn't look good either.
Calgary_Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 04:35 PM   #4
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,071
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomcat98 View Post
She kept on and on about “you can’t do that.”

Has this ever happened to you and how did you deal with it?
What she was really saying is "I/we can't do it, so neither can you!".

And the best way to deal with it is to change the subject when someone asks you about your plans.
__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 04:35 PM   #5
Moderator
bssc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,923
I think that by existing, you have confronted her world view that life is random and you have to bury money in your back yard in a tin can. I would have made some comment about getting an inheritance (we got $4K from the MIL's estate) to deflect her.

But, as you noted, the problem is with her and she is in denial. You just have to keep moving along, knowing that you are doing the best for your kids. Make sure that you tell them about Early Retirement so they don't tell their teachers that you don't have a job.
__________________
Angels danced on the day that you were born.
bssc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 05:03 PM   #6
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 23
LOL...I am 38 and work for City Government where EVERYONE but me is on the 30 year and out plan. I opted for the self-managed plan. One day a fella of similar age/senority as me made the comment that WE would be there 20ish more years. I said, NO, I have 5-8 more years to go. The room got quiet. They all knew I only have several years in.
I explained that I was in the self managed plan AND a deferred comp plan and that I would retire with 15-18 years and get the same payout I would have gotten in 30.
They chose to disbelieve me and treated it as a joke. Oh well, when I leave in 6+- years...they will STILL disbelieve that I am FI, they will find another scenario to believe NO MATTER WHAT I tell them. So I feel what you're saying.
But for them to accept that they have LOST 10+ years of their life through poor management is more than they will ever accept. Easier to think I am crazy or a liar.
__________________
Chonder is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 05:07 PM   #7
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
She was way out of line. I swear, I think some people need muzzles.

The last time someone made a snide remark to us, I just said, "we are wealthy." That pretty much shut 'em up.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 05:33 PM   #8
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
clifp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7,450
I have had a number of people say that you are too young to be retired, but never anybody go into full attack mode.

I guess there is a reason that envy is one of the seven deadly sins. Take comfort that if Catholic church is correct she will rot in hell unless she confesses and repents what she did

Actually, I think I'd take comfort in not being married to the lady!
__________________
clifp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 05:44 PM   #9
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomcat98 View Post
I was very quiet and just listened.
There's your problem!

If you were standing next to a burning fuel tank which was certainly going to explode and kill everyone around it, would you just stand there quietly or run away?

Next time you're in this kind of situation where the outcome is so predictable, save yourself some grief and run for the hills........
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 06:04 PM   #10
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
TromboneAl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 11,196
Interesting story. For us civvies, what is "watch my tracers mode" and what is a CINC house (cytokine-induced neutrophil chemoattractant?)?
__________________
Al
TromboneAl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 06:06 PM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
clifp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7,450
Quote:
Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
Interesting story. For us civvies, what is "watch my tracers mode" and what is a CINC house (cytokine-induced neutrophil chemoattractant?)?
Not Military but

CINC house = wife. Commander in Chief House, cute I think
__________________
clifp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 06:37 PM   #12
Moderator Emeritus
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 11,031
Something similar happened to me once at a party. I was talking to a guy in his fifties and somehow his retirement plans came up in the conversation. He had it all figured out apparently, take social security at 62, retire at 65 and play golf 3-4 times a week, living off SS plus the interests generated by his CDs (all his money was in CDs, stocks and bonds were for suckers in his opinion. I'll spare you his reasoning on this subject). Since he seemed very proud of his accomplishments, he started giving (unsolicited) advice to the younsgter (me, in my early thirties), so that one day the youngster could enjoy the same kind of retirement he will enjoy. After a while, I told him I was planning on retiring in my forties. First he thought I was joking, but when he realized I wasn't he basically got really annoyed and paternalistic. How would the youngster know anything about retirement at his age? "Retirement planning is a complex thing son". "It ain't easy to save money son"... He basically managed to make me feel and look like a fool and I was really offended. But since I grew up with this idea that you must respect your elders (no matter how undeserving you think they are), I just shut up.
Even my parents think I am crazy to even contemplate retirement in my forties. They are Europeans, and retiring early is "just not what people do". What does it say about you if you retire early? It says you are lazy. It says you don't contribute to society. How would it reflect on the rest of the family if you were "unemployed" (the name they give to people under age 60 who are not working)? Yes, for my folks, ER is not an accomplishment, it brings on shame.
So now I just keep my ER plan for myself (well I do share them with my wife on occasion ). I don't discuss them with anyone except with anonymous strangers who share my goals and ideals like the members of this forum.
__________________
FIREd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 06:42 PM   #13
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
cute fuzzy bunny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,697
This is why I dont talk about investments or financial situations with anyone that doesnt ask me a specific question, and then I just answer the question and go back to shutting up.

No good ever comes of it.
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
cute fuzzy bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 06:43 PM   #14
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,015
She's just jealous and incredulous. Be happy you have more sense, and don't take this personally. If you are pressed for an answer again, say you're thinking of going into finance.
__________________
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 06:50 PM   #15
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Quote:
Originally Posted by FIREdreamer View Post
So now I just keep my ER plan for myself .
Good idea and a concept lots of folks (young or old) are having trouble catching onto. Bringing up your ER plans is exactly like bringing up your wealth/money status. Almost almost always in bad form and possibly offensive or boring to the listener.

When making conversation, much better to challenge someone's religion or politics!
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 07:01 PM   #16
Recycles dryer sheets
Puzzley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 169
First, it's absolutely none of her business, and she was way, way off base.

Second, the best thing for you to do is ignore her, and go on with your well thought out plan.
__________________
Puzzley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 07:02 PM   #17
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 11,614
Wow. Yep, you surely touched a nerve with her.

I don't discuss our financial situation with others for the reasons we've touched on here. Plus, typical party conversation concerning investments is usually full of inaccuracies and a bunch of people in transmit mode with no one listening. If someone seems really open to advice and asks me, I'll chime in.

This forum is a little like AA. "Hello, my name is samclem and I'm a saver . . . "
__________________
"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite." - R. Heinlein
samclem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 07:05 PM   #18
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
dex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,105
Good idea to keep your ER plans to yourself.
Are you the type of person that is influenced by uniformed people?
This woman does not know much about you - financial, goals etc.
It you allow these type of people to whipsaw you; you will be second guessing yourself.
Surround yourself with people who inspire you and your goals like Billy and Akishia.
Good luck
__________________
Sometimes death is not as tragic as not knowing how to live. This man knew how to live--and how to make others glad they were living. - Jack Benny at Nat King Cole's funeral
dex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 07:07 PM   #19
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: North of Montana
Posts: 2,753
Way back when, one of my co-w*rkers got into Amway. Tried to interest suck me in, told me of his plans to ER in 1988. He's still there, I left in June.

If anyone suggests that I might have to w*rk in the future I ask if I can try my next carreer on them. When they say 'what', I say 'Welcome to Walmart, clothing for the seriously obese is in aisle 22'.

Who cares about their opinion.
__________________
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate conclusions from insufficient data and ..
kumquat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2007, 07:09 PM   #20
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
clifp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7,450
Quote:
Originally Posted by FIREdreamer View Post
Even my parents think I am crazy to even contemplate retirement in my forties. They are Europeans, and retiring early is "just not what people do". What does it say about you if you retire early? It says you are lazy. It says you don't contribute to society. How would it reflect on the rest of the family if you were "unemployed" (the name they give to people under age 60 who are not working)? Yes, for my folks, ER is not an accomplishment, it brings on shame.
.
Sorry cheap European shot...


Well if I had a 35 hour work week and 8 or is 10 weeks of vacation a year, I'd probably keep working also!
__________________

__________________
clifp is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
are you easily offended ?? johanne Other topics 20 05-05-2007 05:11 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:22 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.