... apparently I haven't learned how to turn it off (yet).
Scott Adams (Dilbert) used to have a section of his website devoted to lazy entrepreneurs. The plan was that they'd post their money-making ideas for others to actually develop & execute. Presumably the grateful millionaires would then kick back a few thousand to the lazy (yet creative) slobs.
ERs are familiar with this problem. Relaxed & alert in your ER life, you see business opportunities everywhere and your creative juices start to flow! But then you realize that actually following through on your inspiration is just too much like REAL work. You grab a frosty beverage and lay down until the feeling passes, but it keeps coming back to bother you.
So to channel these urges into a more healthy outlet, here's a few of my contributions to the Young Dreamers. Remember me kindly if you springboard my idea to obscene riches.
1. "Who I Wuz" jackets.
Navy veterans have "cruise jacket" souvenirs for those who've deployed overseas. They're emblazoned across the back with something like "WestPac '02" in bright eye-grabbing colors, along with a Pacific map showing the battlegroup's odyssey & portcalls. The sleeves & chest are festooned with various warfare patches & insignia and maybe a cryptic slogan (inside joke) or two.
Inspiration struck one day when my father mentioned that he was always being asked who he was before he retired (e.g., "died"). This concept should take the retiree world by storm. "Who I Wuz" jackets would have the retiree's corporate titles emblazoned across the back shoulders, perhaps with a globe-trotting graphic for job-hoppers. Sleeves could have corporate logos and the front could have short resume bullets or career dates. The insides of the jacket ("Psst! Hey buddy!") could be embroidered with a salary history or the # of direct reports. The jacket could even be draped across your tombstone if you die at your desk.
2. "Command Performance, Inc."
In my military career I've written or endorsed over a thousand performance reviews. I've spent over two decades learning how to stuff terse, active-verb phrases into small text boxes. Hey, it wasn't exactly the stuff you see in the recruiting commercials, but it paid a lot of bills.
However, most of the Naval Reserves have not developed this skill. One organization, the Naval Reserve Association, actually earns quite a bit by selling "record reviews" to its members. After a $35 annual fee you pay an additional $75-$100 to have one of their employees go over your official record with a checklist and advise you on missing awards, gaps in performance reviews, and other administrivia that could torpedo a promotion.
Enter CP Inc. For just $35 I'll interview you over the phone as I craft your performance appraisal on the appropriate software. You provide a few details, I'll supply the superlatives, and I'll e-mail the file to you tomorrow. For $50 I'll meet with you personally and do it on my laptop as you watch. For $75 I'll sit with you and your supervisor to craft a mutually-agreeable product that won't need further editing! And for $100 I'll do just as good a record review as the NRA.
Surely this can be translated to civilian performance reviews?
3. "Good/Fast/Cheap Inc."
This idea comes from a Mensa friend who cut through all the marketing & sales crap with the observation that all customers want all of the above. Unfortunately they can't have it all, but they can have two out of three. This is similar to a hotel's personal-concierge service where you meet the customer's requests no matter how inane or indulgent (the request OR the customer). Customers have to decide which two features they want-- good & fast (but very expensive), good & cheap (but it'll take a while to put together), or fast & cheap (quality by coincidence only).
4. The Handy Guy.
Most workers & homeowners would rather have root canals than a subscription to Family Handyman or the HGTV cable channel or surf a DIY website. For just $25/hour (preferably cash) I'll handle routine maintenance or minor repairs. We're not talking rocket science or even contractor licenses-- just sprinkler tweaks, picture hanging, & refrigerator/dryer cleaning. For a retainer I'll put together a monthly checklist and execute it.
Scott Adams (Dilbert) used to have a section of his website devoted to lazy entrepreneurs. The plan was that they'd post their money-making ideas for others to actually develop & execute. Presumably the grateful millionaires would then kick back a few thousand to the lazy (yet creative) slobs.
ERs are familiar with this problem. Relaxed & alert in your ER life, you see business opportunities everywhere and your creative juices start to flow! But then you realize that actually following through on your inspiration is just too much like REAL work. You grab a frosty beverage and lay down until the feeling passes, but it keeps coming back to bother you.
So to channel these urges into a more healthy outlet, here's a few of my contributions to the Young Dreamers. Remember me kindly if you springboard my idea to obscene riches.
1. "Who I Wuz" jackets.
Navy veterans have "cruise jacket" souvenirs for those who've deployed overseas. They're emblazoned across the back with something like "WestPac '02" in bright eye-grabbing colors, along with a Pacific map showing the battlegroup's odyssey & portcalls. The sleeves & chest are festooned with various warfare patches & insignia and maybe a cryptic slogan (inside joke) or two.
Inspiration struck one day when my father mentioned that he was always being asked who he was before he retired (e.g., "died"). This concept should take the retiree world by storm. "Who I Wuz" jackets would have the retiree's corporate titles emblazoned across the back shoulders, perhaps with a globe-trotting graphic for job-hoppers. Sleeves could have corporate logos and the front could have short resume bullets or career dates. The insides of the jacket ("Psst! Hey buddy!") could be embroidered with a salary history or the # of direct reports. The jacket could even be draped across your tombstone if you die at your desk.
2. "Command Performance, Inc."
In my military career I've written or endorsed over a thousand performance reviews. I've spent over two decades learning how to stuff terse, active-verb phrases into small text boxes. Hey, it wasn't exactly the stuff you see in the recruiting commercials, but it paid a lot of bills.
However, most of the Naval Reserves have not developed this skill. One organization, the Naval Reserve Association, actually earns quite a bit by selling "record reviews" to its members. After a $35 annual fee you pay an additional $75-$100 to have one of their employees go over your official record with a checklist and advise you on missing awards, gaps in performance reviews, and other administrivia that could torpedo a promotion.
Enter CP Inc. For just $35 I'll interview you over the phone as I craft your performance appraisal on the appropriate software. You provide a few details, I'll supply the superlatives, and I'll e-mail the file to you tomorrow. For $50 I'll meet with you personally and do it on my laptop as you watch. For $75 I'll sit with you and your supervisor to craft a mutually-agreeable product that won't need further editing! And for $100 I'll do just as good a record review as the NRA.
Surely this can be translated to civilian performance reviews?
3. "Good/Fast/Cheap Inc."
This idea comes from a Mensa friend who cut through all the marketing & sales crap with the observation that all customers want all of the above. Unfortunately they can't have it all, but they can have two out of three. This is similar to a hotel's personal-concierge service where you meet the customer's requests no matter how inane or indulgent (the request OR the customer). Customers have to decide which two features they want-- good & fast (but very expensive), good & cheap (but it'll take a while to put together), or fast & cheap (quality by coincidence only).
4. The Handy Guy.
Most workers & homeowners would rather have root canals than a subscription to Family Handyman or the HGTV cable channel or surf a DIY website. For just $25/hour (preferably cash) I'll handle routine maintenance or minor repairs. We're not talking rocket science or even contractor licenses-- just sprinkler tweaks, picture hanging, & refrigerator/dryer cleaning. For a retainer I'll put together a monthly checklist and execute it.
