Advice for childless couple?

[Scuba]

We are still in our 50's so this is not an immediate concern, but I do wonder what we will do if/when we get to the point where we can no longer look after ourselves and/or our finances. Having a strong advocate for healthcare seems to make a huge difference. And once dementia sets in, it will be difficult to handle things like paying bills on our own.

We have no kids and no other relatives within 2,000 miles. Is anyone else worried about this situation? What are others in similar situations planning?


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[razztazz]

We have no kids and no other relatives within 2,000 miles. Is anyone else worried about this situation? What are others in similar situations planning?

I think this has come up a couple times here among those with few family components. If I recall the upshot was: Beyond a certain point there's nothing you can do. Hope for the best.

 

[niven]

We have no kids and no other relatives within 2,000 miles. Is anyone else worried about this situation?

Having kids or close relatives is no guarantee there will be anyone who can or will help out if/when that time comes, so I think this is a concern for everyone.

 

[Richard4444]

Scuba, DGF and I are in our 60's - same situation. No kids between us and likely no true advocate when that time comes. We use the phrase 'Last Man Standing' and would hope to be in a 3 level (independent, then assisted, then NH) facility at that time. In my fantasy, having kids would have alleviated that concern, but as niven writes, and I see around me, "Having kids is no guarantee (either)"

Rich

 

[Sarah in SC]

Having trusted friends and a good, observant doctor are central to our plan. I do have some cousins and a niece and a handful of nephews, time will tell if they will be reliable help or not in identifying our decline.

I'm mostly planning on keeping social ties, because of the added benefits healthwise of such.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

We have no kids and a re not overly concerned. Will address the problem if and when it arises.

 

[gauss]

We have no ids and a re not overly concerned. Will address the problem if and when it arises.

+1

I double down on having a really good relationship with DW so that we will be there for each other down the road - for better and worse.

I feel that the chances of both of us becoming incompetent would be small.

My stop-gap measure should this become and impending likelihood would be probably be to annuitize our investments so that there would be no opportunity for any sharks to make off with our nest egg.

 

[MRG]

Same boat here. Perhaps one niece may be a possibility but that's remote. Interested in the replies.

 

[CaliKid]

I have seen people get professional fiduciaries involved in their lives and that can be helpful. They can help with both financial and personal care issues. In California they are licensed by the state. Professional Fiduciary Association of California

 

[Brat]

Continuing care retirement communities are a good option once you are in your late 60s. Don't wait until either of you are getting frail, you want to be able to participate in social activities.

 

[growing_older]

I do have kids, but I don't want to burden them with years of taking care of me as my health fails. I'm planning to use a continuing care community or a visiting home care service as much as possible. Since my ER plan uses a lower SWR, I expect my investments to grow beyond my regular daily needs by the time I'm very old, and this seems a likely use of that money.

 

[Katiek]

This is a concern for me as well. I've got niece/nephew and they're good kids, but I don't expect they'll live close by or be overly involved. My good friends tend to be spread out geographically and not right near me.

I'm planning to rely on some combination of my nephew, hired professionals (such as an acct/lawyer/fiduciary) as well as a continuing care type community.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Continuing care retirement communities are a good option once you are in your late 60s. Don't wait until either of you are getting frail, you want to be able to participate in social activities.

We are of this mindset as we too are [-]childless[/-] childFREE

On the DW's side of the family, there are some younger cousins that are very close with DW and she has two sisters, so I think that they would be the "fall back" on care. That's not to say that they would, but there is only so much you can do (with kids or NO kids as has been stated). I am hoping that in the near future, the fiduciary things takes off and I think with the very large number of folks that *will* be getting older (such as us Gen X'ers) this will be a service that is really needed and our society will step in to address the problem.

 

[Likes_to_Lurk]

I also have similar concerns (childfree, unmarried, can't count on sister). My current thinking is to use professionals (lawyer, fiduciary) and possibly a CCR. I am trying to see if I can use some friends or maybe a niece in an oversight role to make sure that the professionals are putting my interests first.

I am trying to anticipate both physical and mental declines.

 

[Walt34]

We are planning to go into a CCRC and a DW's nephew is already named secondary medical decision-maker. If he moves to California or someplace we'll have to develop another plan.

 

[Koogie]

DW and I are in the same boat.

My family has a very short average lifespan and so does hers so I am not necessarily worried to much about the effects of extreme old age as we are unlikely to see it.

She however has a degenerative disease and I do worry that if I drop dead to early that she will be left helpless. Her nearest family lives in the US and is unlikely to be of much help. However, I think/hope that one or two of my nieces would be around to help her. It's hopefully in their best interest to do so since they are our beneficiaries !

 

[Big_Hitter]

We are still in our 50's so this is not an immediate concern, but I do wonder what we will do if/when we get to the point where we can no longer look after ourselves and/or our finances. Having a strong advocate for healthcare seems to make a huge difference. And once dementia sets in, it will be difficult to handle things like paying bills on our own.

We have no kids and no other relatives within 2,000 miles. Is anyone else worried about this situation? What are others in similar situations planning?


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We're in the exact same boat. I'm hoping we will have robots to help us when that happens.

 

[Aerides]

I'm sure this is going to sound more harshly than I mean it, but even those WITH kids should ideally not have plans which include much dependency/burden on them. At most it should be a matter of assisting with execution of plans vs. deciding and making them.

Fortunately, I doubt that applies to many here.

Also a child-free Gen-X couple here, I think a service like this would be a great idea. Someone to help layout plans and potentially act as a healthcare advocate, especially once one spouse passes. Would be the kind of thing to vet pretty early though, to establish the trust and knowledge that would be necessary to act effectively. My niece is an adorable teenager right now, but who knows who/where she'll be 30+ years from now?

 

[braumeister]

Seems to be a common enough problem.
We have no kids and the only other relatives are not people we would be comfortable relying on.

So the plan is to eventually move into a CCRC where we can get the professional help we need, as we need it.

The thing is, when to do that? Right now we're vigorous enough and like where we live enough that there is no interest in such a move. I'm guessing ten years from now will probably be the time. Far enough in the future that we're happy to kick the can down the road a bit longer.

 

[Richard4444]

Hmmmm - I'm also seeing a pattern here, of a lot of ERers who have no children, and possible can ER because of it.
Just saying

Rich

 

[gauss]

That is how I explain to most people that we were able to do it so they won't feel bad - Two incomes no kids --> much easier.

 

[MRG]

I'm sure this is going to sound more harshly than I mean it, but even those WITH kids should ideally not have plans which include much dependency/burden on them. At most it should be a matter of assisting with execution of plans vs. deciding and making them.

+1

We would have done almost anything for both of our DMs. FIL was untreated bipolar but maybe we could have handled him. My DF was fortunate that one of my surviving siblings made, in her words, the worst decesion of her life.

 

[ttvjef]

We are still in our 50's so this is not an immediate concern, but I do wonder what we will do if/when we get to the point where we can no longer look after ourselves and/or our finances. Having a strong advocate for healthcare seems to make a huge difference. And once dementia sets in, it will be difficult to handle things like paying bills on our own.

We have no kids and no other relatives within 2,000 miles. Is anyone else worried about this situation? What are others in similar situations planning?


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Definitely something to plan for. My spouse and I are also childless. On the care-giver end my spouse, along with a cousin, were named as a beneficiaries to their Uncle, who was also childless. We all lived near each other, within 5-15 miles. As Uncle Bob aged he needed more and more help. He would sometimes “joke” about the "will" when he felt as though he wasn’t getting the help he needed. It was all in good fun in the beginning, however his condition deteriorated quickly. He needed nursing due to Alzheimer’s and passed at 72, after retiring at 62.
I think a good option would be to lean towards CCRC’s where you can be surrounded by folks in similar situations so you can get ideas and share information about how to get support

 

[Big_Hitter]

That is how I explain to most people that we were able to do it so they won't feel bad - Two incomes no kids --> much easier.

who has two incomes?

 

[user5027]

We told our kids that we paid their college tuition instead of buying LTC insurance. I made them promise to turn the wheel chair so the sun was not in my eyes and to wipe the drool off my chin. They thought I was joking.