Semi-retire for a long distance relationship?

maddythebeagle · 09-25-2008, 02:35 PM

So...I have been seriously talking with my high school girlfriend (I moved away in h.s. and we drifted apart) but have reconnected 4-5 months ago....Never of us feel inclined to completely move but keeping options open.....about 1500 miles apart....north and south divide

We have certainly connected more than before and have significant amount in common so pretty far away from making any demands, but just listen to what each other wants and being good friends....

So the question that I had was what others have done eventually....we have talked a bit about living part year at each location....me more the summers and her more the winters...some people that I have talked to have kinda thought that was ridiculous since I have a house and might only end being there 5-6 months a year.....

aaronc879 · 09-25-2008, 02:57 PM

I think it's an all or nothing situation. Either move to the same city or go your seperate ways. Personally, I wouldn't move anywhere for someone else but I know a lot of people that would. It's up to you.

TromboneAl · 09-25-2008, 06:05 PM

I know a couple who does exactly this. It's ridiculous. They now both have friends and obligations on both coasts. Seems like a total waste of money and effort to me, but they don't see it that way.

**Bestwifeever** · 09-25-2008, 06:18 PM

Life's short and it could be true love--try it and see how it works. At least you'll see how you like being together 24/7, and then you can make a plan if the back and forth doesn't work out.

PS: haven't read it but My Boyfriend's Back by Donna Hanover (actress and former Mrs. Giulani) http://www.amazon.com/My-Boyfriends-.../dp/1594630100 is about true life reconnecting (she is now with her hs sweetheart, I believe) --maybe some of the people in the book have tried what you're planning?

haha · 09-25-2008, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever

Life's short and it could be true love--try it and see how it works. At least you'll see how you like being together 24/7, and then you can make a plan if the back and forth doesn't work out.

PS: haven't read it but Amazon.com: My Boyfriend's Back: Donna Hanover: Books is about true life reconnecting--maybe some of the people in the book have tried what you're planning?

I have heard that these back to the future romances can really work out well. There is something about the girl who drove you wild when you weren't so used to that feeling that may never go away. Especially if she was sane as well as sexy, and she has added an interesting maturity.

On moving overall without this old flame aspect, I have seen some disasters. Some maniac from DC with a good career, maybe 45 years old met a woman from out here on a cruise ship out of New Orleans. Within a month he had quit his job and moved out here, in another month they were married. Then over the next few years I watched her humiliate and castrate this poor guy until he looked like a deer that had been shot but wasn't down yet.

He eventually woke up and got divorced, or she ditched him- I don't know them well enough to know. I have known her over a long time in the dance world, and knew her well enough that I had what was for me unusual good judgment to never want to know her any more closely. I knew him only by passing a little time with him at the bar.

He went back to DC, I hope he was able to put his old life back together.

Ha

maddythebeagle · 09-25-2008, 06:45 PM

Well, yeah it is an expense to have 2 places for sure (although my place is pretty modest anyway)....I think in our case, it would be upper midwest vs. Florida so there are climate differences in summer and winter...so not so bad....My current job has such a high pay rate that I probably wouldnt get similar pay full time someplace else anyway...and I had thought about less hours anyway with my savings being in good shape....We are both mid 30s, so this really is a serious relationship and known each a long time...

slouch · 09-25-2008, 08:12 PM

What's attracting you to the long distance relationship? Why not date someone local?

Calgary_Girl · 09-25-2008, 10:29 PM

I know at least one long distance relationship that worked out and is still going strong: MINE! :-)DH and I met 11 years ago. He's American, I'm a Canuck and we met up here in Calgary while he was on business. What can I say? Sparks flew right away and we dated long distance for a little over a year before he popped the question. To make a long story short, we'll be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary in November :-)

haha · 09-25-2008, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calgary_Girl

I know at least one long distance relationship that worked out and is still going strong: MINE! :-)DH and I met 11 years ago. He's American, I'm a Canuck and we met up here in Calgary while he was on business. What can I say? Sparks flew right away and we dated long distance for a little over a year before he popped the question. To make a long story short, we'll be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary in November :-)

But you are together now, right?

Calgary_Girl · 09-25-2008, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha

But you are together now, right?

Yes. I guess my point is that what starts as a long distance relationship right now can turn into something more "permanent" where either Maddy or her girlfriend are willing to relocate permanently. Trust me - the long distance thing sucks after a while. As my DH says "either pi** or get off the pot".

**Bestwifeever** · 09-25-2008, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slouch

What's attracting you to the long distance relationship? Why not date someone local?

Answer from the original post:

Quote:

So...I have been seriously talking with my high school girlfriend (I moved away in h.s. and we drifted apart) but have reconnected 4-5 months ago....Never of us feel inclined to completely move but keeping options open.....about 1500 miles apart....north and south divide

maddythebeagle · 09-26-2008, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calgary_Girl

Yes. I guess my point is that what starts as a long distance relationship right now can turn into something more "permanent" where either Maddy or her girlfriend are willing to relocate permanently. Trust me - the long distance thing sucks after a while. As my DH says "either pi** or get off the pot".

Thanks....the long distance thing hasnt always been too bad...we have reconnected for 4-5 months now and have been planning some visits, but at some point, yeah we will have to do something.

I like the responses, though...the male response usually seem to be find somebody closer vs. the female response it that it could be true love! Hey, we have both looked and havent found somebody that is as complete and sparks us....

**Martha** · 09-26-2008, 08:08 AM

Mad, if you live part of the year in away from Wisconsin, will you be able to work part of the year at the job you have now? That is what I am not getting. If you can, then great!

How about her? Can she find stable work that would allow being away half the year?

maddythebeagle · 09-26-2008, 08:58 AM

Martha: yeah, it very much looks like I will be able to work part of the year where I am and probably work remotely a day or two the rest.......She is also looking at that option or simply being able to take off 3-4 months herself. She actually works at a church that emphasizes family life so probably wouldnt be that hard on her end.

**Martha** · 09-26-2008, 09:12 AM

You are lucky! You get to be a snowbird in your 30s! I think that it is a great idea. My BIL can check on your house when you are gone.

maddythebeagle · 09-26-2008, 09:30 AM

Yep. I didnt think it was too bad of an idea...I have some family members that certainly have talked about house sitting from time to time...

Canadian Grunt · 09-26-2008, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maddythebeagle

Martha: yeah, it very much looks like I will be able to work part of the year where I am and probably work remotely a day or two the rest.......She is also looking at that option or simply being able to take off 3-4 months herself. She actually works at a church that emphasizes family life so probably wouldnt be that hard on her end.

What's the down side.....give it a try, if it works great...otherwise you will be thinking "what if" for the the rest of your life.

Life is short.

socca · 09-26-2008, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha

Then over the next few years I watched her humiliate and castrate this poor guy until he looked like a deer that had been shot but wasn't down yet.

You mean this isn't normal?

DangerMouse · 10-17-2008, 11:02 AM

Maddy, just wondering what you decided to do in the end.

freebird5825 · 10-17-2008, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maddythebeagle

Thanks....the long distance thing hasnt always been too bad...we have reconnected for 4-5 months now and have been planning some visits, but at some point, yeah we will have to do something.

I like the responses, though...the male response usually seem to be find somebody closer vs. the female response it that it could be true love! Hey, we have both looked and havent found somebody that is as complete and sparks us....

i'm a woman...but a darn logical and cautious one.

i'm hearing 2 people tentatively trying to increase the amount of time they spend together without either giving up all, i.e. their respective home nests. i'm hearing a very smart plan here. several weeks or months together beats the spurious weekend thing, as it will give you 2 a better feel for each other. the only hitch i see is the potential for the "absence makes the heart fonder" syndrome overshadowing all else.
i wish you 2 all the best of luck and love!

09-25-2008, 02:35 PM	#1
maddythebeagle Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 2,440	Semi-retire for a long distance relationship? So...I have been seriously talking with my high school girlfriend (I moved away in h.s. and we drifted apart) but have reconnected 4-5 months ago....Never of us feel inclined to completely move but keeping options open.....about 1500 miles apart....north and south divide We have certainly connected more than before and have significant amount in common so pretty far away from making any demands, but just listen to what each other wants and being good friends.... So the question that I had was what others have done eventually....we have talked a bit about living part year at each location....me more the summers and her more the winters...some people that I have talked to have kinda thought that was ridiculous since I have a house and might only end being there 5-6 months a year..... __________________ - Hurry! to the cliffs of insanity!

09-25-2008, 06:05 PM	#3
TromboneAl Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,171	I know a couple who does exactly this. It's ridiculous. They now both have friends and obligations on both coasts. Seems like a total waste of money and effort to me, but they don't see it that way. __________________ - Al -- Always serious, never joking. No, wait. Never serious... Always... I forget.

09-25-2008, 06:45 PM	#6
maddythebeagle Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 2,440	Well, yeah it is an expense to have 2 places for sure (although my place is pretty modest anyway)....I think in our case, it would be upper midwest vs. Florida so there are climate differences in summer and winter...so not so bad....My current job has such a high pay rate that I probably wouldnt get similar pay full time someplace else anyway...and I had thought about less hours anyway with my savings being in good shape....We are both mid 30s, so this really is a serious relationship and known each a long time... __________________ - Hurry! to the cliffs of insanity!

09-25-2008, 10:29 PM	#8
Calgary_Girl Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 518	I know at least one long distance relationship that worked out and is still going strong: MINE! :-)DH and I met 11 years ago. He's American, I'm a Canuck and we met up here in Calgary while he was on business. What can I say? Sparks flew right away and we dated long distance for a little over a year before he popped the question. To make a long story short, we'll be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary in November :-) __________________ I can only be nice to one person today! Today is not your day...tomorrow doesn't look good either.

09-26-2008, 08:08 AM	#13
Martha Administrator Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: minnesota Posts: 9,866	Mad, if you live part of the year in away from Wisconsin, will you be able to work part of the year at the job you have now? That is what I am not getting. If you can, then great! How about her? Can she find stable work that would allow being away half the year? __________________ . Do not rely on the information provided--my posts are not to be taken as legal advice. Needless to say you must consult with your legal representative. I am not responsible for errors. If I offended you with cya I apologize. If I did not, I tried.

09-25-2008, 02:57 PM	#2
aaronc879 Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 326	I think it's an all or nothing situation. Either move to the same city or go your seperate ways. Personally, I wouldn't move anywhere for someone else but I know a lot of people that would. It's up to you.

09-25-2008, 06:18 PM	#4
Bestwifeever Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 932	Life's short and it could be true love--try it and see how it works. At least you'll see how you like being together 24/7, and then you can make a plan if the back and forth doesn't work out. PS: haven't read it but My Boyfriend's Back by Donna Hanover (actress and former Mrs. Giulani) http://www.amazon.com/My-Boyfriends-.../dp/1594630100 is about true life reconnecting (she is now with her hs sweetheart, I believe) --maybe some of the people in the book have tried what you're planning?

09-25-2008, 08:12 PM	#7
slouch Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 90	What's attracting you to the long distance relationship? Why not date someone local?

09-26-2008, 08:58 AM	#14
maddythebeagle Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 2,440	Martha: yeah, it very much looks like I will be able to work part of the year where I am and probably work remotely a day or two the rest.......She is also looking at that option or simply being able to take off 3-4 months herself. She actually works at a church that emphasizes family life so probably wouldnt be that hard on her end. __________________ - Hurry! to the cliffs of insanity!

09-26-2008, 09:12 AM	#15
Martha Administrator Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: minnesota Posts: 9,866	You are lucky! You get to be a snowbird in your 30s! I think that it is a great idea. My BIL can check on your house when you are gone. __________________ . Do not rely on the information provided--my posts are not to be taken as legal advice. Needless to say you must consult with your legal representative. I am not responsible for errors. If I offended you with cya I apologize. If I did not, I tried.

09-26-2008, 09:30 AM	#16
maddythebeagle Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 2,440	Yep. I didnt think it was too bad of an idea...I have some family members that certainly have talked about house sitting from time to time... __________________ - Hurry! to the cliffs of insanity!

10-17-2008, 11:02 AM	#19
DangerMouse Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: So. Cal. Posts: 628	Maddy, just wondering what you decided to do in the end. __________________ I be a girl, he's a boy. Semi-FIRED July 08. Mid 40s, no kidlets.