Better right than happy?

[imoldernu]

I came across this pseudo science bit accidentally, but after reading it, and despite it not being very scientific, am inclined to agree with the conclusion.

Happiness is overrated: It's better to be right, study finds - latimes.com

It is better to be right than to be happy – at least for one husband on the cutting edge of science.

As part of an unusual experiment, the husband was instructed to “agree with his wife’s every opinion and request without complaint,” and to continue doing so “even if he believed the female participant was wrong,” according to a report on the research that was published Tuesday by the British Medical Journal.

The husband and wife were helping a trio of doctors test their theory that pride and stubbornness get in the way of good mental health. In their own medical practices in New Zealand, they had observed patients leading “unnecessarily stressful lives by wanting to be right rather than happy.” If these patients could just let go of the need to prove to others that they were right, would greater happiness be the result?

more...

So... empirically speaking only, would you agree?

 

[NW-Bound]

If these patients could just let go of the need to prove to others that they were right, would greater happiness be the result?

But we can't! The others are just so wrong!!!

 

[ERhoosier]

If a man speaks in a forest but there's no woman to hear, is he still wrong ?

 

[MRG]

Brilliant, I agree DW doesn't, guess I'll be wrong
MRG

 

[donheff]

The text of the comment doesn't show the conclusion to the experiment. I assume it must have failed to deliver the result expected since they seem to be trying to prove the opposite of better right than happy.

 

[the ole Sarge]

As a person of multiple marriages, I would have to DISAGREE. I would rather be Happy! I am Learning (Relearning that again) as I have a new Bride. Although we have many many many common interest and agreements, there are certain subjects that I CANNOT even Agree with her on and stay out of "trouble".... so.... I listen and wait to see what I am suppose to support (0r agree with if you will). Then.... if I cannot. I dont say anything or very little on the subject. This makes for a much more pleasant day than if I state my OPINION (which probably will not change a thing) and take the risk or hurting her, upsetting her OR GETTING BUTT DEEP IN THE DOG HOUSE...

 

[REWahoo]

As a person of multiple marriages, I would have to DISAGREE. I would rather be Happy! I am Learning (Relearning that again) as I have a new Bride.

Looks like one of the lessons you are still working on is "If at first you don't succeed, try again...and again...and again..."

 

[Bestwifeever]

That crazy Science Now with a research sample of one couple which included the researcher. Having a little fun for Christmas....

....The study was released as part of the journal’s annual Christmas issue, which features offbeat and humorous research on topics like James Bond’s drinking habits and whether redheads are more appealing to vampires. For those who were wondering, Science Now was well aware that this was not a typical medical research study.

The real conundrum in being happy vs being right is that if being right makes you happy, then you really do prefer being happy--being right should make you unhappy if being right is preferable to being happy.

re the vampire study quoted, I wonder if zombies prefer redheads' brains.

 

[Sarah in SC]

This was my favorite part, from another article on the test.
The researchers concluded, shockingly, that humans need to be right and acknowledged as right, at least some of the time, to be happy. In politics, people often note that there can be no peace without justice, and that’s true of the domestic sphere as well. The researchers also noted that this was further proof that if given too much power, humans tend to “assume the alpha position and, as with chimpanzees, they become very aggressive and dangerous.”

Marriage Experiment: Better to Be Right Than Happy | TIME.com

 

[MichaelB]

That crazy Science Now with a research sample of one couple which included the researcher. Having a little fun for Christmas....

The real conundrum in being happy vs being right is that if being right makes you happy, then you really do prefer being happy--being right should make you unhappy if being right is preferable to being happy.

re the vampire study quoted, I wonder if zombies prefer redheads' brains.

I didn't plan on participating in this thread, but all this talk of vampires and zombies was too much to resist. We know for a fact that zombies care about the color of hair
.
.
The Zombies - She's not there (lyrics in the description) - YouTube

 

[bbbamI]

If a man speaks in a forest but there's no woman to hear, is he still wrong ?

Honestly...if a man agreed with me all the time, it would drive me fruit.

 

[REWahoo]

Honestly...if a man agreed with me all the time, it would drive me fruit.

I disagree.

 

[bbbamI]

I disagree.

My kind o' man.

 

[steelyman]

I didn't plan on participating in this thread, but all this talk of vampires and zombies was too much to resist. We know for a fact that zombies care about the color of hair

Tell Her No!

 

[robnplunder]

My DW is always right ... and that helps with my sanity (and being happy).

Sometimes, she questions me if I am agreeing with her just to have peace. Then, I respond to her in several ways:

1) Strong denial. Works most of the times.
2) Answer yes and we are back to the whatever (dis)agreement we just had
3) Ask "Is this a trick question?" Works sometimes depending on her mood.



PS: our marriage improved once I decided to lose every argument.

 

[imoldernu]

Tried the experiment with DW...
Result:

 

[modhatter]

Interesting post, as I have a close relation (sister and brother in law) that makes me question the continued sanity of my brother in law in his method of coping with my sister. Now obviously, my sister needs medical help, but that's not going to happen unfortunately.

So we'll say my sister has "issues" big time. If she feels that you may not 100% of the time support her position, she will attack you. I mean over the top scream in your face attack you. Many times she may just imagine that you are thinking something bad of her, when of course you were not thinking anything about her. So you don't have to do anything at all, because she will do all the imagining for you.

I never thought any man would be able to live with her, but she did find someone. He seems to love her very much despite this. He works very hard at trying to keep the peace and spends half the day complimenting her and telling her how wonderful she is. This apparently works to some degree, though of course not completely. She still can make life pretty miserable for him. He must always agree with her, no matter what she says, and what course of action she takes no matter how outrageous.

I think about this, and can't help feel that in being forced to do this must pose tremendous stress on him. The only thing I could say is that not doing so, would probably cause more stress for him, and that is why he does what he does. But, even though it might be the lesser of the two evils - never being able to speak his own mind must make him suffer terribly inside I would think.

Though I realize this is an extreme example because there are obviously mental issues at hand, it can also be looked at as just a more severe case of mental abuse to one partner. So, as far this study goes, I think there can be situations where never being able to express your self or disagree with your partner becomes more of a stressful situation for the individual, than fighting it out, because I think such behavior will only perpetuate the non accepting partners behavior. This forces the recipient to keep it all bottled up inside and offers no way of release.

 

[haha]

Interesting post, as I have a close relation (sister and brother in law) that makes me question the continued sanity of my brother in law in his method of coping with my sister. Now obviously, my sister needs medical help, but that's not going to happen unfortunately.

So we'll say my sister has "issues" big time. If she feels that you may not 100% of the time support her position, she will attack you. I mean over the top scream in your face attack you. Many times she may just imagine that you are thinking something bad of her, when of course you were not thinking anything about her. So you don't have to do anything at all, because she will do all the imagining for you.

I never thought any man would be able to live with her, but she did find someone. He seems to love her very much despite this. He works very hard at trying to keep the peace and spends half the day complimenting her and telling her how wonderful she is. This apparently works to some degree, though of course not completely. She still can make life pretty miserable for him. He must always agree with her, no matter what she says, and what course of action she takes no matter how outrageous.

I think about this, and can't help feel that in being forced to do this must pose tremendous stress on him. The only thing I could say is that not doing so, would probably cause more stress for him, and that is why he does what he does. But, even though it might be the lesser of the two evils - never being able to speak his own mind must make him suffer terribly inside I would think.

Though I realize this is an extreme example because there are obviously mental issues at hand, it can also be looked at as just a more severe case of mental abuse to one partner. So, as far this study goes, I think there can be situations where never being able to express your self or disagree with your partner becomes more of a stressful situation for the individual, than fighting it out, because I think such behavior will only perpetuate the non accepting partners behavior. This forces the recipient to keep it all bottled up inside and offers no way of release.

I couldn't agree more. My sister is also nuts, but not in the out front way you describe; she is just incompetent, uncooperative and a freezout artiste. Her husband who is a very easy guy to get along with finally moved out, but due to reasons that will be understood by many married men with still young children, pensions, health care, etc., he has no plans to divorce her.

One thing I know for sure- married men do a lot more yes-dears than single men.

It is beyond my imaginative powers why young people who do not plan on children get married. Plenty people with children no longer get married, although I think the state of WA makes these arrangements just about as hard to exit as an official marriage.

Ha

 

[sanfanciscotreat]

Have you been married to my sister without my knowledge?

 

[foxfirev5]

It would appear that finding the right spouse is probably one of, or the most important component of success.

 

[Walt34]

It is beyond my imaginative powers why young people who do not plan on children get married.

It's called "commitment".

 

[haha]

It's called "commitment".

Not to disagree, but there is no law that you must be married to someone to be committed to her (or him). Unmarried couples have often been together for decades. And not because it would be too expensive to quit.

Ha

 

[ERD50]

...

One thing I know for sure- married men do a lot more yes-dears than single men.

....
Ha

Revisionist history perhaps?

Who is going to strongly disagree with a 'date'? There won't be a next date. But marriage brings a level of commitment, and that commitment can whether some reasonable level of disagreement.

edit - cross-posted with your last entry. I agree with that also.

-ERD50

 

[haha]

Revisionist history perhaps?

Who is going to strongly disagree with a 'date'? There won't be a next date. But marriage brings a level of commitment, and that commitment can whether some reasonable level of disagreement.

edit - cross-posted with your last entry. I agree with that also.

-ERD50

I would like to briefly respond to the first part.

I have never felt that being compelled to continue with something is somehow good. "Make this work or be prepared to lose your kids, your home, and way too much of your money." I think going to therapy and the whole modern rigmarole of "saving the marriage" is mostly wasted effort, other than as a way to try to protect children. There is no real reason to think a man or woman should be any happier working along trying to iron out problems, than just dating with the freedom to change partners when and if it was no longer any good. You do have to figure that if you are alone and old and sick, you may be in trouble, but you are in trouble anyway if you are old and sick. Many of us will have kids and other more widely distributed relationships that can help.

One the topic of commitment, I think if your SO gets sick, you owe a commitment to her. But if she wants to behave however she wants, without checking with you, or give you a big list of things that you must do, or just get very temperamental and easily angered, or even psychotic, IMO you didn't commit to having your life ruined by someone's personality problems.

Ha

 

[ERD50]

I would like to briefly respond to the first part.

...

Ha

I think I agree with all you wrote. As for any differences, I think we may just be coming at this from a slightly different angle.

Maybe I'm looking at it the other way 'round - the 'commitment' is not driving behavior, it is the behavior that leads to the 'commitment'.

But if someone is at the point that they are determined to 'save the marriage/relationship' when separation is really the only sensible thing, then they are letting the 'commitment' drive them.

-ERD50