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Old 11-10-2009, 09:46 AM   #61
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Darn, I keep tellin' DW this is a G-rated forum.....thanks for making me a liar...........
I guess it wasn't enough that we menfolk only be jealous of her healthy income and commitment to helping her husband FIRE...
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Old 11-10-2009, 09:53 AM   #62
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Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
Well among other things, I am the driver of our FIRE goals, even getting a CFP in order to feel more comfortable with our investment plans, just so he can quit work first! That has always been my push--for him to get to retire, even if I'm not going to be able to do it at the same time.

This is such a 180 degree out from the OP's situation that I feel I should remind DH of his luck in luring in a young lass such as myself to work in his stead.

And yes, JustN, I do have some other, ahem, skills.
I guess he really did get LUCKY...

Although, it sounds like your plan is for him to get to ER 'first', you'll likely have the younger retirement age.
(Perhaps serving less time in overall servitude).
Hopefully, that perspective might get you through those final years after his retirement.
When he's out afiddlin' and your still in aslavin'.
Too bad you two couldn't 'come together' to retirement...
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Old 11-10-2009, 03:22 PM   #63
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?

So after reading this thread - the OP is the bad guy - at the very least he should go out and get a second job to speed the way to ER.

But not too exhausting so his wife can employ her 'other skills.'

heh heh heh - I think I took a wrong turn reading this threads posts. . My Curmudgeon certificate says - when in doubt cut expenses. As in really cut - and watch out for divorce lawyers.
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Old 11-11-2009, 10:05 AM   #64
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If you can't get her to buy into some LBYM or ER stuff, start a seperate bank/investment account and start socking away $$. Maybe put bonuses or pay raises into it, and maintain your level of living you now have.
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Old 11-11-2009, 10:56 AM   #65
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I'm glad I'm not married to some of you.
At the same time? Wouldn’t that be polygamy?
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Old 11-11-2009, 11:09 AM   #66
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Speaking as someone who has never had to worry about who's turn it is to cook, do the dishes, do laundry, vacuum, make the bed, pick up, dust, drive the kids to/from school/activities, attend teacher conferences, nurse sick kids(or me), or even take out the trash; I wouldn't say that OP is "bad", just very short sited. Like Sarah's hubby, I'm very lucky for oh so many reasons. SO coax and coerce and guilt her into getting that job -- agreeing of course to pick up your 'fair' share of the SAHM duties and be prepared for a continued dose of the same fairness in ER. Just some words of wisdom from the few, the proud, the single income based ER...
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Old 11-12-2009, 02:23 PM   #67
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Quick response here. I'm taking the side of the OP. He sounds like he's becoming miserable in his current gig and wants more personal fulfillment in his life before it's too late to enjoy it. His wife, on the other hand, has had YEARS of time to pursue her personal enjoyment while raising their one child. It is only fair that she help him reach ER (or be able to find a more fulfilling and probably lower-paying gig) by doing one of two things: (1) getting a job that pays a decent wage, or (2) cutting their expenses. It is NOT FAIR for her to continue to enjoy life while her husband grows more and more miserable. That is what leads to resentment and ultimately divorce.
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Old 11-12-2009, 05:08 PM   #68
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Quick response here. I'm taking the side of the OP. He sounds like he's becoming miserable in his current gig and wants more personal fulfillment in his life before it's too late to enjoy it. His wife, on the other hand, has had YEARS of time to pursue her personal enjoyment while raising their one child. It is only fair that she help him reach ER (or be able to find a more fulfilling and probably lower-paying gig) by doing one of two things: (1) getting a job that pays a decent wage, or (2) cutting their expenses. It is NOT FAIR for her to continue to enjoy life while her husband grows more and more miserable. That is what leads to resentment and ultimately divorce.
I don't think anybody here has suggested that they not sit down and work on cutting expenses and LBTM. However, I challenge you to take 20 years out of the job market, then run right out and real quick get a decent paying job during the worst job market in 40 years or more.

If the OP is so miserable (not the way I read the post) that he's going to sink into depression resulting in resentment and divorce, I think therapy would be of more help than his wife getting a job. However, the way I read he post is that he'd like to retire earlier and would like is wife to help make that possible. There are numerous ways to accomplish that, but only well thought out communication is going to make it happen. Until that has been done this is all conjecture. She might balk, she might jump at the various opportunities, she might file for divorce and leave him penniless and miserable. But nothings going to happen until the first move is made.

I think it would be helpful to look into low skilled jobs in the area, see what kind of salaries there are. Talk to some admins or HR in your company, see what starting pay and job requirements look like. Figure out how much (approximate) take home would be, look into tax bracket implications, all those other things people have posted about. Then figure out some LBYM changes that might approximate the income level and have those available. Then when you sit down and talk about things you will have some answers if she has questions. And don't dump it all out at once. Let her know how you feel, give her time to think about it. Make sure she knows you are unhappy working (if you are). Take your time. Then as the subject becomes more familiar bring out the charts and spreadsheets.

If you approach this from an adversarial POV you'll probably get the outcome some of the more extreme posts suggest. If you do it slowly and with respect you might get the same response, but your chances are better, IMHO. Good luck.
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Old 11-12-2009, 05:18 PM   #69
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harley,

You describe pretty much the approach I've decided on. BTW, not depressed. Certainly not interested in a divorce. Just want to FIRE at age 55 with as much money as we can save thru increased income and LBYM.

I want to kiss my job goodbye but I'm not gonna go mental or get divorced because of it.
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