Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Better right than happy?
Old 12-18-2013, 07:26 PM   #1
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
imoldernu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Peru
Posts: 4,616
Better right than happy?

I came across this pseudo science bit accidentally, but after reading it, and despite it not being very scientific, am inclined to agree with the conclusion.

Happiness is overrated: It's better to be right, study finds - latimes.com
Quote:
It is better to be right than to be happy – at least for one husband on the cutting edge of science.

As part of an unusual experiment, the husband was instructed to “agree with his wife’s every opinion and request without complaint,” and to continue doing so “even if he believed the female participant was wrong,” according to a report on the research that was published Tuesday by the British Medical Journal.

The husband and wife were helping a trio of doctors test their theory that pride and stubbornness get in the way of good mental health. In their own medical practices in New Zealand, they had observed patients leading “unnecessarily stressful lives by wanting to be right rather than happy.” If these patients could just let go of the need to prove to others that they were right, would greater happiness be the result?
more...

So... empirically speaking only, would you agree?
__________________

__________________
imoldernu is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 12-18-2013, 09:02 PM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,431
Quote:
If these patients could just let go of the need to prove to others that they were right, would greater happiness be the result?
But we can't! The others are just so wrong!!!
__________________

__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that can happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky
NW-Bound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2013, 09:58 PM   #3
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,629
If a man speaks in a forest but there's no woman to hear, is he still wrong ?
__________________
ERhoosier is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2013, 10:23 PM   #4
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,587
Brilliant, I agree DW doesn't, guess I'll be wrong:-)
MRG
__________________
MRG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 07:58 AM   #5
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
donheff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 8,645
The text of the comment doesn't show the conclusion to the experiment. I assume it must have failed to deliver the result expected since they seem to be trying to prove the opposite of better right than happy.
__________________
Every man is, or hopes to be, an Idler. -- Samuel Johnson
donheff is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 08:21 AM   #6
Confused about dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rockford
Posts: 6
As a person of multiple marriages, I would have to DISAGREE. I would rather be Happy! I am Learning (Relearning that again) as I have a new Bride. Although we have many many many common interest and agreements, there are certain subjects that I CANNOT even Agree with her on and stay out of "trouble".... so.... I listen and wait to see what I am suppose to support (0r agree with if you will). Then.... if I cannot. I dont say anything or very little on the subject. This makes for a much more pleasant day than if I state my OPINION (which probably will not change a thing) and take the risk or hurting her, upsetting her OR GETTING BUTT DEEP IN THE DOG HOUSE...
__________________
the ole Sarge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 08:25 AM   #7
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,119
Quote:
Originally Posted by the ole Sarge View Post
As a person of multiple marriages, I would have to DISAGREE. I would rather be Happy! I am Learning (Relearning that again) as I have a new Bride.
Looks like one of the lessons you are still working on is "If at first you don't succeed, try again...and again...and again..."
__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 08:46 AM   #8
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,375
That crazy Science Now with a research sample of one couple which included the researcher. Having a little fun for Christmas....
Quote:
....The study was released as part of the journal’s annual Christmas issue, which features offbeat and humorous research on topics like James Bond’s drinking habits and whether redheads are more appealing to vampires. For those who were wondering, Science Now was well aware that this was not a typical medical research study.
The real conundrum in being happy vs being right is that if being right makes you happy, then you really do prefer being happy--being right should make you unhappy if being right is preferable to being happy.

re the vampire study quoted, I wonder if zombies prefer redheads' brains.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 02:12 PM   #9
Moderator
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,456
This was my favorite part, from another article on the test.
The researchers concluded, shockingly, that humans need to be right and acknowledged as right, at least some of the time, to be happy. In politics, people often note that there can be no peace without justice, and that’s true of the domestic sphere as well. The researchers also noted that this was further proof that if given too much power, humans tend to “assume the alpha position and, as with chimpanzees, they become very aggressive and dangerous.”

Marriage Experiment: Better to Be Right Than Happy | TIME.com
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 02:32 PM   #10
Moderator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rocky Inlets
Posts: 24,467
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever View Post
That crazy Science Now with a research sample of one couple which included the researcher. Having a little fun for Christmas....

The real conundrum in being happy vs being right is that if being right makes you happy, then you really do prefer being happy--being right should make you unhappy if being right is preferable to being happy.

re the vampire study quoted, I wonder if zombies prefer redheads' brains.
I didn't plan on participating in this thread, but all this talk of vampires and zombies was too much to resist. We know for a fact that zombies care about the color of hair
.
.

__________________
MichaelB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 03:07 PM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERhoosier View Post
If a man speaks in a forest but there's no woman to hear, is he still wrong ?


Honestly...if a man agreed with me all the time, it would drive me fruit.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 03:08 PM   #12
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,119
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
Honestly...if a man agreed with me all the time, it would drive me fruit.
I disagree.
__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 03:11 PM   #13
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
Quote:
Originally Posted by REWahoo View Post
I disagree.


My kind o' man.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 03:13 PM   #14
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
steelyman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Triangle
Posts: 3,218
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelB View Post
I didn't plan on participating in this thread, but all this talk of vampires and zombies was too much to resist. We know for a fact that zombies care about the color of hair

Tell Her No!
__________________

steelyman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 03:23 PM   #15
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
robnplunder's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 2,124
My DW is always right ... and that helps with my sanity (and being happy).

Sometimes, she questions me if I am agreeing with her just to have peace. Then, I respond to her in several ways:

1) Strong denial. Works most of the times.
2) Answer yes and we are back to the whatever (dis)agreement we just had
3) Ask "Is this a trick question?" Works sometimes depending on her mood.



PS: our marriage improved once I decided to lose every argument.
__________________
Pura Vida
robnplunder is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2013, 03:24 PM   #16
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
imoldernu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Peru
Posts: 4,616
Tried the experiment with DW...
Result:
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Results.jpg (59.6 KB, 8 views)
__________________
imoldernu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2013, 03:48 PM   #17
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 942
Interesting post, as I have a close relation (sister and brother in law) that makes me question the continued sanity of my brother in law in his method of coping with my sister. Now obviously, my sister needs medical help, but that's not going to happen unfortunately.

So we'll say my sister has "issues" big time. If she feels that you may not 100% of the time support her position, she will attack you. I mean over the top scream in your face attack you. Many times she may just imagine that you are thinking something bad of her, when of course you were not thinking anything about her. So you don't have to do anything at all, because she will do all the imagining for you.

I never thought any man would be able to live with her, but she did find someone. He seems to love her very much despite this. He works very hard at trying to keep the peace and spends half the day complimenting her and telling her how wonderful she is. This apparently works to some degree, though of course not completely. She still can make life pretty miserable for him. He must always agree with her, no matter what she says, and what course of action she takes no matter how outrageous.

I think about this, and can't help feel that in being forced to do this must pose tremendous stress on him. The only thing I could say is that not doing so, would probably cause more stress for him, and that is why he does what he does. But, even though it might be the lesser of the two evils - never being able to speak his own mind must make him suffer terribly inside I would think.

Though I realize this is an extreme example because there are obviously mental issues at hand, it can also be looked at as just a more severe case of mental abuse to one partner. So, as far this study goes, I think there can be situations where never being able to express your self or disagree with your partner becomes more of a stressful situation for the individual, than fighting it out, because I think such behavior will only perpetuate the non accepting partners behavior. This forces the recipient to keep it all bottled up inside and offers no way of release.
__________________
modhatter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2013, 05:43 PM   #18
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,386
Quote:
Originally Posted by modhatter View Post
Interesting post, as I have a close relation (sister and brother in law) that makes me question the continued sanity of my brother in law in his method of coping with my sister. Now obviously, my sister needs medical help, but that's not going to happen unfortunately.

So we'll say my sister has "issues" big time. If she feels that you may not 100% of the time support her position, she will attack you. I mean over the top scream in your face attack you. Many times she may just imagine that you are thinking something bad of her, when of course you were not thinking anything about her. So you don't have to do anything at all, because she will do all the imagining for you.

I never thought any man would be able to live with her, but she did find someone. He seems to love her very much despite this. He works very hard at trying to keep the peace and spends half the day complimenting her and telling her how wonderful she is. This apparently works to some degree, though of course not completely. She still can make life pretty miserable for him. He must always agree with her, no matter what she says, and what course of action she takes no matter how outrageous.

I think about this, and can't help feel that in being forced to do this must pose tremendous stress on him. The only thing I could say is that not doing so, would probably cause more stress for him, and that is why he does what he does. But, even though it might be the lesser of the two evils - never being able to speak his own mind must make him suffer terribly inside I would think.

Though I realize this is an extreme example because there are obviously mental issues at hand, it can also be looked at as just a more severe case of mental abuse to one partner. So, as far this study goes, I think there can be situations where never being able to express your self or disagree with your partner becomes more of a stressful situation for the individual, than fighting it out, because I think such behavior will only perpetuate the non accepting partners behavior. This forces the recipient to keep it all bottled up inside and offers no way of release.
I couldn't agree more. My sister is also nuts, but not in the out front way you describe; she is just incompetent, uncooperative and a freezout artiste. Her husband who is a very easy guy to get along with finally moved out, but due to reasons that will be understood by many married men with still young children, pensions, health care, etc., he has no plans to divorce her.

One thing I know for sure- married men do a lot more yes-dears than single men.

It is beyond my imaginative powers why young people who do not plan on children get married. Plenty people with children no longer get married, although I think the state of WA makes these arrangements just about as hard to exit as an official marriage.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2013, 06:32 PM   #19
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 271
Have you been married to my sister without my knowledge?
__________________
sanfanciscotreat is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2013, 06:45 PM   #20
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,437
It would appear that finding the right spouse is probably one of, or the most important component of success.
__________________

__________________
Retired in 2016. Living off dividends / interest and a mini pension. Freedom.
foxfirev5 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:34 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.