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09-27-2009, 02:01 PM
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#1
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,490
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DW and I don't have children and don't want any. All the nagging in the world won't change that. I think that our families pretty much gave up on trying to "convert" us.
We have been called selfish, we have been told that our marriage was a sham (because for some people apparently the only purpose of marriage is to procreate, therefore no kids = not a real marriage), we have been pressured by our parents with MIL counting down how many eggs DW potentially had left before menopause, etc... It has been ugly sometime. But not unexpected. While we have been more than patient with family and friends, we usually snapped right back at strangers offering their unwelcome opinion.
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09-27-2009, 02:13 PM
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#2
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lone Star State
Posts: 4,376
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Oh c'mon FD...they just want you to experience the misery pleasure they have experienced with their children....... 
btw...before someone jumps all over me...
Kudos to people that want/have children...
Kudos to people that elect not to have children...
__________________
......ibyoig......
Last edited by bbbamI; 09-27-2009 at 02:31 PM.
Reason: cma...
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09-27-2009, 02:38 PM
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#3
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,490
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Obviously I am in no position to judge whether raising kids is a miserable or pleasurable experience. But, as a teenager, I spent many summers working with kids as a summer camp instructor and I was once an elementary school teacher, so unlike many new parents, I have some idea what it takes  .
The only thing I know is that this is our choice and I want people to respect it.
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09-27-2009, 02:57 PM
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#4
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 3,432
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The theme of this thread is living in the moment, and some people find having children helps them do this. But that should be tangential to being a parent, not a reason to have them. There are much easier ways to live in the moment. I have an immature relative who said having her child "saved her life." My feeling is that is a huge burden to put on that child....
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09-27-2009, 03:02 PM
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#5
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 4,572
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Yep, I'm so glad it made life worth living for some folks to have them younguns and all, but for me, my life was already worth living, so hey, to each his or her own. 
Firedreamer, I used to have to give tours to busloads of kids, and hell itself could not have been hotter. My existential nightmare would be to be trapped in a kindergarten classroom. Argggghhhhh!
__________________
"Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." - Mark Twain
DINKS, 38 and 46, plan for his ER at 50, mine few yrs later.
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09-27-2009, 03:26 PM
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#6
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Confused about dryer sheets
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5
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 Quote:
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Originally Posted by SarahinSC
Firedreamer, I used to have to give tours to busloads of kids, and hell itself could not have been hotter. My existential nightmare would be to be trapped in a kindergarten classroom. Argggghhhhh!
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 No doubt. I worked as a "camp counsellor" in my teenage years looking after 6-8 year olds. I don't think I could muster the energy or patience for that ever again.
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09-27-2009, 03:48 PM
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#7
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,490
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah in SC
Firedreamer, I used to have to give tours to busloads of kids, and hell itself could not have been hotter. My existential nightmare would be to be trapped in a kindergarten classroom. Argggghhhhh!
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For 6 years, I spent my summer supervising 70-80 kids age 5-7 (I was head instructor for that age group). The field trips were actually my favorite part. But yeah, I was glad when the summer was over! I sometimes get flash backs when I babysit my 5 year old niece. I feel mentally exhausted after entertaining her for just a few hours.
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09-27-2009, 04:08 PM
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#8
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 494
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When my son was born almost 27 years ago, I had all these lofty notions about having to fill time with him in educational ways, always giving him my undying attention. That notion bit the dust quickly. He learned to entertain himself, went to pre-school at 4 to give me a break, let him watch lots of cartoons and eat candy(things I said no child of mine would EVER do). He is pretty well adjusted and very independent now. And, interestingly, doesn't own a TV and is a health food type of guy. I think he always knew we loved him, would do anything for him and that we did the best we could.
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09-27-2009, 04:32 PM
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#9
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,490
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhoDaresWins
When my son was born almost 27 years ago, I had all these lofty notions about having to fill time with him in educational ways, always giving him my undying attention. That notion bit the dust quickly. He learned to entertain himself, went to pre-school at 4 to give me a break, let him watch lots of cartoons and eat candy(things I said no child of mine would EVER do). He is pretty well adjusted and very independent now. And, interestingly, doesn't own a TV and is a health food type of guy. I think he always knew we loved him, would do anything for him and that we did the best we could.
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Unfortunately that's not how my niece is being brought up. She doesn't know how to entertain herself and needs to be the center of attention. Her parents perpetuate that behavior IMO but there is not much I can do about it.
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09-27-2009, 05:16 PM
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#10
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Confused about dryer sheets
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5
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Quote:
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The theme of this thread is living in the moment, and some people find having children helps them do this. But that should be tangential to being a parent, not a reason to have them. There are much easier ways to live in the moment. I have an immature relative who said having her child "saved her life." My feeling is that is a huge burden to put on that child....
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Agreed. To clarify, I did feel like I was living in the moment/maximizing my life experience before children (b.c.), it is only in retrospect that it seemed more like I was "going through the motions" compared to after I had them. Probably just my perspective, possibly some confounders at play (more financially stable now, don't have to study as much, don't have to do as much call), and maybe even an element of confirmation bias (we are all guilty at times). Also, the nature and demeanour of the children can make a big difference. Some children are hellians from the moment the cord is tied...not so far with mine. Regardless, just the way it was for me, and not meant to be considered as an insight into anyone else's life.
Quote:
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Yep, I'm so glad it made life worth living for some folks to have them younguns and all, but for me, my life was already worth living, so hey, to each his or her own
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Again, to clarify, life was very good before having children. With children life is also very good...but in a different way. It is difficult to explain, so I will cease trying.
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09-27-2009, 05:57 PM
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#11
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 4,734
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Different strokes for different folks ! My children are the light in my life . I can not imagine life without them . Sure it was hard , I was a divorced single mother for years but I never ever regretted having them . I would never talk someone into having a child that is too much of a personal decision .
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09-27-2009, 07:45 PM
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#12
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Greater Dayton area
Posts: 4,744
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Just to throw in my 2¢:
Don't like children, didn't like them when I was one, never wanted them, never had them.
Grateful to live in a place and time where I could be able to not have them.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
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09-27-2009, 08:39 PM
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#13
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Hong Kong
Posts: 56
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One plus about having children is that there will always be someone there to pick a resthome for me when I am too far gone to do so myself.....
__________________
Perhaps a man really dies when his brain stops, when his mind loses the power to take in a new idea - George Orwell
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09-27-2009, 08:46 PM
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#14
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lone Star State
Posts: 4,376
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I just keep thinking about grabbing my lower lip and pulling it over my forehead... 
__________________
......ibyoig......
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09-27-2009, 09:26 PM
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#15
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Greater Dayton area
Posts: 4,744
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"Pushing a piano through a transom."
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
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09-29-2009, 09:07 PM
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#16
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Columbus
Posts: 41
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Seems this thread has taken several twists and turns since the OP. After reading some of them, here are some of my takes on life and living in the moment - along with some of the side topics that were brought up.
First - Having kids/not having kids and married/single are very personal decisions. We always told our kids that it was better to stay single or wait a long time for the right person, because living with the wrong one was WAY worse and had many more long term consequences. As far as having kids, I have seen many people in both situations happy, and many miserable. I think alot of it has to do with how much time and energy you are willing to put into your family. I will say that having kids often keeps you in the moment - but sometimes you may not enjoy it!
Second - I read the following general observation somewhere. Young children live in the moment, teens through adults live in the future, and old people live in the past (although maybe for those with Aldzheimer's live in the present as well!!). From what I've seen, this seems to be generally true, maybe out of necessity. After all, if no one "lived in the future" there would be total chaos (no planning, no preparations, etc).
Third - I think sometimes we confuse enjoyment and living in the moment with emotional highs or ecstasy. Focusing too much on happiness will almost always produce the opposite. Just read a quote recently something to the effect that happiness is never found when it is the only goal in life. It almost always results from having a purpose in life - and pursuing that purpose. It's my belief that someone totally focused on themselves is miserable and lonely, and that won't change until the focus changes.
Just my observations - no data or research.
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10-02-2009, 08:57 PM
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#17
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 448
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SciFiFan53
Second - I read the following general observation somewhere. Young children live in the moment, teens through adults live in the future, and old people live in the past (although maybe for those with Aldzheimer's live in the present as well!!). From what I've seen, this seems to be generally true, maybe out of necessity. After all, if no one "lived in the future" there would be total chaos (no planning, no preparations, etc).
Third - I think sometimes we confuse enjoyment and living in the moment with emotional highs or ecstasy. Focusing too much on happiness will almost always produce the opposite. Just read a quote recently something to the effect that happiness is never found when it is the only goal in life. It almost always results from having a purpose in life - and pursuing that purpose. It's my belief that someone totally focused on themselves is miserable and lonely, and that won't change until the focus changes.
Just my observations - no data or research.
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Great points!
The Founding Fathers were wise men, but they might have been wrong to list "pursuit of happiness" as one of the essential rights. I agree that if what is pursued is happiness itself, it's usually unachievable.
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10-05-2009, 09:32 AM
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#18
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,168
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodSense
Great points!
The Founding Fathers were wise men, but they might have been wrong to list "pursuit of happiness" as one of the essential rights. I agree that if what is pursued is happiness itself, it's usually unachievable.
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I don't think they got it wrong at all. You have the right to pursue happiness. No one said you were guaranteed to achieve it.
__________________
He had one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it . . . It faced, or seemed to face, the whole external world for an instant and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. -- The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
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11-01-2009, 06:25 PM
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#19
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,327
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay_Gatsby
I don't think they got it wrong at all. You have the right to pursue happiness. No one said you were guaranteed to achieve it.
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Not even at one of those massage parlors? I thought that's mostly guaranteed.
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11-02-2009, 03:08 PM
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#20
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,168
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BunsGettingFirm
Not even at one of those massage parlors? I thought that's mostly guaranteed.
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That would be a "happy ending". 
__________________
He had one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it . . . It faced, or seemed to face, the whole external world for an instant and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. -- The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
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