Do widows adjust better than widowers?

[Lisa99]

This is a really interesting thread. At 53 I'm reading some of the comments and thinking to myself that I'm dang lucky to have been born to my generation... The thought of making my hubbies plate is a hoot!

He retired before me and more times than not he makes dinner, does the laundry and generally keeps the house going. That was the deal we made with each other when he got laid off and wanted to go ahead and retire at 49.

[Meadbh]

Research suggests that marriage is good for men's physical health but what women get out of it is emotional support (sometimes).

Splitting up is distressing but less so for women, “because they have more supportive social networks”.

Marriage is good for men's bodies and women's minds - Telegraph

[NW-Bound]

Katsmeow has good insights.

However, my mother often complains of loneliness and reminisces about the time my father was still alive. Surely, she had to do all the cooking for him, but my father did a lot of work around the house that she does not know to do even now. I think my mother now spends a lot of time going out of the home visiting and shopping to fill in the empty hours.

I often tell my wife that when I die she will miss me sorely. I cook too (cooking is the least kind of work, as far as we are concerned), and do a lot of things she can never do. She will do fine without me, but the hassle of finding a handyman for every little thing will remind her of me.

[NW-Bound]

By the way, if widows do not want to commit, yet widowers tend to remarry, then whom do the widowers get remarried to? Younger women? Is that a problem?

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NW-Bound I often tell my wife that when I die she will miss me sorely. I cook too (cooking is the least kind of work, as far as we are concerned), and do a lot of things she can never do. She will do fine without me, but the hassle of finding a handyman for every little thing will remind her of me.

How unutterably romantic!

Ha

[Meadbh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NW-Bound I often tell my wife that when I die she will miss me sorely. I cook too (cooking is the least kind of work, as far as we are concerned), and do a lot of things she can never do. She will do fine without me, but the hassle of finding a handyman for every little thing will remind her of me.

Please don't come back as a ghost and haunt the house!

[Katsmeow]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NW-Bound By the way, if widows do not want to commit, yet widowers tend to remarry, then whom do the widowers get remarried to? Younger women? Is that a problem?

I doubt it. Remember, there are a lot more widows out there than widowers. And, of course, some widows do fall in love and are happy to get married. In some cases, widows are in dire financial straits and marriage is a solution.

[NW-Bound]

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha How unutterably romantic! Ha

My wife said that no, I would be the one missing her when she dies first.

Come to think of it, after I croak, a handy pool boy can take care of all problems around the house. Maybe she won't miss me that much.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh Please don't come back as a ghost and haunt the house!

Why? If there is an afterlife, I would like to think there are other women more accessible for me to romance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katsmeow I doubt it. Remember, there are a lot more widows out there than widowers. And, of course, some widows do fall in love and are happy to get married. In some cases, widows are in dire financial straits and marriage is a solution.

Ah hah! There may be desperate widows out there not being able to find a match. I remember Moemg once said that she had seen widowers being courted by many women bringing them casseroles.

Why is it that women think that men can be swayed with food? Or is it really true, but I think differently because I can cook?

[Moemg]

I am a widow and I live in Florida so I get to observe the mating practices of widows and widowers every day . Most men really need companionship so they either remarry , have a girl friend or play golf a lot . Otherwise they are very lonely . Women on the other hand usually jump into making social contact through clubs . Most of my widow friends are single but not lonely . They have full social calendars and are content but there are some widows who still no matter what their age want a mate so yes they deliver casseroles , go to dances and hunt their prey . This is the saddest group IMO especially when they are over 70.

[Moemg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NW-Bound ! There may be desperate widows out there not being able to find a match. I remember Moemg once said that she had seen widowers being courted by many women bringing them casseroles. Why is it that women think that men can be swayed with food? Or is it really true, but I think differently because I can cook?

Since the advent of viagra they don't even have to show up with a casserole . They just have to be willing . That will sway most men !

[HFWR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg Since the advent of viagra they don't even have to show up with a casserole . They just have to be willing . That will sway most men !

From the film "Eat, Pray, Love"...

Quote:

Liz: I’m in love. I’m having a relationship with my pizza. You look like you’re breaking up with your pizza. What’s the matter? Sofi: I can’t. Liz: What do you mean you can’t? This is Pizza Margherita in Napoli, it is imperative to eat and enjoy that pizza. Sofi: I want to, but I’ve gained like ten pounds. I mean, I’ve got this. . .right here in my tummy, you know this. . .what’s it called? What’s the word for it? Liz: A muffin top. I have one too. Sofi: I unbuttoned my jeans like five minutes ago just looking at this. Liz: Lemme ask you a question, in all the years you’ve ever undressed for a gentleman– Sofi: —it hasn’t been that many. Liz: Alright. Has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out, left? Sofi: No. Liz: Because he doesn’t care. He’s in a room with a naked girl. He’s won the lottery. I’m so tired of saying no and waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before. Counting every calorie I consumed so I know exactly how much self-loathing to take into the shower. I’m going for it. I have no interest in being obese; I’m just through with the guilt. So this is what I’m going to do, I’m going to finish this pizza and then we’re going to go watch the soccer game and tomorrow we’re going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.

[redduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 ...They (widows) socialize a lot and don't want to remarry as they can afford not to and really don't want a crabby old man to take care of...

Darn, looks like I'll have to come up with a Plan B.

[Moemg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HFWR From the film "Eat, Pray, Love"...

I see you are in touch with your feminine side !

[Sarah in SC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg I see you are touch with your feminine side !

I wanted to call him out on that, too.

[unclemick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by braumeister Women tend to be better at communicating (despite often being rather shyer) than men, so they are generally more likely to develop deeper bonds with those they contact. IMHO.

Riiight! At age 70 I got 'an offer I couldn't refuse'. - nailed er married. She had been a widow for a little over a year. Me 7 years since my live in girl friend of 29 yrs passed.

heh heh heh - . Happy as a clam. Did isolate tho which I figured was normal for an INTJ type.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by unclemick Did isolate tho which I figured was normal for an INTJ type.

This is often not mentioned. I enjoy having a girlfriend, love feels good for both of us, and we always have nice weekends with lots of laughing. And there is sex without having to worry about some damn disease. which isn't chopped liver. But I like to dance, and she doesn't really want me to. I am not planning on anything beyond dancing, but dancing is more romantic than tennis, and many women don't want their guys to have female tennis partners either. Since all my female friends, and many of my male friends were from a dance community this is unpleasantly isolating for me. Plus there was some narcissistic fulfillment from dancing well, and for the most part I would rather dance than talk. Now that I am fully recovered from hip issues, this may have to be settled somehow.

Ha

[Pbkmaine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by redduck I think that the news of a STD epidemic was created by the Villages' P.R. dep't..

I would not doubt that it comes from the PR department. DH and I live in The Villages and it's a lot of fun here. But as far as STD's: with our circle of friends, "swinging" refers to listening to big band music or line dancing at the town square. If there's any other swinging going on, we are out of that particular loop.

[HFWR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moemg i see you are touch with your feminine side !

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarah in sc i wanted to call him out on that, too.

ImageUploadedByEarly Retirement Forum1434506200.265642.jpg

[Hermit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg I am a widow and I live in Florida so I get to observe the mating practices of widows and widowers every day . Most men really need companionship so they either remarry , have a girl friend or play golf a lot . Otherwise they are very lonely . Women on the other hand usually jump into making social contact through clubs . Most of my widow friends are single but not lonely . They have full social calendars and are content but there are some widows who still no matter what their age want a mate so yes they deliver casseroles , go to dances and hunt their prey . This is the saddest group IMO especially when they are over 70.

Well, DW died almost 6 years ago. Haven't remarried, no girlfriend, I don't like golf even a little, and I didn't know I was lonely, let alone VERY lonely. Maybe I'm just some kind of a weird Hermit type

[Moemg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha This is often not mentioned. I enjoy having a girlfriend, love feels good for both of us, and we always have nice weekends with lots of laughing. And there is sex without having to worry about some damn disease. which isn't chopped liver. But I like to dance, and she doesn't really want me to. I am not planning on anything beyond dancing, but dancing is more romantic than tennis, and many women don't want their guys to have female tennis partners either. Since all my female friends, and many of my male friends were from a dance community this is unpleasantly isolating for me. Plus there was some narcissistic fulfillment from dancing well, and for the most part I would rather dance than talk. Now that I am fully recovered from hip issues, this may have to be settled somehow. Ha

It will be settled you dance with others no girl friend or you do not dance and continue with the nice relationship ! Give up the dance or dance with her ! A compatible women who puts up with your quirks is harder to find than a dance partner .