Catheter jokes?

[ImThinkin2019]

My friend is undergoing a radical prostatectomy today.

I would like to send him a card which he should get in a few days. By then he should be feeling a bit better.

In the card I would like to include some jokes. He has a slightly twisted sense of humor - think Trombone Al R rated.

Googling "catheter jokes" did not pull up anything good.

Can anyone in this group help?

Thanks!

 

[calmloki]

Depending on his political leanings you might look up "catheter cowboy", a character John Oliver uses to communicate with our president. A takeoff on this scary medical device ad:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/70ig/medical-direct-club-catheter-cowboy

or as Oliver reshapes it:

 

[braumeister]

 

[candrew]

Our DS is a nurse practitioner (most nurses have sick, dark senses of humor BTW). When it came time to insert a foley in a "first-timer", there was typically a wide-eyed expression on the patient's face that said "you're going to insert THAT WHERE??!!. DS would assure the patient, in a dead-pan reply, that he'd use a small hammer to pound it in.

 

[Bir48die]

Forgive the all caps. Just had surgery and pecking one handed.

So, here's my catheter story: I'm headed to college in pre-med in the fall. I have been trained to be an orderly and sometimes i was the only male cna. So, i get most patient lifting duties and catheter insertions for male patients.

I get the call one day to insert one for next day surgery. It's a young man maybe 16 or 17 years old. I open up the tray and put the gloves on. I grab his "you know what" and start the insertion. Well, wouldn't you know it that feels slight erotic to him. So the longer it takes, you can imagine that it's getting more difficult whilst his appendage grows.

I'm 18 years old myself. This is freaking me out. I look at him with this look of total panic in his eyes. I myself am sweating profusely. Luckily i suggested we take a break and i'll be back in 15 minutes. End of story is we got it taken care of and luckily he wasn't my patient after that.

In the end i guess it is one of my more memorable moments.

 

[MichaelB]

Our DS is a nurse practitioner (most nurses have sick, dark senses of humor BTW). When it came time to insert a foley in a "first-timer", there was typically a wide-eyed expression on the patient's face that said "you're going to insert THAT WHERE??!!. DS would assure the patient, in a dead-pan reply, that he'd use a small hammer to pound it in.

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That's funny, as long as I'm reading about this and not the recipient of that humor.

Someecards is a great source for inappropriately funny cards. https://www.someecards.com/

 

[candrew]

That's funny, as long as I'm reading about this and not the recipient of that humor.

Hence the importance of making sure that the patient is a receptive audience to gallows humor. If not, it can blow up in one's face.

 

[MichaelB]

Hence the importance of making sure that the patient is a receptive audience to gallows humor. If not, it can blow up in one's face.

Totally agree ..

 

[calmloki]

Sounded like Bir48die could attest to that as well.