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Old 07-31-2015, 08:46 AM   #41
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I would suggest having her focus on developing in demand skills, not just looking for a single job. With a job not involving marketable skills, if she loses it she could be back home again and back in the same boat. Our oldest has not graduated yet but has job offers upon graduation from both internship companies and is getting unsolicited recruiter calls just from Linkedin.

The jobs are out there, it is just that there is a mismatch between popular degrees and the kind of job skills employers are seeking.

Growing mismatch between education and the needs of business
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Old 07-31-2015, 09:30 AM   #42
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haha, I moved back home with my wife when I was 33. It was mainly a transitional reason and I was out within 3 months but my parents supported our goal of saving up yet another down payment while living downstairs. There were rules...and things sure did change a lot since I was last single and living with them at age 24. This bird seems to keep going back to the nest, my older sisters were out of the home at 18 and never looked back.
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Old 07-31-2015, 09:33 AM   #43
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haha, I moved back home with my wife when I was 33.
How many years had you been living separately?
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Old 07-31-2015, 11:03 PM   #44
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When our kids started kicking around Major Studies titles like "Drama", "Fashion Design", "Management" and so forth, we asked them to research the j*b opportunities upon graduation - because we would be leaving no forwarding address after the last one entered university. They would be on their own with no option to move "home" (because "home" would no longer exist in the traditional meaning of the word.)

Oddly enough, they then each found majors for which the title more or less described what they would be doing once they found a real j*b. They even picked Majors for which there were virtually always j*bs available. They have all been quite successful and are now free to "visit" whenever they like (we have a tiny spare bedroom for guests.) YMMV
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Old 08-01-2015, 06:55 AM   #45
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Will Mom be doing your daughter's laundry now? You might want to watch for this.

I have seen many instances of adult children living at home and the parent doing their laundry. They then seem surprised that the kids have not desire to move out.

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Old 08-01-2015, 08:29 AM   #46
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When our kids started kicking around Major Studies titles like "Drama", "Fashion Design", "Management" and so forth, we asked them to research the j*b opportunities upon graduation - because we would be leaving no forwarding address after the last one entered university. They would be on their own with no option to move "home" (because "home" would no longer exist in the traditional meaning of the word.)

Oddly enough, they then each found majors for which the title more or less described what they would be doing once they found a real j*b. They even picked Majors for which there were virtually always j*bs available. They have all been quite successful and are now free to "visit" whenever they like (we have a tiny spare bedroom for guests.) YMMV
This was our strategy as well. Since we live on a remote farm 100 miles from a big city.. MSP, it wasn't much of a problem for us. They went down to the U of M. loved the city life and both got degrees from the Carlson school of Business. I've always thought that a business degree is great, kind of a well-rounded easy to do in 4 years major. From what I've seen a lot of fun, cool sounding majors are offered, but they don't have the job numbers to back up the degree programs. To the OP I wonder if this subject came up at all during her school years. In this case grad school might not be the way to go. I've actually seen kids go back to school to get another BA or BS in an "employable" major.
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Old 08-01-2015, 09:50 AM   #47
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Will Mom be doing your daughter's laundry now? You might want to watch for this.

I have seen many instances of adult children living at home and the parent doing their laundry. They then seem surprised that the kids have not desire to move out.

-gauss
While any adult children living at home should take on some responsibility, I wouldn't use 'laundry' as a measurement for that.

It is energy/resource efficient to combine laundry loads. It would be a waste to separate out 1/3rd for a separate run, unless the washer was already full.

As long as she is aggressively seeking a job, and looking for at least part time work if that becomes an extended task, I would not charge rent. How would she pay it w/o a job? If she decides to stay at home once she lands a job, rent is a consideration, but it could be considered a gift, to help her get started in life. As long as she isn't being 'lazy', I don't see a problem.

I'm still curious about this being a 'shock' - from my earlier post:
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Can you explain the shock? I don't know what the job outlook is for people with an undergraduate degree in International Studies, but the job market is pretty tight overall for new grads, and I don't recall hearing stories of companies clamoring for people with an undergrad in International Studies.

What were your expectations? What were they based on?
Hmmm, is the OP still around? I don't see any responses?

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Old 08-01-2015, 01:42 PM   #48
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I've told the story before but I did "boomerang" back home after a divorce. There were a bunch of reasons and at the age of 34 moving back in with my mother was not exactly where I wanted to be.

I needed a cheap place to live for 18 months so I could save the down payment for a house and closing. Her house needed a lot of deferred maintenance done on it. She was on a waiting list for a CCRC and would have a 60-day window to sell the house and move when a spot became available.

So after some discussion I moved in and it worked out as planned. While I did not pay rent I did pay all the utilities and of course the food I ate. The house was paid for so there was no payment. I got a lot of junk out of the house and repainted the entire interior. The lawn was in better shape than I'd ever seen it. When the house went up for sale it sold in three days.

And I was gone in 18 months and living in my own (albeit heavily mortgaged) house. And had it paid off in 15 years.

So much depends on the individuals and how motivated they are to be independent. So just because one bounces back for a while does not mean it will become a permanent arrangement.
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Old 08-01-2015, 02:49 PM   #49
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So much depends on the individuals and how motivated they are..
As Ann Landers used to say, "Make Lemonade"...some do, some don't.
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Old 08-01-2015, 08:49 PM   #50
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While any adult children living at home should take on some responsibility, I wouldn't use 'laundry' as a measurement for that.

It is energy/resource efficient to combine laundry loads. It would be a waste to separate out 1/3rd for a separate run, unless the washer was already full.

As long as she is aggressively seeking a job, and looking for at least part time work if that becomes an extended task, I would not charge rent. How would she pay it w/o a job? If she decides to stay at home once she lands a job, rent is a consideration, but it could be considered a gift, to help her get started in life. As long as she isn't being 'lazy', I don't see a problem.

I'm still curious about this being a 'shock' - from my earlier post:
Hmmm, is the OP still around? I don't see any responses?

-ERD50
OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!
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Old 08-01-2015, 10:52 PM   #51
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OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!



As others have mentioned... I think it is the degree that is holding her back... can she go get a 'better' one with maybe one more year? Some degrees are pretty close and with just a few classes you are there...



I would take my time.... but I would also make a deadline.... IOW, if she decides to go a Masters route, or another degree... then she gets a bit of wiggle room... if she decides to stick with what she has, then maybe in 6 months start charging and in 12 move her out... as long as she knows up front your expectations it should go OK...
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Old 08-02-2015, 12:22 AM   #52
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Our "rule" is that kids living at home not at school need to either have a job or be actively looking for a job. If looking for a full-time job after school, I would say that if a full-time job isn't food in a reasonable period (a couple of months), that a part-time job should be taken that wouldn't interfere with interviewing (deliveries pizzas, weekend work, etc.).

As for "rent", once a job is obtained, my position is that I don't charge rent but I would charge an amount equal to the out of pocket cost of having the adult child at home. So, some amount to cover extra utilities and cost of food. I would expect the adult child to cover his/her other expenses such as clothing, gas, auto insurance, health costs, etc. Obviously until a job is obtained there really isn't a way to collect on those costs.

As far as the daughter's situation, I don't necessarily think it is a big deal not to have found a job yet. I do tend to agree that the problem may be the major. I wonder if your daughter really assessed career possibilities before getting the degree. Do her friends who have jobs have the same major or perhaps other more marketable majors? What is it that your daughter wants to do with the degree? Why that degree?

I wouldn't have her just go to graduate school if she doesn't have a realistic plan of how going to graduate school will benefit her career prospects? On the other hand, if she made a bad choice of major (and I don't know if she did) then a relatively short program in something else might work. But, on the other hand, it might not make sense to go back to school for another several years just because she hasn't found a job in 2 months if her major is viable.
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Old 08-02-2015, 06:03 AM   #53
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I am surprised that nobody on this thread has mentioned networking yet as a job placement tool. It has worked quite effectively for both myself and DW over the years.

When you are just blasting out resumes you will be compared to the perhaps hundred other resumes and it will be hard for you to stand out.

With networking you will still have to go through the standard corporate interview process, but having someone on the back end who is looking for your resume can make all the difference in the world IMHO.

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Old 08-02-2015, 08:02 AM   #54
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I am surprised that nobody on this thread has mentioned networking yet as a job placement tool. It has worked quite effectively for both myself and DW over the years.

When you are just blasting out resumes you will be compared to the perhaps hundred other resumes and it will be hard for you to stand out.

With networking you will still have to go through the standard corporate interview process, but having someone on the back end who is looking for your resume can make all the difference in the world IMHO.

-gauss
The difficultly with this particular situation is that a recent college grad won't have a very big pool of people to network with. Maybe Mom and Dad have a few contacts from their work life, or perhaps a church or even volunteer work.
Maybe while looking for the job the grad could do a little volunteering herself to widen her contacts.
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Old 08-02-2015, 08:31 AM   #55
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I'm still curious about this being a 'shock' - ?

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OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home ...
Good looks and good grades help (even though looks shouldn't matter, I think studies show they do). But have you considered that degrees in Computer Engineering may be in far more demand than new grads with a degree in International Studies? I haven't looked up the stats, but I'd expect a huge delta. So again, why are you 'shocked'? Or is my impression wrong, and new grads with a degree in International Studies are in high demand?

It sounds to me like there may be a gap in expectations and reality. Did you/she research the job market opportunities before settling on this degree? Sometimes it makes sense for people to choose what appeals to them, but if that is in a field with low demand, they should not be 'shocked' that it is tough to land a job as a new grad.

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Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions.
And what did degrees did her friends earn?

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Old 08-02-2015, 08:46 AM   #56
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Old School...
Tough love.
No enabling.
Short of having physical or mental handicap, raising a healthy child to age 18 is the end of parental responsibility.

By that age, the future can be decided by the individual... either the parent or the offspring. If the parent chooses to accept continuing responsibility, then there should be no complaints. A matter of personal preference.

Some time ago, I took some heat about not being involved 24/7 in the lives of my children and their families. We are still loving, and close, but their lives belong to them. We are there for consulting, but not for trying to direct their daily lives or their future.
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Old 08-02-2015, 08:52 AM   #57
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The difficultly with this particular situation is that a recent college grad won't have a very big pool of people to network with. Maybe Mom and Dad have a few contacts from their work life, or perhaps a church or even volunteer work.
Maybe while looking for the job the grad could do a little volunteering herself to widen her contacts.
In my case I networked with my fellow students while I was still at the University.

I mentioned to a classroom acquaintance that I was going to be leaving early and not getting a PhD after all. He was on Fellowship from his employer. He told me they were starting up a new group in my area of concentration. Started the job a few months later after graduation.

In recent years, I have read about actual networking events being organized after work in pubs. You would not have to know anyone going into an event like that.

There is more than one way to skin a cat.

One of my life truisms is that it is not about how you play the game or if you win or lose -- instead it is all about which game you choose to play.

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Old 08-02-2015, 09:02 AM   #58
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Another item that I did not see mentioned in this thread is how did the daughter spend her summers while she was earning her degree?

I would have thought an internship or co-op job related to her field of study would have gone a long way at this point - either with direct job offers from the sponsoring organization if they was a good fit, or experience that could be leveraged during the job hunt.

Obviously the OP can't change the past, but this thread can also serve as advice to other parents with up and coming children.
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Old 08-02-2015, 10:08 AM   #59
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OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!
International Studies can be tough. I know a young lady who graduated with such, and she had all the same qualities. She did land a job right away, but not in that field. As it turns out, she was hired within a few years by the college as their representative for that field.
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Old 08-02-2015, 10:21 AM   #60
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OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!
I think you and wifey should chill and leave this young woman alone. Give her a place to live and eat, and get out of her hair.

And all the "advice" here-if she tried to follow it she might feel like the hungry and thirsty donkey between water and oats, who died being unable to decide which to do first.

I let my kids alone and the least well paid of them makes $150K/yr, the other 7 figures. One's offspring will do better without the helicopters obscuring their vision. I can see that most of my advice to my kids would have been objectively bad, and resented (rightfully). After all, what did I accomplish. ER? BFD!

Ha
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