Decisions decisions.......

[Nords]

She had a little cushion going into this, but she can't afford for it to continue.

Maybe she needs to spend some quality time with your dog?

 

[Dawg52]

Maybe she needs to spend some quality time with your dog?

I take him on weekends for visits. She loves that dog. Some of the other patients enjoy him as well, but there are a couple that head in the opposite direction when they see him coming down the hall. How could you not like this face?

 

[Coach]

Dawg, no advice, just my good thoughts with you. I know what a difficult time this is.

Coach

 

[Glo]

In my experience, its best to let them decide. I'm sorry for your situation; its certainly not easy!

 

[Walt34]

It is a hard decision. I can't offer advice, but only express sympathy and understanding.

We had a decision to make about my mother years ago, whether to have her stay in assisted living or go to nursing care. She was certain she wanted to stay in assisted living.

So that's what we did. Eventually and (we think) inevitably she fell and died 12 hours later from the injury. I and my sisters are comfortable with that. We are now facing the same issue with FIL, and DW and her family are doing essentially the same thing.

All one can do is what one believes is overall in the best interests of the parent.

 

[Katsmeow]

I take him on weekends for visits. She loves that dog. Some of the other patients enjoy him as well, but there are a couple that head in the opposite direction when they see him coming down the hall. How could you not like this face?

DH's mom was in a nursing home for several years that I just loved mostly because they had pets there. They had a couple of cats that wandered around inside and had a dog (didn't have free rein like the cats) and even a couple of birds. I love pets and one reason I would hate to ever be in even assisted living is that I can't imagine living without pets.

 

[Glo]

Beautiful dog!

 

[Brat]

If your mother has a sound mind have her prepare a health care directive. Perhaps she could do that with a social worker or chaplin as she may be able to talk over her desires and fears with a third party easier.

 

[Nords]

I take him on weekends for visits. She loves that dog. Some of the other patients enjoy him as well, but there are a couple that head in the opposite direction when they see him coming down the hall. How could you not like this face?

My dad's care facility has 3-4 dogs wandering the halls. I don't know if they're pets of the staff, pets of the residents, or just neighborhood strays looking for handouts... but they're very popular and they have their favorite people.

Maybe your mother could be persuaded that it's worth eating enough to keep body & soul together (perhaps with more tabasco sauce or curry powder) in order to have more quality dog/Dawg time.

Otherwise she may be trying to give people the impression that she no longer feels she has anything worth living for? It's hard (and not always socially acceptable) for that generation to admit so.

 

[Purron]

DH's mom was in a nursing home for several years that I just loved mostly because they had pets there. They had a couple of cats that wandered around inside and had a dog (didn't have free rein like the cats) and even a couple of birds. I love pets and one reason I would hate to ever be in even assisted living is that I can't imagine living without pets.

Me too.

 

[travelover]

My late FIL was in a nursing home that had a dog that made the rounds. If a patient with dementia started to walk off, he'd go get an aid. Very cool dog.

 

[Dawg52]

Maybe your mother could be persuaded that it's worth eating enough to keep body & soul together (perhaps with more tabasco sauce or curry powder) in order to have more quality dog/Dawg time.

Otherwise she may be trying to give people the impression that she no longer feels she has anything worth living for? It's hard (and not always socially acceptable) for that generation to admit so.

I do throw out those incentives, telling her when she gets strong, she will get to go home and Micah(my dog) will be by her side all day. My dog did stay with her a lot when I played golf. He would just lay around her house staying out of the way.

It's weird, the last couple of days she has actually eaten better. This morning I took her blueberry pancakes and bacon(we all know bacon is a cure all) and she ate all the bacon and 3/4 of the pancakes. But when she does eat that much, she slacks off at lunch. But did OK tonight. Even ate most of a piece of cheesecake I took her. Probably not getting enough down to gain weight, but she could maintain her weight if she would do as well every day.

So it's day by day. I've seen all this before. Just as soon as I think she may be turning the corner, she has a poor day getting food down.

 

[Moemg]

I do throw out those incentives, telling her when she gets strong, she will get to go home and Micah(my dog) will be by her side all day. My dog did stay with her a lot when I played golf. He would just lay around her house staying out of the way.

It's weird, the last couple of days she has actually eaten better. This morning I took her blueberry pancakes and bacon(we all know bacon is a cure all) and she ate all the bacon and 3/4 of the pancakes. But when she does eat that much, she slacks off at lunch. But did OK tonight. Even ate most of a piece of cheesecake I took her. Probably not getting enough down to gain weight, but she could maintain her weight if she would do as well every day.

So it's day by day. I've seen all this before. Just as soon as I think she may be turning the corner, she has a poor day getting food down.

You really are a great son ! Your Mom is so lucky !

 

[bbbamI]

You really are a great son ! Your Mom is so lucky !

Yes...indeed.

 

[Brat]

It isn't really how much she eats but whether or not what she eats brings joy.

 

[Dawg52]

You really are a great son ! Your Mom is so lucky !

Yes...indeed.

Aw thanks, but I'm not doing anything most here wouldn't do. ER gives me the luxury to have the time to do it.

It isn't really how much she eats but whether or not what she eats brings joy.

It certainly doesn't bring joy at the moment she eats. But for the most part, I think she still wants to live and enjoy her family and friends. My nephew's wife has a baby due next month and I know she wants to see him. And she is recovering from her injuries and not hurting much anymore. So her will to live is better(not perfect) than in the early stages of her recovery.

 

[haha]

This is all great news Dawg, and I want to agree with all those who say what an excellent son you are. And while your modesty is becoming, I think that you are doing much, much more than some would or could. It takes the commitment, and the emotional strength to hang in there with her.
When my Mother was clearly dying, neither of my two brothers could spare time off from going to the racetrack and/or drinking to be with her.

I feel strongly that with you in her corner, she is very likely to recover.

Ha

 

[bbbamI]

Aw thanks, but I'm not doing anything most here wouldn't do. ER gives me the luxury to have the time to do it.

Not only do you love her, participate in her well-being...you are her advocate.

The staff at the nursing home where my momma resides continually tells daddy how much they appreciate him coming to see her. He spends time with her, feeds her lunch and supper. He's also on top of her condition, her comfort and what she needs.

The staff tells him most people just drop their relatives off at the nursing home and never come back.

When I'm there, I try to speak to some of the patients asking how they are. Unfortunately, there are so many of them...I don't have the time to give them proper attention. It just beaks my heart.

Yeah...you're a great son and your mother is very fortunate.

 

[Dawg52]

Yes, I have been told many of the patient's relatives rarely stop by. That is sad.

BTW, I should have said she doesn't hurt while sitting up or resting in bed anymore. She rarely request pain med's now. But she does hurt while going through therapy. Which is to be expected. A long way to go in over coming those pains.

 

[Nords]

The staff tells him most people just drop their relatives off at the nursing home and never come back.

Yes, I have been told many of the patient's relatives rarely stop by. That is sad.

I remember way back when Dear Abby & Ann Landers used to print letters containing impassioned pleas by care workers for the adult children to visit their parents/relatives in the care homes.

Then a significant minority of the adult children would write impassioned responses detailing what sort of parents/relatives they'd had to put up with over the years, and how they'd been raised & treated by said "loving" family.

I think if someone in a care facility gets a visit, it's because they've earned it. I think if someone in a care facility doesn't get a visit, it's because of karmic payback.

As an adult, I've come to eventually understand that my father did the best job of raising me that he could. However he chose not to be involved after his parenting obligation ended, and he also chose not to be involved with any of his family. Admittedly he's had some tough times over the 15 years of caring for his own father, but over the last three decades when he said things like "I don't care to travel" he also left out invitations to come visit him. He isolated himself. When family tried to draw him out, he resented the "intrusions".

Now that he no longer recognizes me, when we've conversed he says many things about me in the third person. I'm amazed to hear all his pride in my accomplishments over the years, because it's the first time I've ever heard most of it.

So I completely understand why some children aren't interested in visiting their parents in the care facility. Taking care of my Dad's finances from four time zones away is right up my alley, and it's about as much as I can bring myself to do.

 

[Moemg]

BTW, I should have said she doesn't hurt while sitting up or resting in bed anymore. She rarely request pain med's now. But she does hurt while going through therapy. Which is to be expected. A long way to go in over coming those pains.

Have her take some pain medication before therapy that way it will be working when the pain starts or if she doesn't want pain meds Extra Strength Tylenol or a few Advil may do it . Unless you want to give her some of your meds ?

 

[Purron]

So I completely understand why some children aren't interested in visiting their parents in the care facility.

I hear you Nords. I understand too, but think there are many people who don't get family attention even though they deserve better. My husband's mom spent many years in a nursing home before her death and we saw lots of elderly folks who rarely or never got visitors.

Some may have been undeserving, but I'm pretty sure many others were good folks whose family were just too busy to bother. Another reason early retirement is a good thing. Time to spend on what's really important.

I'm still haunted by many of the faces I saw in my mother in law's nursing home.

 

[bbbamI]

I'm still haunted by many of the faces I saw in my mother in law's nursing home.

Yes..I feel haunted as well. I will see those faces again soon.

There are many reasons people do the things they do. But for me, seeing lonely, sad, frightened eyes....especially in the elderly and children, tugs at my heart.

 

[Dawg52]

I hope I don't jinx my Mother's progress, but she has actually gained 2.5 lbs over the last 2 weeks. Eating just a little more at meal times, but having better success with the snacks. She has a GI consult this week, but she certainly won't be getting a feeding tube with the numbers improving. Probably still a good idea to hear what the doc has to say in case things regress.

The surgeon released all restrictions on shoulder therapy. Hopefully she will get more use out it which will in turn help in using a walker. Some improvement there and I think we have a chance to get her home. With the help of hired sitters of course. But that will be better than living in the environment she is in and better on me.

 

[travelover]

I hope I don't jinx my Mother's progress, but she has actually gained 2.5 lbs over the last 2 weeks. .......

Excellent news. Let's hope her progress continues.