Why am I here?

[feelan]

I sit here today, more sure of my goals than ever. Two days from now I will lay my mother to rest at the age of 65. She was always worried that she wouldn't have enough money to retire (despite my assurances that she had plenty to support her spending habits as she had always been very frugal and saved plenty).

She was diagnosed with cancer barely over a year ago, retired November 15th and we lost her January 1st. The retirement that she had dreamed of through all those jobs and all that saving is not going to happen.

I know she would not have any regrets about her life, but I have plenty of regrets for her. I just wish she had been able to enjoy the things she looked forward to.

I think seeing her go through this has made me realize that what I fear most is working until I am unable to take time for myself to do what I want to do. I just hope all my planning and saving will allow me to do that.

Sorry if this is a bit long and off topic, but I am in a tough spot right now, so I hope you will bear with me.

 

[Meadbh]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose one's mother, especially so young. Please take good care of yourself. I hope you have close friends to lean on at this difficult time.

 

[aja8888]

Sorry to hear about your loss. My dad passed at 62, years ago, and never retired. Stay healthy and do all you can to retire early and smell the roses. I waited too long as I thought I was indispensable at work, but really wasn't.

 

[Cassie]

I am very sorry to hear about your Mother, I hope the memories of her will be comforting. The loss of anyone is painful, however, the loss of a Mother can be devastating.....in time the hurt will ease. Take care of yourself and thanks for sharing. Sincerely, Cassie

 

[Bestwifeever]

Really sorry to read this. You have a tough year or so ahead of you as I can tell you will miss her very much. Maybe always remembering that she would have had no regrets, as you commented, will help comfort you.

 

[fisherman]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad when I was 29 and he 65. Very similar story to your mothers. I still miss him terribly. Be sure to spend time to grieve and find support with family, friends, etc.

 

[chris2008]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Do not postpone life till after retirement. It may never come or not come as you have planned.
DH retired in summer with me. While we had planned to start travelling a lot he had to go through 2 spinal surgeries so far. No travelling in sight. We are so happy that we have already travelled quite a lot before retirement.
Some things just cannot be planned.

 

[truenorth418]

You have my sincerest condolences. We lost my Mom to cancer at age 63. I doubt she would have approved of my early retirement, but her relatively early death made me realize how unpredictable life is and that it doesn't make sense to spend your short time on earth doing things that make you unhappy.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

Sincere condolences on the loss of your mother.

Your post expresses exactly the feelings I have in regard to the loss of my own mother in 1976. She was 61 and I was 21 and a senior in college (my father died 6 years later at 77, so I have been deprived of both parents for a long time). I wish she could have enjoyed the fruits of her retirement after teaching first grade for 30 years. She missed out on weddings, the births of grandchildren, spending time with her siblings and many friends, and pursuing her own interests and hobbies after working so hard. I think about her in some way every day and I try to be a credit to her in how I conduct my own life.

 

[Brett_Cameron]

I am sorry for your loss. A premature death of a loved one will change your view on things.

 

[Nodak]

My sincere condolences on your loss.

 

[tulak]

I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard losing a parent. Try to reflect on the good parts of her life and especially take care of yourself.

 

[frayne]

My sincere condolences on your loss.

 

[MRG]

Very sorry to hear of your loss. It's never easy to lose a loved one. Allow yourself time to grieve, and properly celebrate your mom's life. If you do not believe she would have regrets, maybe it's her last gift to you and others.
Best wishes,
MRG

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

 

[davismills]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Having lost my mom in 2010, I now seem to only remember the good times with her. That has made it much more tolerable for me and I hope you experience a similar feeling in the future.

 

[TallTim]

My sincerest condolences to you and your family. Losing a parent is hard. The other replies are spot-on and consistent with the general philosophy of FIRE -- get out as soon as you can (maybe even earlier) and live every day fully.

Lost my Dad almost 25 yrs ago when I was 22 and he was 60 (he never retired) and my mom a few years ago when she was 77 … she had taken an early retirement package at 60 and had probably 10-12 very good years. Cemented my desire to FIRE.

Hang in there… you have plenty of friends here if nowhere else.

 

[foxfirev5]

Sorry for your loss. It really puts things into perspective.

 

[Ronstar]

Sorry for your loss of your Mother. I think your thoughts of wanting to smell the roses are fairly common among those that have lost friends and relatives at a young age. My parents passed at 56 and 59 and we lost friends just recently at 55 and 61. The 55 year old friend never retired, the 61 year old had 5 years of retirement. Thoughts of this sure does give one the desire to retire early.

 

[spncity]

My best friend retired at 62, was diagnosed three months later, fought cancer for 15 months (two brain surgeries). It is way too young. I am sorry to hear about your mother.

 

[NanoSour]

My condolences for you loss. Lost my mom at 48 and it's surprising how she's remained very close to me these past 18 years. Particularly on major life decisions, she's always there guiding me to my destined path.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

So sorry to hear about your mother. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us here. It is a good reminder for us all to live in the present.

 

[LoneAspen]

Sorry about the loss of your Mom. I lost my Mom a few years ago, she was 86 and in very good health up until the very end.

The one thing I can say is...always remember the good times with her. Remember all the times she smiled, laughed, and you both had fun together. I've found that's the best way to remember someone.

 

[BigBangWeary]

My condolences on your great loss. By taking this step back, and taking stock of your life and goals, your mother's death is serving as a last gift from her to you.

 

[Klubbie]

Sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother this past summer and it caused me to re-evaluate things as well.

 

[Midpack]

I am very sorry for your loss, nothing else matters right now.

One of the guys I worked with talked about retirement all the time, he was so looking forward to it. Cancer caught up with him in his mid/late 50's and he was gone in less than 9 months. Never got to retire - very, very sad. Fortunately these sad stories are the exception, though it's hard to see that when it strikes close to home.