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Old 06-13-2013, 09:51 PM   #141
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I was in the dating pool till my very late 30's... so longer than most. My rule of thumb was whoever asked the other out, paid. That said - if the guy asked, and he was less than wonderful on the date (first date)... I *INSISTED* on paying my share... because I wanted ZERO blowback that he was somehow entitled to anything because he'd bought me dinner or paid for my movie ticket.

For the most part it worked out pretty evenly... my husband (when he was my boyfriend) had season hockey tickets - so he'd invite me to that - and pay... When I dragged him to the latest movie I wanted to see, I paid. Big splurges were going to see live music - and typically whoever was more interested bought the tickets - and we'd take turns buying drinks (if it was at a bar.) But we were both LBYM types - so most dates were fairly inexpensive. Doing an art walk (free), going hiking (free), going out on his boat (cost of gas on him, picnic on me).
My Mom used to tell me to watch out for boys who would buy me dinner and then try to "squeeze" it out of me later.

I have been used to chipping in 50-50 for a very long time. If a man insisted on buying, I would tell him my Mom's joke so that there were no misunderstandings. It usually got a laugh from the guy, and if it didn't, I would insist of going 50-50.
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Old 06-13-2013, 10:26 PM   #142
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My rule of thumb was whoever asked the other out, paid. That said - if the guy asked, and he was less than wonderful on the date (first date)... I *INSISTED* on paying my share... because I wanted ZERO blowback that he was somehow entitled to anything because he'd bought me dinner or paid for my movie ticket.
THIS. Etiquette stated that the host (the one who did the inviting) was responsible for paying. In practice, I as very "unromantic" and insisted on spelling out who was going to pay for what so we could enjoy the outing without worrying about it. I've seen that awkward dance when one partner excuses themselves to go to the restroom, and then is shocked to come back and find the bill is still on the table, unpaid. No thank you.

I've read about those times when men did most of the paying, and in return, the woman would invite the man over for home-cooked meals. Were those merely fiction, or did anyone live with that reality?
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Old 06-13-2013, 10:50 PM   #143
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I'll always remember this incident in college. It was my 3rd or 4th date with DW, we weren't an "item" yet. There was a big event happening at another local college that weekend, and I had planned to take her, planning to pay for the expenses with my next paycheck. Come Friday I find that due to some problem I wouldn't be getting a check that weekend, the amount would be added to my next paycheck. I could have asked someone to loan me the money, but I always disliked doing that. Instead I told future DW that I didn't have the money and couldn't take her to the event, and would understand if she went with someone else (other guys had also asked her). Instead... she suggested "why don't we go somewhere else that doesn't cost anything?" So instead of going to the event we got food from the dining room and had a picnic and walked the trails of a nearby park. That is when I started to develop deeper feelings for her - it showed me she cared more about spending time with me than me spending my money on her.
Excellent story. There's no doubt that she was a keeper!

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But yes I accept that unfortunately some women do expect to be taken care of and fail to carry their weight or make a decent contribution to the family.
So do some men.
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Old 06-13-2013, 10:57 PM   #144
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I've heard of women "faking it" during dating, but not so much men.
Sure men fake it. Ha is right that pretty much everyone tries to present themselves as attractive potential partners; and that generally means not only being on one's best behaviour, but also simulating interest in things (e.g., types of food and music) and activities (dancing, romantic films, motorcross, whatever) one doesn't particularly care about. Both sexes play that game.
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Old 06-14-2013, 12:00 AM   #145
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Sure men fake it.

Wouldn't that depend on what "it" means?
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Old 06-14-2013, 12:13 AM   #146
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My Mom used to tell me to watch out for boys who would buy me dinner and then try to "squeeze" it out of me later.

I have been used to chipping in 50-50 for a very long time. If a man insisted on buying, I would tell him my Mom's joke so that there were no misunderstandings. It usually got a laugh from the guy, and if it didn't, I would insist of going 50-50.
You definitely have a cool mom!
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Old 06-14-2013, 05:07 AM   #147
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But who paid at the beginning? Your spouse?
Initially either it was Dutch or we would take turns. Unless I was specifically invited by somebody with an understanding that its their treat, I have always paid for myself. In fact in case of any ambiguity I would rather pay the entire amount instead of letting the other person pay. Like other Ladies have mentioned its not worth it in big picture to get in a situation when you feel obligated to behave in a certain way because you let other person pay for you.

I strongly believe that Men & Women are equal human beings.

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Old 06-14-2013, 08:22 AM   #148
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Were you folks older or something? You mostly paid attention to how she behaved with money? In our teens while courting, I only paid attention to DW2B's attitude about my "needs." Now in our 60's, we're starting to get over that......... slowly......... Can't ever remember focusing on her behavior with money.
That depends on what one defines as "older" - I was 35, she was 29. And I'd just come out of a divorce with a spendarina who couldn't stand to see a dollar in the bank and thought the solution to every "I wanna..." is charge it or take out a loan, so I was in no hurry to get involved with anyone wearing a skirt. In fact I was pretty much resolved to stay hard-core bachelor after that experience and hearing the other horror stories from other guys at work, therefore it seemed that most women turned into money-grubbing prima donnas shortly after the wedding. And the ones who didn't were already taken anyway.

While "how she behaved with money" was what I wrote, it would be more accurate to say I paid close attention to how she behaved with priorities and personal financial responsibilities.

An example: That she had the maturity to defer immediate gratification for long-term gain was important to me. What that translates to in financial terms is that she realized that paying credit card interest rates for the sake of immediate gratification is foolish.
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Old 06-14-2013, 07:33 PM   #149
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Of course. I did exactly that. 27 years of marriage followed.

Financially, I have been doing most of the "paying" for quite a while, since Mr. A. is retired while I still work. "Who pays" begins to be rather meaningless after a while. All the cliches and generalizations are rather meaningless, in fact. You have to know what you want, and stick up for it.

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I've read about those times when men did most of the paying, and in return, the woman would invite the man over for home-cooked meals. Were those merely fiction, or did anyone live with that reality?
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Old 06-14-2013, 07:41 PM   #150
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..........I've seen that awkward dance when one partner excuses themselves to go to the restroom, and then is shocked to come back and find the bill is still on the table, unpaid....
Right and some of those bathroom windows are darn small.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:41 AM   #151
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"Who pays" begins to be rather meaningless after a while.
Right on.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:54 AM   #152
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Many years ago my cousin dated a guy who took her out for a fine dinner and a fine restaurant. Towards the very end of the meal she noticed he was constantly glancing about the restaurant. Suddenly, he stood up and announced that all the servers were far away and needed to head for the door quickly. When she asked who was going to pay for the meal he responded "You, if you don't come with me now." Having insufficent funds of her own, she joined him.

Needless to say, it was her last date with the guy.
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Old 06-17-2013, 09:59 AM   #153
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Many years ago my cousin dated a guy who took her out for a fine dinner and a fine restaurant. Towards the very end of the meal she noticed he was constantly glancing about the restaurant. Suddenly, he stood up and announced that all the servers were far away and needed to head for the door quickly. When she asked who was going to pay for the meal he responded "You, if you don't come with me now." Having insufficent funds of her own, she joined him.

Needless to say, it was her last date with the guy.
You know, I am 65 years old and have seen a lot in my life, but I have never had a guy pull THAT one on me. If he did, I would feel obliged to speak to the manager and make arrangements to return with the money owed.

I think your cousin was smart to never see the guy again. Eating a fine dinner and then leaving without paying a cent for it is a crime, to my way of thinking. It goes beyond the question of "Should he pay or should she pay?".
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Old 06-17-2013, 12:19 PM   #154
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I've never participated in a "Dine and Dash" myself, but I've heard of them for years. But at at a fancy restaurant? Never--the ones I heard about were at Waffle House and the like.
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Old 06-17-2013, 01:46 PM   #155
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I think your cousin was smart to never see the guy again. Eating a fine dinner and then leaving without paying a cent for it is a crime, to my way of thinking. It goes beyond the question of "Should he pay or should she pay?".
If she were thinking well, she would have stayed and described what had happened. If she didn't have a credit card, she should leave her contact information and pay up asap. This isn't just a crime in your opinion, it is a crime period, and could give someone a record if they got caught, or someone recognized them.

A woman can always get a date with a man who is at least minimally law abiding, and that should probably be a hurdle that she never relaxes.


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Old 06-17-2013, 01:53 PM   #156
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A woman can always get a date with a man who is at least minimally law abiding, and that should probably be a hurdle that she never relaxes.
Yeah, she could if she wanted....... But some of the ladies crave relationships with "bad boys."

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Old 06-17-2013, 01:59 PM   #157
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I have a friend whose brother runs a prison. He says you wouldn't believe how many low life felons have attractive, intelligent, well educated GFs/wives.
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Old 06-17-2013, 02:05 PM   #158
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I have a friend whose brother runs a prison. He says you wouldn't believe how many low life felons have attractive, intelligent, well educated GFs/wives.
I shared your post with DW. She says we have most of the bases covered. She's certainly attractive, intelligent and well educated. I'm definitely a low life. We're just missing the felon part.
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Old 06-17-2013, 02:19 PM   #159
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A woman can always get a date with a man who is at least minimally law abiding, and that should probably be a hurdle that she never relaxes.
Ha
That reminds me of a date I had a couple of years ago.

On a first date with a guy (let's call him John), among the half-dozen things we did that day (coffee shop, farmer's market, hike, lunch, etc.), John wanted to show me a nearby privately-owned swimming lake/campground nearby that a corn farmer runs on part of his unfarmed land.

As we were leaving (and waiting for the farmer to come out and open the gate for us), John proceeds to tell me that on a previous visit, he had stopped his car near the corn field and helped himself to several ears of corn. As John was exiting, the farmer (who must have some sort of surveillance system) angrily demanded the purloined corn and reprimanded John.

I found it quite interesting that John 1) told me the story and 2) expressed indignation with the farmer's actions.

Needless to say, based on this and some of John's other behaviors, I never went out with him again.

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Old 06-17-2013, 02:19 PM   #160
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I shared your post with DW. She says we have most of the bases covered. She's certainly attractive, intelligent and well educated. I'm definitely a low life. We're just missing the felon part.
A problem that is easily solved...
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