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Live with parents or move out?
Old 06-15-2015, 09:52 AM   #1
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Live with parents or move out?

I am running into this dilemma at the moment. I graduated from college a year ago and (unintentionally) got a job close to my parents. I have stayed with them out of practicality since then.

I would like to move out but I also like saving money for FIRE

Some details:
  • 23 years old
  • California
  • Rent would be ~1100 per month
  • Income about $85k/year, current savings rate around 80% of net income.
  • My parents strongly encourage me to stay. They believe in saving money. Their culture does not value adult children leaving the home.
  • I believe my quality of life is lower living here. It's a household of 6, I have less flexibility to do what I want, and a good part of my time is spent on family/maintenance stuff instead of myself.
  • I've already lived away from them for 4+ years in college in a few apartments.

Obviously staying would accelerate my FI path, but as an American adult I feel the urge/pressure to move out. Any advice? What would you do in this situation?
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Old 06-15-2015, 09:55 AM   #2
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Get out and establish your independence. Learn to do your own laundry.
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Old 06-15-2015, 10:16 AM   #3
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I can totally empathize. I was in your situation about 35 years ago.

Congratulations on graduating and starting your first job! At first glance it seems that you are very frugal. If you are saving 80% of your income, perhaps income taxes have not caught up with you yet. I expect they will, next year. I wonder how much you are contributing to the cost of running the household. As an income earner, I hope you are paying your parents for room and board.

If you move out, your expenses will increase significantly, not only due to rent, but because your lifestyle will change. There will be bills to pay. You will need "stuff". You will need to buy and cook food, or eat out. You will need to do your own laundry. You will probably spend more on nightlife when Mom and Dad are not watching your every move.

At some point, you will be setting up your own household, so all this is great experience. You will still be able to save, just not as quickly. Your upbringing hopefully will keep you frugal and help you avoid too many mistakes. Hopefully your parents will still be morally supportive, even if they do not embrace the idea of a young single person moving out.

If you remain with your family, I suggest you negotiate conditions with your parents. For example, I will pay rent of $X per month and contribute $Y to the family budget, but I reserve the right to come and go as I please.

My solution to this dilemma was to find a job in another city.
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Old 06-15-2015, 10:34 AM   #4
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I can totally empathize. I was in your situation about 35 years ago.

Congratulations on graduating and starting your first job! At first glance it seems that you are very frugal. If you are saving 80% of your income, perhaps income taxes have not caught up with you yet. I expect they will, next year. I wonder how much you are contributing to the cost of running the household. As an income earner, I hope you are paying your parents for room and board.

If you move out, your expenses will increase significantly, not only due to rent, but because your lifestyle will change. There will be bills to pay. You will need "stuff". You will need to buy and cook food, or eat out. You will need to do your own laundry. You will probably spend more on nightlife when Mom and Dad are not watching your every move.

At some point, you will be setting up your own household, so all this is great experience. You will still be able to save, just not as quickly. Your upbringing hopefully will keep you frugal and help you avoid too many mistakes. Hopefully your parents will still be morally supportive, even if they do not embrace the idea of a young single person moving out.

If you remain with your family, I suggest you negotiate conditions with your parents. For example, I will pay rent of $X per month and contribute $Y to the family budget, but I reserve the right to come and go as I please.

My solution to this dilemma was to find a job in another city.
Thanks for the feedback!

I'm not actually as frugal as I'd like to be. I forgot to clarify that I save 80% of net income, not gross. With no fixed expenses, that means quite a bit goes to just food and random stuff.

I don't contribute a significant amount to household expenses, but I do set aside $1k per month towards my parents' retirement. I count this as part of my savings rate since I do this voluntarily. That expense would probably stay even if I moved out, even if it is a reduced rate.

I'd like to know your story. How long did you stay and at what age did you leave? Were you satisfied while living with family?
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Old 06-15-2015, 10:55 AM   #5
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I remember vividly when I moved out of my parents house. I was 18. The rent was $495 per month and I needed to make 3X the rent to qualify for the apt. When the manager told me that I thought I was big time because I made about 4X the rent or about $2000 per month. You make about 6.5X the rent so I would be out of there in a heart beat if I were you, but then I had no cultural traditions that would keep my there.
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Old 06-15-2015, 10:55 AM   #6
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I'd like to know your story. How long did you stay and at what age did you leave? Were you satisfied while living with family?
I graduated at 22 and left at 25. My parents had paid for my education, which I knew would be my ticket to independence, and for which I still am grateful. My first job was as a medical intern, which is a very stressful job with brutal hours. I would come home after a 36 hour shift, eat leftovers and collapse into bed, getting up 12 hours later to repeat the process. There was no way I would have had the energy to move out during that year. But I was quietly plotting my escape.....

I could have chosen a career path that would have been possible in my home town. But I really wanted my independence, so I chose a specialty that would require me to get experience further afield. I moved to another city at age 25 and never stopped. I ended up living and working in 3 different countries.

My parents were older and strict even by the standards of their community. I respected them, but staying longer would have been unhealthy. Our relationship improved after I left home.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:08 AM   #7
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I would encourage you to get your own place. $1,100/month is IMO a reasonable price for the additional freedom and quality of life. You might be able to cut the cost by sharing a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment with some friends or simply take a room. My 26-yo son rents a room for $325/month but it is in a LCOL area.

No disrespect to your parents, but you are way too young to constrain yourself for the modest cost of rent. time to spread your wings and fly away but visit frequently.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:09 AM   #8
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I wish I would've stayed at home longer. It's far less expensive and i'm not very social so wouldn't have done much more "going out" if I was living alone. I also made well under 1/2 the OPs income so that makes a difference. Staying home an extra year or two can really help with savings so if you get along with your parents then I don't see a reason to move out for a couple years. Save enough to pay cash for a high quality used car and then save up until you can put 20% down on a decent starter home...then move out.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:22 AM   #9
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Two years after college, DS took a job literally three blocks from our house, same bedroom available to him that he grew up in, and did not move home. I am sure he would advise you to move.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:26 AM   #10
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I left home at 17 years old right after high school. Back then, only the rich went to college and my parents were very poor and had two younger daughters to raise. My parents actually were better off with me out on my own since they did not have to feed me.

I lived with a friend and we had pretty good jobs. I was drafted and went in the military and served four years. That funded college. Then life got better.

If I had it to do all over again, nothing would change. You grow up a lot when out on your own.

My advice to you is get out on your own.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:49 AM   #11
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You're on a great life path. Time to break the ties and get out of the nest. Enjoy life and don't make saving for retirement an obsession. Enjoy your friends and see the world. It sounds as if you've already got a good start on retirement accounts and savings to build a portfolio on. Go to church on Sunday and stay in close contact with your family.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:54 AM   #12
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I wish I would've stayed at home longer. It's far less expensive and i'm not very social so wouldn't have done much more "going out" if I was living alone. I also made well under 1/2 the OPs income so that makes a difference. Staying home an extra year or two can really help with savings so if you get along with your parents then I don't see a reason to move out for a couple years. Save enough to pay cash for a high quality used car and then save up until you can put 20% down on a decent starter home...then move out.
My situation was a little different - mom and dad spent about 60% of their time out of town in 3-6 week stretches, so it was kind of like having the whole house to myself with zero living expenses. I roughed it out for 12 years, which greatly added to my savings stash. Would I do it again? Sure. But another variable was that my grandmother lived just 1 mile from my parents. Since I spent quite a bit of time with her to keep her active, etc., it made sense to be that close to her, in addition to the zero living expenses. Really supercharged my savings!

If the OP can get free room/board, then I'd say stay at home. But if they have to put out $1,000mo, I'd say look at getting your own place.
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:36 PM   #13
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Since you're setting aside $1k/month for your parent's retirement and an apartment would be $1.1k you're only saving $100/month on housing. But since meals are free that can be $200-$300/month too. Add another $200 for misc. stuff that you get for free at home like access to the laundry, utilities, and such. So is it worth saving ~$500/month to stay?

I didn't move out until I was 24, and that was only because my recently divorced older sister moved back with a 2-year-old son and I was working shift work. It is impossible to keep a 2-year-old quiet and I needed my beauty rest when working midnights so that's when I got an apartment. But I still helped maintain the house for my mother on days off.

Everyone's situation is different so there really isn't a single best answer.
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:49 PM   #14
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Personal opinion:


We have been misled by commercial interests into believing that we have to set up our own independent “household”…


I am in favor of multi-generation homesteads. If still single, what is the problem with continuing to occupy a bedroom in the family home, contribute to the household expenses, and save / invest a lot more toward your future than you could if you were paying out rent, utilities, etc. for a separate place that you really do not need.

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Old 06-15-2015, 07:22 PM   #15
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you're only young once


move out and enjoy yourself


there is more to life than saving money


personally, I couldn't wait to fly the coop
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Old 06-15-2015, 08:32 PM   #16
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Another vote to move out... use any of the many that has been posted...
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Old 06-15-2015, 08:42 PM   #17
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Hmm, FI or getting laid. Decisions decisions.


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Old 06-15-2015, 09:13 PM   #18
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Hmm, FI or getting laid. Decisions decisions.
I was trying to think of a more delicate way to phrase it, but I guess that works.

If it were me I would move out and try it. It sounds like you would always be welcome back home if you didn't like it. I agree that there is more to life than saving money. You make enough to move out and save money, too. But it is really a personal decision. Lots of young adults your age live at home, some by choice and some have to these days for financial reasons. It is nice you have a choice.
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Old 06-15-2015, 09:21 PM   #19
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Personal opinion:


We have been misled by commercial interests into believing that we have to set up our own independent “household”…


I am in favor of multi-generation homesteads. If still single, what is the problem with continuing to occupy a bedroom in the family home, contribute to the household expenses, and save / invest a lot more toward your future than you could if you were paying out rent, utilities, etc. for a separate place that you really do not need.

We've been misled by commercial interests when it comes to thinking we have to spend a months salary on an engagement ring or we don't love the person, or that Valentine's Day is a real holiday, or that you have to spend a fortune on the fanciest coffin for a dead person who couldnt care less.

Nobody has misled 20 somethings that they want to be out of their parents' house, be independent and have their privacy.
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Old 06-15-2015, 09:32 PM   #20
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I was trying to think of a more delicate way to phrase it, but I guess that works.

IMO, that was VERY delicate.


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