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Marriage and FIRE
Old 05-24-2013, 12:10 PM   #1
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Marriage and FIRE

I've been gearing for a life of FIRE over the last 10 years. I'm now 30 and have a net worth of $600k. I would say it was some work to get here, but honestly once you are used to LBYM, maximizing income, and investing wisely, it hasn't really felt like a sacrifice. It's a way of life I enjoy.

My issue is that I've been dating a lot recently and find that many girls are high maintenance - especially those from rich families. They enjoy shopping for pleasure, expensive vacations, etc...

It's also been shown that most divorces stem from financial issues.

My question is, how much weight should one put on looking at a potential spouses money habits? Is it more important to find someone that is intelligent , attractive and shares similar interests? Would you not pursue someone that seemed excellent except for being loose with money?

What if the woman comes for a rich family so is used to that way of life? I don't think I could support a woman that solely shops at high quality designer brands. I also wouldn't feel comfortable taking hand downs from a rich family either.

Any thoughts?
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:37 PM   #2
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Marry a woman who is frugal, like you.

I did, and it has made all the difference in the world.
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:42 PM   #3
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Neither you nor your future spouse is likely to change so choose wisely.
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:43 PM   #4
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Since money is important in life, a long-term marriage of a spender and a saver can be very challenging.
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:46 PM   #5
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Money habits are majorly important in the success of a long-term relationship or marriage.

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Old 05-24-2013, 12:50 PM   #6
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Extremely important. You need someone with a similar money personality.
And I wouldn't share that net worth with a potential wife until you're close to the stage of discussing the pre-nup and other specific wedding details. That's a lot of money at your age and you don't have to be an extreme gold digger to be interested in that kind of wealth.
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:57 PM   #7
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Marry a woman who is frugal, like you.

I did, and it has made all the difference in the world.
+1. If your goals are in alignment, you will enjoy continued prosperity and savings, but if they aren't, you can expect acrimony and discord to show up sooner or later.
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:01 PM   #8
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+1. If your goals are in alignment, you will enjoy continued prosperity and savings, but if they aren't, you can expect acrimony alimony and discord divorce to show up sooner or later.
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:06 PM   #9
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A sense of humor helps too....

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Old 05-24-2013, 01:10 PM   #10
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For the long run, I think it is best to choose a partner with similar values.
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:34 PM   #11
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Great question. Marry the one you can't live without. Chances are if she is the one, she will have the same values you do. I got lucky - feel deeply in love with my wife before either of us knew much about the other's finances. We were lucky to be like minded - allowing us to live on 37% of my income without even touching hers.

Super job accumulating so much so fast! If you can find a like minded spouse, you may even beat your FIRE age goal!!
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:44 PM   #12
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Any thoughts?
Do what a lot of other independent men and woman are doing. Build a support network apart from your sexual relationships, and stay single.

Aside from the obvious financial issues, how wise is it to put all or almost all your emotional chips on one marriage partner, in a country where half the people get divorced and there does not have to be any reason at all, other than I no longer find you exciting?

If you want children, get rich, retire, get a middle class woman in a third world country, have your children and keep out of America. Before doing this, get a local attorney to help you understand the pitfalls.

I go to a social meetup where almost everyone has been divorced, and stayed single or perhaps remarried and got divorced again. They all say they would never marry again, although truthfully in many cases likely we would have no other choice.

I say these things, but I have never seen a young man pay any attention to words from battle scarred veterans, even from their own father or uncles. Young guys seem to want to see their own blood on the floor.

Ha
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:46 PM   #13
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I think if you are married, having a frugal spouse is one of the most important aspects of early financial independence. It can also help to have a high income spouse willing to live on one paycheck and save the other. But at least you should look for someone who isn't going to want to spend all the money you earn and is on the same page as you in terms of savings.

Expensive homes, cars and the latest fashions are big impediments to accumulating wealth. If you haven't read it already, check out the Millionaire Next Door book and its follow ups for more on the importance of frugal spouses.
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:59 PM   #14
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I say these things, but I have never seen a young man pay any attention to words from battle scarred veterans, even from their own father or uncles. Young guys seem to want to see their own blood on the floor.

Ha
Ha, I respect your opinion, and understand where you are coming from.

But you have to also respect that some would prefer a try at the traditional institution -- for various reasons. Not everyone wants to have children in third world countries per your advice, for example.
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Old 05-24-2013, 02:17 PM   #15
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Ha, I respect your opinion, and understand where you are coming from.

But you have to also respect that some would prefer a try at the traditional institution -- for various reasons. Not everyone wants to have children in third world countries per your advice, for example.
Oh, absolutely. But mostly of this forum is for entertainment, right?

I was happily married for years, and am grateful for having local children. If I were young, truthfully I would very likely do now what I did years ago. I could not do without my children. But it's fun to give advice, even though as I said, I have never seen any young man pay any attention to it from me or anyone else.

It's why the human species continues.

Ha
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Old 05-24-2013, 02:35 PM   #16
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And ahem, let's don't forget to extol the many joys of a childfree marriage, while we are pontificating from our computer terminals.
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Old 05-24-2013, 02:40 PM   #17
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It is hard to think rationally about choosing a mate. Just remember it is a downspout not a compass.
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Old 05-24-2013, 02:46 PM   #18
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And ahem, let's don't forget to extol the many joys of a childfree marriage, while we are pontificating from our computer terminals.
Hey, I don't have any either, and that's probably made me and DW more compatible.

Unless I have some I don't know of in 3rd world countries.
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Old 05-24-2013, 02:47 PM   #19
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It is hard to think rationally about choosing a mate. Just remember it is a downspout not a compass.
Love it!

I'll add that if it is pointing north, it is unwise to make important decisions at that time..
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Old 05-24-2013, 02:53 PM   #20
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And ahem, let's don't forget to extol the many joys of a childfree marriage, while we are pontificating from our computer terminals.
The virtues of childfree lifestyle. I'm not sure childfree couples truly appreciate their blissful circumstance. Like drinking a glass of refreshing water in an oasis without first having crawled across a blistering desert.
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