Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-02-2008, 09:04 AM   #21
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Four for four...

Saw old Doc Butler the other day
For my routine physical
Made me disrobe then they poked and probed
Every orifice and hole.

He took two x-rays and drew some blood
Then told me to stand up
He stuck a finger up my ass
And made me piss in a Dixie cup.

Then finally when they were done
And I’d slipped back in my clothes
The doctor came in and with a grin
He began to diagnose.

Your Prostate’s the size of a basketball
And your colon’s gone to hell
Don’t even try to get you some
It might cause your heart to fail.

You need two new knees and one new hip
And your back’s completely wrecked
Your cholesterol is off the wall
And you need your liver checked.

You’re blind as a bat and can’t hear squat
Everything is fallin’ apart
It takes all the strength you can muster up
Just to cough or burp or fart.

Your skin it sags, and your eyes got bags
No teeth left in your mouth
And anyone can plainly see
That your north is pointing south

Well I stood looking slightly dazed
At his dire prognoses
Then he wrote out some prescriptions
Said “here, take two of these”

Give up bread, give up eggs
No more ribeye steak
Cut out cigars and regulate
Your alcohol intake.

Think arugula and wheatgrass juice
And vegetable protein
Just shop down at the whole foods store
Yeah, the prices are obscene

If you follow my advice, old friend
It’ll keep your body fit
Hell, you might live to be a hundred years old
But your food will taste like ****.

Then the doctor made his exit
Wishing me good luck
But in a final act of disrespect
They charged me fifteen hundred bucks.

Copyright 2008, HFWR
__________________

__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 11-02-2008, 09:55 AM   #22
Full time employment: Posting here.
hankster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 645
Good one HFWR!
__________________

__________________
"There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no independence quite so important, as living within your means." Calvin Coolidge
hankster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2008, 09:53 PM   #23
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
BunsGettingFirm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dawg54 View Post
4 Surprising signs you'll live a long time - Healthy Living on Shine

Funny, I'm always having to go buy cokes for my 96 year old Aunt. She drinks a glass with almost every meal. She also snacks on milky way bars every day. But she's never been over weight so I guess that is the key, along with good genes.

Don't forget to also floss your teeth, laugh, exercise regularly, and socialize. Man, living long is a lot of work!
__________________
BunsGettingFirm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2008, 10:11 PM   #24
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
HFWR, I read your latest hit
I am now truly a fan.
The experience sounds so much like mine
But as a woman, not a man.

I'm grateful I have no prostate
But inconveniences still burden me.
Look at it this way darlin'
You don't have to sit down to pee.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2008, 12:51 PM   #25
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
FinanceDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 12,484
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
HFWR, I read your latest hit
I am now truly a fan.
The experience sounds so much like mine
But as a woman, not a man.

I'm grateful I have no prostate
But inconveniences still burden me.
Look at it this way darlin'
You don't have to sit down to pee.
__________________
Consult with your own advisor or representative. My thoughts should not be construed as investment advice. Past performance is no guarantee of future results (love that one).......:)


This Thread is USELESS without pics.........:)
FinanceDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2008, 02:34 PM   #26
Moderator
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,456
Nice one, HFWR, and good rejoinder, BBBamI!
What great stuff I have to look forward to as the years advance!
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2008, 07:23 PM   #27
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
Nice one, HFWR, and good rejoinder, BBBamI!
What great stuff I have to look forward to as the years advance!
I don't know, pole dancing in a diaper might be kinda hot...
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2008, 07:25 PM   #28
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
HFWR, I read your latest hit
I am now truly a fan.
The experience sounds so much like mine
But as a woman, not a man.

I'm grateful I have no prostate
But inconveniences still burden me.
Look at it this way darlin'
You don't have to sit down to pee.
I'm a pretty good dribbler, and I ain't talking basketball...
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2008, 08:13 PM   #29
Full time employment: Posting here.
tightasadrum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: athens
Posts: 802
I'm swinging for the high seats, except for my bird legs. Define strong?
__________________
Can't you see yourself in the nursing home saying, " Darn! Wish I'd spent more time at the office instead of wasting time with family and friends."
tightasadrum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2008, 10:18 AM   #30
Moderator
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,456
Quote:
Originally Posted by HFWR View Post
I don't know, pole dancing in a diaper might be kinda hot...
Definitely not!
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2008, 10:22 AM   #31
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
Definitely not!
Okay, if that's too weird, you can take off the diaper...
__________________

__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How long to you think you will live? Twinkle Toes Other topics 65 11-27-2007 09:17 PM
Live long enough to live forever (book) JJac Health and Early Retirement 10 11-25-2006 08:41 PM
long time lurker, first time poster grateful Hi, I am... 1 09-19-2006 07:28 PM
How long will you live? TromboneAl Other topics 37 08-02-2005 08:07 PM
How Long will you live? dex FIRE and Money 13 06-14-2004 04:02 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:34 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.