Death and Laughter

**Rich_in_Tampa** · 02-08-2008, 11:15 AM

Scenario this morning: 81 year old woman seen with advanced ovarian cancer, soon to have noncurative but major surgery ("debulking" of the tumor). Lots of medical complications, surgery dangerous but necessary for symptom control. She came down from "The Villages" which is an extraordinarily well-run and successful community a couple of hours north of here. It's know for middle class friendliness, golf, old-people jokes.

After exchanging greetings we started chatting. Her daughter drove her down but was not initally present. Lightheartedly I asked her how she got to Tampa this morning, and wondered out loud if she took her golf cart down the interstate. She started chuckling, then laughing, leading to a monolog that would have done Robin Williams proud. She had me in stitches; her daughter joined us mid-monolog and soon the three of us were having a party.

I know about nervous laughter, defensive laughter, social laughter, and laughter simultaneous with tears of sadness. I know how laughter sometimes is an outlet for fear and grief. This probably had all the above about it, but mostly it felt like just good old, genuine, shared humor for all of us.

After we composed ourselves and accomplished the goals of the appointment we all had smiles on our faces. Daughter offers that this is the first time she has heard her mother laugh in a year. Mother gave me a bear hug, and her neckace caught on my stethoscope, starting a new round of more subdued laughter all the way out the door.

Just thought I'd tell you how my morning went. It's a good day.

bow-tie · 02-08-2008, 11:44 AM

Can laughter be the best medicine? I'd like to think so....

Glad your day was a good day, Rich.

bbbamI · 02-08-2008, 11:57 AM

Thanks for sharing Rich. I needed that.

ChrisC · 02-08-2008, 02:00 PM

Shoot, when I get 81, I'll be laughing too -- just because I got there.

TromboneAl · 02-08-2008, 02:07 PM

Good story!

twaddle · 02-08-2008, 02:47 PM

I wonder if I can put something like this in my living will: "do not take any extraordinary measures to keep me alive, but get me to a comedy show STAT!"

Buckeye · 02-09-2008, 07:59 AM

Good story, good doctor.

gandalf42 · 02-09-2008, 08:25 AM

I have been to my share of funerals. The best were those that were filled with laughter with all of the shared funny moments. I think American culture and the funeral industry has it all wrong with all of the solemnity and sadness..it should be fun time..a party in honor of the deceased. The problem is folks don't feel they "have permission" to have a good time. I plan to leave a video with my thanks for all the good times we have shared and instructing everyone to use the moment as another good time...also to enjoy a few of my favorite things..such as dark chocolate, great coffee, perhaps a good wine...and have some dixieland music playing to set the mood. Maybe tell folks ahead of time to wear hawaiian style clothes..those are always festive.

**Rich_in_Tampa** · 02-09-2008, 08:46 AM

The New Orleans funeral would suit me just fine. Slow, first-line dirge music on a reluctant march to the cemetary, and once that's done, "2nd line" dixieland Saints Go Marching In all the way home.

Meadbh · 02-09-2008, 08:53 AM

Admit it Rich, moments like this are why you're finding it difficult to FIRE!

**Rich_in_Tampa** · 02-09-2008, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh

Admit it Rich, moments like this are why you're finding it difficult to FIRE!

Well. maybe a little.

You?

Meadbh · 02-09-2008, 10:33 AM

Thanks for asking Rich. Not ready to FIRE yet. I'm 9 years younger than you are. Having lots of fun (not all patient related) and want to consolidate my financial position before RE at ~55.

Alan · 02-09-2008, 10:49 AM

Rich, Thanks for sharing a part of your day. I'll bet you wish you could write prescriptions for laughter.

Meadbh · 02-09-2008, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alan

Rich, Thanks for sharing a part of your day. I'll bet you wish you could write prescriptions for laughter.

Well, actually.....

Laughter Medicine : Corporate Stress Management Training & Laughter Therapy

YouTube - Benefits of Laughter Yoga with John Cleese

Alan · 02-09-2008, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh

Well, actually.....

Laughter Medicine : Corporate Stress Management Training & Laughter Therapy

YouTube - Benefits of Laughter Yoga with John Cleese

Great links, thanks. On the video the Dr says that tests show that forced, fake laughter produces the same chemicals that real laughter produces.

I was in Mumbai on business last April - should have gotten in a couple of classes with Dr Madan.

I wonder if Blue Cross would honor such a prescription ? Some hope

Nords · 02-09-2008, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rich_in_Tampa

The New Orleans funeral would suit me just fine. Slow, first-line dirge music on a reluctant march to the cemetary, and once that's done, "2nd line" dixieland Saints Go Marching In all the way home.

So, you're saying the celebration and the party only start after you've been dropped off? Yikes.

No funerals or memorial services for me... I don't want to lay the obligation on anyone, either.

**Want2retire** · 02-09-2008, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChrisC

Shoot, when I get 81, I'll be laughing too -- just because I got there.

Hours before she died of old age, nurses reported my nearly 98 year old mother (who with age had become blind, deaf, and a double amputee and had many other physical failures as her body deteriorated) had a happy smile on her face. She was refusing food and medicine, but smiling.

I like to think that was because she had such a wonderful life. She did everything she wanted to do, and went everyplace she wanted to go. Knowing her, I would imagine that she felt a sense of completion that made her feel happy even in her last moments.

Maybe I am reading too much into a smile, but that's what I like to think caused her to smile.

Alan · 02-09-2008, 02:46 PM

I was talking with a friend at work on Friday and she was telling me the story of her 84 year old aunt who, last year, started having chest pains. She had never had any health issues in her whole life and was an incredibly vibrant, funny person still actively involved in all sorts of activities. She called 911 and told them she thought she was having a heart attack, then called her daughter who met her at the hospital. Apparently she was in a wheelchair laughing and joking with the nurses as if it was their spirits that needed lifting when she froze mid-sentence and simply slumped in the chair. Apparently a heart valve had blown and that was that.

My friend said that although the family is very saddened she is gone they all had a great time remembering her at her funeral and celebrating her life. (They live in New Orleans - or very close to it - Desterahan).

Marquette · 02-10-2008, 05:15 PM

DI has a pretty great article on why we laugh: Damn Interesting » Humoring the Gelotologists

vinnieg24 · 02-10-2008, 06:30 PM

haha great story.. I think weall need to laugh a bit more..

awesome links everyone!

02-08-2008, 11:15 AM	#1
Rich_in_Tampa Moderator Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tampa Posts: 5,881	Death and Laughter Scenario this morning: 81 year old woman seen with advanced ovarian cancer, soon to have noncurative but major surgery ("debulking" of the tumor). Lots of medical complications, surgery dangerous but necessary for symptom control. She came down from "The Villages" which is an extraordinarily well-run and successful community a couple of hours north of here. It's know for middle class friendliness, golf, old-people jokes. After exchanging greetings we started chatting. Her daughter drove her down but was not initally present. Lightheartedly I asked her how she got to Tampa this morning, and wondered out loud if she took her golf cart down the interstate. She started chuckling, then laughing, leading to a monolog that would have done Robin Williams proud. She had me in stitches; her daughter joined us mid-monolog and soon the three of us were having a party. I know about nervous laughter, defensive laughter, social laughter, and laughter simultaneous with tears of sadness. I know how laughter sometimes is an outlet for fear and grief. This probably had all the above about it, but mostly it felt like just good old, genuine, shared humor for all of us. After we composed ourselves and accomplished the goals of the appointment we all had smiles on our faces. Daughter offers that this is the first time she has heard her mother laugh in a year. Mother gave me a bear hug, and her neckace caught on my stethoscope, starting a new round of more subdued laughter all the way out the door. Just thought I'd tell you how my morning went. It's a good day. __________________ Rich Tampa, FL (10% retired) As if you didn't know..If the above message happens to contain medical content, it's NOT intended as advice, and may not be accurate, applicable or sufficient. Don't rely on it for any medical purpose whatsoever. Consult your own doctor for all medical advice.

02-08-2008, 11:44 AM	#2
bow-tie Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 631	Can laughter be the best medicine? I'd like to think so.... Glad your day was a good day, Rich. __________________ Diggin' my way to financial freedom, one buck-at-a-time

02-08-2008, 11:57 AM	#3
bbbamI Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Dallas Vicinity Posts: 1,750	Thanks for sharing Rich. I needed that. __________________ Sometimes my feelings are so hot that I have to take the pen and put them out on paper to keep them from setting me afire inside; then all that ink and labor are wasted because I can't print the results....Mark Twain

02-08-2008, 02:47 PM	#6
twaddle Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,377	I wonder if I can put something like this in my living will: "do not take any extraordinary measures to keep me alive, but get me to a comedy show STAT!" __________________ Favorite ERF quote: "I'm not going to waste my time on someone who's more interested in being stubborn or obtuse or intolerant." -- Nords Favorite ERF error message: "Sorry Nords is a moderator/admin and you are not allowed to ignore him or her."

02-09-2008, 08:25 AM	#8
gandalf42 Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Fort Collins, CO Posts: 127	I have been to my share of funerals. The best were those that were filled with laughter with all of the shared funny moments. I think American culture and the funeral industry has it all wrong with all of the solemnity and sadness..it should be fun time..a party in honor of the deceased. The problem is folks don't feel they "have permission" to have a good time. I plan to leave a video with my thanks for all the good times we have shared and instructing everyone to use the moment as another good time...also to enjoy a few of my favorite things..such as dark chocolate, great coffee, perhaps a good wine...and have some dixieland music playing to set the mood. Maybe tell folks ahead of time to wear hawaiian style clothes..those are always festive. __________________ Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time. Margaret Bonnano

02-08-2008, 02:00 PM	#4
ChrisC Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 469	Shoot, when I get 81, I'll be laughing too -- just because I got there.

02-08-2008, 02:07 PM	#5
TromboneAl Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,116	Good story!

02-09-2008, 07:59 AM	#7
Buckeye Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 457	Good story, good doctor.

02-09-2008, 08:46 AM	#9
Rich_in_Tampa Moderator Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tampa Posts: 5,881	The New Orleans funeral would suit me just fine. Slow, first-line dirge music on a reluctant march to the cemetary, and once that's done, "2nd line" dixieland Saints Go Marching In all the way home. __________________ Rich Tampa, FL (10% retired) As if you didn't know..If the above message happens to contain medical content, it's NOT intended as advice, and may not be accurate, applicable or sufficient. Don't rely on it for any medical purpose whatsoever. Consult your own doctor for all medical advice.

02-09-2008, 08:53 AM	#10
Meadbh Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 1,515	Admit it Rich, moments like this are why you're finding it difficult to FIRE!

02-09-2008, 10:33 AM	#12
Meadbh Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 1,515	Thanks for asking Rich. Not ready to FIRE yet. I'm 9 years younger than you are. Having lots of fun (not all patient related) and want to consolidate my financial position before RE at ~55.

02-09-2008, 10:49 AM	#13
Alan Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Baton Rouge Posts: 1,226	Rich, Thanks for sharing a part of your day. I'll bet you wish you could write prescriptions for laughter. __________________ Countown clock is at 15 months

02-09-2008, 02:46 PM	#18
Alan Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Baton Rouge Posts: 1,226	I was talking with a friend at work on Friday and she was telling me the story of her 84 year old aunt who, last year, started having chest pains. She had never had any health issues in her whole life and was an incredibly vibrant, funny person still actively involved in all sorts of activities. She called 911 and told them she thought she was having a heart attack, then called her daughter who met her at the hospital. Apparently she was in a wheelchair laughing and joking with the nurses as if it was their spirits that needed lifting when she froze mid-sentence and simply slumped in the chair. Apparently a heart valve had blown and that was that. My friend said that although the family is very saddened she is gone they all had a great time remembering her at her funeral and celebrating her life. (They live in New Orleans - or very close to it - Desterahan). __________________ Countown clock is at 15 months

02-10-2008, 05:15 PM	#19
Marquette Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 2,020	DI has a pretty great article on why we laugh: Damn Interesting » Humoring the Gelotologists

02-10-2008, 06:30 PM	#20
vinnieg24 Dryer sheet aficionado Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 30	haha great story.. I think weall need to laugh a bit more.. awesome links everyone! __________________ Live Life to the Fullest