In case any of you are drowning in misery at work

[brewer12345]

Here's a little pick-me-up:

http://www.chriskilmer.com/2003/11/attack_of_the_m.html

I got about 1/3 of the way through and had to close my office door because people kept giving me funny looks for sitting here laughing.

[Marshac]

Awesome. This is just what I needed after getting a "revised" vacation time statement... apparently there was a mess up, and I should be accruing 1.0 days of vacation per month rather than the 1.13 days/month I had been.... wonderful.

[Bob_Smith]

What a scream! If only I had thought of that before I retired!

[Martha]

You boys are disgusting. What is it about guys and poop jokes?

[Marshac]

Quote:

You boys are disgusting. * *What is it about guys and poop jokes?

Inside every man lives a 2 year old.

[charlie]

I retired from TI in 1989.

[FunGoals]

Heres a story about elephants

http://www.nbc10.com/news/4129877/detail.html

[Marshac]

That's awesome. If only my iguana could learn that trick.

Here is a memo that was going around a few years ago.

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FR: MANAGEMENT
RE: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

[haha]

Cut-Throat, thanks for the belly laughs!

Mikey

[BigMoneyJim]

Seen many places: "The Plan"
---------------
In the beginning was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the workes.
And they spake among themselves saying "It is a crock of ****, and it stinketh."
And the workers went unto their supervisor and sayeth "It is a pail of dung and none may abide
by the oder thereof."
And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth to them "It is a container of excrement
and it is very strong such that none may abide by it."
And the managers went unto their directors and sayeth, "It is a vessal of fertilizer and none may
abide by its strength."
And the directors spake among themselves saying one to the other "It contains that which aids
plant growth and it is very strong."
And the directors went unto the vice-presidents and sayeth unto them "It promotes growth and it
is very powerful."
Ad the vice-presidents went unto the president and sayeth to him "This new plan will promote
the growth of this company."
Ad the Presidet looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.
And the plan became policy.
And that is how **** happens.

[BilltSuperTester]

LMAO on a few of these. My favorite remedy when The Man is getting me down is to put on the movie "Office Space" and drink tequila. That movie is chock full of memorable quotes:
"Can't you just give me something that will make me forget I am at work and think I am fishing?"
"People weren't meant to spend their lives working in tiny cubicles"

Very highly recommended.
Thanks for the laughs.

This thread got me thinking about my worst and best
working experiences. I would say the worst (much to my surprise) was the part time gig I took in 1993
after I semiretired. I had been working for myself
for 10 years and even having a "boss" part time was
just awful.

Other than owning my own company
(which alternated between pleasure and excruciating
pain) I would say my favorite was when I was running
a medium sized manufacturing company which was a
financial basket case. I was made President at the tender age of 32 and hoped that I could engineer a turnaround
and cash in big. Never happened, but I escaped with
my baggage intact. It was stressful and exhausting,
but I look back on those days with fondness. Maybe I
enjoyed the challenge? I wouldn't last a week if I tried
it today.

JG

[Martha]

Good post John. I would bet many of the early retirees here have more bad than good work memories.

For me some of the best times were when I went to court, was in the right, did a bang up job on my argument, and won. Working out settlements where everyone was happy is great too. Figuring out resolutions to complicated legal issues is rewarding as well.


All the worst experiences came from my management position.

former president Martha

[BunsGettingFirm]

Wow, I use to ride with a guy who used to work for TI. He said that he didn't know he was getting shafted all those years until he left and went to work for HP. I thought he was just bitching because his riding shorts were riding up on him, but now I know. Scary sh*t.

Speaking of snitches, I have a nagging feeling that one of my "friends" at work is snitching because a major complaint of mine at our lunchtime bitch session was remarkably reflected back to me by my manager the very next day. I thought I was being paranoid, but now I know that this kind of stuff isn't too far fetched. No wonder I didn't get a raise the past two years.