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Old 12-20-2013, 06:46 PM   #21
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It is beyond my imaginative powers why young people who do not plan on children get married.
It's called "commitment".
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Old 12-20-2013, 07:51 PM   #22
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It's called "commitment".
Not to disagree, but there is no law that you must be married to someone to be committed to her (or him). Unmarried couples have often been together for decades. And not because it would be too expensive to quit.

Ha
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Old 12-20-2013, 08:32 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by haha View Post
...

One thing I know for sure- married men do a lot more yes-dears than single men.

....
Ha
Revisionist history perhaps?

Who is going to strongly disagree with a 'date'? There won't be a next date. But marriage brings a level of commitment, and that commitment can whether some reasonable level of disagreement.

edit - cross-posted with your last entry. I agree with that also.

-ERD50
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Old 12-21-2013, 01:47 AM   #24
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Revisionist history perhaps?

Who is going to strongly disagree with a 'date'? There won't be a next date. But marriage brings a level of commitment, and that commitment can whether some reasonable level of disagreement.

edit - cross-posted with your last entry. I agree with that also.

-ERD50
I would like to briefly respond to the first part.

I have never felt that being compelled to continue with something is somehow good. "Make this work or be prepared to lose your kids, your home, and way too much of your money." I think going to therapy and the whole modern rigmarole of "saving the marriage" is mostly wasted effort, other than as a way to try to protect children. There is no real reason to think a man or woman should be any happier working along trying to iron out problems, than just dating with the freedom to change partners when and if it was no longer any good. You do have to figure that if you are alone and old and sick, you may be in trouble, but you are in trouble anyway if you are old and sick. Many of us will have kids and other more widely distributed relationships that can help.

One the topic of commitment, I think if your SO gets sick, you owe a commitment to her. But if she wants to behave however she wants, without checking with you, or give you a big list of things that you must do, or just get very temperamental and easily angered, or even psychotic, IMO you didn't commit to having your life ruined by someone's personality problems.

Ha
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Old 12-21-2013, 08:57 AM   #25
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I would like to briefly respond to the first part.

...

Ha
I think I agree with all you wrote. As for any differences, I think we may just be coming at this from a slightly different angle.

Maybe I'm looking at it the other way 'round - the 'commitment' is not driving behavior, it is the behavior that leads to the 'commitment'.

But if someone is at the point that they are determined to 'save the marriage/relationship' when separation is really the only sensible thing, then they are letting the 'commitment' drive them.

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Old 12-21-2013, 10:19 AM   #26
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We have been married for going on 38 years. We don't "yes, dear" each other. My wife, who is a saint, is very tolerant. She states her opinion but usually lets me get away with what ever I want. I have had very trying times with my being sick for years on end and my being depressed and horrible to live with for years on end (separate instances). She suffered through it and now we are greatly happy with each other. The key word to the success of our marriage is "Tolerance."

She is very unhappy and depressed for "going on years" right now from her job. I say she should retire but she is worried about running out of money. I have tried my best to show her the financial facts but still she worries and is unhappy.

I think the greatest thing ever would be for both of us to be retired while still "healthy." I said "healthy" because we are both disease ridden but not suffering from that right now so I want to vacation now and be sick later. I also think that would cheer her up. If she stopped worrying about running out of money.

Mike D.
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