Delivering bad news

[Bestwifeever]

I have bad news. Dr. Buckman died this past weekend on a transatlantic flight.

Renowned oncologist Dr. Robert Buckman dies on flight to Toronto - Winnipeg Free Press

Wow, talk about bringing this full circle--here's how Buckman's wife broke the news to his colleagues, from the article:

Dr. Mary Gospodarowicz, medical director of the Princess Margaret cancer program at the University Health Network, said she received the news from Buckman's wife, Dr. Patricia Shaw, a pathologist at the hospital.
"She basically emailed us saying that he was on the flight back from London, and he died on the plane," Gospodarowicz said.

 

[Meadbh]

Did you need to be quite so abrupt?

Based on the feedback in this thread, yes. What I read suggested people like to get right to the point. And after all, this is just "news", not something about your own health.

 

[GregLee]

Based on the feedback in this thread, yes.

Okay. I was just kidding. I ran across this video by Dr. Buckman in which John Cleese makes a brief appearance playing a hapless cancer patient being snowed by an incompetent radiation oncologist:
Becoming a Radiation Oncologist - YouTube

 

[easysurfer]

I really don't know which is the best approach. A too soft approach, and that can lead to false hope, a too direct approach and that can seem callous and uncaring. This brings back memories when my brother was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer. Once all the information was filtered down, it was difficult to understand just how serious the situation was. This may have been from denial by the patient/family or the doctors hesitant to fully break the bad news. It was like, the prognosis depended on which doctor you talked to. One would say, "It doesn't look good, but there are experimental treatments out there." Another would say, "It's bad..reallly bad." In my brother's situation, what it took to punch us right in the face was the doctor said to my brother's wife "Your husband is a sick man. He'll be lucky if he lives another month. He belongs more in a hospice than a hospital" That the doctors words may have seemed cold, I did find it helpful to give it straight.

Going off on a tangent here...but I remember on the day of his death, he was transfered to a section of the hospital for the gravely ill (forget the name of it). Seeing him that morning, I knew he was going to not make it through the night. Him barely conscious, I nurse came and and still had to take a blood sample. I was thinking.."how stupid" it really didn't serve a purpose to struggle to draw blood one more time..what? Just to follow hospital rules?

 

[Brat]

I have a friend who is a retired general surgeon who practiced in cancer centers. His SIL was recently diagnosed with cancer, as he put it 'this is very serious.' It must be very difficult for him knowing fully what SIL is facing.

 

[easysurfer]

I've always felt that when it's my turn to receive the bad news, I'll be like Gary Cooper playing Lou Gehrig in "The Pride of the Yankees" when he asks "I want it straight, tell me doc, is it three strikes?" and the doc replies, "Yes, three strikes."

But I don't know if I'll have the grace to handle the news that way.

 

[DangerMouse]

Wow, he was only 63. That said, I would think that just dying in your sleep is a brilliant way to go, though not sure that doing it on a plane is the best locale.

 

[ls99]

Hey, he was the same age as I am.

I will go skating tomorrow. Not that it has anything to with Dr. Buckman.


By the way, a doctor looking at his photo in the article, as if he was a patient sitting on the exam table, would evaluate his health based on instant impression, as?

I know it is a loaded question. Any takers? How about the amateurs?

Edit add: Did he wear earrings at one time or is that a huge dent in his left earlobe.

We all form opinions of people's health at first glance.

 

[easysurfer]

Unfortunately, I'm in the situation right now about expecting to receive very bad news soon. My friend is in very bad health. From ER to nursing home back to ER and now in a LTAC (long term accute care) hospital. She has many problems going on, but the biggest one right now is her lung function -- needs assistance from a venilator. Myself, her family has fingers crossed that she can be weened off the venilator (the ER where she was last tried, but wasn't successful).

It's so heartbreaking. When she is awake (they are giving her sedated to keep her calm) her mind is alert. Yet she's trapped in a body that isn't working right and unable to speak with the air tube on.

 

[MichaelB]

Unfortunately, I'm in the situation right now about expecting to receive very bad news soon. My friend is in very bad health. From ER to nursing home back to ER and now in a LTAC (long term accute care) hospital. She has many problems going on, but the biggest one right now is her lung function -- needs assistance from a venilator. Myself, her family has fingers crossed that she can be weened off the venilator (the ER where she was last tried, but wasn't successful).

It's so heartbreaking. When she is awake (they are giving her sedated to keep her calm) her mind is alert. Yet she's trapped in a body that isn't working right and unable to speak with the air tube on.

That is too bad. We just went through a similar situation with a close relative and it is painful to watch the suffering, especially when there are frequent setbacks and trips to the ER. Hopefully your friend's situation will resolve itself and she won't have to suffer unnecessarily.

 

[easysurfer]

That is too bad. We just went through a similar situation with a close relative and it is painful to watch the suffering, especially when there are frequent setbacks and trips to the ER. Hopefully your friend's situation will resolve itself and she won't have to suffer unnecessarily.

Thanks for your thoughts. There really is no good way to go through this. It is good to know that we are not alone.