Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-04-2010, 12:59 PM   #21
Full time employment: Posting here.
ProspectiveBum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: SoCal
Posts: 667
Congratulations! If you want them, kids are a great blessing.

I agree with Uncle Drew's comments about estate planning. Our experience was similar: if something happened to you, who would you want raising your kids, and how?

Another thing to think about: will your wife be a SAHM, or will she return to work? If she'll be working, you'll want to brace yourself for the increased costs you'll incur (unless you have family that will help out, etc.). In my experience, with 2 kids on daycare for the last 4 years, child-care has been my single biggest expense over that time. You can get some relief through a dependent-care expense account (tax-free up to $5000). Your employer should be able to help you out with setting one up, if appropriate.

I know that many will claim that kids aren't (or don't need to be) expensive. That hasn't been my experience, but I recognize that we're making choices that affect that. It all comes down to value judgements. We're actually less focused on ER than we were before having kids. We'd still like to retire before 60, but previously, we were thinking that ER at 50 was attainable. It still could be if we wanted it, but we've decided that we'd prefer to splurge on family vacations, etc. with the kids along the way. Again, personal choices.

Money concerns aside, I laugh every single day at my kids' antics. I've grown immeaurably as a person for having had them, and I wouldn't trade 'em for anything. Enjoy the ride!
__________________

__________________
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
- Joe Walsh
ProspectiveBum is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 11-04-2010, 01:03 PM   #22
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,373
When your wife is in labor you will be glad only she is really pregnant.

I hope your new little one has chosen doting grandparents .

Congratulations!
__________________

__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2010, 01:32 PM   #23
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: France
Posts: 1,195
Quote:
Originally Posted by kfindley79 View Post
Fortunately, my wife is so thankful for this gift that she is not one of the ones you described.
Come back in 6 months when she stand up to get off the couch and let us know if she's still of the same opinion. In the meantime, congratulations - the gene pool salutes you.
__________________
Age 56, retired July 1, 2012; DW is 60 and working for 2 more years. Current portfolio is 2000K split 50 stocks/20 bonds/30 cash. Renting house, no debts.
BigNick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2010, 02:19 PM   #24
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
saluki9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,032
We had our first 9 months ago.

1. Go on a lot of "dates" with your wife. Even when our girl is with sitters most of that time is spent doing things like running errands. My wife and I used to go out to dinner and see movies all the time. I've seen one movie in a theater in 10 months.

2. Save a bundle of cash. I don't care what you've planned for, it's more expensive than that.

3. clean up or fix up your home, you're going to be seeing a lot of it

4. Be prepared for stress on your marriage. My wife and I were never fighters, but the hormones, lack of sleep, and increased responsibility add a lot of stress. after 10 months, we're finally starting to like each other again.
__________________
saluki9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2010, 02:26 PM   #25
Moderator
Alan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Eee Bah Gum
Posts: 21,095
Congratulations on your upcoming addition to your family.

I confess that when I saw you announce that "we're pregnant", the first thing I did was check your profile to see where you are from because the only place I hear that expression often is in Australia.
__________________
Retired in Jan, 2010 at 55, moved to England in May 2016
Now it's adventure before dementia
Alan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2010, 07:54 AM   #26
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 38
Thanks for all the great replies....some I knew already but others have really made me think. Talked to our financial planner yesterday and was offered reassurance that we are heading in the right direction.

I love this site and I hope to be part of it for many years to come.
__________________
kfindley79 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2010, 12:33 PM   #27
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 21
Congratulations!! Enjoy the next 9 months. It won't be the same again.
__________________
Prime is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2010, 06:42 AM   #28
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 452
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Drew View Post
Congratulations! What great news. Our first child was born in August of this year. He is 11 weeks old now and really coming into his own personality wise.
Wait until he's 2 y.o. THEN you'll really see his personality. I haven't read any books about the terrible two's, but boy oh boy, my DS can show his personality (sometimes it's hard to keep my face straight when dealing with him ).

Kfindley, contrats to you. My suggestion would be not to get overwhelmed by the literature out there. For your DW, I'd suggest to read a simple pregnancy book, like Week by Week pregnancy (cannot recall exactly anymore, but I LOVED that book so simple and understandable) instead of all possible books in a bookstore (unless there're any important facts of medical family history to consider).
Also, register for all coupons relating to the baby, like diapers, formula, and baby food, but don't buy any. E.g. many moms buy Pampers and Huggies brand diapers thinking them to be the best, but I went by price and no regrets. Plus when I did buy Huggies once (sale + coupon), my baby got a rash all over the covered area.
__________________
aida2003 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2010, 09:40 AM   #29
Full time employment: Posting here.
Lusitan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Boston
Posts: 620
Congratulations! I've got two little ones (preschool and newborn) at home and I love being a dad.

A few words of advice:

- if you think you might have more than 1 kid, try to stick with unisex clothes for the first few months at least, boy or girl they are just babies and can get away with wearing lots of white and beige and light green ... our first was a boy so maybe it was easier (it seems difficult for women to resist buying little pink dresses for baby girls) but we've gotten double-use out of many of the early-days stuff we bought (not finding out the gender of the baby ahead of time helped keep our gender neutral theme going)

- keep a swap network going in your circle of friends/family ... kids outgrow stuff quickly, and you can save big by passing stuff along once you're sure not to need it anymore, and by receiving stuff from others who no longer need it

- related to the above, check out freecycle and used kids' clothes stores, up until around 4 it seems they aren't active enough to really wear anything out before they grow out of it

- look into 529 college savings options in your state, not a bad way to put a little aside for college and it's good if you start right away

- we have a stay-at-home parent in our house, it's my wife; having her running the show at home has offset whatever stress the kids added into our daily life, and the kids of course love having "mama" there with them; whatever works for you, but consider this as an option

- definitely look closely at your life insurance, rule of thumb is that you should have at least 10x annual income in life insurance, and GET IT NOW while you are (relatively) young and (hopefully) healthy; if you both plan on continuing work then you both should get 10x your respective income, if one of you will stay home you maybe don't need 10x former income for that person, but get something to offset the cost of childcare that you would need if the primary caregiver died

- sounds strange, but a "diaper wipes warmer" really worked and keeps the baby happy ... i guess a cold diaper wipe applied to your bum in the middle of the night is not a pleasant feeling, but a warm diaper wipe seems to be cool with our babies and they cry less

- encourage your wife to nurse the kids if at all possible, and by "at all possible" she should be prepared for some rough nights in the hospital and starting out with her first baby, getting the hang of it ... it's easy to give in to the formula when you have no confidence and things don't seem to be working, but if she sticks with it and struggles through those first few days, it's healthier for the baby, much easier, and cheaper

Good luck!
__________________
Lusitan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2010, 02:13 PM   #30
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 452
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lusitan View Post
- encourage your wife to nurse the kids if at all possible, and by "at all possible" she should be prepared for some rough nights in the hospital and starting out with her first baby, getting the hang of it ... it's easy to give in to the formula when you have no confidence and things don't seem to be working, but if she sticks with it and struggles through those first few days, it's healthier for the baby, much easier, and cheaper.
This one is debatable. Yes, I totall agree that breastmilk is better and cheaper, but if truly it's not working out after trying hard then I wouldn't kill myself trying. It will depend on the mother. I rather have a rested mother who feeds her baby formula than an exhausted mother who just keeps trying to breastfeed (because everybody says it's yours, as a mother's, duty to do so) and almost on the brink of postpartum depression.
__________________
aida2003 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2010, 02:15 PM   #31
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
ls99's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,792
Meant to say this a while back, who is this we kimosabe?

By the way congrats.
__________________
There must be moderation in everything, including moderation.
ls99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2010, 02:27 PM   #32
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,323
Well, congrats to you! Been there, done that, enjoyed it alot!!!
__________________
Please consider adopting a rescue animal. So very many need a furr-ever home and someone to love them! And if we all spay/neuter our pets there won't be an overpopulation to put to death.
Orchidflower is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 09:59 AM   #33
Full time employment: Posting here.
Lusitan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Boston
Posts: 620
Quote:
Originally Posted by aida2003 View Post
This one is debatable. Yes, I totall agree that breastmilk is better and cheaper, but if truly it's not working out after trying hard then I wouldn't kill myself trying. It will depend on the mother. I rather have a rested mother who feeds her baby formula than an exhausted mother who just keeps trying to breastfeed (because everybody says it's yours, as a mother's, duty to do so) and almost on the brink of postpartum depression.
I agree with you of course. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and no sense going crazy over it.

I just think that few women are prepared for just how difficult it is to start "getting things going" as it were, especially for the first time, and with all the stress and pressure in the first day or two after birth, if she's not mentally prepared for the idea that it's not usually like "flipping a switch" and can be rough going at first, the inclination is to give in to using formula. My wife certainly wasn't prepared. And it doesn't help that many nurses at the hospital just want to take the easy way out and tell the mother to give formula (just so that they baby cries less in the first day or two at the nursery) when in fact for the first couple days babies need relatively little.

The commercial baby-formula industry definitely has an incentive to get you hooked from the start on formula, at the moment you are most vulnerable to giving in.

Obviously I don't have any personal experience with it, just seeing what my wife went through and hearing her thoughts on the matter, but it's the type of advice that I wish someone had told us so that we would have been better prepared for those first few days.
__________________
Lusitan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2010, 05:42 PM   #34
Full time employment: Posting here.
Calgary_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Calgary
Posts: 775
[QUOTE=Lusitan;1001779]I just think that few women are prepared for just how difficult it is to start "getting things going" as it were, especially for the first time, and with all the stress and pressure in the first day or two after birth, if she's not mentally prepared for the idea that it's not usually like "flipping a switch" and can be rough going at first, the inclination is to give in to using formula. My wife certainly wasn't prepared. And it doesn't help that many nurses at the hospital just want to take the easy way out and tell the mother to give formula (just so that they baby cries less in the first day or two at the nursery) when in fact for the first couple days babies need relatively little.

The commercial baby-formula industry definitely has an incentive to get you hooked from the start on formula, at the moment you are most vulnerable to giving in.

QUOTE]

I agree and disagree. My experience was the exact opposite with the nurses at the hospital. They were downright pushy to breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed. All the books make it sound so easy: you have the baby and bang! you should be able to breastfeed right away. What the books don't tell you is that breastfeeding is difficult and not every woman can produce enough milk. Thank goodness for formula; it was my lifesaver.

The only advice I can offer is to be prepared for anything. Yes, I believe that breastfeeding is the best choice but it is not always possible. Don't let your wife feel guilty if she's not able to breastfeed and have a backup plan in place: make sure you have some bottles and formula on hand once you bring the baby home. Nothing worse than running to the store at midnight because you have a screaming baby at home who is hungry .
__________________
I can only be nice to one person today! Today is not your day...tomorrow doesn't look good either.
Calgary_Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2010, 07:03 PM   #35
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,423
Congratulations! We've both said that having the kids was the most fun we've had. Remember to take time to PLAY along with them. DH says he enjoyed getting to be a kid again.

My first was only 4 lbs and I wanted to breastfeed. He didn't take to nursing very well at first. The nurses in the hospital were very helpful and encouraged me to keep trying. Because of his low weight the doctor had me nurse him and then supplement with formula. Adding formula just makes a baby nurse less so once he got to about 5 to 5.5 lbs I worked very hard to go to all nursing. It was tough, he needed to nurse about every 2 hours so it was hard to get anything else done!

A few years later we had our 2nd baby and I think he read the instruction book on breastfeeding before he was born. Nursing him was 100% successful from the day he was born. Slept through the night in the first few weeks. He was an easy baby all around.
__________________
Married, both 62. DH retired June, 2010. I have a pleasant little part time job.
Sue J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2010, 08:29 AM   #36
Dryer sheet wannabe
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 17
Congratulations!!

I have a 2YO myself. The best piece of advice I can give, financially speaking, is DON'T be sucked into the crazy baby marketing. You don't need bottle warmers, diaper genies, etc. Not all babies like swings, bouncers, and jumpers. I would recommend maybe borrowing one from a friend to see if yours enjoys it before shelling out the $100-$300 a high cost item will run you. Mine never liked the swing. Total waste of money. She used it for maybe a total of twenty minutes, and now it takes up so much space just storing it. Same for toys. We have play kitchens, things that sing and spin, but DD's favorite stuff are the things that she sees DH and I use, like the remote, pans, wooden spoons, hairbrushes, etc.

As for the costs that add up, you don't need to have high end diapers or organic everything. Look at the true facts and differences between the products before deciding. Many of the small benefits are not worth the inflated prices. I used pampers swaddlers while DD was a newborn because I wanted the softest and was worried about rashes, but she never had a problem, and I soon moved on to generic brands, which saves a bundle. I also bought wipes in bulk from diapers.com with the beginning discount and still haven't run out.

Anyways, there's a ton of websites/blogs that will help you cut costs on baby items. I was shocked at how little a baby actually costs if you can avoid the consumerism. Good luck and rest while you can!
__________________

__________________
KisKis is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Paid to do it, but fails to make his friend’s wife pregnant after 72 Attempts MichaelB Other topics 5 04-06-2009 09:08 PM
Look What I Found! LIPhotoMan Hi, I am... 35 12-02-2005 12:18 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:06 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.