Single ERers

[youbet]

Hello YouBet:

I think you kinda misinterpreted my statement

My comment was not in reference to you, Toejam.

We've met folks who in later life deeply regretted the time, money and effort they spent raising children. Whether the child was an "accident" or simply a bad decision made by people who didn't really know themselves, the ensuing situation is unfortunate and sad. So, when I hear someone say they are glad they didn't have kids, I think to myself it's a blessing they didn't. Likewise, it's sad to see a couple who want a child very much unable to have one.

Childfree folks who wanted to be, and parents who wanted to be, should be thankful life worked out for them in that regard!

 

[Toejam]

Hi youbet:

I understand your position now. Thanks for the explanation!

Toejam

 

[newyorklady]

i am planning on having one or two children. i am a woman and married. i caution all singles out there to get a very good pre-nup and marry someone fiscally responsible. there are many gold diggers out there and also even if that doesn't apply, many idiots who go into debt. marriage has very serious financial implications. luckily my husband has a great career and is not a burden.

 

[Helen]

We've met folks who in later life deeply regretted the time, money and effort they spent raising children. Whether the child was an "accident" or simply a bad decision made by people who didn't really know themselves, the ensuing situation is unfortunate and sad. So, when I hear someone say they are glad they didn't have kids, I think to myself it's a blessing they didn't. Likewise, it's sad to see a couple who want a child very much unable to have one.

Yes, I hear a lot of people talking about how they are "hinting" to their children that they want Grandchildren. People really need to think and decide if having kids is what they want to do. I think too many people have them because it is expected of them and want to fit in. While I have empathy for parents who want their kids to have kids, I think they really need to keep their pie holes closed and not pressure them.

It is sad to see a couple who want a child who are unable to have one, but there are alternatives. There are so many children who are raised in inhumane conditions or with indifference and that is just heart breaking.

 

[citrine]

Once I hit my 30's, the urge to procreate is a lot stronger than it has ever been. On the rational side.....I will not have children unless I am married and can share the "joy" with the man I love.
If things stay status quo.....single and child free.....I will be able to retire in the next decade at the earliest.
If I get married.....I will make sure that I have a great pre-nup

 

[Lyle]

I am 58, have two grown children and two Grandchildren. Even though they are a lot of expense and normally it does put off retirement a few years. I really enjoy seeing the grown children experience life as a new parent. As for the Grandchildren, I have more fun with them than I thought I would. Maybe the newness will wear off but for now they are surely worth the effort and expense.

Lyle

 

[kendofire]

40 years old. Never been married or had and children. And I don't want to I happy being alone and introverted

 

[Meadbh]

49 years old introvert. Never had interest in marrying or having kids. Too many friends had bad experiences. Definitely not going there.

 

[youbet]

It's truly a blessing when folks who are glad they didn't have children didn't have children.

 

[Outtahere]

A strange thing happened on my way to being an adult, I didn't want children and as it turned out, I was unable have them. Married a man later in life that didn't want any more, his were grown, worked out well for both of us.

 

[Mwsinron]

It's truly a blessing when folks who are glad they didn't have children didn't have children.

Ya i think we got the point

 

[OKLibrarian]

To pipe in here, I'm quite happily married, I knew since I was a teenager that I wouldn't be able to have kids and never had much of an urge anyway. DH doesn't particularly want them either--certainly not enough to go through the adoption process. Of course we just hit our 30s so we may start having urges, but frankly not having kids allows us to change the world much more directly via volunteering and supporting charities we care about. Fortunately we're blessed with parents who want us to have a happy/prosperous life, with or without grandkids. Also, knock wood, but the childfree lifestyle also will give us the flexibility to take care of them in whatever ways they may need as they age.

 

[Toejam]

Also, knock wood, but the childfree lifestyle also will give us the flexibility to take care of them (elderly parents) in whatever ways they may need as they age.

Very true. That was one of the advantages of not having the responsibilities of raising children and being able to retire "early". When my Dad was in the nursing home and severely incapacitated for 4 years as a result of a major stroke, I was able to spend time with him 5 to 6 times a week there to make sure he was getting cleaned properly "down there" after bm's, turned regularly in the evenings to prevent bedsores, that his head was elevated at all times to prevent food/liquids getting into his lungs, and that the heels of his feet were not pressing against the bed. With all due respect to CNA's (certified nursing aids) who work at the nursing homes, I think it is true that family members still need to be pro-active and personally check in on parents (or close relatives) on a regular basis to make sure things are being done (or done properly), even if it is a 24-hour-a-day nursing facility. My 3 siblings, who either have children and/or demanding jobs that require extensive travel out of town, did not have the energy or time to do this on a regular or extended basis and were happy that I (being single with no children and early retired) was able to be there for my Dad when he needed it the most. (My Mother predeceased my Dad by many years.)

 

[youbet]

I think it is true that family members still need to be pro-active and personally check in on parents (or close relatives) on a regular basis

My 100% agreement. I've noticed that here in the Chicago area, new businesses are cropping up supplying "advocates." These folks make their living by going from nursing home to nursing home checking on people/clients and the care they are receiving and reporting back to relatives. I'm sure a demand for this type of service wouldn't be cropping up if there was no need.......

You made one heck of a sacrifice and I certainly respect that you were willing to do that.

 

[MooreBonds]

30 and single...but definitely looking (and it sure is challenging )...and look forward to raising children with my future wife.

 

[OKLibrarian]

My 100% agreement. I've noticed that here in the Chicago area, new businesses are cropping up supplying "advocates." These folks make their living by going from nursing home to nursing home checking on people/clients and the care they are receiving and reporting back to relatives. I'm sure a demand for this type of service wouldn't be cropping up if there was no need.......

hmm...you just tickled my entrepreneurial bone with this comment. I haven't seen this (yet) in my neck of the woods, but I bet there's a niche for it...

 

[FinanceDude]

30 and single...but definitely looking (and it sure is challenging )...and look forward to raising children with my future wife.

Just be sure to put away $250,000 per kid you have and it will all be ok.........

 

[tikitoast]

I never thought I would like ballet (i.e. "what the hell are doing at this bourgeois heter-normative fantasy?") but we were as rapt as she. And I haven't looked forward to xmas so much for years -- consumerist or not, there are some wonderful upsides...
theronware

I love "bourgeois hetero-normative fantasy." (Describes our whole culture)

I adore the Nutcracker too...and I sat through a production of Swan Lake with tears streaming down my face as a kid. My mother was so worried, she took me out for pie afterward. I tried to explain that I'd really been enjoying myself.

Congrats on FIRE'ing at 42!