Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-31-2015, 09:46 AM   #41
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 5,325
I would suggest having her focus on developing in demand skills, not just looking for a single job. With a job not involving marketable skills, if she loses it she could be back home again and back in the same boat. Our oldest has not graduated yet but has job offers upon graduation from both internship companies and is getting unsolicited recruiter calls just from Linkedin.

The jobs are out there, it is just that there is a mismatch between popular degrees and the kind of job skills employers are seeking.

Growing mismatch between education and the needs of business
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20121...ining-anywhere
__________________

__________________
Even clouds seem bright and breezy, 'Cause the livin' is free and easy, See the rat race in a new way, Like you're wakin' up to a new day (Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether lyrics, Alan Parsons Project, based on an EA Poe story)
daylatedollarshort is online now   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 07-31-2015, 10:30 AM   #42
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North
Posts: 703
haha, I moved back home with my wife when I was 33. It was mainly a transitional reason and I was out within 3 months but my parents supported our goal of saving up yet another down payment while living downstairs. There were rules...and things sure did change a lot since I was last single and living with them at age 24. This bird seems to keep going back to the nest, my older sisters were out of the home at 18 and never looked back.
__________________

__________________
AA (Stock/Bond/Cash ): 99/0/1% MIX (Small/Mid/Large): 50/25/25% BLEND(US/Foreign): 100/0%, (Value/Growth/Blend): X/X/X% REIT (Real Estate Equity): 50% of Assets

FIRE in 2031 @ 50yrs old (+/- 2yrs) w/ a hypothetical $2.5mil portfolio, 3 appreciated homes worth $1.0mil and rental income to fund my gap years until RMD. Assets will go to an inherited IRA where I plan on watching the investments grow until I die or the trust gets executed.
kgtest is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2015, 10:33 AM   #43
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,068
Quote:
Originally Posted by kgtest View Post
haha, I moved back home with my wife when I was 33.
How many years had you been living separately?
__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2015, 12:03 AM   #44
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Koolau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Leeward Oahu
Posts: 3,240
When our kids started kicking around Major Studies titles like "Drama", "Fashion Design", "Management" and so forth, we asked them to research the j*b opportunities upon graduation - because we would be leaving no forwarding address after the last one entered university. They would be on their own with no option to move "home" (because "home" would no longer exist in the traditional meaning of the word.)

Oddly enough, they then each found majors for which the title more or less described what they would be doing once they found a real j*b. They even picked Majors for which there were virtually always j*bs available. They have all been quite successful and are now free to "visit" whenever they like (we have a tiny spare bedroom for guests.) YMMV
__________________
Ko'olau's Law -

Anything which can be used can be misused. Anything which can be misused will be.
Koolau is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2015, 07:55 AM   #45
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
gauss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,708
Will Mom be doing your daughter's laundry now? You might want to watch for this.

I have seen many instances of adult children living at home and the parent doing their laundry. They then seem surprised that the kids have not desire to move out.

-gauss
__________________
gauss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2015, 09:29 AM   #46
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
ivinsfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koolau View Post
When our kids started kicking around Major Studies titles like "Drama", "Fashion Design", "Management" and so forth, we asked them to research the j*b opportunities upon graduation - because we would be leaving no forwarding address after the last one entered university. They would be on their own with no option to move "home" (because "home" would no longer exist in the traditional meaning of the word.)

Oddly enough, they then each found majors for which the title more or less described what they would be doing once they found a real j*b. They even picked Majors for which there were virtually always j*bs available. They have all been quite successful and are now free to "visit" whenever they like (we have a tiny spare bedroom for guests.) YMMV
This was our strategy as well. Since we live on a remote farm 100 miles from a big city.. MSP, it wasn't much of a problem for us. They went down to the U of M. loved the city life and both got degrees from the Carlson school of Business. I've always thought that a business degree is great, kind of a well-rounded easy to do in 4 years major. From what I've seen a lot of fun, cool sounding majors are offered, but they don't have the job numbers to back up the degree programs. To the OP I wonder if this subject came up at all during her school years. In this case grad school might not be the way to go. I've actually seen kids go back to school to get another BA or BS in an "employable" major.
__________________
ivinsfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2015, 10:50 AM   #47
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern IL
Posts: 18,255
Quote:
Originally Posted by gauss View Post
Will Mom be doing your daughter's laundry now? You might want to watch for this.

I have seen many instances of adult children living at home and the parent doing their laundry. They then seem surprised that the kids have not desire to move out.

-gauss
While any adult children living at home should take on some responsibility, I wouldn't use 'laundry' as a measurement for that.

It is energy/resource efficient to combine laundry loads. It would be a waste to separate out 1/3rd for a separate run, unless the washer was already full.

As long as she is aggressively seeking a job, and looking for at least part time work if that becomes an extended task, I would not charge rent. How would she pay it w/o a job? If she decides to stay at home once she lands a job, rent is a consideration, but it could be considered a gift, to help her get started in life. As long as she isn't being 'lazy', I don't see a problem.

I'm still curious about this being a 'shock' - from my earlier post:
Quote:
Can you explain the shock? I don't know what the job outlook is for people with an undergraduate degree in International Studies, but the job market is pretty tight overall for new grads, and I don't recall hearing stories of companies clamoring for people with an undergrad in International Studies.

What were your expectations? What were they based on?
Hmmm, is the OP still around? I don't see any responses?

-ERD50
__________________
ERD50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2015, 02:42 PM   #48
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 16,494
I've told the story before but I did "boomerang" back home after a divorce. There were a bunch of reasons and at the age of 34 moving back in with my mother was not exactly where I wanted to be.

I needed a cheap place to live for 18 months so I could save the down payment for a house and closing. Her house needed a lot of deferred maintenance done on it. She was on a waiting list for a CCRC and would have a 60-day window to sell the house and move when a spot became available.

So after some discussion I moved in and it worked out as planned. While I did not pay rent I did pay all the utilities and of course the food I ate. The house was paid for so there was no payment. I got a lot of junk out of the house and repainted the entire interior. The lawn was in better shape than I'd ever seen it. When the house went up for sale it sold in three days.

And I was gone in 18 months and living in my own (albeit heavily mortgaged) house. And had it paid off in 15 years.

So much depends on the individuals and how motivated they are to be independent. So just because one bounces back for a while does not mean it will become a permanent arrangement.
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2015, 03:49 PM   #49
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Nemo2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Belleville, ONT
Posts: 4,296
Quote:
Originally Posted by Walt34 View Post
So much depends on the individuals and how motivated they are..
As Ann Landers used to say, "Make Lemonade"...some do, some don't.
__________________
"Exit, pursued by a bear."

The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
Nemo2 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2015, 09:49 PM   #50
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERD50 View Post
While any adult children living at home should take on some responsibility, I wouldn't use 'laundry' as a measurement for that.

It is energy/resource efficient to combine laundry loads. It would be a waste to separate out 1/3rd for a separate run, unless the washer was already full.

As long as she is aggressively seeking a job, and looking for at least part time work if that becomes an extended task, I would not charge rent. How would she pay it w/o a job? If she decides to stay at home once she lands a job, rent is a consideration, but it could be considered a gift, to help her get started in life. As long as she isn't being 'lazy', I don't see a problem.

I'm still curious about this being a 'shock' - from my earlier post:
Hmmm, is the OP still around? I don't see any responses?

-ERD50
OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!
__________________
oscar1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2015, 11:52 PM   #51
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 13,250
Quote:
Originally Posted by oscar1 View Post
OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!



As others have mentioned... I think it is the degree that is holding her back... can she go get a 'better' one with maybe one more year? Some degrees are pretty close and with just a few classes you are there...



I would take my time.... but I would also make a deadline.... IOW, if she decides to go a Masters route, or another degree... then she gets a bit of wiggle room... if she decides to stick with what she has, then maybe in 6 months start charging and in 12 move her out... as long as she knows up front your expectations it should go OK...
__________________
Texas Proud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 01:22 AM   #52
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Katsmeow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,391
Our "rule" is that kids living at home not at school need to either have a job or be actively looking for a job. If looking for a full-time job after school, I would say that if a full-time job isn't food in a reasonable period (a couple of months), that a part-time job should be taken that wouldn't interfere with interviewing (deliveries pizzas, weekend work, etc.).

As for "rent", once a job is obtained, my position is that I don't charge rent but I would charge an amount equal to the out of pocket cost of having the adult child at home. So, some amount to cover extra utilities and cost of food. I would expect the adult child to cover his/her other expenses such as clothing, gas, auto insurance, health costs, etc. Obviously until a job is obtained there really isn't a way to collect on those costs.

As far as the daughter's situation, I don't necessarily think it is a big deal not to have found a job yet. I do tend to agree that the problem may be the major. I wonder if your daughter really assessed career possibilities before getting the degree. Do her friends who have jobs have the same major or perhaps other more marketable majors? What is it that your daughter wants to do with the degree? Why that degree?

I wouldn't have her just go to graduate school if she doesn't have a realistic plan of how going to graduate school will benefit her career prospects? On the other hand, if she made a bad choice of major (and I don't know if she did) then a relatively short program in something else might work. But, on the other hand, it might not make sense to go back to school for another several years just because she hasn't found a job in 2 months if her major is viable.
__________________
Katsmeow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 07:03 AM   #53
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
gauss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,708
I am surprised that nobody on this thread has mentioned networking yet as a job placement tool. It has worked quite effectively for both myself and DW over the years.

When you are just blasting out resumes you will be compared to the perhaps hundred other resumes and it will be hard for you to stand out.

With networking you will still have to go through the standard corporate interview process, but having someone on the back end who is looking for your resume can make all the difference in the world IMHO.

-gauss
__________________
gauss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 09:02 AM   #54
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
ivinsfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,198
Quote:
Originally Posted by gauss View Post
I am surprised that nobody on this thread has mentioned networking yet as a job placement tool. It has worked quite effectively for both myself and DW over the years.

When you are just blasting out resumes you will be compared to the perhaps hundred other resumes and it will be hard for you to stand out.

With networking you will still have to go through the standard corporate interview process, but having someone on the back end who is looking for your resume can make all the difference in the world IMHO.

-gauss
The difficultly with this particular situation is that a recent college grad won't have a very big pool of people to network with. Maybe Mom and Dad have a few contacts from their work life, or perhaps a church or even volunteer work.
Maybe while looking for the job the grad could do a little volunteering herself to widen her contacts.
__________________
ivinsfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 09:31 AM   #55
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern IL
Posts: 18,255
Quote:
Originally Posted by oscar1 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERD50 ...
I'm still curious about this being a 'shock' - ?

-ERD50
OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home ...
Good looks and good grades help (even though looks shouldn't matter, I think studies show they do). But have you considered that degrees in Computer Engineering may be in far more demand than new grads with a degree in International Studies? I haven't looked up the stats, but I'd expect a huge delta. So again, why are you 'shocked'? Or is my impression wrong, and new grads with a degree in International Studies are in high demand?

It sounds to me like there may be a gap in expectations and reality. Did you/she research the job market opportunities before settling on this degree? Sometimes it makes sense for people to choose what appeals to them, but if that is in a field with low demand, they should not be 'shocked' that it is tough to land a job as a new grad.

Quote:
Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions.
And what did degrees did her friends earn?

-ERD50
__________________
ERD50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 09:46 AM   #56
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
imoldernu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Peru
Posts: 4,616
Old School...
Tough love.
No enabling.
Short of having physical or mental handicap, raising a healthy child to age 18 is the end of parental responsibility.

By that age, the future can be decided by the individual... either the parent or the offspring. If the parent chooses to accept continuing responsibility, then there should be no complaints. A matter of personal preference.

Some time ago, I took some heat about not being involved 24/7 in the lives of my children and their families. We are still loving, and close, but their lives belong to them. We are there for consulting, but not for trying to direct their daily lives or their future.
__________________
imoldernu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 09:52 AM   #57
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
gauss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,708
Quote:
Originally Posted by ivinsfan View Post
The difficultly with this particular situation is that a recent college grad won't have a very big pool of people to network with. Maybe Mom and Dad have a few contacts from their work life, or perhaps a church or even volunteer work.
Maybe while looking for the job the grad could do a little volunteering herself to widen her contacts.
In my case I networked with my fellow students while I was still at the University.

I mentioned to a classroom acquaintance that I was going to be leaving early and not getting a PhD after all. He was on Fellowship from his employer. He told me they were starting up a new group in my area of concentration. Started the job a few months later after graduation.

In recent years, I have read about actual networking events being organized after work in pubs. You would not have to know anyone going into an event like that.

There is more than one way to skin a cat.

One of my life truisms is that it is not about how you play the game or if you win or lose -- instead it is all about which game you choose to play.

-gauss
__________________
gauss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 10:02 AM   #58
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
gauss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,708
Another item that I did not see mentioned in this thread is how did the daughter spend her summers while she was earning her degree?

I would have thought an internship or co-op job related to her field of study would have gone a long way at this point - either with direct job offers from the sponsoring organization if they was a good fit, or experience that could be leveraged during the job hunt.

Obviously the OP can't change the past, but this thread can also serve as advice to other parents with up and coming children.
__________________
gauss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 11:08 AM   #59
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
target2019's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,705
Quote:
Originally Posted by oscar1 View Post
OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!
International Studies can be tough. I know a young lady who graduated with such, and she had all the same qualities. She did land a job right away, but not in that field. As it turns out, she was hired within a few years by the college as their representative for that field.
__________________
target2019 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 11:21 AM   #60
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,380
Quote:
Originally Posted by oscar1 View Post
OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!
I think you and wifey should chill and leave this young woman alone. Give her a place to live and eat, and get out of her hair.

And all the "advice" here-if she tried to follow it she might feel like the hungry and thirsty donkey between water and oats, who died being unable to decide which to do first.

I let my kids alone and the least well paid of them makes $150K/yr, the other 7 figures. One's offspring will do better without the helicopters obscuring their vision. I can see that most of my advice to my kids would have been objectively bad, and resented (rightfully). After all, what did I accomplish. ER? BFD!

Ha
__________________

__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Dad of New Liberal Arts (International Studies) Grad - Need Advice - Daughter Conside oscar1 Young Dreamers 65 12-18-2014 01:56 PM
Financial Guidance Book For Recent College Grad? Tree-dweller Young Dreamers 11 02-27-2013 01:01 PM
If you were a recent college grad with a liberal arts degree... timwalsh300 Other topics 24 04-26-2010 08:05 PM
Recent college grad here soupcxan Hi, I am... 17 09-12-2004 09:31 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:56 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.