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Old 09-30-2009, 05:24 PM   #141
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So for all of you that do not want children how will you handle your parents when they turn into the children you never had ? My Mom was just here for a week and it was exactly like having a four year old again without the ability to call time outs .
Since none of them want to communicate with me, they can work it out amongst themselves.
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:11 PM   #142
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Sorry for veering off topic it was just a random thought ! Carry on !
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Old 10-02-2009, 12:24 PM   #143
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I vacillitate between getting married/having children and staying single /having a couple of cats/ just dating.
As for my parents, they are a lot more bearable now and I am enjoying getting to know them.
As for being in the moment.....I try and find beauty in everything on a daily basis and most of my day is spent being present.....I cannot multi-task while giving a massage!
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:57 PM   #144
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Second - I read the following general observation somewhere. Young children live in the moment, teens through adults live in the future, and old people live in the past (although maybe for those with Aldzheimer's live in the present as well!!). From what I've seen, this seems to be generally true, maybe out of necessity. After all, if no one "lived in the future" there would be total chaos (no planning, no preparations, etc).
Third - I think sometimes we confuse enjoyment and living in the moment with emotional highs or ecstasy. Focusing too much on happiness will almost always produce the opposite. Just read a quote recently something to the effect that happiness is never found when it is the only goal in life. It almost always results from having a purpose in life - and pursuing that purpose. It's my belief that someone totally focused on themselves is miserable and lonely, and that won't change until the focus changes.
Just my observations - no data or research.
Great points!

The Founding Fathers were wise men, but they might have been wrong to list "pursuit of happiness" as one of the essential rights. I agree that if what is pursued is happiness itself, it's usually unachievable.
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Old 10-03-2009, 05:05 PM   #145
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The best safeguard against loneliness is to be the sort of person that people (family, friends) enjoy spending time with. Merely having a child is no guarantee that one will never be old and alone: any more than getting married is.
Agree! The case for marrying is particularly non-applicable for women, who are more likely to be widowed than men anyway.
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Old 10-04-2009, 04:49 PM   #146
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The best safeguard against loneliness is to be the sort of person that people (family, friends) enjoy spending time with. Merely having a child is no guarantee that one will never be old and alone: any more than getting married is.
Excellent bit of wisdom. Thanks!
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Old 10-05-2009, 09:32 AM   #147
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Great points!

The Founding Fathers were wise men, but they might have been wrong to list "pursuit of happiness" as one of the essential rights. I agree that if what is pursued is happiness itself, it's usually unachievable.
I don't think they got it wrong at all. You have the right to pursue happiness. No one said you were guaranteed to achieve it.
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Old 10-11-2009, 02:20 PM   #148
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I have the same problem overanalyzing little expenses, however these do indeed add up. Recently I was going to get a better cell phone, join a gym and get more channels on cable. Well at 20 + 50 + 10 each per month that works out to another grand per year out of my pocket which works out to needing another 25K at the 25X multiple. I think really scrutinizing monthly expenses are very important, but I'm trying not to sweat small non recurring things that may come up from time to time. As such I've determined to set up a mental montly "slush" fund of $100 for things I'm not going to waste my energy worrying about.
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Old 10-11-2009, 05:12 PM   #149
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I think the happiest people are those who maintain peer friendships and have some interest or interests that they pursue regularly. Yeah, and definitely, don't sweat the small stuff.
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Old 10-14-2009, 11:56 AM   #150
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Me, too. My Mom died in 1976 and my Dad in 1982. I missed having them terribly all through my life and I still do. They were great people and I smile when I relive moments with them. Dad was great for all his "sayings", and I find myself saying some of the same things at times. They were wonderful role models. I feel that I fall short in so many ways when I compare myself to them.
You might appreciate this guy's dad (apologies for the foul language):

Justin (sh**mydadsays) on Twitter
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Old 10-31-2009, 02:24 PM   #151
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My wife tells me I think too much about the future and FIRE - but at the same time I dont do it at the expense of living now. Once you have your autopilot plans in place then box it off, regularly monitor, then and get on with life.

What about some shorter term goals around other aspects of your life?
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Old 10-31-2009, 05:08 PM   #152
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I think my DW and I have a very nice balance between keeping our FIRE dreams alive and well, and living our lives to the fullest. For example, in a week we are heading to Cabo, renting a Jeep for week, and eating out at least once a day. We can justify this because our accomodation is free for two weeks.... and we just bloody well deserve it.
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Old 11-01-2009, 07:12 AM   #153
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I think the happiest people are those who maintain peer friendships and have some interest or interests that they pursue regularly.
Quite right.

BTW, try not to restrict yourself to friendships only with peers: expanding your circle to include people younger, older, richer, poorer, better and less educated than yourself is almost always rewarding.
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Old 11-01-2009, 06:25 PM   #154
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I don't think they got it wrong at all. You have the right to pursue happiness. No one said you were guaranteed to achieve it.
Not even at one of those massage parlors? I thought that's mostly guaranteed.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:04 PM   #155
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Psssssssttttttt...and do trust me about this one.

Repeat these 3 magic words, 3x on a full moon night.
"It's all invested"
"It's all invested"
"It's all invested"

Or, just practice in front of a mirror to get it right.
On the few occaisions i've been hit up.
The "It's all invested" method has worked pretty well for me also..
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Old 11-02-2009, 03:08 PM   #156
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Not even at one of those massage parlors? I thought that's mostly guaranteed.
That would be a "happy ending".
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Old 11-23-2009, 01:24 AM   #157
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I knew when I was 20 years old that I never wanted to have children. Two summers working at a day camp pushed me hard in that direction.

To those of you who got "bingoed" (the term we childfree use to describe phrases we hear from the childed which belittle our lifestyle choice to be childfree), you have my sympathies. Women seem to get them more than men do, and married people more than single people. I am 45, single, and male, so I rarely get them. But I find them very annoying, insulting, and condescending when I do.

But I do take considerable joy in telling people that the main reason I was able to retire last year at the age of 45 is that I am childfree. We childfree see no positives in having kids, only negatives. And any positive things we get in being around kids we can get in ways other than by having kids. For example, my involvement in the local school Scrabble program gives me joy but at the end of the day I get to leave the kids and return home to a quiet, kidfree home.
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Old 11-23-2009, 09:45 AM   #158
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We childfree see no positives in having kids, only negatives.
Thankfully, you lot are (non)breeding yourselves out of existence. Final victory and World Domination will belong to the sleep-deprived, noisy-housed, rug-rat juggling parents of today ... bwwwaaahaaahaahaaahaaha!

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Old 11-28-2009, 12:25 AM   #159
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Hi folks,

I am finding that I am having more and more of a hard time "living in the moment" so to speak. In other words, I find that i am unable to enjoy myself, for the most part. I continue to look forward to some future event. The only exception is when i go on vacation, where I feel that I can finally stop and take a breath. (But of course vacations only remind me of how much I want to FIRE)

My j*b is OK. I don't love it but it's above 95% of the jobs out there. It's fairly pleasant. I really shouldn't complain.

My life otherwise is quite fine. I am married, 30, no kids and not planning on any. I have supportive friends and no major health or financial issues.

The big picture is that I feel that i am in a race chasing FIRE. I feel that all I am doing is to keep myself intellectually occupied until FIRE, then I can finally live for myself and not just to sell my time for money.

While this is a great reason to LBMM and save and invest, I feel that this is a very unhealthy attitude. I am at least 10 years away from FIRE. We may be able to pull it off by eating catfood only in 2016.

Any suggestions? i don't want to wake up one day and realize my life has passed me by.
i just now saw this post and havent read responses, but it really hits home. i get like this every so often, but less and less more recently. i have to really focus on enjoying the moment, splurging a little, observing the small things in life, trying to meditate, outdoors really helps me, family helps etc.

It's a tough one....i think a lot of goal oriented people that are over achievers get that way because of their one-track mind toward aforementioned goals.
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Old 11-28-2009, 09:43 AM   #160
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That early morning walk we take every morning through the state park seeing and hearing the wildlife, and experiencing the differences each day. That really sets up the frame work for living in the moment for me.

While we've been here in the valley we've been out first thing every morning, and it's neat because there is the anticipation of "I wonder what we'll see today?". Very motivating to get up and go.

Audrey
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