Live with parents or move out?

[WCFire]

I am running into this dilemma at the moment. I graduated from college a year ago and (unintentionally) got a job close to my parents. I have stayed with them out of practicality since then.

I would like to move out but I also like saving money for FIRE

Some details:

• 23 years old
• California
• Rent would be ~1100 per month
• Income about $85k/year, current savings rate around 80% of net income.
• My parents strongly encourage me to stay. They believe in saving money. Their culture does not value adult children leaving the home.
• I believe my quality of life is lower living here. It's a household of 6, I have less flexibility to do what I want, and a good part of my time is spent on family/maintenance stuff instead of myself.
• I've already lived away from them for 4+ years in college in a few apartments.

Obviously staying would accelerate my FI path, but as an American adult I feel the urge/pressure to move out. Any advice? What would you do in this situation?

 

[REWahoo]

Get out and establish your independence. Learn to do your own laundry.

 

[Meadbh]

I can totally empathize. I was in your situation about 35 years ago.

Congratulations on graduating and starting your first job! At first glance it seems that you are very frugal. If you are saving 80% of your income, perhaps income taxes have not caught up with you yet. I expect they will, next year. I wonder how much you are contributing to the cost of running the household. As an income earner, I hope you are paying your parents for room and board.

If you move out, your expenses will increase significantly, not only due to rent, but because your lifestyle will change. There will be bills to pay. You will need "stuff". You will need to buy and cook food, or eat out. You will need to do your own laundry. You will probably spend more on nightlife when Mom and Dad are not watching your every move.

At some point, you will be setting up your own household, so all this is great experience. You will still be able to save, just not as quickly. Your upbringing hopefully will keep you frugal and help you avoid too many mistakes. Hopefully your parents will still be morally supportive, even if they do not embrace the idea of a young single person moving out.

If you remain with your family, I suggest you negotiate conditions with your parents. For example, I will pay rent of $X per month and contribute $Y to the family budget, but I reserve the right to come and go as I please.

My solution to this dilemma was to find a job in another city.

 

[WCFire]

I can totally empathize. I was in your situation about 35 years ago.

Congratulations on graduating and starting your first job! At first glance it seems that you are very frugal. If you are saving 80% of your income, perhaps income taxes have not caught up with you yet. I expect they will, next year. I wonder how much you are contributing to the cost of running the household. As an income earner, I hope you are paying your parents for room and board.

If you move out, your expenses will increase significantly, not only due to rent, but because your lifestyle will change. There will be bills to pay. You will need "stuff". You will need to buy and cook food, or eat out. You will need to do your own laundry. You will probably spend more on nightlife when Mom and Dad are not watching your every move.

At some point, you will be setting up your own household, so all this is great experience. You will still be able to save, just not as quickly. Your upbringing hopefully will keep you frugal and help you avoid too many mistakes. Hopefully your parents will still be morally supportive, even if they do not embrace the idea of a young single person moving out.

If you remain with your family, I suggest you negotiate conditions with your parents. For example, I will pay rent of $X per month and contribute $Y to the family budget, but I reserve the right to come and go as I please.

My solution to this dilemma was to find a job in another city.

Thanks for the feedback!

I'm not actually as frugal as I'd like to be. I forgot to clarify that I save 80% of net income, not gross. With no fixed expenses, that means quite a bit goes to just food and random stuff.

I don't contribute a significant amount to household expenses, but I do set aside $1k per month towards my parents' retirement. I count this as part of my savings rate since I do this voluntarily. That expense would probably stay even if I moved out, even if it is a reduced rate.

I'd like to know your story. How long did you stay and at what age did you leave? Were you satisfied while living with family?

 

[utrecht]

I remember vividly when I moved out of my parents house. I was 18. The rent was $495 per month and I needed to make 3X the rent to qualify for the apt. When the manager told me that I thought I was big time because I made about 4X the rent or about $2000 per month. You make about 6.5X the rent so I would be out of there in a heart beat if I were you, but then I had no cultural traditions that would keep my there.

 

[Meadbh]

I'd like to know your story. How long did you stay and at what age did you leave? Were you satisfied while living with family?

I graduated at 22 and left at 25. My parents had paid for my education, which I knew would be my ticket to independence, and for which I still am grateful. My first job was as a medical intern, which is a very stressful job with brutal hours. I would come home after a 36 hour shift, eat leftovers and collapse into bed, getting up 12 hours later to repeat the process. There was no way I would have had the energy to move out during that year. But I was quietly plotting my escape.....

I could have chosen a career path that would have been possible in my home town. But I really wanted my independence, so I chose a specialty that would require me to get experience further afield. I moved to another city at age 25 and never stopped. I ended up living and working in 3 different countries.

My parents were older and strict even by the standards of their community. I respected them, but staying longer would have been unhealthy. Our relationship improved after I left home.

 

[pb4uski]

I would encourage you to get your own place. $1,100/month is IMO a reasonable price for the additional freedom and quality of life. You might be able to cut the cost by sharing a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment with some friends or simply take a room. My 26-yo son rents a room for $325/month but it is in a LCOL area.

No disrespect to your parents, but you are way too young to constrain yourself for the modest cost of rent. time to spread your wings and fly away but visit frequently.

 

[aaronc879]

I wish I would've stayed at home longer. It's far less expensive and i'm not very social so wouldn't have done much more "going out" if I was living alone. I also made well under 1/2 the OPs income so that makes a difference. Staying home an extra year or two can really help with savings so if you get along with your parents then I don't see a reason to move out for a couple years. Save enough to pay cash for a high quality used car and then save up until you can put 20% down on a decent starter home...then move out.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Two years after college, DS took a job literally three blocks from our house, same bedroom available to him that he grew up in, and did not move home. I am sure he would advise you to move.

 

[aja8888]

I left home at 17 years old right after high school. Back then, only the rich went to college and my parents were very poor and had two younger daughters to raise. My parents actually were better off with me out on my own since they did not have to feed me.

I lived with a friend and we had pretty good jobs. I was drafted and went in the military and served four years. That funded college. Then life got better.

If I had it to do all over again, nothing would change. You grow up a lot when out on your own.

My advice to you is get out on your own.

 

[Bamaman]

You're on a great life path. Time to break the ties and get out of the nest. Enjoy life and don't make saving for retirement an obsession. Enjoy your friends and see the world. It sounds as if you've already got a good start on retirement accounts and savings to build a portfolio on. Go to church on Sunday and stay in close contact with your family.

 

[MooreBonds]

I wish I would've stayed at home longer. It's far less expensive and i'm not very social so wouldn't have done much more "going out" if I was living alone. I also made well under 1/2 the OPs income so that makes a difference. Staying home an extra year or two can really help with savings so if you get along with your parents then I don't see a reason to move out for a couple years. Save enough to pay cash for a high quality used car and then save up until you can put 20% down on a decent starter home...then move out.

My situation was a little different - mom and dad spent about 60% of their time out of town in 3-6 week stretches, so it was kind of like having the whole house to myself with zero living expenses. I roughed it out for 12 years, which greatly added to my savings stash. Would I do it again? Sure. But another variable was that my grandmother lived just 1 mile from my parents. Since I spent quite a bit of time with her to keep her active, etc., it made sense to be that close to her, in addition to the zero living expenses. Really supercharged my savings!

If the OP can get free room/board, then I'd say stay at home. But if they have to put out $1,000mo, I'd say look at getting your own place.

 

[Walt34]

Since you're setting aside $1k/month for your parent's retirement and an apartment would be $1.1k you're only saving $100/month on housing. But since meals are free that can be $200-$300/month too. Add another $200 for misc. stuff that you get for free at home like access to the laundry, utilities, and such. So is it worth saving ~$500/month to stay?

I didn't move out until I was 24, and that was only because my recently divorced older sister moved back with a 2-year-old son and I was working shift work. It is impossible to keep a 2-year-old quiet and I needed my beauty rest when working midnights so that's when I got an apartment. But I still helped maintain the house for my mother on days off.

Everyone's situation is different so there really isn't a single best answer.

 

[unno2002]

[FONT=&quot]Personal opinion:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We have been misled by commercial interests into believing that we have to set up our own independent “household”… [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
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[FONT=&quot]I am in favor of multi-generation homesteads. If still single, what is the problem with continuing to occupy a bedroom in the family home, contribute to the household expenses, and save / invest a lot more toward your future than you could if you were paying out rent, utilities, etc. for a separate place that you really do not need.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
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[Big_Hitter]

you're only young once


move out and enjoy yourself


there is more to life than saving money


personally, I couldn't wait to fly the coop

 

[Texas Proud]

Another vote to move out... use any of the many that has been posted...

 

[dallas27]

Hmm, FI or getting laid. Decisions decisions.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Hmm, FI or getting laid. Decisions decisions.

I was trying to think of a more delicate way to phrase it, but I guess that works.

If it were me I would move out and try it. It sounds like you would always be welcome back home if you didn't like it. I agree that there is more to life than saving money. You make enough to move out and save money, too. But it is really a personal decision. Lots of young adults your age live at home, some by choice and some have to these days for financial reasons. It is nice you have a choice.

 

[utrecht]

[FONT=&quot]Personal opinion:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We have been misled by commercial interests into believing that we have to set up our own independent “household”… [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I am in favor of multi-generation homesteads. If still single, what is the problem with continuing to occupy a bedroom in the family home, contribute to the household expenses, and save / invest a lot more toward your future than you could if you were paying out rent, utilities, etc. for a separate place that you really do not need.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

We've been misled by commercial interests when it comes to thinking we have to spend a months salary on an engagement ring or we don't love the person, or that Valentine's Day is a real holiday, or that you have to spend a fortune on the fanciest coffin for a dead person who couldnt care less.

Nobody has misled 20 somethings that they want to be out of their parents' house, be independent and have their privacy.

 

[dallas27]

I was trying to think of a more delicate way to phrase it, but I guess that works.

IMO, that was VERY delicate.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[2soon2tell]

I vote for moving out on your own.

At age 18 I went "away" to college (90 miles). Age 22 after graduation moved home again for a few months till I went to see Uncle Sam for the next 3 years.

As REW said you need to spread your wings, exert your independence and learn to do your own laundry.

 

[WCFire]

I think it's really telling that even on a personal finance forum, the majority of posters advocate moving out. I took everything said seriously and I've asked in other communities as well. The majority recommendation is to move on and I think that is really what I want to do. This is what I will probably do.

Despite that, I appreciate the contrarian views. I still see the 'stay-in' option as the more practical path. If I was an optimal robot, this is what I would do. My parents see moving out as irrational and so do my friends/colleagues of different cultures (Indian, South American, Eastern European, etc). Why would you pay to leave your family, who you have no problems with, to move just three blocks down and then buy all this redundant 'stuff' for your new housing? Sure it's harder, but there's not much stopping you from doing laundry, paying bills, and dating while residing in your parent's home. Honestly, I have trouble arguing with these points, it just makes perfect sense to me. The "but I want to be freeeee!!!" argument makes me feel naive, and the "because that's what an adult should do and everybody else does it" argument feels like baseless. At some level, I feel this is more a cultural rite-of-passage than a necessary move.

I wish I would've stayed at home longer. It's far less expensive and i'm not very social so wouldn't have done much more "going out" if I was living alone. I also made well under 1/2 the OPs income so that makes a difference. Staying home an extra year or two can really help with savings so if you get along with your parents then I don't see a reason to move out for a couple years. Save enough to pay cash for a high quality used car and then save up until you can put 20% down on a decent starter home...then move out.

I'm actually not super social either, but I don't mind being that way. I think I would value the independence of doing whatever I wanted, even if that didn't involve tons of social activity. This was good to hear though - it's a point I haven't heard yet and it could very possibly apply to me. Thanks.

Since you're setting aside $1k/month for your parent's retirement and an apartment would be $1.1k you're only saving $100/month on housing. But since meals are free that can be $200-$300/month too. Add another $200 for misc. stuff that you get for free at home like access to the laundry, utilities, and such. So is it worth saving ~$500/month to stay?

I didn't move out until I was 24, and that was only because my recently divorced older sister moved back with a 2-year-old son and I was working shift work. It is impossible to keep a 2-year-old quiet and I needed my beauty rest when working midnights so that's when I got an apartment. But I still helped maintain the house for my mother on days off.

Everyone's situation is different so there really isn't a single best answer.

I liked this story. You took the practical path until it no longer made sense to do so. Just for the record, I'd set aside money for my parents regardless of what I did. They don't save much for retirement themselves, but have poured a lot of their money onto me. They paid for college, got me my car, etc. They were not stingy with their money towards me and I intend to repay that.

[FONT=&quot]Personal opinion:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We have been misled by commercial interests into believing that we have to set up our own independent “household”… [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I am in favor of multi-generation homesteads. If still single, what is the problem with continuing to occupy a bedroom in the family home, contribute to the household expenses, and save / invest a lot more toward your future than you could if you were paying out rent, utilities, etc. for a separate place that you really do not need.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

I actually somwhat agree with this. I think only the wealthiest countries have been able to benefit from the young adult 'independence' movement. It looks a lot like a consumer luxury to me. It's extravagance. It's just a personal matter of whether this is an extravagance we'll accept.

Hmm, FI or getting laid. Decisions decisions.

Haha. I am not too worried about this. There's nothing stopping me from dating while I'm here, it's just harder. I also think any girl who wouldn't date me solely for residing with my parents is one who's not worth pursuing. I'm not the stereotypical basement-dweller in this situation and, contrary to popular belief, I do my own laundry.

 

[NW-Bound]

... Just for the record, I'd set aside money for my parents regardless of what I did. They don't save much for retirement themselves, but have poured a lot of their money onto me. They paid for college, got me my car, etc. They were not stingy with their money towards me and I intend to repay that...

It is commendable that you are helping your parents now that you are able to.

You said that your parents encourage you to stay, and they think it is for your financial advantage. Some parents like to keep control of their children, but it appears that yours are not that way. Still, at some point adult children need to have life of their own. I think it all depends on how you think, and if you feel still having enough freedom living under their roof.

I stayed at home until I got out of school and got married. Same as you, I did help my parents financially after I moved out, as they still had my two younger brothers to put through college. They would be able to manage without the help, but as the elder son, I would like to see them enjoying some financial slack. I would be able to save and help them more if I stayed at home, but as a married man I was starting my own family and that would not work.

 

[hnzw_rui]

[FONT=&quot]I am in favor of multi-generation homesteads. If still single, what is the problem with continuing to occupy a bedroom in the family home, contribute to the household expenses, and save / invest a lot more toward your future than you could if you were paying out rent, utilities, etc. for a separate place that you really do not need.[/FONT]

Asian so this is pretty much what I grew up with. My grandparents lived with us while I was growing up. Children move out when they get married and even then, the usual rule is the parents live with the youngest daughter (despite said daughter's marriage).

I still live with my parents (apartment rental) and pay more than half of living expenses. When I actually buy a house, then my parents will be living with me.

 

[Big_Hitter]

It's extravagance. It's just a personal matter of whether this is an extravagance we'll accept.

it's not extravagance, it's what separates US from second and third world countries


it's not a recent phenomenon either - my parents moved away and started their own lives when they were teenagers too


it's a double-edged sword - I think most parents can't wait for their kids to leave - spending money on "extended stay" children is one of the top retirement land mines