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Old 06-09-2011, 05:52 PM   #161
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I'd like to burn more than vacation time.

"I could put strychnine in the guacamole..." - Milton
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Old 06-09-2011, 06:30 PM   #162
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Whoa whoa whoa, I'm with Michael, we need to slow down and have a couple in-house meetings to plan the agenda for this conference-call-planning conference call...
At least a brainstorming session.
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Old 06-09-2011, 09:40 PM   #163
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I'd like to burn more than vacation time.

"I could put strychnine in the guacamole..." - Milton
Oh, my. I read the first 5 words of your reply and in my head I already heard Milton; "I could set the walls on fire..."
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Old 06-09-2011, 10:25 PM   #164
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Reminds me of Sisyphus -- push the ball up the hill, watch it roll back down, repeat.
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Old 06-09-2011, 11:56 PM   #165
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This reminds me of the time I had to write a report about when I planned to finish my reports. Fortunately that nimrod was moved out in fairly short order.
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Old 06-10-2011, 12:54 AM   #166
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This reminds me of the time I had to write a report about when I planned to finish my reports. Fortunately that nimrod was moved out in fairly short order.
My second submarine had an engineer who was quite abrasive but who got things done. For example, after a lengthy upkeep we got underway and discovered that our hydraulic system had a lot of air in the piping. It happens when you fix a lot of hydraulically-operated valves during an upkeep. It's similar to having air in your brake lines... you have to pump them a lot to get it all out before you can stop the car. Same thing on a submarine to open & shut a lot of important valves, so there was a lot of work to be coordinated.

The CO said "Eng, give me a plan to get the air out of the hydraulic lines." The Eng replied "No Captain, we're halfway finished and I'll tell you when we're done. Sir."

A year later he transferred and we got a new Eng. This one, to put it politely, was struggling. His engineroom eventually developed a number of oil leaks (M Div wasn't keeping up) and he was directed to fix them. Instead of telling his M Div officer and chief petty officer to take care of the problem (and let him know if they wanted his "help"), he started holding divisional musters to discuss the issue.

Unfortunately his troops decided to give him exactly what he was begging asking for. When they got to debating what font and color to use on the leak-tracking spreadsheet to maintain status on the repairs, I knew it was gonna be a long tour...
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Old 06-10-2011, 03:39 AM   #167
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This reminds me of something Scot Adams wrote in one of his books. He said that he had the best job in the world, in that he just sat at home and read e-mails people sent him about all the things that were happening in their workplace, and pick a few each week to put into his Dilbert cartoons.

Stupid knows no boundaries.
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Old 06-10-2011, 07:40 AM   #168
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This reminds me of something Scot Adams wrote in one of his books. He said that he had the best job in the world, in that he just sat at home and read e-mails people sent him about all the things that were happening in their workplace, and pick a few each week to put into his Dilbert cartoons.
I don't read Dilbert every day, but I looked one up the other day in the wonderful Dilbert strip finder and rediscovered the wonderful phrase "Proactive leveraging of synergies". Gotta get me some of that in my team.
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Old 06-10-2011, 07:56 AM   #169
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Another tale from the crypt:

My group has been chronically understaffed for years (I have 3 titles). Upon news of my departure, my boss was given authorization to replace me and hire 3 more people, doubling the group. Recently we found out that my team will now be dissolved within a year. Yet boss was told to hire these people anyway. WTF? I assume this is because the fools at the top know we need to hire 150 people (and counting), so they will make us do the work to get some bodies and then pull a bait and switch on 4 more people.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:57 AM   #170
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I had a boss who would not delegate. He thought everything was important. When the deadline was on him he would panic and delegate. We would always miss the deadlines but we would call the requester and apologize explain etc.

Eventually he was fired.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:58 AM   #171
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Headcount finesse. They probably wouldn't get authorization to hire after the elimination of your group but they will get authorization to reassign current employees. Actually not a bad maneuver if they can do that but not at all fair to the new hires. Many a recruitment is not for the job posted but if they ever get an EEO audit and that selection process is an issue they will be in deep do-do.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:59 AM   #172
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I don't read Dilbert every day, but I looked one up the other day in the wonderful Dilbert strip finder and rediscovered the wonderful phrase "Proactive leveraging of synergies". Gotta get me some of that in my team.
I am signed up for the daily, e-mailed, Dibert strip.

Many years ago I photo-copied a particular Dilbert and gave it to a couple of folks in my IT group. About 5 years later that particular strip came to life at the launch of a big IT project. During the first few days folks were on site 24hrs / day. A call-out number was set-up after the first few days and one of the female programmers gave the number to the control rooms in case of problems over the weekend.

As I walked into work on Monday morning I heard a shriek from the conference room where the "war room" had been set up for the programmers. It was the lady that given out the number. There had been a problem, and when the control room called the number they reached a sex chat line, as she had transposed a couple of digits when giving out the number.
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Old 06-10-2011, 09:47 PM   #173
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What? A conference call to plan a conference call?
The technical term would be a metaconference call.
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Old 06-11-2011, 12:08 AM   #174
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Sounds like my old boss, he never metaconference call he didn't want to do at 2am Tokyo time. Mandatory.... :-(

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Old 06-11-2011, 04:03 PM   #175
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I'd like to burn more than vacation time.
.
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"That's my stapler. They um' said I could keep my stapler. I'll burn this place down"
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Old 06-13-2011, 02:07 PM   #176
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Old 06-13-2011, 02:36 PM   #177
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http://chrisglass.com/journal/downloads/TPSreport.pdf
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Old 06-13-2011, 02:38 PM   #178
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We had a real doozy of an email today from the grand poohbah. First a bunch of chit chatty nonsense about their kids and what they had for dinner last night, then a bunch of blowsy "how about if" nonsense about scheduleing meetings to end 5 mintues before the next meeting. WTF? Everyone I know here sat around looking at each other dumbfounded when we read this one.
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Old 06-13-2011, 03:58 PM   #179
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We had a real doozy of an email today from the grand poohbah. First a bunch of chit chatty nonsense about their kids and what they had for dinner last night, then a bunch of blowsy "how about if" nonsense about scheduleing meetings to end 5 mintues before the next meeting. WTF? Everyone I know here sat around looking at each other dumbfounded when we read this one.
Did anyone actually see how he was doing, or even where he was, at the time he was writing the e-mail?

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Pretty subtle for this crowd... are we gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into Storage B?
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Old 06-13-2011, 05:00 PM   #180
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Did anyone actually see how he was doing, or even where he was, at the time he was writing the e-mail?

Speculation is that perhaps the poohbah's email account was hacked and someone else maybe sent this gibberish out as a prank.

Given the increasingly personal nature of some of the comments, we are wondering is the next email will include details of the next trip to the toilet.
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